Politicians experience tremendous highs from the adulation of winning an election, to the agony of defeat that often follows later in their careers.

A successful executive can be riding high until they hit a bump in the road and then they fall off their pedestal.

Beloved people can be hated.

Hated people can be given a second chance.

What is more important than being successful?

Success is fleeting – it is a product of learning from failure.

More important than being rich – after all, a Pew study tells us that it only takes the average couple $75,000 a year for them to be happy.  Anything over that, according to what they told Pew, didn’t make them happier.

What one quality can make a person loved in good times and bad?

Humility.

Humility is the other “h” word – other than hubris, which is excessive pride or self-confidence.

The Dali Lama comes to mind.

Amit Sood, MD, the author of Stress Free Living is nothing if not humble.

Mariano Rivera, the great Yankees relief pitcher was beloved by fans as much as their opponent hated the Yankees.

Humility is the fine art of giving credit to everyone else when it is being heaped on you.

No one doesn’t like a person who gives credit to others – maybe even them.

I could stand to be better at this, how about you?

I have had a few moments.  For example, I do not have any awards that have been given to me in my possession.  I have given them all away publicly to the people who helped me earn them.   I handed my mentor at Dale Carnegie, Jim Weinraub, the award I received for giving the best speech to instructors and I did it in front of our peers.

Now that I think of it, I need to do more of this kind of stuff.

Humility is the quality that not only makes a person beloved, it makes us feel better about ourselves.

And the glue to make it all authentic is to be sincere.

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When the Seahawks and Patriots play their Super Bowl game for arguably the greatest championship in sports, both teams will have a 50% chance of winning the game before it begins.

Yes, that Arizona Sun could blind New England or the lack of rain could stifle the Seattle game plan but in theory both teams are showing up thinking that they can win it all that day.

Maybe not by halftime if one team is hopelessly behind, or maybe yes if they believe in miracles to borrow a phrase from Al Michaels.

When two teams play, one doesn’t show up and say I am afraid to lose.  They think, I am willing to lose if I expect to win.

But we humans are not always that pumped up.

In fact, 99% of the time if we show up afraid to lose, we are not going to win.

What baseball player thinks, “Don’t hit the ball to me, I might drop it”.

It’s the opposite, they think “Hit the ball to me, I want it”.  They don’t worry about making mistakes.

If you study successful people, they are less afraid to lose which gives them a better chance to win.

How does this apply to us – actually, it hits close to home.

For example when we say, “I really don’t want to blow this” we are focusing on the negative, becoming too cautious, too concerned about doing what we do best.

Or when we say, “I’ve waited a long time for this chance” we are subconsciously saying “and I better not blow it”.

You know the fabled tale of the modern parent who tells her kids that they won the soccer match even when they lost it.  You know, they’re trying to keep their spirits up but they are robbing them of a life-changing lesson.

There is much value to losing – what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger as Kelly Clarkson sang to us.  And it is true.

If Serena Williams secretly thought, “I’m afraid to lose” she’d be doing all the work for her opponent.

You have to be willing to lose to win.

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February shows the biggest decline for attendance at health clubs of any month in the year.

Ironically, January is the biggest growth time because people generally want to resolve to get in better shape for the New Year.

So much for that.

What it says to me is that we humans often want that which we are not committed to achieving.

A 2006 study by researchers at London’s University College indicates that it takes 66 days to form a habit – or about two months.

A lot of research turns out to be just curiosity but this little stat is packed with power.

In others words, instead of saying, “I want to be healthier next year” what if we said, “I will devote two months to doing what it takes to be healthier next year”.

I’ve always believed when we fail at something we are not necessarily saying we cannot attain it, we are saying we don’t really want to attain it – aren’t willing to pay the price, devote the time or have the true burning desire to accomplish our goals.

No wonder then when we fail and keep going back for more as Thomas Edison did 10,000 times before inventing the light bulb that we are saying I really want to accomplish that goal no matter how long it takes.

People have said to me “It must be so nice to be your own boss and have your own business” to which I have to shut my mouth to keep from saying, “I work 7 days a week – I want to do this, I love to do this.  There is nothing easy about it”.

The secret is – if you can’t commit 2 months to making the change or forming the new habit you desire, don’t bother because you’re likely to fail.

The Two-Month rule does all the work for us – all we have to do is ask ourselves.

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I was fired as program director of a major market radio station once for succeeding too much.

The station was number one in teens and young adults but the station said they couldn’t sell that to advertisers so they axed me and brought in someone to attract an older audience.

It didn’t work.

The station went on to lose listeners and eventually did so poorly the owners sold the radio station.

Peter Laviolette is a Stanley Cup winning coach hired by The Philadelphia Flyers a few years ago to help them do the same thing. In his first year, Lavy took The Flyers to the Stanley Cup finals. Over the ensuing years, he did well enough to earn a raise and contract extension.

But something awful happened.

After losing the first three games of that new contract season, the team’s impatient 80-year old owner allowed this winning coach to be fired. Laviolette sat out the rest of the year and eventually signed with The Nashville Predators, which at the All-Star break this year had the best record in the NHL.

Lousy coach? Good coach?

These are just two of the many stories that we hear too often – perhaps you have one of them as well.

Getting fired when you’re doing the job – even doing a great job or earning a promotion.

In our venture capital/results now world, more and more people are becoming victims of bean counters who don’t even know what the people they are firing do so well.

They may get to tell you whether you have a job or not, but they don’t get to say that you have failed when you actually succeeded.

In fact, study any successful person in almost any type of career and you will see that along the way some damn fool doubted their ability to get the job done.

Don’t you do that.

I’m doing just fine.

Peter Laviolette has a shot at another Stanley Cup ring – a year ago when someone else decided he wasn’t the coach they wanted, he didn’t believe it.

And you will live another day to do what you do best.

Hire yourself every morning – and remind yourself why.

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Life is more stressful than ever.

We need to be the best, do the best – super-achieve.  And unfortunately we sell this snake oil to friends, associates, family and even ourselves.

And in the name of candor this hits close to home for me, as I am a perfectionist – guilty as charged.

Could you imagine saying that your children are cute, but they could be cuter.

Or that your friend is so loyal and caring but could be more so.

That your day on the beach was beautiful but if you didn’t have those two white clouds over the ocean, it would have been even better.

Thinking like this is pure insanity.

There are times in the day when pointing our shortcomings is worthwhile especially if you’re in charge of the wellbeing of others.  But not all day.

So, take the challenge I am taking for myself today – don’t try to improve anyone for 24 hours.

In fact, laugh to yourself when you get the urge and wonder how this poor person is going to go on without my perfectionist attitude.

Of course, they will and you will be closer to them.

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You’d think in the instant text-messaging world in which we live it would be impossible to not receive an answer to a text.

But it happens and it happens more than most people think.

No answer to your email or text, no problem.

No return phone call?  Why not?

But it may seem that when others want YOU to respond things are different.

What to do?

Here is a gem that may help.

People want what they cannot have.

They crave that which is often out of reach.  It’s part of the human condition.

So when you find yourself being ignored, take a step back and operate under the digital radar.  It’s not always on purpose but there is too much communication sometimes.

When I was a professor at USC I learned that no matter how much I prepared, or cared to teach the elements of the course, I could only do so when the students wanted to learn.

That was it.

Make them want to learn.

Same with relationships in the digital world.

Make them want to converse with you.  Just because we can doesn’t mean we should pound away until we get a response.

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The way not to win the approval of others is to spend your time trying to please them.

When trying to win the approval of others, look to yourself first.

The baseball great Ted Williams batted over .400 one season, something that has happened very infrequently in the sport.

But that means that 60% of the time, Williams was out – didn’t get a hit, didn’t help the team.

When we want to win the approval of others we must never try to hit 1.000 sucking up to them.

We must be true to ourselves.

Even when people do not agree, they seem to admire a person who is comfortable in their own shoes.

So today – just for one day – embrace yourself, make all that you are good enough without question, be confident of the gifts you have and even grateful for having them.

Then step up to the plate and do the best you can.

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The same reason we have to-do lists loaded with projects that take longer than a few minutes is why most of us have a hard time making meaningful life changes.

Big work to-dos take hours if not days, weeks or months.  Achievers know the key to completion is to break the project down into many little projects that can get closer to the end goal.

Same with meaningful life changes.

We want to be a better parent but that concept is so overwhelming it’s hard to know where to begin.

We want to be a better friend but it involves so much.  Where do we start?

We know we should live in the now to be happy but what do you do first?

We want to make a career change (or are forced to) but the thought is so overwhelming that it cannot be done in a few hours or even a few days.

Try this today.

Focus on one thing.

Only one thing instead of trying to change everything.

Be a better parent by helping children construct stronger boundaries – just one day, just one time.

Be a better friend by being a better listener for just one conversation not forever.  Forever cannot come before the first time happens.

Live in the now for one walk – around the block – concentrating on gratitude.  Just for a few minutes not all day.

And effect real career change by first deciding the one thing that will make you the happiest so you can take another small step toward the goal you just identified tomorrow.

Even small steps are big accomplishments.

And they feel just as good as swallowing up everything we want to do in one big move which, of course, is not possible.

Do something – anything – no matter how small and you have begun a meaningful life change.

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The number one malady for most people today is anxiety.

That is why anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills are flying off the shelves.

Anxiety is another word for worry and it breeds panic attacks, health problems and is the leading cause of unhappiness especially in younger people.

Those who have not experienced anxiety just don’t get it.  The fear of having a heart attack, chest pains, loss of breath and the fear of dying are among the many symptoms.

As a professor at USC I saw the toll young students paid for anxiety much of which was fueled by high expectations to perform and achieve.  Unfortunately, many of these expectations were driven by parental expectations.

• Replace negative self-talk with coping self-talk.  For every negative thought, come up with a positive one.  Never let negative thoughts exist without a positive counter thought.
• Manage stress in your life.  How?  Just be aware of what you can take and not take and then advocate for your best interest.
• Do not be around people who make you feel more stressful.
• You don’t have to convince anyone or everyone of the physical toll that anxiety has on you.  It is wasted energy. Put to better use by being kind to yourself.
• Isolate your fears and find a path to conquering or at least making a dent in them.
• Beware of social media.  Many anxious people are irritated or not relieved by investing their time in social media interaction.

Love and accept yourself as you are – a work in progress, a good person and human being who must be mindful of not taking on more than you can handle.

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Meaghan Francella is a Ladies Golf Tour winner who experienced a bad patch and found herself losing pro golf status.

For most that would be the beginning of unhappiness – imagine tasting success at such a high level and then having to live without it.

Except Meaghan decided to become a caddie – not just for family and friends but for those who could be considered her former competition on the pro tour.

This brave young woman who found herself dejected while on tour, found happiness being around the game of golf without all the pressure.

She downsized her house, her life, her car.

When Meaghan caddied for Min Lee of Taiwan she was able to help Lee go from 13^th to fifth on the Symetra Tour’s money list.  She has also caddied for young women who wanted to do what she had done – make the pro tour.

Sometimes being number one is not all that is cracked up to be.

Meaghan’s tour friends want to know why she played golf almost every day last year if she was just going to caddie.

The number one thing Meaghan Francella wants in life is to find happiness and in spite of the adversity she has faced, she says “I feel like I have”.

Question:  When was the last time we asked ourselves the question what makes us happy and had the courage to pursue it putting ego, money and power aside?

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