The number one malady for most people today is anxiety.

That is why anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills are flying off the shelves.

Anxiety is another word for worry and it breeds panic attacks, health problems and is the leading cause of unhappiness especially in younger people.

Those who have not experienced anxiety just don’t get it.  The fear of having a heart attack, chest pains, loss of breath and the fear of dying are among the many symptoms.

As a professor at USC I saw the toll young students paid for anxiety much of which was fueled by high expectations to perform and achieve.  Unfortunately, many of these expectations were driven by parental expectations.

• Replace negative self-talk with coping self-talk.  For every negative thought, come up with a positive one.  Never let negative thoughts exist without a positive counter thought.
• Manage stress in your life.  How?  Just be aware of what you can take and not take and then advocate for your best interest.
• Do not be around people who make you feel more stressful.
• You don’t have to convince anyone or everyone of the physical toll that anxiety has on you.  It is wasted energy. Put to better use by being kind to yourself.
• Isolate your fears and find a path to conquering or at least making a dent in them.
• Beware of social media.  Many anxious people are irritated or not relieved by investing their time in social media interaction.

Love and accept yourself as you are – a work in progress, a good person and human being who must be mindful of not taking on more than you can handle.

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Meaghan Francella is a Ladies Golf Tour winner who experienced a bad patch and found herself losing pro golf status.

For most that would be the beginning of unhappiness – imagine tasting success at such a high level and then having to live without it.

Except Meaghan decided to become a caddie – not just for family and friends but for those who could be considered her former competition on the pro tour.

This brave young woman who found herself dejected while on tour, found happiness being around the game of golf without all the pressure.

She downsized her house, her life, her car.

When Meaghan caddied for Min Lee of Taiwan she was able to help Lee go from 13^th to fifth on the Symetra Tour’s money list.  She has also caddied for young women who wanted to do what she had done – make the pro tour.

Sometimes being number one is not all that is cracked up to be.

Meaghan’s tour friends want to know why she played golf almost every day last year if she was just going to caddie.

The number one thing Meaghan Francella wants in life is to find happiness and in spite of the adversity she has faced, she says “I feel like I have”.

Question:  When was the last time we asked ourselves the question what makes us happy and had the courage to pursue it putting ego, money and power aside?

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There are more kind people in the world that there are naysayers, haters and evildoers.

But when enemies permeate our lives, they can make us miserable and even sick.

Harboring hatred simply eats away at us which is why there is a more effective solution for dealing with unresolved feelings for people we consider our enemies.

• Imagine how happy our enemies would be if they actually knew how much we despised them.
• Vow not to give them power over you.
• Animosity toward others almost always eats away at us even more – no matter how deserving, hating your enemies is tantamount to punishing yourself.
• When enemies are so close to us that we cannot avoid them, consider putting distance between you and them.
• Take away their power by refusing to react to what they are saying or doing. Don’t give them fuel to continue.
• And most important – this will always work if you can do it – take even one short moment to have compassion for your enemies. This does not mean liking what they do or accepting it. It means feeling sorry that they feel they have to hurt someone. Just this brief moment of compassion changes the way you respond and puts the power in your hands.

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The easiest thing to do seems like the hardest – to put a stop/loss on worry.

Worry is fear thought and nothing more.

Get a grip on fear by changing the way you look at it.

• 99% of what we fear will never happen – obsess on that, not the 1%.
• And the 1% hardly ever happens the way we fear it – know that and be reassured by it.
• Since we always fear the worst, be prepared to accept it and deal with the consequences on the 1% chance that it actually happens.
• Stay busy because it is impossible to be busy and worried sick.
• Gratitude reduces worry.
• Get the facts – most worry is based on assumptions not based on reality.
• Focus on what is right in our lives, not what is wrong and put both in its proper perspective.

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ESPN Anchor Stuart Scott died at age 49 after a long battle with cancer but his inspiration lives on in these 2 lines:

“When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

All of us must die of something.

We can postpone it with good healthy habits and some luck, but no one ever evades it.

But we are always in control of the way we live.

How we face adversity.

The manner in which we make choices to enjoy relationships, discover new challenges and show gratitude for our many riches.

You beat adversity by how you live.

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Keep right on listening to them.

I’m kidding!

But that’s what we do.  We keep supplying the oxygen that keeps narcissistic people talking about themselves instead of making it a two-way conversation.

The best defense, as always, is a good offense.

Most self-absorbed people are happy to just ramble on so – cut off the oxygen – I mean, the ability to commandeer the space.

Rule of thumb:  If another person doesn’t recognize you within a few minutes of talking about themselves – if they don’t ask, don’t care, don’t listen – vacate the premises.

Say bye.  Sign off.  Move on.  Don’t feed self-absorption.

The sad reality is that many of us don’t want to be rude to people who are being rude to us.  But that doesn’t mean suffer another round of self-absorption.

As a college professor I learned that people who may come off as self-absorbed are capable of better when we take the initiative to demand a conversation; not a monologue.

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Perhaps you heard others say that this past Christmas just didn’t feel like Christmas with all the self-gifting, lack of spiritual focus and emphasis on consumer spending.

Christmas cards?  Fewer than ever were sent out this year.  That’s cool but it’s easier than ever to replace snail mail with email and texts.  But there is no evidence this shift has taken place.

Focus on Self.  When was the last time you checked up on a friend or relative you have not had the time for.  A call, a card, a text, an email – a visit?

Selfishness.  One major retailer told me that 70% of all their December 26^th returns comes from purchases made four days before Christmas suggesting that last minute shoppers buy anything, any size and let the recipient worry about taking it back.

Self-gifting.  What’s the need?  We live in a society that self-gifts constantly.  The alternative would be to give to someone else – or serve them (i.e., a soup kitchen, battered spouses, etc.).

In the end it doesn’t matter what the world does.

What we decide to do is what’s important.  It doesn’t even take a village.  It takes one person at a time listening to their conscience.

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Now, we’re really going out of our way to make our young folks self-absorbed.

If you haven’t seen the New York Times article on health spas for toddlers, here it is.  No kidding.

Let’s be honest – the best gift we can give our children is to get their attention off themselves and onto someone else.

Cellphones for children, really?  That’s peer pressure in lieu of real parenting.

Unrestricted screen time?  Not a gift.  We’re hurting them.

Being on our phones when we’re in their company – well, what do you expect? You’re raising a narcissist.

Children have the highest rate of attention deficit and depression now than in any previous era.

When we learn – and teach by our actions – that redirecting attention to others is more fulfilling, we’re also teaching gratitude.

Unbelievable self-absorption such as manicures and a ride in a health spa limo (you’ll see the picture in the story above) starts as a curiosity and becomes a standard.

Nip it now.

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For family:

Greet people as if you haven’t seen them in two weeks.  No more coming home from work and walking into a room as if no one is there.

It doesn’t matter if they’re on their mobile devices.  Make sure you’re not.  Walk in, and greet them with the most sincere and heartfelt hello – the kind you can resurrect from times when you’ve been away from loved ones for an extended period of time.

For someone you’re meeting for the first time:

Grasp their hand, look into their eyes and flash the biggest smile you are capable of producing.  The kind that says, “I just won the lottery” or “I just got a promotion” or “I won the sales trip to Hawaii”.

No one – absolutely no one – can resist a big smile and warm person centered interest.

Keep the good vibes going by asking this new acquaintance the first question about them not you.

The secret is people like us more when we warm them up with a smile and get them talking to us.

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Dedicate your day to someone special in your life – no need to tell them, but of course, you may.

This special person could be a spouse, a relative, a child, a friend – alive or somewhere fondly in your memory.

When facing tough times or tough hurdles, think of doing your best to stay motivated for someone by picturing their face.  Do it for them.

Remember how it felt to have a parent or someone special attend a sports event you were involved in or a presentation that you were doing.  How you looked around to notice and acknowledge them – you wanted to do even better than your best.

That extra push we’re all looking for from time to time comes from the pride of making someone special proud of us – it is a powerful motivator.

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