To celebrate meaningfully …

• To yourself, think of a few people you are or have been thankful for in your life – think about why and enjoy the feeling of being grateful.
• To everyone you come in contact with that day say to yourself “I wish you well” and see if this doesn’t elevate your mood every time you do it.
• To the person in charge of your Thanksgiving feast, propose a toast to thank that person in front of everyone else – be prepared for the tears of appreciation.

A holiday is not necessary to practice gratitude but this day is a perfect one for sharpening the skills of showing gratitude.

Think it is your cellphone, think again.

• Half the time we are distracted by none other than ourselves.
• Meanwhile we are working at slowing down notifications, focusing on digital distractions and other obvious competitors for our attention.
• One of the biggest distractions is when we allow ourselves to think about all our unfinished tasks.
• Multitasking is a big mistake and yet employers demand it and we parents feel compelled to do it just to keep order in our family’s lives.

It’s the thought of yet something else to do, our inability to stay focused by promising ourselves a reward if we do and, of course, the dark hole of social media which not only distracts but trains us to return for repeated distraction.

Turns out we have the power to influence that.

Our attention spans are really, really short and getting shorter.

• When they first started measuring them in 2003 people’s average attention span on a screen was two and a half minutes.
• In 2012 it was 75 seconds.
• In the last 5 years it has been averaging 47 seconds.
• Many years ago, it was common to see 60 second commercials and they went down to 30 seconds and then 15 seconds. Now, it’s not uncommon to see six second commercials.
• Personality is a factor as is whether we are more distractable than others.

The Fix:  Stay engaged and stay challenged, it’s hard to lose focus when these two conditions are present and as a bonus when you need the attention of another do the same – keep them engaged and challenged.

Have you heard of the Air Traffic Controller’s Guide to Life?

• They are under intense pressure every one minute as another airplane lands or takes off – talk about anxiety!
• Air traffic controllers work two-hour shifts and then take 45 minutes off to unwind and refocus before returning to the pressure cooker.
• It’s not necessary for the rest of us to get a 45-minute break every two hours, but some kind of time away is essential.
• You can’t stare at a computer screen and remain sitting for hours without fatigue clouding the mind – wait, students can’t learn if they are in their seats for too long without a break.

Our brains were not built to be on constantly – if we start recognizing that inherent fact today, we can adapt the stress in our lives to the relief that only we can give it.

The author Amit Sood says “I have learned that there are instances when the negative feedback comes from a place of ignorance” – it’s not a well-meaning critique.

• Dale Carnegie famously said don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Harsh words are meant to be vicious and not designed to be of help.
• The iconic football coach Vince Lombardi was famous for not criticizing his players when they did something wrong – instead, he showed them what they had done right.

If you must criticize someone, start with you by sharing what you have done wrong and then suggesting an alternative to others.

This is a powerful and easy lesson in human relations that can make our day better and elevate us to a role of teacher instead of criticizer.

Turns out there is a big difference between our brains and our minds.

• Our brains exist to protect us not to make us happy so the good news there is that we’re likely not doing anything wrong to experience unhappiness.
• Understand how your brain operates –in a state of distraction focusing on threats and imperfection and dismissing the good.
• The good news is that out of 100 events in a given day four are bad and 96% are good.

If we focus on what’s right in our lives rather than what is wrong, we are reprogramming our brain to make us more positive.

Here’s a genius idea attributed to Albert Einstein:

“Stay away from negative people.  They have a problem for every solution”

We become like the people we are around so choose your friends carefully and learn the skills for dealing with others where you have little choice.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor Frankl

• The only option left is for us to adapt.
• Redirecting energy used to try and change something out of our control and focus our own attitudes, perspectives and behaviors.
• Adversity can be transformational because it requires accepting what we cannot change and becoming more skilled at changing the way we deal with it.

Sometimes trying to turn ourselves inside out to deal with a difficulty is not as good as developing tools to become stronger.

I thought you’d like to hear about this interesting moment I had with a classroom full of NYU students recently –- as you’ll see, they finally agree to a person what they would be enthusiastic about doing to gain control of their digital devices.

• I asked how many were happy with how they use their digital devices – 50% were (seems like the world is divided even here).
• I proposed a question that could be asked every time they are tempted to spend more time on their devices.
• The question: “How will this device, app, more screen time and additional social media make me happier or better off? 

• Some want to gain more control and redirect their time to interacting with others and some want to make sure they don’t build a bigger bubble in which to be further removed from real time.

It’s rare to get agreement especially among young people who have never not had a digital life to ask the benefits first before plunging ahead.

People are surprised to learn that the brain is not responsible for your unhappiness.

• The brain was wired to protect our prehistoric relatives from being eaten alive or otherwise put in danger.
• The caveperson was in a sense the first to experience the birth of “fight or flight”.
• Today, our phones trip the “fight or flight” mechanism in our head all day long and we wonder why we’re not happy – it’s the same wiring for the digital age.
• Brains can be retrained through the embrace of gratitude and positivity that we can teach it.

We didn’t do anything wrong if we’re sad or down.  We were born on alert for danger so the cure is rather painless.