Private Time

  • One of my students asked me how I got into television and radio and during our chat  I confessed that I was very shy as a child – a fact I rarely talk about because people who know me today laugh when I say it.
  • I told her that I rehearsed in my mind over and over again what I wished I could do someday on camera and in front of a mic.
  • One day, those opportunities arrived and I was more than ready which brought me to my point.
  • Some of the most significant progress is made in private when we are liberated from the expectations of others and free to be ourselves.
  • “I restore myself when I am alone. A career is born in public – talent in privacy” – Marilyn Monroe.

Reducing Daily Worries

  •  An easy problem is just as difficult as a complex, more troubling one and yet we tend to worry about them equally.
  • Separating every day irritations from major concerns is one quick way to notice a positive difference in anxiety.
  • The gold standard for reducing worry is to remind yourself that 99% of what you worry about will never happen and often the other 1% doesn’t happen the way you feared.
  • In the meantime, separate irritations from major concerns and lighten the load.

Social Anxiety

  • Be the fine person you are.
  • Don’t hold a vote on every move you want to make – it’s your choice and not up to anyone else.
  • Social media is designed to reward people who become like others but instead of looking for social media acceptance, ask “how happy am I.”
  • In spite of meds, behavioral therapy and more social anxiety persists but one way to take control is to start by reaching out to others who may also be waiting for someone to break the ice – yes, chances are they have social anxiety as well.

Performance Anxiety

  • Would it surprise you to know that more artists than ever are grappling with their confidence in mid-performance – that they can freeze and panic.
  • All the success in the world does not prevent any of us from faltering in mid-flight next time we’re up.
  • Waiting for confidence to return is not an option.
  • Confidence is a decision not a feeling — we make to go on, face adversity, overcome anxiety and finish strong.

Greatness

  • You know how great you are when you have failed and gotten up more than once.
  • The greatest accomplishment is not succeeding on the first try but persevering until you do.
  • Or as author Stephen King puts it “the scariest moment is always just before you start.”

Winning Cooperation

  • You could say, “Will you help me?” but believe it or not the response rate is not always that impressive or enthusiastic.
  • Better yet ask “Will you be a helper?” research shows that questions gets a better response.
  • The reason this is a key element to winning the cooperation of people around you (at home and at work) is because worded as a noun, it makes the other person feel more powerful.

Pushing Back Against Criticism

  • Criticism no matter how good or correct always backfires which is why it is better left unsaid.
  • To pushback against unwanted and hurtful criticism make your first reaction one of self-appreciation.
  • While they are condemning or complaining about something you did, teach yourself to hear your voice over theirs in your head.
  • You are the authority on you – criticism from others is just an opinion not the truth, keep that straight and you’ll always put it in the right place – out of your mind.

Living Without Self-Doubt

  • It’s bad enough that others try to tear people down with criticism but why help them destroy you?
  • The person who can’t advocate for themselves doesn’t need enemies.
  • Believe in yourself and others will follow.
  • Self-doubt is the real enemy.

Dealing with Fear

  •  Alpine skiing athlete Alice Merryweather who was forced to sit out the Olympics because of injury has struggled with fear.
  • “I used to try to just ignore it. And it turns out that doesn’t work very well.  Trying not to think about something tends to make me think about it more. And so I have worked with a sports psychologist who has helped me kind of mindfully choose to accept those thoughts and just not make them a priority.”
  • Blocking out fear rarely works – it lurks in the mind – just don’t give it a lot of space.