Would you tell a friend, “go ahead and try it if you like but you’ll probably fail?”

• But we say it all the time to ourselves – I can’t do it, I’m not good enough and other useless thoughts.
• If you wouldn’t tell a friend they can’t, why would you think it about yourself?
• Sometimes the biggest leap forward in confidence comes from being kinder in the way you talk to yourself.

While you’re waiting to succeed, get to work on the things that guarantee it.

• Success is not just a waiting game, it’s being prepared for our next moment.
• Building our strengths while waiting to succeed is the best use of time to those who want to be ready when the right moment comes.
• I had a student who told me they “hated” themselves for something they believe they did wrong – after that, it was all downhill.
• Instead, think of success the way you do with exercise – put in the time, push your limits, stay with it and put a stop/hold on comments that doubt your abilities.

Our wandering, unfocused minds need reminders of positivity during the day.

• I’m getting it done instead of I’m swamped.
• Reword the negative narrative in our heads.
• Recognize that negative narratives are often implanted in our minds by those who surround us not the sole work of trying to put ourselves down.
• Gratitude is a tool for shaking awake the positivity that’s getting crowded out by destructive thoughts – it’s proven, the more we appreciate things and people, the less we stagnate on what cannot be.

Doubts are normal and our brains are built to encourage them so negative narratives are not necessarily our fault, but we can fix them with a dose of gratitude.

I give all my students in our NYU music business stress class, a card that reads tension by touching it between the thumb and forefinger for 15 seconds.

• Match the color to see whether you’re calm, normal, some tension or tense.
• Beyond being fun, there is a deeper benefit – we often think we’re anxious when in reality we are not or think we’re relaxed when we’re actually tense.
• Before we go off get concerned, get it right because as this card teaches us, we may be talking ourselves into being more anxious than we are.

When in doubt, assume you’re calm and to be sure, take a deep breath and let it out slowly five times.

The world is stressed, but often we are not so being aware is one way of not talking ourselves into a problem we don’t have.

My classes are noisy and I like it that way – students talk to each other because we make socializing in person a priority of learning.

• Each week, we start by making a new friend – go over to them and start a conversation (and believe me, it’s tough to stop them).
• Smiles increase, happiness skyrockets and participation grows.
• One student talked about the harrowing position of attending a wedding where people who don’t know each other – start the evening, dine together and end it without ever talking.
• Almost always, the person who reaches out to another first is rewarded with a sigh of relief and an interesting conversation.

For everyone else, today would be a great day to unlock the power of breaking the ice with someone you don’t know.

Gallup’s sadness index for Americans is on the rise and young generations especially Gen Z are feeling the brunt of it.

• The share of popular song lyrics that include synonyms for hate rather than love has increased over the past two decades according to Neil Howe’s new book The Fourth Turning is Here.
• Negativity is everywhere and it is baked into social media, linear media and too many places that affect our moods.
• We’re feasting on negativity rather than neutrality or positive thinking and it’s becoming part of our fabric which helps explain road rage, random shootings, bad behavior in restaurants, airlines and overall unruliness.

Happiness, good behavior and love are choices we make not necessarily things we feel in a digital world linking outrageous thoughts and behavior.

Edith Eger reminds us that even after surviving a concentration camp and the needless loss of loved ones, she decided to live the rest of her life by making a choice not to waste it and to be happy.

This school year I ask my NYU students to introduce themselves to someone they don’t know in class and chat for a few minutes to break the ice.

• It’s hard to get them to calm down and return to their seats and they are visibly happy.
• No matter what problems they walked in with, most smile at making a new friend (that’s 21 new friends for the semester).
• But the key thing is to have the courage to go first – step up and say hi because almost always the other person is so grateful you approached them.

Friendships are so important to our mental health and we’ve paid a price for hunkering down in the pandemic

• The number one thing those in hospice say they wished they had done is to spend more time with people they care about.

I’ve created monsters – they love to engage each other now which acts as a tremendous inspiration to me that I thought I would share with you.

For a guy who spends a lot of time in New York City, I can’t believe this brain study on rats, but it’s true – the more we play, the healthier we feel.

• For kids, — free play is important which is one reason why the pandemic has had so many negative impacts on the young.
• And adults need play – whether it is playful banter in the workplace or other forms of relaxation and joyfulness.

So, this week in one of my NYU classes, we’re played a few minutes before we learned for an hour and forty minutes – to see who can remember the 5 major points from our discussion on “stress-free living and working in the music industry” the previous week.

But it’s a game – everyone can play and there is even a prize – a gift certificate for Starbucks (the fuel that powers college students) – even learning can be fun (especially learning!).

I’m doing it again this week and I’ll bet the overall class retention of the major points of the course will improve – fun is welcome everywhere.

In a new study, the average parent spends more time on their devices (5 hours) than they do with their kids (4 hours).

But wait, it’s not hopeless

• It’s not the number of hours a day, it’s the number of hours focused one-on-one with children that matters most (ask them).
• Parents can do outdoor activities when possible and other things and set a good example by turning the phone off or putting it away.
• My NYU classes stow their phones and they are so focused on what’s going on that they are becoming true believers that eliminating digital distractions can help them.

There will be many more scary research reports on the deleterious effect of phones but giving them up is not as important as adding more one-on-one time, and that is a gift.

A different way to meditate is to clear your mind of everything and think of the things and people you are grateful for.

• Start with a minute (I do it in the shower).
• Think of things and people who you are fortunate enough to have in your life – at that moment and for what they did previously.
• When the mind wanders to you and your current problems, direct them back to who and what you are grateful for.
• It’s not about big things – it’s the little ones as well. The parking lot attendant that takes special care of you and greets you with a warm welcome.
• It can include touchy issues like broken relationships you are happy to move on from or even a disease that you are fighting to overcome.

Grateful mediation will leave you feeling happier and more relaxed – a good use of time that requires no learning curve.

“Well, I have learned one thing from my latest in a series of the ever-appearing speed bumps of life — 75 is NOT the new 50” — Jimmy Buffett to New York Times writer Maureen Dowd.

• “Thinking younger doesn’t quite do it. You still have to do the hard work of, as the Toby Keith song says, ‘Don’t let the old man in.’ And that is my job now, the way I see it.”

It’s work.  A Plan.  The ability to finish.  Start again when you fail.

• Age alone does not define a person’s age – their ability to “do the hard work” does and that applies to all ages from young to old.

• Many of my NYU students this new semester are battling the fine balance between pursuing their life happiness and making their parents happy – it’s not just an adolescent problem.
• Non-students have the same issues as close friends, work associates and even family can cause stress of moving forward.
• Think if it like this – you are flying the plane, those who matter to you in life are giving advice – in the end, it’s rightfully your decision.
• When I told my dad I didn’t want to go to college and wanted to be radio dj, he said “you’re going to college” and will be the smartest dj on the air.
• In the end, I took his advice and never looked back – after all, it was my decision to make, he was my advisor.
• Trying to please others is another way to guarantee unhappiness – the person who needs to be pleased is you and any doubters will become believers the moment you believe.

• I’m excited, classes are underway at NYU and this fall in my Stress-free Living and Working in the Music Industry class, my friend Les Garland (onetime programmer of MTV), is bringing his latest discovery to class – Stella Mabry.
• She’s 14 and has utilized her interest in song writing and performing to strike back against the “Mean Girl” who bullied her.
• She will be a hit with young students who have to deal with unprecedented social media bullying head on.
• There are many ways to fight back against bullies. Stella’s approach is to channel her anxiety into doing the common good which inspires others.
• Here is Stella’s video.

• In nature, we become like the people who surround us.
• For animals, often they blend in with their environment for safety reasons and to avoid larger predators – as evidenced by any rattlesnake on Camelback mountain – they blend in.
• Environment matters – people who are raised on manners tend to be more courteous, children of good listeners tend to listen to others in their conversations.
• That’s why it’s imperative that we seek out and nurture relationships with people with whom we share common values.
• It’s not necessary to be around people with your exact same personality just ones that value what you do.
• Empowerment comes from people who share common values.

• Q Score is how the entertainment industry measures consumer appeal for performers, among other things.
• The higher the Q Score, the more highly regarded the person is to the general public.
• This is not just a popularity contest because one can be popular without being highly regarded – it’s a means of judging who has credibility that influences.
• It comes down to whether others have a positive opinion of you.
• I have often wondered what would happen if non-performers could test their own Q Scores.
• The best way to assure you remain highly regarded is to focus on being authentic as authenticity is the salve that helps make modern society work.

Who is the most important person in your life?

Have you told them lately?

If words aren’t your thing, actions work well.

Even if they are no longer with you, say it out loud.

The odd thing is when you empower someone by showing immense gratitude you empower yourself – every time.

The world is being numbed by digital devices and social media where in-person interaction is strained.

Look them in the eye and tell them that they are the most important person to you.

Continue being the fine person you are.

You win some, you lose some.

You never win everything and even though it sometimes feels like it your losing streak does not last forever.

Truth is what goes up will go down which is why life is like a roller coaster.

You can’t stop the highs and lows but you can learn to ride them better knowing that life isn’t one winning (or losing) streak.

To build resilience when times are tough, never lose sight of the next high.

Be the fine person you are.

Don’t blame yourself for bad decisions.

No one is perfect.

You will never meet a person who has made all the right choices.

We learn from our mistakes.

There is no need to punish yourself twice.

Embrace the things you do right.

Be the fine person you are.

We encourage others to persevere.

Tell our kids that they can do what they set their minds to.

I never met a person who didn’t think they deserved a raise.

Every time we place a bet, we hope to win.

Self-doubt is a losing bet that we place on ourselves even before we begin.

Hope is what motivates us in every other way.

Today, replace self-doubt with self-hope.

Be the fine person you are.

Smiling at the first ten people you see each day without saying a word has two benefits.

One, many smile back.

Two, no matter how many respond to your silent approval, you’ve just boosted your mood to start the day.

It’s a dress rehearsal for creating happiness.

I assign this as a stretching exercise in my stress class where many discover for the first time that practicing looking happy precedes waiting for something good to happen.

NOTE:  Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes in-person classes again in a few weeks and the media industry revs up to end a challenging year.  This seems like a good time.  A good time to catch up on some stories you may have missed.   See you in a few days — Monday August 28.