With less than a week until the next Super Bowl between the Eagles and Chiefs, there’s another playbook that fans could consult.

In sports, two teams show up with the intention of winning but people often show up to work or whatever else matters with some question as to whether they will succeed.

That’s never a question in sports.

When one team wins, they enjoy their victories endlessly — for the rest of us, when we have a success, we often move on too quickly shortcutting the “celebration”.

The loser in sports licks their wounds, learns from their mistakes but can hardly wait to play another day for a chance to win the next time – but we often get stuck in disappointment, overlook the lessons adversity can teach us and fail to have that eager anticipation to try again in the future.

The Super Bowl of psychology is always bet on yourself.

Showing kindness towards others actually works wonders on anxiety and depression according to a new study.

Did you really need a study to know that?  Probably not.

We get caught in our own problems AND the issues, fears and worries of others that bring us down.

How does doing acts of kindness for others help us?

It gets our mind off of our problems, furthers connections with others which has been proven to relieve depression.

Big or small acts that benefit others or make others happy.

Philadelphia Flyers head coach John Tortorella ordered the removal of iPads on the bench typical used by players to view their shift on the ice.

Why?

He wants the players to focus more on what they will do the next time they jump on the ice, not looking at the last one.

It seems to have worked as the team which has struggled all season is winning more than losing at midpoint with the removal of iPads.

I emphasize to my NYU students, our digital devices exist to serve us and there are times when we do better focusing our attention on the next task up rather than getting caught up in the past.

In Philly, there was a man named Les Waas who formed the Procrastinators Club just for fun and celebrated all the holiday months after they occurred much to the delight of members of the local media – me included.

Waas wouldn’t like the study I saw the other day that says there is a way to fix procrastination, the delay or postponement of action either because the task is too big or we’re not ready to do it.

The answer:  short-term rewards

Research shows lesser but more frequently rewards for working on our tasks gets better results than waiting until it is finished even if the final reward is bigger and more attractive.

It doesn’t work – studies show those who multitasked during cognitive tasks experienced an IQ decline similar to being up all night without sleep.

And The Cleveland Clinic says multitasking doesn’t work because when our brain bounces from task to task we become less efficient.

Only 2.5% of us can effectively multitask.

We already know what it’s like to feel slammed all the time.

Now we know that taking on more than we can handle only makes it worse.

But wait, there’s hope.

Multitasking by doing a cognitive task while also enjoying a passive experience such as simultaneously listening to music is fine.

“I’m sorry IF I” is not an apology.

A real apology is to own up to what you’ve done and be ready for the consequences.

Shifting the blame is useless.

When the other person has been hurt, it is not about us, it’s about them and how we can make things right.

People don’t like you for who you are, they like you for how they feel about themselves in your presence.

If you help people love themselves in your presence, that is the key to relationships and that is the key to reputation.

Wisdom from Dr. Amit Sood, who emphasizes resiliency as a path toward happiness.

Cutting screen time is not easy but in five years I have seen an increase among my young students in the use of paper.

Digital devices are not allowed in class, they take great notes with pen and paper.

Several each semester “discover” a paper calendar and/or to-do list which they rave about as a great way to manage their time – digital devices are capable but also loaded with distractions.

Some even read books, the kind that are printed in addition to what’s available online.

And I’ve come to discover their reasoning:  spend less time with screens which they acknowledge as being deleterious to their health causing sleep problems and increased anxiety.

Reducing screen time doesn’t mean throwing away your phone, it simply means putting it in the best place to work for you.

Looking for happiness is a noble thought but not as productive as building resilience to help with overcoming adversity.

Happiness flows out of confronting tough breaks, tough times and sometimes even tough people.

Amit Sood, the Mayo Clinic physician who is helping NYU develop its anti-stress program for students is the founder of the Global Center for Resiliency and Wellbeing which educates about stress and how it affects the mind, body and overall health.

The goal is happiness, the means to get there is strengthening resilience.

Tell them the one thing that makes them special to you and then give an example.

This type of feedback works – I ask my students to listen to presentations and then comment on them by saying what they liked and then giving a specific example.

Everyone smiles.

Don’t wait for a funeral to think about how you value a real friend – tell them and give evidence.

That’s a living compliment – try it today.

The person who wants it the most is the one who fails and keeps trying.

If there is a limit to the number of times you’ll pick yourself up off the floor and start all over again, then you’d like it but not have to have it.

Everything – happiness, friendship, money, joy – is not going to come down from a cloud and bestow itself on us – we have to endlessly try to get what we desire.

Today I’m going to get up faster and try again.

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When someone dislikes you, they have a problem – not you.

When their need to tell you, insult or bully you is that great, why even listen to them.

We’re fine the way we are.

When we want to get better, we alone will make that decision.

When someone doesn’t like us, they don’t like themselves first.

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If we’re going to worry about things that may not happen, we’re going to have an even larger list of things to fret over.

Since 99% of what we worry about never happens and the 1% when it does isn’t the way we feared, why add anxiety where it is not needed.

Live in the present.

Work on eliminating worries not adding additional fears on.

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Steve Jobs:  “Things get more refined as you make mistakes and do them.  So I’ve had a chance to make a lot of mistakes”.

Less time worrying about what could go wrong, more time trying to make things work right and if all else fails, experience is a positive outcome.

Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them

The year we lost in Covid, turning within, being present virtually, losing our social skills, dealing with angst, anger and self-exiled boredom.

It’s getting better there is no normal to return to, thank goodness.  If we have seen the worst in the past, get ready for the best in the future.

How?  Rediscover the fine person you are, don’t become anyone else, don’t let anyone else push you off course – never go back, always go forward with confidence and grace.

Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them

People play video games to practice killing avatars even if it is for fun.

But do we even spend that much time practicing being more human, more confident, happier?

Repetitive thinking helps train our brain.

If we take inventory of our time and find a little to spare for repetitive training, we can transform our attitude into one of positivity.

Even repeating one positive goal a day every day can change the way we think, feel and act.

What goal are you choosing today?

Forward DayStarters to friends and I’ll keep writing them

My friend Tom Taylor pointed me toward the Poet Henry Van Dyke for some really inspirational thoughts (excerpted here) this holiday season:

• “Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you”
• “..to ignore what the world owes you and to think what you owe the world”
• “to see that men and women are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy”
• “to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a fee seeds of happiness”

And with that, much joy, peace and confidence ahead in the new year – see you after the holidays!

Without a plan, it’s an accident.

Intention to make changes is not a plan.

What does it specifically look like to bring about a long overdue change?

That’s a plan.

If you want to be happier, spend money on experiences rather than things.

Things wear off but experiences can be relived over and over.

Try new things even if it isn’t like you to do so.

They say when you’re worried, get busy and focus on something other than yourself.

And when you’re searching for happiness, look to experiences over things to give you joy.

I was listening to Chaka Khan and Rufus’ song “Tell Me Something Good” the other day.

Imagine if we actually took the title literally in our conversations.

Find something good and share it.

Ask others who are negative, tell me something good.

My friend Wynn Etter instinctively did it.

Even when he was ill with cancer, he’d respond by telling you something good (usually about yourself!) or asking for something positive.

We have a choice.

Life does not have to be negative.

We have that power within us.