Flush Away Loneliness

• Sociologist Philip Slater’s book The Pursuit of Loneliness came up with the term “Toilet Assumption”, the incorrect belief that undesirable feelings will disappear if they are ignored.
• The internet and social media are ways we can withdraw and live in isolation while assuming connection to others.
• The Loneliness Solution: balance the same amount of time you devote to virtual connection with actual connection – in person, talking on the phone, Zoom and to the extent that safety allows in-person interaction.
• What makes us content is to hear, see and experience joyful moments.

Enjoy Every Day

• Here is what 63-year-old Dan Doctoroff, a former New York City deputy mayor said upon receiving the diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (A.L.S) commonly called Lou Gehrig’s disease which usually results in death within three to five years after symptoms appear (his father and uncle died of A.L.S).
• “I’ve always been incredibly ambitious. I’ve been very, very focused on goals. I don’t want to live my life that way anymore. I want to try and enjoy every day, and what’s important is being with family and friends.”
• He has only a 20% chance that his symptoms won’t turn into A.L.S. but a 100% chance that he will live the rest of his life focused on what is really important.

Second guessing is a bet against you

• We do it all the time sometimes out of insecurity but why be first in line to doubt yourself?
• Buying a lottery ticket is confidence that you’re going to win (and you pay for it) even though the odds are crazy against you.
• The owners of FanDuel aren’t going broke, they’re betting on a business to get users to lose some of their money.
• Here’s the sure thing: anything worth you doing is worth you believing in – to do less is to be first to sabotage yourself.

• The Philadelphia Flyers hockey team lost 10 games in a row resulting in their coach being fired, playoff hopes dinged and confidence sink to the lowest possible level.
• When we sense things going south, why can’t we turn it around? When everything in our lives goes well, good things are expected and they come easier.
• When adversity gets into our heads, we bear down, try harder, become obsessed with getting back on track.
• Fearing ups and downs makes things worse.
• Anticipating an upswing breeds resilience to endure.
• Think of a rollercoaster – it rises and then falls – again and again – and most people like it so much they wait in long lines to ride them again.
• Losing streaks are tests to see if we’re still believing in ourselves.

If you’re shy, try … 

• Focusing on other people doesn’t always require speaking.
• Ask questions, people who love to talk often think those asking questions are also conversing at the same level and they like it.
• Go first, break the ice – most other people are also shy and they appreciate your initiative.
• The quietest people are often the most persuasive – use your gift wisely.

Bad moods are often caused by things that are minor

• There is a cure.
• Ask, is what’s bothering me this minute worth being bitter.
• People who flip off things that get them down are taking charge of their happiness.
• Then when a big problem occurs, focus on a big solution.
• If you’ve ever played golf with someone who messes up shots and laughs off mistakes and still has fun, just watch how to do it.
• Every irritation is not worth the same level of misery.

Why are we even listening to people who say negative things to us?

• Ignore them.
• Change the subject
• Laugh it off
• Never engage, never enrage
• No one can get into your head if you clap back words meant to hurt or control us.

Viktor Frankl’s account of his time in a World War II concentration camp (Man’s Search for Meaning) is chilling.

Happiness in itself does not qualify as such a purpose; pleasures do not give our life meaning.

In contrast, he points out that even the dark and joyless episodes of our lives can be times when we mature and find meaning.

Creating work, appreciating nature, works of art or simply loving people and facing the ups and downs of life.

These times may be difficult to endure but according to Frankl, our lives take on meaning through our actions, through loving, and even through suffering.

How many times have you heard someone apologize by saying “if I offended you, then…”

The quid pro quo of apologizing.

Sorry should be the easiest word we could say – actually, we should say it many times a day because …

• What we type into chat, social media and emails is bound to offend someone.
• Without seeing or hearing another person, we miss out on their reaction to us.
• Some people are more sensitive to things than others.
• And words have consequences – they matter.

Sorry isn’t bad, it means you’re good.

But the best apology is the one that includes what you’re sorry for – it’s a way we humans have of not having to be perfect.

1.  You are always in charge, always make the final decision and choose what is right for you.
2. You accept no criticism because criticism never makes you better without first hurting you.
3. You are responsible for believing in yourself not outsourcing it to others who could on a whim take it away some day.
4. You don’t ask for help without offering it in return.
5. You get endless re-dos as long as your heart is in the right place.

No matter how bad things are today, tomorrow they will get better.

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Go back through your life and discover that hope is what sustains us until relief arrives.

The Beatles producer George Martin was a big part of their success.

He did what many in power would not do – he let them be.

Strange, talented, creative.

Managing people can be the fine art of letting them manage themselves because The Beatles were in the capable hands of George Martin who kept his capable hands off their talent.

This is the essence of good management – both being there and staying out of the way.

Warren Buffett says successful people have one two-letter word in common.

No.

No is like yes for people who take on too much, have weak boundaries and who get lost in other people’s work.

Buffett goes further.

He says no to almost everything.

A clear way to look at this advice is to think of getting in your car and taking off on a trip.

Even if you know where you want to go, you can’t turn at every intersection or you will never get to your destination.

The struggle is to understand why you have too little confidence.

And so the search becomes all-encompassing and self-directed.

Finding more confidence by obsessing about not having enough rarely works.

Empowering others is palpable, an instant confirmation that your actions can make a difference.

The next time you need a jolt of confidence, ask this:

What can I do to make someone else’s day better?

Get back in touch with the power to do good.

Kobe Bryant spoke publicly and lovingly about his Lower Merion, PA high school teacher who taught him a key driver of motivation:

“Rest at the end not in the middle”.

Bryant joked that sometimes he actually listened in school – judging from his basketball career, he really listened.

Making ourselves miserable because of something that happened in the past is useless.

What happened then has already occurred, we cannot change, edit or alter it.

If you want to put regrets, insights, awakenings and everything that seems to occur as a result to good use, look forward.

The past is a guidebook.

What to do.

What to do differently.

What to let go of.

What to embrace.

Regretting the past just feeds more regrets.

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it – why not put life’s lessons to work in the future?

Embrace fear.

Turn it into something powerful.

Let it inspire bravery.

Make every fear thought transformational.

“It’s okay to be sacred.  Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”

1. Before getting out of bed November 25, think of 3 people who love you.
2. Then think of 3 people who are the most in the world to you.
3. Wherever you go to celebrate or whatever you do, smile at 3 people without saying a word.
4. Find 3 people you can catch doing something awesome like making Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with you or making some kind of sacrifice – say something publicly to shower them with the appreciation of others.
5. After losing a loved one close to this holiday, I decided to display a picture and tell someone about them so they could be with me that day and in the future (it was my mother and I told how she made broccoli in garlic and olive oil every Thanksgiving).
6. Before bed, love yourself by thinking of 3 things that you are proud of doing and then close your eyes.

In the days of vinyl, the record business used to say this about a song or album:  if it’s in the grooves, it’s a hit.

Yet the same thing is true of other things where substance is more important than anything else.

Good relationships are based on shared values but you don’t have to have the same personality – in fact, we know that opposites often attract.

A great career is not usually the one that pays the most money.

When searching for satisfaction, look first to what’s already there – “in the grooves” – instead of trying to become something different.

1. Self-doubt multiples exponentially.
2. There is never a reason to talk yourself down – even a mistake does not make you incompetent so avoid damaging thoughts when things go wrong.
3. You are your own advocate – it isn’t necessary to accept criticism or criticize yourself to be better.
4. Love yourself before asking someone else to.