We tend to have more faith and confidence in our friends than we do with ourselves – a harsh reality of the dangers of comparison in the age of social media.

We believe others will be more successful than us.  That we have more faults and impediments in the way on our journey to accomplishment.  We even talk to ourselves in a way more uncertain than we talk to our friends.  When we treat ourselves the same way we treat those we admire, we are on the right road.  Self-talk is critical so making those words accepting and approving can end the drought of conviction necessary to use our best gifts the way we are, not the way we perceive others.

Researchers identify this as the Self-Compassion Gap that describes the well-documented psychological phenomenon where individuals extend warmth, patience, and encouragement to others facing difficulty, yet react to their own mistakes and setbacks with severe self-criticism.

Dr. Kristin Neff’s core finding is that self-compassion — treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend — is far more effective for resilience, motivation, and mental health than self-criticism or relentless self-esteem.

“Quiet the inner critic, and open the door to your own potential. You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” — Dr. Kristin Neff

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