A friend that I respect told me several months ago that I was letting other people live my life.

He had to be a good friend to say that to me, right?

But what he told me has reordered my life and I would like to tell you about it.

We can get advice from others – sometimes good advice, sometimes not so good.

We can get help from those around us.

We can hear reality checks like the man who told a successful entrepreneur I know, “Are you sure you want to take this risk?”  Years later this man marveled at what the entrepreneur accomplished.

But the one thing we must never do is let anyone tell us what we can or cannot accomplish.

You’re never too young to achieve success.

You’re never too scared to take a prudent risk.

We don’t get to outsource our dreams to another person because they are our dreams and no one will ever see them the way we do.


I heard recently Friday of a man who was diagnosed with incurable cancer who was told in no uncertain terms to get his affairs in order.

So, he gave his money away to loved ones and braced himself for the inevitable.

That was 9 years ago!

This man is still alive and now “broke”, as he jokes.

Doctors must be honest but they must never take away hope because without hope men and women cannot face another day.

I have not been able to get this story out of my mind because in so many ways we tend to become despondent about the future when adversity strikes and, wouldn’t you agree, terminal cancer is about as hopeless as it gets?

The reality is that there is always hope.

People overcome all sorts of odds every day.  Even divorce, unemployment, health issues and unrealized dreams can be salvaged.

So, two things this morning:

1.  Give yourself hope that you can overcome all odds because it is amazing what hope can do.

2.  Give the gift of hope to someone else – a child, a friend, a person down and out in the face of adversity.

Hope is the fuel that keeps us going.

If you want to be popular, find ways to say yes as much as possible.

Want to sell more things?  Get to yes and avoid no.

One important caveat:  never promise what you cannot deliver or it will be the shortest popularity contest you ever won.

But what about no?

There is a time to stop saying yes.

• When your boundaries are breached.  Anyone that pushes you to a place where you are uncomfortable or abuses you gets an immediate, firm and non-retractable “no”.  Period.
• “I Don’t” works better than “I Can’t”.   “I don’t” is a sign of affirmation, an affirmation of willpower.  I can’t is restricting and really isn’t a choice so it tends to undermine our power.  
• Say “No” to something instead of somebody.  If possible, direct the no to the deed and not the person unless the message is not getting through.

Often we look for complex things to help us in our relationships with others.

But sometimes we are empowered when we use “yes” as much as possible when we want to help someone and “no” when we need to protect ourselves and our boundaries.

There you have it – something I think is worth sharing with the people you care about most.

If there is a topic you’d like me to address tell me about it here.

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Sleep more.

Easy to say, not always easy to do.

Negative thoughts get processed by one part of the brain (the amygdala, to be precise) and positive thoughts are processed by a separate part of the brain (hippocampus).  But when we become sleep deprived, the hippocampus takes the brunt and we focus on negative thoughts instead of happy ones.

In one experiment outlined in the book Nature Shock sleep deprived college students tested could remember 81% of words with negative connotations (like “cancer”) but only 31% of words that were positive or neutral.

Other studies show we overreact to negative emotions and fear when we need more sleep.

Sleep is one tough project, but here are some things that I would like to share that have helped me tremendously. 

• Sleep with an app.  My wife discovered that the new Philadelphia Eagles coach Chip Kelly told his players to download an app called Lark and buy the watchband that they would wear to clock their sleep every night.  It communicates by Bluetooth and reports on the quality of sleep, duration, disturbances and gives hints on how to improve it.
• Sleep 7-8 Hours nightly.  I refused.  Said I couldn’t do it until I had to face that app every morning and slowly but surely started averaging sleep in the healthy range.  There is no getting around it, we humans all need 7-8 hours of sleep a night no matter how we say we can get by without it.
• Wake up no more than 10 times a night.  As Lark teaches, if you awaken more than 10 times nightly – even without being aware of it – you may need to see a doctor about sleep apnea, a major disruptor of good healthy sleeping.

I have no financial interest in Lark and there are certainly lots of other alternatives out there, but one thing is for sure.  If we take a methodical, positive approach to improving our sleep, it can be the best happiness pill in the world.

If you decide to focus on sleep, I’d love to know your experiences.  Good luck – Jerry

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Dale Carnegie said it best when he said, “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion”.

If we all could just be more logical life would be easier.

But we are creatures of emotion and that requires a different approach.

• Compare beliefs and attitudes plus personal quirks with others.  This is the best way to see how your style conflicts with others.
• React objectively and without emotion.  Difficult people are easier to handle in situations where we are not stirring up emotions needlessly.
• Bring conflict into the open.  When conflict exists but is suppressed, it is more monumental to deal with than when the facts are laid out in the open.
• Negotiate differences with others.  Deals aren’t the only things that can be negotiated.  If you’re willing to compromise, even difficult people cannot resist a good deal.
• Adjust your behavior.  When we find ourselves frequently in conflict due to difficult personalities of others, we must also have the courage to look to ourselves and where we can alter behavior.

This advice from Roberta Cava says it all:  “You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control your responses to it” and we’ll never run out of opportunities to practice — Jerry

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It’s natural to want to keep doing that which works for us.

Caution:  playing it safe is hazardous to our ability to innovate and create.

Remember MySpace?  It became a mere shadow of itself when it was purchased by a traditional media company that was more interested in monetizing it than growing it.  That had the effect of stifling creativity and innovation.

The same might be said of Facebook these days as research shows teens, the early adopters, see it as less important to their lives.

This rule applies to individuals as well.

When we imitate our success, we eventually see it peak and slip away.

So how do we overcome the normal feeling to want to keep doing the things that bring us the most success?

Innovate at the top of your game.

When you are most popular, successful or prosperous.

That is the time to risk change.

The sure way to failure is to treat success as if it will never be diminished.

What makes most people successful is the pursuit of excellence.  Unfortunately, achieving that excellence is often our undoing.

Cultivate a sense of adventure built on the confidence that comes from achieving your goals.  You’ll know the feeling because that is what got you to where you are today. 

Thanks for spreading the word about what we do here.  You’re the best — Jerry

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Ironically, productive people aren’t focused on doing more.  They find ways to do less.

Less of everything so they can pay more attention to the things that really matter.

It relieves the stress that comes from daily life but also provides “feel good” moments of accomplishment.

1.  Do not do 80% of what’s on your agenda. 

It’s about choices.  Simply force yourself to decide which 20% of your tasks are worth completing today – worth your time, creativity, energy and excellence.  Identify the 20% that matters and don’t do the others in any given day and you will become more productive immediately.  (Hint: you can throw the other 80% that you didn’t do today onto tomorrow’s agenda to see if they make the next cut.  Don’t be surprised if they never make it to the top 20%).

2.  Deal with your biggest tasks when you are most productive.

If it’s mornings, the most challenging work should be done then. 

3.  Divide large projects into smaller pieces.

One reason less significant and quicker things get done sooner is because large tasks often require more time than we have available at one time.  Productive people take a knife to these projects and make them several mini-projects that earn your attention.

4.  No to multi-tasking.

I know you can.  We all can.  But we shouldn’t.  It doesn’t make us more productive.  Multitasking often makes us more stressed out and less efficient.  Refer back to #1 – do less overall and only focus on the 20% of your work that you believe is most important today.

I love the sentiment expressed by Francine Jay:  “My goal is no longer to get more done, but rather to have less to do” – Now go do less and have a great day!  Jerry

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Often it takes very little to add real meaning to a family event and Thanksgiving is the time when families come together.

The person who toiled preparing the traditional Thanksgiving turkey or the one responsible for the get together is often overlooked and under appreciated. 

But we can change that.

Thanksgiving also turns into a drama when some family members come together and they don’t really get along the rest of the year.  I know people who dread this holiday for that reason and that is sad.

So, try a different path this year.

• Toast the chef.   Before the meal begins be the one to raise your glass and in front of everyone gathered to express public appreciation for the work they did to make the meal possible.  Something like, “I’d like to recognize and thank mom for working so hard to make this feast as delectable as it is.  Thank you, mom”.  Be prepared for teary eyes of gratitude in return.
• Avoid drama.  Even if you’ve got drama kings and queens at the Thanksgiving celebration, vow to bite your tongue before letting anyone lure you into an argument, debate or hard feelings over any unresolved family matters.  It is neither the time nor the place.  Save discussing these issues for private time.  People looking for a fight often burn out when they realize they can’t light your fire in front of other people and that’s a good thing.
• Be a good listener.  Dale Carnegie always said if you want people to like you, ask them about themselves.  In a world where we all tend to compete for attention, Thanksgiving is one day when you can shine by asking questions rather than talking about yourself.  You will be loved and appreciated in ways that are not possible when the focus is predominantly on you.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful opportunity to practice gratitude.  Some folks like to invite a guest who is alone or not as fortunate to the family celebration.  Others like to bring leftovers to those who may be unable to attend so that they don’t feel forgotten.

In giving we receive the benefits that come from food, family, parades and football games when we do things to add real meaning to the holiday.  Happy Thanksgiving – I appreciate the thousands of you who start your day with me right here — Jerry

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One of my professors said that much of the drama in our lives is self-inflicted because we tend to act on assumptions rather than fact.

His example:

When you pull up to a red light, what color is it?

The obvious answer is – red.

The real answer is – red to me, but not to someone who is colorblind.

You see, we assume that no one is colorblind and everyone is just like us.

Obviously, identifying the color of “red” lights isn’t the only time in our daily life that we make dangerous assumptions that force us to act on bad information.

We make erroneous judgments about people, their intentions, their motivations and just about everything all the time.

So here’s a powerful tip that can alter your life by changing the way you perceive things:

• Be mindful that what we perceive is not what others may perceive.
• And, the more obvious it appears, the less obvious it is.

Try it for a few days – I’m going to refocus on this myself because the benefits can be immense – Jerry

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Just 7 minutes.

Exercise releases endorphins that tend to minimize the discomfort of exercises, helps reduce pain and stimulates a feeling of euphoria.

Gretchen Reynolds in her book The First 20 Minutes said that simply being more active for short periods of time is a no-cost way to guard against future neurological diseases as well as depression.

Shawn Achor, author of the book The Happiness Advantage cited a study in which three groups of patients treated their depression with either medication, no medication or a combination of both.

Of those who had taken the medication alone, 38% regressed back into depression when tested again after six months.

Those who used a combination of medicine and exercise did a little better with a 31% relapse rate.

But the big surprise was that the test group that only did exercise (no medication) to deal with their depression had a relapse rate of only 9%.

That’s if you’re depressed.

If you’re not, the benefits of even a minimal amount of increased activity are still there.

Doctors say there are more anti-depressants prescribed today than ever before and yet the rate of depression is higher than ever before.

20 minutes of exercise 4-5 times a week on a bike, treadmill, running or walking can increase happiness.

But even a few minutes of exercise results in an increased feeling of well-being.

Best yet, exercise is covered by all insurance companies, Obamacare, Medicaid and Medicare.

In other words, it costs you nothing and requires only the investment of your time.

Choose to be more active and pro-active, it can make a difference in how you feel – Jerry

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There are bucket lists for people who want to make sure they get to do more of the things they want before they die.

Books like 1001 Places To See Before You Die and 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die.

But there are only 5 regrets that a palliative nurse gathered as she cared for patients in the final weeks of their lives.

Her discoveries may surprise.  Here they are in order:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  Most of the dying suggested that they had not fulfilled anywhere near even half of their life’s dreams because of the choices they had made when they were healthy and able.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.  This came mostly from men who regretted not being able to be there for their children or share in the lives of their spouses and they came from an older generation where women were more often stay at home wives.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.  Many suppressed their feelings to avoid conflict.  Others became sick because of the resentment they felt as a result.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  Life often gets in the way of maintaining friendships and almost all the dying regretted not giving the proper time to nurture their friendships.  Even to their last days, they missed their friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.   Many did not realize that they could choose to be happy.  Fear of change allowed them to maintain a life that wasn’t the one that they really wanted – and to the end they regretted not being able to live and laugh again.

It is never too early to head off regrets that others have had at the end of life.

Life is to be lived now – moment-by-moment, by choosing The 5 things You Must Do to live the life that you really want.

After writing this, I’m on it.  How about you? — Jerry

An Applied Research in Quality of Life study shows that anticipating a vacation – not actually taking it – increased happiness for eight weeks. 

After the vacation, happiness returned to pre-vacation levels.

Shawn Achor, an expert on happiness and author of The Happiness Advantage says anticipating almost anything positive makes us happy while we remain in the anticipation stage.

And it doesn’t have to be anything major.

In one study, even thinking about watching their favorite movie, raised the participant’s endorphin levels by 27%.

We all know about the adverse effects of negative thoughts on our wellbeing.

Now there is research to show that anticipation makes us happier than actually doing that which we anticipate.

A simple step to increasing happiness:  always have things to anticipate in your life.

If you try it and it works, please share this with someone you care about – Jerry

You can buy Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now.

Or you could meditate.

Being mindful of gratitude can also work.

But if you’re like me – we want to live more in the now but what’s happening in real time often prevents us.

A family crisis, an illness, problem at work, a bad break, too much stress, not enough sleep, feeling guilty or not good enough.

But there is a powerful phrase – just 5 simple words – that can interrupt life’s distractions and point us directly to a place where we can reclaim living in the present.

May I share it with you?

Emily Dickinson wrote:  “Forever is composed of nows”.

What a thought!

If we can survive a crisis, meltdown, stress or inconvenience, we can simply make another positive, happy, productive moment in spite of it all and it adds up to a life.

Anytime.

Any place.

Our lives consist of moments that we embrace and we can control.

Today, let’s see how many “nows” we can create even as life interrupts us and please share this with others who might appreciate a fast and effective way to quickly get in the moment — Jerry 

I used to work for Paul Drew, a hard-driving radio program director who didn’t suffer fools lightly. 

He often sought out information from me about what my friends at competing Philadelphia radio stations were saying.   

I found myself going on and on to impress the boss about what I knew.

But I learned a big lesson.

He would look me right in the eye and let me go on and on until it became apparent to me that he already knew that which I was trying to tell him.

I once asked him why he never stopped me and he said that you can’t learn anything if you’re talking and reminded me about Columbo, the disheveled private eye from TV dressed shoddy and looked dumb. 

But by asking “one more thing” and listening for the answer, the detective mystery was always solved.

The secret to knowing more is to conduct yourself like you know less. 

“I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing” – Socrates  

Have another GREAT Day!  Jerry

Susan Cain has a great new and much acclaimed book out called Quiet:  The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking.

Loud gets heard.

Pushy gets its way.

But introverts get left on the sidelines.  It may have always been that way but with the advent of social media, it is far worse.  Domineering people rule social media as well.

Cain tells us about foreign students who feel uncomfortable in the extrovert-oriented American school system.  And she walks us through Tony Robbins, Dale Carnegie and an evangelical church.

Quiet is as powerful as bombastic.

• The best speakers know the power of a dramatic pause and yet some of the most effective speakers are soft-spoken.
• In a world increasingly dominated by 80 million Millennials, authentic is more persuasive than dramatic.
• Sometimes it is better to pretend to be an extrovert than to actually be one.
• Contrary to popular belief, many of the best and most successful salespeople are introverts.  They have the one quality that guarantees effective salesmanship – the constant ability to listen rather than talk.

If you’re soft-spoken, quiet or downright shy, stop seeing it as a disadvantage.

Our world may seemingly reward the loud and aggressive, but quiet and authentic people are powerful in all phases of life if they can see their introverted traits as being the gift that they are.

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas” – Susan Cain.

Please share this thought with a friend who needs to hear it or a child whose life defends on it — Jerry

1. Every time you have a success of any kind, make a mental IOU for yourself.  I put them as notes on my smartphone.  Build the list and refer to it often.  Exceeded your sales quota?  Make an IOU note of it.  Helped your child through a rough time?  Another IOU.  They add up and they build confidence.  Review them often.
2. Do the thing you fear to do.  Paralysis by indecision is more deadly to self-confidence that making a bad decision.
3. Speaking of bad decisions, you’ll have them.  Embrace them.  Learn from them.  Each failure is temporary unless you stop trying.  Never fear failure.
4. Think less of what people might think of you and more of what you think of yourself.  Take five minutes upon rising each day to look into the mirror and ask “Am I the person I want to be?”
5. Failures, setbacks or misfortune are the things that makes us more confidant tomorrow.  Just surviving builds confidence if we let it.
6. See vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to accomplish.  Getting rich is not as effective a goal as seeing yourself in a beautiful house, nice car and surrounded by loving people.  Wishing for a promotion is not as much as a confidence builder as seeing your imaginary new business card “Vice President of …” with your name on it.
7. Take a compliment and repeat it often.  It is a flaw of being human that we repeat the negative things that hurt our confidence when there are so many positive thinks we too easily forget.

Thank you for letting me be part of your day!  I love to hear from you.  Jerry

When we say “no” very quickly, we are usually wrong. 

Experience proves that when we catch that word coming out of our mouth we have usually closed our minds to hearing something that is being said.

“No” is appropriate when we have considered the consequences, but it is often limiting when we react swiftly without forethought.

“I’m sure” is trickier.

When we say “I’m sure” it can mean that we’re not really sure.  We think we are sure.  Therefore when your response is “I’m sure of that”, take a second double check so you can have the evidence at hand to prove it.

When I was a TV reporter in Philadelphia, I was sent out on a story where torrential afternoon thunderstorms flooded a creek in a nearby county.

The assignment editor dispatched me with a crew to bring back the flooding on video.  Before leaving I asked if he was sure that the creek was overflowing.  

He said “I’m sure”.

But when I got to the scene, the water had subsided and there was no story at all – not that he didn’t make me bring one back anyway.  Hey, it’s TV.

“I’m sure” and “No” – red flags to beware of.

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If it’s all about you, enjoy it — alone.

If it’s about others, you will make and keep more friends than you ever thought was possible.

We think it’s normal to make the focus of life on us but doing so is an illusion.  We feel like we have lots of friends but do we really?  Followers are not necessarily friends.

We don’t number our friends – hey, I have 45 or whatever the number.

We value them one at a time.

There is one way to guarantee to make friends and keep them for a long time.  To enjoy rich relationships whether they are face to face or in our mobile social media world.

The secret is to become genuinely interested in other people.

Let them talk.  Ask them questions.  Reaffirm what you’re hearing or reading so they know you are really interested in what they say.

It takes a little self-control to hold back what we want to say but by talking in terms of the other person’s interests, you win a friend right away.  And often, they will reciprocate by showing the same kind of interest in us.

Taking time to care pays off instantly.

If you would like to receive these thoughts every day …

What if I make the wrong one?

What if the possible repercussions are worse than originally thought?

Will I make someone angry?

Good questions.  Bad approach to being decisive.

1.  There are no bad decisions.  Even when a decision seems to turn out wrong, other benefits may follow later.  Never forget that a decision is not judged immediately but over time and that can make all the difference.

2.  See vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to accomplish.  When we clearly see the benefit of an action, we are more likely to muster the courage to take that action.

3.  Avoid wallowing in self-doubt.  Set a reasonable timetable based on the importance of the decision you are wrestling with, gather all the facts and then act.

4.  Second guessing is useless. 

5.  Humans have more potential courage than they think they have and the best way to focus on this courage is to review the decisions we have made previously that worked out well.

6.  Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.  Fear of making a decision is usually more dangerous than making the actual decision.

“It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late” – Marilyn Moats Kennedy

If you would like to receive these thoughts every day …

Even the master of human relations did not believe people should sit silently by when they have pressing issues with others.

Dale Carnegie simply asked that we try tactful interaction as opposed to aggressively making enemies.

There is a three-stepped approach that can be very helpful the next time you find it necessary to confront an employer, co-worker, friend or even family member.

Step 1 – Name the issue in a phrase or sentence, no more.  Cutting to the chase by accurately articulating what’s wrong goes a long way.  Take responsibility for perhaps being part of the problem.  Avoid being accusatory or this conversation will blow up in your face.

Step 2 – Be a great listener in hearing the other person’s response.  In most confrontational situations, the accuser does all the talking and you see where that gets us.  Change it around.  Let the other person respond and listen intently – try not to interrupt.  Let them air it all out.  The other person has to know that you understand their perspective before you can move on to a resolution.

Step 3 – Say “how can we move forward from here now that we understand where each one of us is coming from?”  What’s the next step?  Get specific about how the two of you can abide by whatever is agreed to. 

Some people cannot be reasoned with.  So it’s best that we keep our expectations low. 

But often confronting another person is retribution for ill feelings that build up over time.  Try a different approach that allows for the potential of something positive to result when clear statements are made and both parties realize they want a resolution.

“When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.” – Abraham Lincoln

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