Dolly Parton was so beloved because she made people feel good about themselves – that’s different from being nice.

She put it like this:  “We’re just people. And we need to be better to one another — and to ourselves.”

Dolly could laugh at herself without the need to demonstrate that she was smarter, richer, more important or morally superior to others. “This dumb blonde ain’t nobody’s fool.” “Hopefully people can see beneath the hair to know there’s a brain, beneath the boobs to know there’s a heart, and behind all the other stuff to know there’s some talent.”

Earlier this year, a UMass/YouGov survey found 70% of Americans viewed Dolly favorably and only 5% unfavorably. In an age when practically every famous person becomes somebody’s enemy, Dolly somehow didn’t.

Her fame never went to her head. Her Imagination Library, a program that mails free books to children from birth to age five grew from her father’s inability to read. When Tennessee families lost their homes to wildfires, she helped them directly. When Vanderbilt needed money for COVID research, she gave $1 million.

Her explanation was wonderfully uncomplicated:

“I just see a need and if I can fill it, then I will.”

That’s the part of Dolly worth stealing.  Make someone else feel more important.

She once said “I never quite understood why we have to let religion and politics and things like that stand in the way of just being good human beings”.

Like Dolly and in our own way, we just need to leave people feeling a little better than we found them.

Please feel free to share

One way to feel better is to make someone else feel better.

In a randomized study of 777 people, those assigned to do acts of kindness for others for two weeks ended up not only less depressed but less anxious and lonely. Researchers found increased human connection helped explain the benefit.  Self-kindness generated more positive feelings, while kindness toward others increased people’s sense of connection. That increased social connection helped explain the improvements in depression, anxiety and loneliness.

Not that kindness is the cure for mental health or that we should ignore our own needs.  Helping someone else can interrupt our preoccupation with ourselves while reminding us that we’re connected to other people. And the act of kindness does not have to be earth shattering.  It could be an encouraging text or email, a compliment, helping someone you don’t know, a cup of coffee, touching base with someone who is lonely.

“There isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion. It is necessary to help others, not only in our prayers, but in our daily lives.” — Dalai Lama

Please feel free to share

Nine out of ten worries we have will never happen.

A Penn State study published in Behavior Therapy had people with generalized anxiety disorder record their specific worries and then track what actually happened. 91% of their worry predictions did not come true. The median participant had 93.5% of worries fail to materialize, and for seven participants, 100% of their worries didn’t happen.

Better yet when the bad thing does happen, we handle it much better than we thought we would.  A new 2026 randomized controlled trial found participants tracked their worries using a smartphone app; 89% of feared outcomes didn’t happen. And when something they feared did happen, participants reported that they coped better than expected 84.% of the time.

Worry asks us to suffer today over a future that, most of the time, never arrives — and research suggests that even when it does, we’re better at handling it than we predict.

Please feel free to share

Over the past week that I was off, I had the chance to work on my NYU classes that start after Labor Day.  One hovering issue is the use of artificial intelligence.  I like to encourage my students to use AI for research and ideas but to submit their own original work that reflects their point of view.  Some of my music business students are concerned that fake AI-generated music will replace live performers.  There’s reason for concern as fake music has made it to the top of Spotify charts faster than Spotify can shut it down.

I always see AI can do a lot of things but not everything – for example, it can predict what you’re going to do next but not know it until you actually do it.  AI is a tool, perhaps an overblown threat in some ways, but I found it fascinating that Fred Rogers (yes, that Mister Rogers) came up with these comforting thoughts long before iPhones and AI.

He said “No matter what the machine may be, it was people who thought it up and made it.”

Like this? Please share.

Progress not perfection is the goal.  I call it PPP – purposeful positive progression.

No need to wait until you have every answer. Instead, gather the best information available, accept that some uncertainty will always remain, make a thoughtful decision and adjust as you learn. In practical terms, it means asking: “What’s one meaningful step I can take today that moves me forward?”

Making progress in meaningful work is one of the strongest drivers of motivation and having a sense of purpose is associated with better psychological and physical health. Behavioral science shows that small, consistent improvements are more sustainable than waiting for dramatic breakthroughs.

Purposeful positive progression is the practice of taking intentional, meaningful steps that steadily improve your life, work, or relationships—focusing on forward momentum instead of perfection.

Feel free to share

VACATION NOTE:  Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes Fall classes in a few weeks.  This seems like a good time.  Thanks for reading and sharing DayStarters.  See you Monday August 24.

Your brain doesn’t know it’s tired.  People who are sleep-deprived often don’t realize how impaired they are. Research has repeatedly shown that after even modest sleep loss, performance, judgment, attention and reaction time decline while people continue to believe they’re functioning normally.

One major study found participants restricted to 6 hours of sleep a night for two weeks performed cognitively about as poorly as those who had gone 48 hours without sleep, yet they consistently underestimated how impaired they had become. Fatigue quietly erodes judgment, creativity, memory and emotional control while convincing you you’re doing fine. That’s why exhausted leaders, executives, physicians and pilots can make confident decisions that are objectively worse.

Don’t trust how alert you are. If you’ve been sleeping six hours or less for several nights assume your judgment, attention and reaction time are worse than they feel. The recommended number of sleep hours per day is 7 and better yet, on a consistent sleep schedule.

Don’t let a tired brain evaluate itself.  Harvard Medical School’s Sleep Medicine Division says “Just one sleepless night can impair performance as much as a blood-alcohol level 0.10 percent.”

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”  — W. C. Fields

Feel free to share

As the author and physician Amit Sood reminds us, everyone is resilient in a unique way.  Rather than ask whether you are resilient, upgrade that to “how resilient am I”.  Put the ways on a note app or paper as a reminder because we have a habit of emphasizing the need for more resilience without first recognizing that all of us are resilient.

You’ve survived 100% of your hardest days.  If you have to measure your resilience, do it on a scale not on a label.  Recognizing that your resilience makes you more resilient.  Psychologists have long found that beliefs about our abilities influence future performance.

Resilience is less about toughness than flexibility. The strongest people aren’t those who never struggle—they’re the ones who adjust, learn and move forward after setbacks.

You’ve already survived every difficult day you’ve ever faced. That’s not proof that you’ll never struggle again — it’s proof that resilience is already part of who you are. The question isn’t whether you have it. It’s how much more you can build.

Elton John had it right. “I’m Still Standing” isn’t just a hit song—it’s evidence. If you’re still standing after everything life has thrown at you, you’ve already proven you possess resilience. The challenge isn’t finding it. It’s recognizing it and building on it.

Feel free to share

Many people spend years searching for the perfect career, believing that one ideal job will eventually reveal itself.  People who don’t have all the answers and are willing to accept uncertainty remain open to learning and acknowledging personal vulnerability during career decisions.

A six-month study of 995 full-time U.S. workers found that people who demonstrated what researchers called “career wisdom” were more likely to experience their work as meaningful – not having all the answers. Workers with higher levels of career wisdom reported greater meaning in their work over time over the six months in which it was measured.

But they did not conclude that accepting uncertainty alone causes people to become happier at work; rather, the study identified statistically significant associations among these factors over time.

Successful careers do not depend on discovering the perfect fit.

Feel free to share

My NYU students are not going to like this because in general so many young people prefer texting over talking on the phone, so forgive me in advance. BUT, the best arguments are spoken and not typed. There’s a study for just about anything but this one is really fascinating.

The study in Nature Communications examined how the medium of communication influences disagreements concluding that voice or face-to-face rather than through written exchanges consistently reported better outcomes. Participants felt more understood, perceived less conflict, formed more favorable impressions of one another and were more likely to move toward common ground. These benefits were observed whether the conversation occurred in person, by telephone or by video, compared with text-based communication.

Most people expected the opposite — 84%  said they would rather handle a disagreement in writing, believing it would be easier and less confrontational. The actual conversations showed otherwise: spoken discussions produced more constructive interactions than written ones.

Every disagreement should not happen in person but when the goal is understanding rather than documentation, the medium itself can influence the outcome.

According to a UC Berkeley Haas summary of Juliana Schroeder’s research, “when the stakes are high, your voice—not your words alone—makes all the difference.”

Please feel free to share.

We’re not stuck with one personality all our lives.

For generations, personality was often viewed as something largely established early in life and relatively fixed thereafter.  Measurable trait changes continue well into later life. In practical terms, someone who has always been quieter than most of their peers may remain relatively introverted while still becoming more outgoing than they were a decade earlier.

A preregistered 2024 meta-analysis examining 44 studies, 89 independent samples and 121,187 participants found that events such as graduation, a first job, marriage, divorce and retirement were associated with personality change, but the average effects were generally small and inconsistent. Work-related transitions produced somewhat stronger and more consistent changes than relationship-related events. Research suggests that. Even intentional personality change is possible.

The best evidence suggests that experience, new roles and deliberate effort can gradually influence how you think, respond and relate to others, even though most changes are incremental rather than dramatic.

Carl Rogers in On Becoming a Person observes that “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

If you liked this, please share it

Researchers at the University of Rochester found that feeling understood is strongly linked to healthier relationships, greater well-being and a stronger sense of self. But, people often feel misunderstood even when others understand them accurately. What to do?

We feel genuinely heard when five things are present:  When we have a chance to speak, they receive attention, empathy, respect and a sense of common ground. Miss even one or two of those elements, and people often leave the conversation feeling invisible.  Understanding someone isn’t enough. In experiments with couples, listeners who accurately understood their partner’s thoughts and feelings were perceived as responsive only when that understanding was accompanied by genuine compassion.

One of the greatest gifts we can give another person isn’t advice or solutions but the unmistakable feeling that they matter—that they were listened to, understood and respected.

That’s what is meant by feeling seen and heard.

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity” — Simone Weil

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

Life’s highs and lows rarely shape our long-term well-being as much as we predict.  It’s like a limbo dance – how low can you go?

Most of us believe a promotion, dream home or perfect relationship will make us happier for longer than it actually will. We also assume a job loss, breakup or disappointment will leave us miserable for years.  Psychologists Daniel Gilbert (Harvard) and Timothy Wilson (University of Virginia) have spent decades studying this mistake, known as affective forecasting. Their research shows people consistently exhibit an impact bias—overestimating both the intensity and duration of future emotional reactions.

In other words, bad things are not the end of the world like we think and that good things will fuel our happiness longer than they really do. Keep expectations low, motivation high to stop living in emotional limbo.  Don’t postpone your happiness waiting for life’s next high, and don’t assume today’s setback will define tomorrow. We are remarkably resilient. We adapt more quickly meaning our greatest victories and toughest defeats usually don’t have the lasting emotional power we imagine.

“The future is fundamentally different than it appears through the looking glass of the present.” — Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson.

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

Since our brain is designed to protect us and not guarantee happiness, being happy is a constant ongoing training.  Borrowing from the author and physician Amit Sood, joy is not a reward.  It is something we do by cultivating micro-practices.  Expecting to wake up happy is not realistic without them.

The core message of not postponing joy is that it’s not a reward – it’s a daily practice. Waiting to be happy trains the brain to delay contentment. Small moments of joy rewire resilience. Meaning comes from now not someday. Happiness is ongoing training not a one-time book seminar or podcast.  The rewards start immediately, but it takes a lifetime to master it.

“We get so caught up weeding the yard that we completely miss the tulips that nature gives us for a few precious weeks. We postpone joy.” — Amit Sood

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

Want to impress people?  Talk about them.  Here’s a Harvard study that isn’t stogy.  They analyzed conversations among strangers in laboratory settings and real-world speed dating events – yes, speed dating was included.  People who asked more questions — especially follow-up questions based on what the other person had just said — were significantly better liked by their conversation partners. Participants also perceived them as more responsive, attentive and caring.

Most people underestimate how powerful this simple habit is. Study participants generally believed asking more questions wouldn’t make them more likable, even though the data showed the opposite.

Great conversationalists aren’t necessarily the best talkers.  They are people who make others feel heard and for all the popular talk about the importance of being seen and heard,  it begins with a question and a follow-up.

“People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

We spend much of our lives chasing happiness, but psychologists say one of the fastest ways to improve well-being isn’t happiness at all—it’s awe, the feeling of wonder that comes from experiencing something larger than yourself.  Moments of awe can reduce stress, improve mood, strengthen social connections and even make people more generous.

A meta-analysis of 30 studies involving more than 30,000 people showed that participants who took regular “awe walks” over eight weeks experienced greater joy and less daily distress. Intentionally noticing beauty in everyday surroundings—even on neighborhood walks—can produce similar benefits.  Nature appears especially powerful.

Wonder isn’t a luxury reserved for vacations or special occasions.  It’s a skill that can be practiced by slowing down long enough to notice beauty, excellence or vastness in everyday life. 

Sometimes the quickest way to feel better isn’t looking inward—it’s looking outward.

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

Most people wait to celebrate life’s biggest achievements—a promotion, graduation or major breakthrough but the evidence suggests it’s the small victories along the way that create the motivation to accomplish the big ones.

Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile and psychologist Steven Kramer spent years studying what actually motivates people at work. Their landmark research analyzed nearly 12,000 daily diary entries from 238 employees working on creative projects at seven companies.

Their research found that people didn’t need major breakthroughs to stay engaged.

Most of the positive momentum came from ordinary progress—a difficult phone call completed, a software bug fixed, a chapter written or a workout finished. Those seemingly minor accomplishments produced meaningful increases in motivation, creativity and engagement.

Conversely, feeling blocked or experiencing setbacks had an even stronger negative effect on motivation and contributes to burn out.  In other words don’t wait for the victory to celebrate.  Recognizing today’s small victory may be exactly what carries you to tomorrow’s big one.

“Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work.” – Amabile and Kramer

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

New research suggests we’ve been chasing the wrong destination. Researchers at the University of Missouri found that hope may be an even stronger contributor to a meaningful life than happiness or gratitude.

Across six studies involving more than 2,300 participants, hope consistently predicted whether people felt their lives had meaning — even after accounting for other positive emotions. Hope was the only positive emotion that predicted a greater sense of meaning over time. That finding is powerful because happiness is usually tied to what’s happening right now. Hope looks ahead. It gives us a reason to keep moving even when today isn’t easy.  Hope remains available even when circumstances don’t cooperate.

We gain more by thinking of what we are looking forward to than trying to chase elusive happiness.

Happiness — a feeling.

Hope — a direction.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” — Desmond Tutu

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

When we let people disrespect us, ignore our own needs or apologize for having limits, we unintentionally communicate that those behaviors are acceptable. That exception can become someone else’s expectation.

Healthy boundaries are not about control.  They are a statement of how we expect to be treated – no apologies necessary.  Brene Brown wrote “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”  That’s not at all about control.  Others learn how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.  Healthy boundaries define what you will do—not how you control someone else. Boundaries protect your values, your time and your emotional well-being.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

Just recently, physicians interviewed by Hearst newspapers said they routinely recommend gratitude practices because they help interrupt rumination — the cycle of replaying worries, complaints and negative thoughts that fuels anxiety. Yale psychiatrist Yann Poncin explained that gratitude is most effective when practiced consistently rather than occasionally, while psychiatrist Joseph Podolski described using a nightly gratitude ritual with his family because it shifted everyone’s attention from problems to what was going right.

Sixty-four studies concluded that gratitude interventions — including journals, letters and intentional reflection — produced measurable improvements in life satisfaction, mental health and anxiety while increasing positive emotions and optimism.  We use gratitude training in our NYU music business mental health classes to help musicians focus on positive practices.

In other words, it’s not just psychobabble – there are real measurable health benefits.  Last year, researchers at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health reported one of the strongest findings yet: older adults who scored higher on measures of gratitude had a significantly lower risk of dying over the following four years, even after accounting for health, socioeconomic status and lifestyle factors.

“Gratitude empowers us to take charge of our emotional lives and, as a consequence, our bodies reap the benefits.” — Robert A. Emmons, The Little Book of Gratitude

Thanks for sharing DayStarters

We want to make others proud of us and we usually do this by trying to be an achiever.  We work hard to do it often at the expense of our relationship with others and our own well-being.  But we have it backwards.  Those who love us are attracted to who we are not what we achieve and not what we’ve done lately.

Searching for love by achievement is like chasing your tail, a never-ending circle that misses the point:  The more you get in that obsessive pattern of trying to achieve the love of others, the more it eludes us.

Achievement has value. It helps us grow, contribute, and provide. But it was never meant to become the measure of our worth.

Real love doesn’t keep score.  It doesn’t ask what you’ve accomplished lately. It asks who you are.

“Love is about being, not doing” – Arthur Brooks

Thanks for sharing DayStarters