Face it, most of us spend a lifetime trying to avoid pressure — feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stretched, something must be wrong.

U.S. Men’s National Team captain Tim Ream sees it differently As the United States prepared to open the 2026 FIFA World Cup on home soil, Ream reminded his younger teammates that they were experiencing something few athletes ever will. Instead of focusing on the enormous expectations, he urged them to appreciate the moment.

Ream also acknowledged the obvious: pressure comes with opportunity. The challenge wasn’t to eliminate the pressure—it was to keep it in perspective and recognize the privilege of being there.  That lesson extends far beyond sports.

The presentation you’re nervous about. The business you’re trying to build. The child you’re raising. The class you’re teaching. The family member you’re caring for. They all bring pressure because they matter but years from now, you probably won’t remember the anxiety nearly as vividly as you’ll remember having the chance.

Pressure often feels heavy in the moment but looking back, it frequently becomes one of life’s greatest privileges.

“Pressure is a privilege.” — Billie Jean King

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We humans are deeper than who we think we are and what we do for a living according to “happiness professor” Arthur Brooks.  For example, I may be an entertainer and a professor and what I do (teach and inform or entertain) may be more specific.  But according to Brooks it’s the why that really defines us.  Why do I teach?  Why have I spent a lifetime informing and entertaining – to help people and to make them happy.

The values that motivate your work long after the excitement of a promotion, paycheck, or title has faded.  Lasting happiness is built on enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning, with meaning coming from a sense of purpose that transcends simple achievement.

Instead of asking, “What do I do?” ask, “Why do I do it?”.  Your title may change several times over a lifetime. Your deeper purpose rarely does. And in the end, it is that purpose—not your business card—that tells the truest story of who you are.  As many entertainers know when they are laid off from their jobs, they feel and sense of uselessness instead of a state of being between jobs — it’s why we do what we do that defines us and brings happiness.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.'” — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (quoting Nietzsche).

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Former baseball superstar Cal Ripken Jr. is part of the ownership group that purchased the Baltimore Orioles in 2024. While he isn’t running day-to-day baseball operations, he is involved as an owner and ambassador.

Ripken uses the phrase “never beat yourself” as a philosophy, not a slogan.  Here’s what it means.

• Don’t compound your mistakes — He explains that after an error, players often panic and make another one because they’re mentally replaying the first. His father’s advice was simple: “Take your time. Don’t panic.” — the key is to refocus on what’s next instead of punishing yourself for the last mistake.
• Learn from failure — but don’t live in it — Review mistakes honestly, extract the lesson, then move on. Self-criticism that doesn’t improve tomorrow’s performance is wasted energy.

• Confidence comes from preparation, not self-talk – Practice — not positive thinking alone allowed him to recover. He’s not saying ignore errors. He’s saying acknowledge them without attacking yourself personally.

Own your mistakes, learn from them, then stop carrying them. A mistake or opponent only gets one chance to beat you — don’t give them a second by beating yourself first.

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Some of our best ideas happen in the shower but why is that?  Because we don’t have our phones distracting us.  We are free to solve problems and conjure up just about anything while we are soaping up.

Jonathan Schooler, one of the pioneers in the scientific study of mind-wandering, consciousness, and creativity has found that periods of undirected thought often foster creative insight because the brain can make connections that focused attention may miss.

If you’re doing nothing at all, you’re more likely to reach for your phone. If you’re doing something mentally demanding, there’s no room for creative wandering. The shower sits in the sweet spot.

The shower creates the conditions for better ideas. It temporarily disconnects us from the constant stream of digital interruptions, gives our brains a moderately engaging routine, activates the default mode network, and allows unrelated memories and concepts to collide in novel ways. That’s why so many breakthrough ideas seem to arrive while we’re shampooing instead of scrolling.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” — that gem comes from Blaise Pascal all the way back in 1670 (apparently distraction has long been a problem before smartphones).

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The happiness professor Arthur Brooks has a new book out — The Meaning of Your Life.

Happiness is important, but meaning is what sustains a life.  Modern life has become very good at making us comfortable but very poor at helping us answer the question, “Why am I here?” explaining much of today’s anxiety, loneliness, and dissatisfaction despite unprecedented wealth and convenience.

• Pleasure isn’t enough – It fades quickly. A meaningful life lasts because it is built on purpose rather than constant enjoyment.
• Stop chasing happiness directly — Happiness is the byproduct of living well—not something you can pursue head-on.
• Technology crowds out reflection — Constant stimulation—phones, social media, endless content—leaves little room for contemplation. Boredom and silence are necessary because they allow us to wrestle with life’s biggest questions.
• Meaning comes from four sources — Enduring love, purposeful work or service, spiritual or transcendent experiences, and a coherent story about your own life. You don’t have to be religious, but you need something larger than yourself.

A successful life isn’t measured by how happy you feel today, but by whether your life answers the question, “Why does what I’m doing matter?”

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Moments after Canada earned its first-ever FIFA World Cup finals victory, a dominant 6-0 win over Qatar, the celebration stopped when Ismaël Koné suffered a broken leg following a challenge.

Instead of bitterness, teammates rallied around him. Substitute Nathan Saliba celebrated his goal by holding up Koné’s jersey while Koné later posted a message thanking God, his teammates and supporters: “I’ll recover and be back making memories with my brothers.” It’s a reminder that character often reveals itself after success is interrupted.

The World Cup may crown one champion, but it showcases countless examples of resilience, gratitude, family and teamwork—qualities that endure long after the final whistle.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
— Martin Luther King Jr

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Jay Wright is the legendary former head coach of the Villanova Wildcats who profoundly shaped Jalen Brunson’s basketball career, mentoring him through a highly decorated four-year collegiate stint. Under Wright, Brunson won two NCAA National Championships (2016, 2018), earned consensus National Player of the Year honors, and developed the mental toughness that propelled him to an NBA Championship and Finals MVP with the New York Knicks.

The Wright way wasn’t a secret offensive system. It was a disciplined philosophy built around habits, humility and self-control that Brunson still credits today.

The principle Brunson mentions most often is Wright’s constant reminder to control only what you can control.

Rather than worrying about officials, opponents, statistics or public criticism, Wright taught him to focus relentlessly on preparation, effort and attitude.

Wright believes Brunson’s greatest strengths were never athletic gifts. They were habits: emotional discipline, daily consistency, humility, accountability and an obsession with controlling what he could control. Those lessons helped transform an undersized second-round draft pick into one of the NBA’s premier leaders and champions.

“Controlling your attitude, controlling your effort, those are the things you can control… That’s how we ended huddles, that’s how we started games, practices. It’s kind of what his motto was.” 

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Often unmentioned is the stress we carry around that other people give to us – not to be hurtful but because they are hurting and they need us to listen.

Compulsive complaining and hopeless talking can drag us down with those we care about.  That’s why putting a stop/loss on negative talk is important.

Listening and absorbing are not the same thing.

You can be compassionate without becoming a storage locker for someone else’s anxiety. Being there for people we care about doesn’t require carrying their burdens as our own. We can listen, support and encourage without absorbing every worry, complaint or fear. The healthiest relationships involve empathy with boundaries.

Otherwise, we risk becoming emotionally exhausted trying to solve problems that aren’t ours to solve. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves — and even for others — is to gently redirect endless complaining toward solutions, action or acceptance.

The goal is to avoid turning their stress into your stress.

The more we hear a hopeless narrative, the more likely we are to adopt it ourselves. That’s why protecting our mental environment isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

Louise Hay authored You Can Heal Your Life in 1984 with wisdom that still rings true today:  “You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

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We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to someone we love.

Being kind to ourselves is so important but it’s often easier to focus on being kind to others.  To be kind to others, we must be kinder to ourselves first.  The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself.

I’ve been around enough college students to know how important it is to them to be nice to the ones they care for the most.  Often, they neglect themselves.

Many of us have an inner voice that is harsher than any critic we will ever encounter. We readily forgive mistakes in friends, encourage them when they struggle and remind them of their strengths when they lose confidence. Then we turn around and deny ourselves the same grace.

Real self-kindness isn’t self-indulgence or lowering standards — it’s treating ourselves with the same patience, understanding and encouragement we so willingly offer to others.

Kristin Neff is one of the world’s leading researchers on self-compassion:

“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend”.

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Gardeners know that their flowers and veggies grow best when they are cared for, fed and basking in the sunshine.  Actually, we humans are no different.  But the source of life and nourishment for us comes from the people around us – not distant phone connections, but the ones we can see and hear in person.

We all have these types of people in our lives who nourish us and help us to reach our goals and that’s the message – just as nature nurtures, real live people shine into our lives.  The secret is to let them in.  Spend more time with them.  Downplay bad influences where possible because while we may not have control over that which happens in our life, we can control who we let in to inspire, support and  help us grow.

People around us don’t just influence our happiness — they shape our habits, expectations and even our view of what is possible. We tend to become more like the people we spend the most time with.  Optimistic, resilient and supportive people can elevate our thinking and behavior while chronic negativity, cynicism and discouragement can quietly limit our growth.  Just as a garden reflects the quality of its environment, our lives often reflect the quality of the relationships we choose to cultivate. The people we let closest to us don’t merely accompany our journey — they help determine its direction.

“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.“ — Oprah Winfrey

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Our minds have three ways to make us unhappy according to the Mayo Clinic Guide on Street-free Living.

Addiction to unhealthy behaviors.

Discounting present success also known as (the negativity bias) where we automatically ignore or downplay what we do well and not give ourselves due credit.

And, seeking pleasure in a future moment — pushing joy away to a later day that too often never comes.

In other words, our brains are naturally wired to sabotage our current peace of mind.

Instead of letting us enjoy the present, the mind defaults to automatic patterns: it seeks quick, unhealthy dopamine hits to cope with discomfort (addiction), focuses heavily on what is going wrong while completely ignoring what is going right (negativity bias), and tricks us into believing that happiness is a finish line we will only cross once we achieve the next goal.

As Mayo Clinic doctor Amit Sood says “In our effort to improve the present moment, we fail to appreciate how good it already is.”

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We become like the people we are around.

If they convey their anxiety to you, it becomes yours, too.

Negative people have a way of showing us the wrong way to look at things and positive joyful people make us feel good even before we say a word.

Being able to communicate by text, email or social media tends to deprive us of being alive around others – that needs to be done in person.  My students in end of semester surveys are grateful that they were asked to put their phones away and focus on being in a classroom with others.

Just as a plant or tree seeks the sun to grow, we should seek surrounding ourselves with  positive people who help us feel alive.

Sometimes we are born into families that are not ideal or we’re in a chosen relationship with someone who saps us of our joy for living.

Like the tree, seek out people who help you grow.

I love this Jim Rohn quote:  “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

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You have already survived 100% of your worst days.

Every disappointment, setback, loss, embarrassment, failure, heartbreak, health scare, and difficult season you’ve faced brought you to this moment.

Viktor Frankl writing from a Nazi concentration camp said “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

In other words, your track record for getting through difficult times is perfect.

Not because you’ve never been hurt. Not because you never struggled. Not because you always handled things well.

Because you kept going.

You don’t have to know how everything will work out. You only have to believe that you’ve overcome hard things before—and that you’re capable of doing it again.

As Frankl reminds us “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

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The BMG record label EVP Recorded Music exec JoJamie Hahr didn’t get to the top of her trade by waiting for opportunity to come to her – she relentlessly pursued her goals.

She told a classroom of my NYU music business students that in one case, she kept sending ideas to the person she wanted to hire her – that’s the difference between chasing after opportunities or willing them to happen.  Of course, you know – how could anyone resist that.  She got that job and was on the way to what eventually would be her dream job in the record industry.

There’s a difference between looking for opportunities and creating them.  We all have the ability to succeed and the secret is never, ever stop trying to get what you want.

“Opportunities don’t happen. You create them.” — Chris Grosser

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Travis Langan, an off-duty FDNY firefighter and former U.S. Marine, was driving home last week when powerful floodwaters overwhelmed parts of the Jackie Robinson Parkway. He spotted several cars nearly underwater and immediately pulled over.

One of those drivers was elementary school principal Carmen Pinto, whose Tesla had stopped working as floodwaters rapidly filled the vehicle. She tried to open the doors, roll down the windows, call 911 — nothing worked. The water kept rising.

Langan saw her face pressed against the sunroof and started punching through it with his bare fists. He grabbed a Yeti cup Pinto handed him, smashed through the remaining glass, and pulled her out alive.

On Friday, the pair reunited at FDNY headquarters, where Langan was honored by NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani and FDNY Commissioner Lillian Bonsignore.

Pinto was emotional. She noted that Langan had a pregnant wife and daughters waiting for him at home.

Heros are everywhere independent of politics, race or gender which lifts us all up.

“If it were my family, I hope someone would do the same.” — Travis Langan

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I saw an article the other day that basically said don’t even try being happy and there is, in a way, a lot of evidence that this sentiment has something to it.

Harold Kushner wrote in his book When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough: “Happiness is a butterfly—the more you chase it, the more it flies away from you and hides. But stop chasing it, put away your net and busy yourself with other, more productive things than the pursuit of personal happiness, and it will sneak up upon you from behind and perch on your shoulder….”

The brain doesn’t do happiness.  It keeps us safe.  Micropractices train the brain to make us happy while we engage in other pursuits.

“The happiest people I know are people who don’t even think about being happy. They just think about being good neighbors, good people. And then happiness sort of sneaks in the back window while they are busy doing good.” 

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I asked my music industry mental health class to work with me on a drill – think about the worst thing you could say about your best friend (believe me, they hated this, but stay with me).  I asked for volunteers to share the insults – and a few brave souls started.  But these “insults” were tame.  So, I asked them to dig deeper.  A few more volunteers piped up.  When we were done, I suggested that it is so hard to insult someone you like, love or respect but why is it so easy for us to come down so hard on ourselves.

Then I asked for bulletproof statements:  tell me something about you that no one could challenge and we filled the room with positivity that lifted all of us.  I got answers like “I’m dependable”, “I care”, “I’m a great listener”.

It’s easy but not helpful to be our worst critic – a little more love for ourselves and some grace could change the way we feel.

As Brené Brown puts it “Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

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That’s the message Lynn Anderson’s “Rose Garden” delivered (“Along with the sunshine there’s gotta be a little rain sometime”).  Being a broadcaster, I’ve done my share of weather forecasts and while Mother Nature does as she pleases, we don’t have control over a lot of things in life.  Amit Sood, the Mayo Clinic physician and resilience expert likes to think of it like this – we can’t control the snow, but we can carry an umbrella.

Some things are just out of our control and yet we give up a lot of happiness moaning about it.  But we always have some control and that is reason for great optimism.

Jon Kabat-Zinn is the founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Program – he says “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

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MacKenzie Scott, the former wife of billionaire Jeff Bezos gave away $7 billion of her share of the fortune in 2025 – more than her husband gave away in his lifetime. $471 billion was given by others to U.S. charities in 2020.  All in all, an estimated $1 trillion in kindness every year.

Oxford University researchers asked more than 600 volunteers to perform a small act of kindness every day for one week – nice little things, not measured by money – things like picking up litter or leaving a slightly bigger tip and they found that the good-deeders were measurably happier than the control group who went about their lives as usual.

We know two things:  the brain’s that main purpose is to keep us safe can be programmed by little micro-practices to do other things including be kinder. The benefits go both ways.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” 

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We’re living among people who wear earbuds, noise-cancelling headphones and the many distractions that come with a phone in our hand.  My students show up to class connected elsewhere until we put our phones away (me, too).

Others are often waiting for someone (us?) to break the ice.  We can show compassion by understanding that we are not the only ones who have to overcome daily challenges in life.  We do meet-and-greets before every class and judging from student input at the end of the semester, they like it (“all classes should do this”).  Since the pandemic we have been less likely to start a conversation than prior.  No special skills are required.  Everyone has the ability.  By recognizing that humans crave social interaction in person, we can be the one who goes first.

“The greatest gift you can give someone is your undivided attention.” (attributed to Richard Moss, physician and author).

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