Author Archives: jdelcolliano

Unlocking Power

  • In my NYU music business classes, we try to emphasize the importance of both making a life and a living and we’re concentrating on the untapped powers we all have.
  • The ability to lead – step forward and take a chance.
  • The power to make other people happy by being in our presence or as one learner said “when my eyes smile, they smile”.
  • The strength to enforce healthy boundaries and stop letting others make us feel badly about what we do.
  • Potential is already within; the challenge is to begin to use it.

Protecting the Lead

  • In sports, life’s teacher, we see again and again what happens when you get off to a great start only to be surprised by a person or event that can completely undo our progress.
  • The best way to protect a lead in any area of life is to press hard to continue doing what got you that lead – do not let down.
  • Play from behind as if you’re catching up not protecting what you’ve accomplished.
  • Success comes only when you’ve earned the entire victory not when you can only taste it.

Changing Minds

  • It’s hard to do because our beliefs are tied closely to our identity.
  • There are two things that almost everyone can agree on: hurting others is bad and trying to be fair is good.
  • And that attacking others because of their beliefs only makes them harden their position more.
  • A willing listener and a person schooled in good human relations skills is best suited to deal with views opposing theirs and keep the lines of communication open.

Breaking the Ice

  • My NYU music business students also practice human relations skills to give them a leg up on life and their careers.
  • This past week several reported to the class that they gathered up the courage to put themselves out there and break the ice with another person.
  • The result: feeling good about reaching out and making new friends (in one case, a promising new friend).
  • The power we all have within us to make a difference in our lives and those of others is when we channel the courage to go first.

The Most Comforting Words

  • The most comforting words are no words at all.
  • Being there to listen is your gift to give and your awesome power.

Time Is on Your Side

  • There are tons of ways to manage time better – my favorite is “How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life”.
  • Stressors such as we face now make it more important to put a hold on trying to do everything in front of us.
  • Another quick way to make a difference is to abide by the rule that says 80% of your productivity is in 20% of the tasks that you choose to do.
  • Spend more time carefully picking that 20% and let the other 80% rest undone – yes, not completed.
  • To become skilled at accomplishing more, become skilled at doing less of everything and more of what matters most – knowing the difference is the difference.

Self-Care

  •  Love the one you are.
  • Value your assets and even your quirks that make you
  • Be on call to defend against others who would ding your confidence, health, hope or optimism.
  • How far would you go to help a loved one or valued friend? Be willing to go at least that far for yourself.
  • Self-care starts by retraining your brain to admire, respect and love yourself more in every way every day.

Smart & Smarter

  • You gain knowledge by being like a sponge.
  • Sponges can sop up everything until you need to squeeze it out.
  • The smartest person in the room is the one who asks the most questions and soaks up the knowledge not the one who is squeezing every last word out to impress others.
  • I worked for a program director at a radio station in Philadelphia who used to confuse me by asking things I knew he knew so one day I asked him why he did it.
  • His response: “If I talk to impress you with what I know, I learn nothing.  I prefer to learn something additional from you” – obviously, I never forgot his wisdom.

Tiny Changes

  • The secret to great change is tiny achievements.
  • It’s like rehearsing your lines or practicing a sport – getting the little things right adds up to big results.
  • Shooting for the moon is more than any human can expect on their own, but thinking in terms of little steps is within everyone’s ability.
  • A single still counts like a homerun in the hits column.

Being Heard

  • Last week my NYU students emphasized how important it is to them to be heard and in their study of human relations, they learned some effective approaches.
  • There is a difference between being heard and talking over someone else.
  • To be heard, first become an avid listener as the recipient is going to see hear through their perception of what you are sharing.
  • Ask questions, listen to the answers, educate instead of sell, accuse or blame and communicate.
  • The volume is less important than passionate listening.

Comforting

  •  This is how a parent comforted the worries of her child at bedtime – I found this inspiring and useful in many other ways.
  • My child’s list of worries was long and it was getting late. “I’m going to take these worries for you.  I’m going to put them in a box for the night.  If you want them back in the morning, you can have them, but you don’t need to hold on to them right now.  I can hold them,” I said, running my fingers across her eyebrows.  She nodded.  I pretended to take something from her chest in my hands.  I took them away with me.  She slept all night.  (Via The New York Times).

Transactional Relationships

  • A recent episode of HBO’s Billions saw Wendy consulting her Buddhist teacher’s advice on achieving inner peace by not being so transactional.
  • Transactional relationships are built on the expectation of reciprocation – both people being concerned with how they will benefit.
  • Sometimes transactional deals are necessary but often doing something without the expectation of receiving something in return is more rewarding.
  • Just as money can’t buy happiness, getting what you want doesn’t give you power.

New Rules on Judging

  • You get to judge you – no one else gets a vote.
  • Judging is one of the big personal issues right now as people become exposed to negative sentiments not only in person but through social media.
  • When you put something out on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok and other means do you regret it?
  • People say they can handle judging by others better when they are with friends and family, a place of safety or alone by themselves.
  • But even being alone requires a sense of ownership that you are unique and your life is not to be judged by how others observe it but how you live it.

Show Up as a Leader

  • A TikTok with great advice here
  • Confidence is compelling, timidity is off putting, indecision makes you lose the cooperation of others.

St. Peter’s NCAA March Madness Run

  • The Jersey City team no one ever considered an elite school became the first No. 15 seed ever to advance to the Elite Eight. 
  • Toward the end of the regular season, St. Peters went on a losing streak only to be followed by a winning streak.
  • Their coach Shaheen Holloway appears to be a quality leader and outstanding role model for his student players.
  • Although they lost their game against North Carolina, St. Peters’ success reminds us of the real things that help us succeed – what’s in our head means more than any other body part, skill or advantage.
  • Negative thoughts bring us down and occasionally as is the case with St. Peter’s the will to win can help exceed expectations.

Stop Saying I’m Sorry at Work

  • Replace “I’m sorry” with “thank you”.
  • You’re seen as strong and successful whenever you resist the urge to apologize to co-workers or bosses.

Self-compassion

  • You know the saying that a person’s best friend is an animal and there is no doubt that they can be loyal friends – consider those affected by PTSD who feel comforted by an animal they can trust, love and feel safe with.
  • And isn’t that the definition of a true friend not just an acquaintance?
  • People bring joy, diversity and companionship into our lives but asking more of them is often more than most people can provide.
  • Practice self-compassion in order to recognize it in others.

Fix for a Bad Mood

  • Anyone in radio or television can tell you that while what they do for a living requires them to be upbeat and positive when on-the-air, they’re human and don’t always feel that way.
  • When I taught the Dale Carnegie Course, we used to remind learners to “act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic” – the action comes before the thought.
  • Take a timeout here and see if you can think yourself into a better mood.
  • As my radio and TV friends will attest to, they have little job security and you can get fired on a dime for nothing or by someone who isn’t even sober at the time.
  • I’m aware of an air talent who was fired on the day before vacation and then asked to do their show before leaving the keys under the bosses’ door – you couldn’t tell from what went out over the air because the person was even more enthusiastic when the mic was open.
  • The fix for a bad mood is act happier until the natural motivation catches up with you.

Partly Sunny

  • The opposite of “not sure” is “not unsure” even though both phrases describe uncertainty.
  • It’s like “partly cloudy” and “partly sunny” – decades ago chambers of commerce everywhere were pushing local media outlets to go with the more positive weather forecast wording even though the actual result they were forecasting was the same.
  • When in doubt, choose “I’m not unsure” over “not sure” when faced with a goal and put that optimism to work for you.

Meeting the Expectation of Others

  • Humans are driven to please constantly feeling pressure in work and social situations to be good enough or at the very least not to disappoint.
  • That’s backwards – there is a better way.
  • All that anyone can ever expect is that you will make the best effort possible – they don’t have the right to set goals that in the end wind up affecting self-worth.
  • Expect the effort not the ability to define the result.