Starting Over

Every day is the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

No need to hang onto the past with all its worries or fears.

No need to fear the future that hasn’t happened yet.

Breaking life into one day at a time helps to rejuvenate us and free us from the shackles that have been holding us back the previous day.

New chapter, new opportunity.

Instead of walking around with the cumulative effect of everything that may have gone wrong or worried us, start each new day fresh – with a clean canvass – upon which to create a better day today.

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Adopting a Positive Attitude

90% of what happens to us every day is good.

10% of it is bad.

Yet we spend 90% of our time focusing on that 10%.

To guarantee a more positive attitude, focus the majority of your day on the 90% of the things that happen that are good.

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Changing People

We can’t.

But few among us don’t fritter away wasted time trying.

The sure way to an unhappy life is to try to change another person.

Accept them with what you perceive as flaws and all and help them without being judgmental or with a goal to transform them because in the end no human has ever permanently changed another person – not with power over them, money or influence.

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A More Effective Way to Deal with Enemies

Forgive them and forget them.

Forgive them so that the anger that they provoke does not turn you into them.

And forget them because no good can come from embracing or engaging anyone you feel is your enemy.

The power of forgiveness has two very potent benefits.

One, it lets you rid yourself of mean people.

Two, it gives you the gift of letting go.

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The Secret to Avoid Being Miserable

As George Bernard Shaw said “To have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.”

It is why busy people are less unhappy even though they carry their problems with them.

The more we worry about worry, the more worried we become.

There is no need to obsess over fears and worry because that just multiplies the problem and offers no solution.

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Perishable Confidence

Confidence only seems to be high when things are going well.

The trick is to think like a winner when adversity strikes.

Ceding success and happiness to luck is a rollercoaster ride not worth the thrill.

Believing, remembering, projecting the next victory large or small is true confidence.

Savor every opportunity to feel good about feeling confidence in yourself.

Then when things get tough, double down on your conviction to bounce back.

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A Perfect World

The world’s not perfect, but it’s not that bad
If we got each other, and that’s all we have
I will be your brother, and I’ll hold your hand
You should know I’ll be there for you
When the world’s not perfect
When the world’s not kind
If we have each other then we’ll both be fine
I will be your brother, and I’ll hold your hand
You should know I’ll be there for you

“If We Have Each Other” By Alec Benjamin / Alex Hope
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

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Cooperate with the Inevitable

My father lost his leg to disease.

I was with him on the night before the surgery wondering why he didn’t talk about the planned amputation in the morning.  I was more worried than he was if that was possible.

Following surgery and rehab, he was fitted for a prosthesis, drove a car (it was his right leg that was amputated so he had a special adapted accelerator on the left side under the steering wheel).

He wallpapered rooms (a one-legged paperhanger he used to say).  Planted and harvested a garden every year.  Worked.  Did almost anything everyone else did.

I’m sure he wished that he had his leg back (and he did complain of phantom pains in his foot that no longer existed – something doctors said was normal).  But he never talked about that.

He accepted the inevitable because he knew there was no way to change it.

In our lives with perhaps lesser challenges, it is still important to know what can be changed and what cannot and to accept what cannot to live a full, happy life.

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Confidence Builder

Are you the person who walks into a meeting and sits in the back of the room or the far end of the table?

The person with confidence assumes the air of confidence and walks right to the front row even if no one else is sitting in it.

The funny thing about confidence is you can read books and watch videos of other people but there is no substitute for practicing it every day in every way.

Confidence can’t be coached.

It can only be experienced in real time.

Not only will others notice but more importantly you will feel it as well.

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Recognition by Co-Workers

Penn Medicine in Philadelphia has an innovative way to infuse lasting recognition in their workers.

Each employee is rated by fellow employees who describe the qualities they like best in that person.  Then the favorable comments are listed on a framed document that hangs in their workplace for them to see and for patients to be introduced to them.

The best recognition comes from peers and it has the most lasting positive effect on everyone in the work environment.

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Prioritizing Worry

All worries are not created equal, but that is not to say we prioritize what we fear by worrying about the most serious first.

Even trivial worries get the same amount of anxiety.

If each worry got a priority – major, important but not critical, irritating but trivial, etc. – anxiety could be reduced immediately on the spot.

The problem with worry is that it all feels bad even though our fears don’t take on the same importance.  After a while, all worry becomes the same and becomes overwhelming.

We slap tags on everything else, why not worry?

By putting worries in their proper place this morning, you can feel some relief by the end of the day.

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Nailing Your Goal

The goal is not the final destination.

The journey is the goal because in pursuit you may alter it, discover a better one or decide that after some thought what you were shooting for is not worth the sacrifice.

This matters because goal-setters tend to fashion their lives to chase one goal that they may or may not eventually accomplish.

The secret is to establish goals in our daily lives as a means of discovery and accomplishment.

There is no finish line.  Just the pursuit of excellence.

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To Get Your Way

… give up control and let others get their way when possible.

… when asked to choose, defer to others every once in a while.

… stand for principle not stubbornness.

… offer to help another get what they want before you ask what you want.

… be a good listener because the secret to winning cooperation is likely on the lips of the person whose cooperation you seek.

… be willing to earn the right to prevail not just forcing it.

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Binging Life

Netflix has taught us that we expect to get what we want when we want it.  That’s why binging episode after episode is so normal.

When Showtime or HBO makes us wait for subsequent episodes, a binger usually doesn’t like it.

TV aside, some things are worth savoring.

Time with someone special.

That moment when you’ve just accomplished something special – worth holding onto and replaying often.

Speeding up life to get to the end is a rather awful thought because life is best when it is enjoyed moment by moment in real time.

Consuming everything to rush to the end is powerful but slowing it all down to savor every bit of it is empowering.

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Count the Cant’s

If you changed every can’t you say in the next hour to can, your life would be transformed.

Suddenly the new default setting is “possible”.

And then, you start expecting to achieve.

Saying “can’t” instead of “can” is self-inflicted failure.

The way we talk to ourselves matters.

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Finding Confidence

Turning to others for that which should come from within you rarely works.

Confidence comes from believing in yourself.

When a sports team wins game after game, they believe they can’t lose.

When they are on a losing streak, they believe they can’t win.

Outsourcing confidence to a friend, loved one or associate is not as effective as focusing on what’s good about you.

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Guaranteeing Success

All the best plans mean nothing, if you don’t begin now.

Delay is the enemy.

Planning is important but absent a “start button” success will remain elusive.

Identify the next step and act.

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Changing Others

Yes, it can be done in ways that are so simple.

The first ten people you come in contact with this morning smile at them.

Most people are now bent over with their faces buried in their phones and they are usually not smiling.

A smile is like a yawn.

Ever notice when someone yawns, you automatically yawn, too.

When you smile, it is hard for others to resist smiling back and it can change a moment, a day or even begin to change a relationship.

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Dealing with Rude

It seems more acceptable to tolerate rude behavior because it can be delivered through text messages, email and social media.

It’s a lot harder to take liberties in person or on the phone.

Just because someone can hit send and hurt you does not make it right.  Nor does it mean that you have to be a willing partner to this type of behavior.

There are answers.

When someone puts their phone on the table, expedite the meal and move on.  That person is not able or willing to focus on you in person.

When receiving a hurtful message that you suspect was sent too quickly without thinking, reply “I don’t understand. Explain”.  That forces a more thoughtful response that may also include an apology. 

Being left out is hurtful, when it happens again move on and put your energy and personality where it is desired.

When someone pushes your boundaries, push back and stop it immediately.  Stopping verbal abuse has the positive effect of building self-esteem.

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Winning Cooperation

One word of praise backed up by evidence (to show it’s not just flattery) gets more cooperation than asking for what you need, a word of criticism or pressure.

When people receive sincere praise they are more likely to be open to the needs of others.

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