There are two main causes of stress.

Fear and worry.

Fear is not rational.  Most fears never become reality.  Expose fear as an accelerator of what probably will never happen.

Worry is based on real circumstances that can be mitigated by eliminating the fear factor.

Most of the things that cause stress are worst case scenarios gone wild.

Focusing on best case outcomes goes a long way to putting stress in a more manageable place.

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To find yourself, lose yourself.

Break the mold.

Take a different path.

Let go.

The irony of getting back in touch with what you want, who you want to be and where you want to go requires less searching and more losing yourself in the myriad of possibilities.

Letting go of the search opens doors.

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Waiting is the multiplier of stress and anxiety.

Whatever the concern, the longer the wait for resolution, the more intense things get.

Waiting for an outcome can rarely be accelerated.

Do, don’t stew to keep anxiety from making an uncomfortable situation worse.

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1. Think of three things or people you are thankful for before getting out of bed.
2. Don’t postpone joy.  Take time to celebrate each and every thing that makes you happy when it happens.
3. Get rid of a bad mood by taking the focus off of your problem and help someone with theirs.
4. Never let someone with a negative mood take your mood hostage.
5. Happy days aren’t automatic.  It takes focus on things that create them.

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Think about it.  Why do we assume something will go wrong?

Failure is the default setting that must be overcome.

That’s betting against yourself.

People who succeed don’t assume that they will fail. They expect another victory.  They do not allow others to place a bet against them.

If it’s worth dreaming, it’s worth assuming that you will eventually prevail.

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There is no need to create more time.  There is already enough.

The question is how do you want to use it?

If more time is created by dropping some things from life, other things will just replace them.

Do less but do more of what is important to you.

To find more time, choose 2 things out of every ten that are important and make them a priority.  The other tasks can go on “hold” – most of them will never need to be completed.

Feeling overwhelmed comes from the pressures of others added to our own list of life’s to-do’s that usually ends in disaster.

Less is more when it is the things that matter the most.

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Compassion.

Not advice.

Not help.

Not even compliments.

Humans cannot live without compassion which means if we want to connect with others in a meaningful way, don’t be their shrink, cheerleader or advisor.

“I feel like my world is upside down”

“That must be awful”

“I’m so stressed”

“I can’t imagine how anxious it makes you feel”

“I’m so slammed I can’t do it all”

“What a burden that must feel like”

Compassion is sympathy for the sufferings and misfortunes of others.

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The most important question is the one to which you already know (or think you know) the answer.

I worked for a radio program director named Paul Drew.  He was a force unto himself.  Sharp, curt but I liked him and he liked me.

In our conversations I often found myself satisfying his curiosity but suspecting that he knew the answers.  One day I flat out asked him.

“Why are you asking me about this, you must already have heard about it”.

His response: “If I try to impress you with what I know, I won’t learn anything new”.

It’s the Columbo response – the disheveled TV detective who sounded dumb but was the guy who solved the case.

The person with the all the answers asked the best questions and got more information than he would have if he tried to impress me with what he knew.

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This recession talk that has been escalating lately is a dangerous stressor.

No matter how secure we feel, worrying about something that may not happen at all is the first step to increased anxiety.

This is the classic worry syndrome – worrying about worry.

The answer is to get rid of fear thoughts and replace them with forethought.

Strengthen your contacts, reassess that you are working in a field that has upward growth potential, create a plan B.  Sock some money away.  None of these things cause anxiety. They are reassuring.

How insane is it to worry for months and even years about something that, if it does happen, is unfortunate but not the end of the world?

And one more positive:  look for people who found opportunity when they were forced to face adversity.  You won’t have to look far.

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40% of families eating together engage in no conversation.

They have their fork in one hand and their phone in the other.

Self-imposed social isolation is real.

Combatting loneliness is now a choice.

Physical activity and good relationships reduce loneliness.

Using the smartphone – to call someone, not text which is isolating.

Severely cut back on social media – it is an attention black hole.  Rarely does anyone feel less lonely due to social media.

Recently I saw a mom put her phone away and invite her daughter to do the same.

Connecting was that simple.

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Why would we waste even one second criticizing ourselves?

How does that help?

Most damaging criticism comes from within.

When others say it, we push back.

Get out of the business of being your biggest critic and get into the public relations business – promote all that is good.

If you can’t do it, how can you expect others to provide you with the confidence that lives within.

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Fear.

The stress of others that affects us.

Hopelessness.

A major life change.

Something unforeseen, unpredictable.

Social issues.

Every one of these triggers require an opt in on your part.

You can also opt out.

I won’t let my employer give me their fears.

I won’t fear anything until I ask what is the worst that can happen?

When a major life change hits, I can seek help before I take on the burden of stress.

When I am blindsided by stress, I will put a stop/hold on it until I can wrap my mind around it.

Every stressor has a trigger and the power is in our hands to opt out not jump in.

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Success doesn’t find you.  You find success.

Luck has absolutely nothing to do with it.

People who get “lucky” and win the lottery often end in failure and broke.  Lotteries don’t talk about that.

The person who succeeds never gives up.

Welcomes adversity as just another challenge on the way.

Doesn’t lose faith and smooths over the bumps by always seeing their goal in real terms.

A person determined to succeed cannot be stopped.

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When a team loses a big game or series it cannot win again until something important happens because to go out and do the same thing that failed does not instill the confidence to prevail.

In sports, winning resumes when sports teams go back to basics — to the things that were working well before.

That’s why we have so many comeback stories.

Defeat hurts but it is also useful in helping to get back to winning ways.

To obsess over defeat is to begin a slump.

To ignore it is to take your chances in the hands of fate.

When misfortune strikes, going right back to what works well is the answer.

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The easiest way to have confidence is to act confident.

To assume that you are even when you’re not.

If you think that is insane, consider what we do instead – rely on others to give us the confidence that is missing.  It rarely sustains itself.

Confidence is the belief that we can rely on ourselves.

Acting like you have confidence precedes actually becoming confident.

Faking it is arrogance, outsourcing it to others is weakness.

Confidence starts within.

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When everything is going our way, it’s magical how much confidence we can feel.

Nothing succeeds like success.

We come to expect things to go our way.

It’s like a hot streak for an athlete – they somehow keep overperforming because they expect it.

Until, a slump.

Then doubt creeps back in, everything becomes less confident and sometimes trying too hard when it wasn’t necessary before makes things even worse.

Life is full of ups and downs.

You ride a hot streak out and enjoy it all the way.

When a rough patch occurs, adding self-doubt does not make things get better.

In hockey, when a player is on the schneid and can’t score a goal for extended periods of time, they bear down, grip the stick too tightly and continue to be frustrated.

When they finally get off their own backs, a cheap goal slips in the net and they are visibly relieved.

And on the way to the next hot streak.

Pressure does not cause success.

Bearing down never works.  Letting go is the secret.

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If we feel comfortable speaking to one other person, why does speaking to 5, 10 or more make us anxious?

Professional speakers say they address an audience as if they are talking to only one person – all of us can do that.

Why do we hang out with people who make us feel stressed when we could just as easily keep company with people who make us feel calm?

Or keep working in stressful situations when we could make it a priority to find other work?

Anxiety is like tape – when you come in contact with it, it sticks to you.  To get it off of you, you have to peel it off.

High expectations, social media networks, being hounded by digital devices is not going to stop anxiety, it’s going to make it worse.

Get a leg up on anxiety by peeling it off once you realize it is sticking to you.

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We spend our lives seeking the approval of others but why is it that when we finally get it, we are also most likely the ones to demean ourselves?

Starting with not being able to take a compliment.

Then acting less than sure that we can keep it up.

Letting doubts creep in.

Finally, criticizing ourselves even when others are not.

This isn’t uncommon, but it is unnecessary.

Once earned, no one can take away your successes and that includes you.

Turn every success into an IOU that you can use later when going through a rough patch.

Those who doubt themselves should not be seeking the approval of others before they grant it to themselves.

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Most of us aren’t good enough.

But that’s not terminal because we can always get better.

For some reason when we think we’re not good enough or worse yet when someone tells us we’re not, we wind up accepting it.

Good enough gets better by working harder, longer – never giving up.

By being less concerned with winning big, more concerned with being the best at what you do.

It’s a lifetime and that’s a healthy way to look at it.

We live in a lottery rich world – hit it big, get a break and win.

Truth is you win by being good at something.

Then better.

Best is relative.

We want a single – not hit it out of the park.

Good is doable and it’s more than enough.

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Elephants at a three-ring circus used to follow each other around blindly for “The Greatest Show on Earth”.

People who don’t lead are like elephants in the circus.

They keep going ‘round and ‘round in a circle behind someone ahead of them thinking that they are leading when they are really following.

To lead, step aside and walk alone in a different direction.

Let the others think they are leading when they are really following.

But for you, simply stepping aside and heading somewhere else is an act of leadership.

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