Two things.

1. Do what you say you’re going to do, do it earlier than promised and exceed expectations on every occasion.  

Wouldn’t you like to have that person working for you?  Be that person.

2. Keep confidences

Channel the deepest CIA-agent in you and do what very few people can actually do – never discuss conversations, gossip, observations or other breaches with any one.  The person who can reliably keep confidences, gives the assurance that they can be trusted.

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Be the one to break the ice and start conversations.

Talk about them not you (“tell me about yourself”).

Everyone likes a good listener – develop the skills and focus necessary to be 100% present in conversation.

Start by looking for things you have in common.

But it is far more interesting to look for someone who is very different.

In friendship, it never helps to write the other person’s lines.

A friendship is not about controlling the eventual outcome.  It is about the wonderful small steps that lead you to the warmth and enjoyment of two people who never knew that they wanted to meet each other.

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The moment we allow ourselves to hate another person is the exact time that we risk becoming like the person we dislike.

Dislike the deed, not the person no matter how evil they may be. 

Never react, always respond (the difference is asking yourself how you feel first).

If your animosity grows, visualize yourself wearing a shirt with a big red button on it and vow not to let anyone push that button.

We hate when others make us feel badly about ourselves – although think kindly of yourself and this will not happen.

Your mission is – be the person you want to be.  Not what someone else may try to make you.

Best thought for rejecting haters – feel sorry for them (“It must be awful to have to go around making others feel as bad as they do”). 

Just the mere awareness that someone is getting your goat is the first step toward taking back control.

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Bosses and associates bring their own issues to work and that multiplies anxiety by the number of people exposed to it.

It’s tough enough dealing with your own stress let alone having it amplified by others.

Heavy workloads rarely cause anxiety, living with the unwanted stress of others or personally-inflicted sabotage to your own confidence does.

Be keenly aware of others’ anxiety and reject it at every turn.

Be proactive not passive in standing up to the unwanted anxiety of others at work.

To get through it, think of yourself as your own boss when doing your work reminding yourself that you are the person in control.

When you first feel uncomfortable, act.

Repeat often:  I have earned the right to have this job.  

Let go of your stress and feel it flutter away like a butterfly – visualize calm. 

When any job becomes not worth it because it makes you feel more stressed, even the act of looking for alternative employment has an immediate stress reducing effect.

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When it’s a matter of life and death, men and crewmembers survive sinking ships in greater numbers than women and children.

It’s truly every man for himself.

Maritime disasters are tragic events but they show us how ordinary people react under stressful situations.

So it’s back to you trusting you in everyday life.

You can’t expect the trust of another if you’re not willing to 100% trust yourself first.

You have all you need for trust.

Start first by listening to your instincts. 

No one knows you better than you do, that counts for a lot.

Trust is not a wish or hope, it’s a hard choice that precedes the end result.

When you doubt yourself, you are hurting yourself.

The word trust has the letter “u” right in the middle – what a convenient reminder. Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

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Why do we pressure ourselves to pick one thing?

Why do we limit ourselves because of age (too young, too old)?

You don’t have to decide once and for all – you can do it again and again. 

Life happens, things change, you morph into a different person so why pressure yourself into a decision that may be wrong?

Renew your “contract with yourself” every year – if you like what you’re doing, vow to continue for another year.  If you’re antsy for change, pursue the change. 

Don’t be the one to put limitations on what you want to do and certainly don’t accept limitations from others. 

Even if you’re not qualified, dream on – you can acquire the skills if you’re really motivated.   

Don’t give up before you decide.  Excuses like “I don’t have the education or background” are self-defeating.

It’s your dream not what others want you to do. 

Money is an excuse for not even trying to attain the life you want – no one successful has been rolling in money on the way up. 

Think of your life as a canvass – it’s yours to paint on as you wish.

Picasso wouldn’t hand a brush to someone else and say “here, you paint my picture”.

As long as you are alive and able, see your dreams and then see them through. 

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Sounding confident doesn’t mean being confident.

Talk to yourself as a believer in you – not to convince other people that you are competent.

Instant confidence booster:  always think of the things you do well, no reason to concentrate on things you are criticized for.

Confidence is perishable – when things go good it automatically gets better, when things are tough, confidence is strained. 

Sticking with something is a confidence builder.

Failing is a strength, take credit for your willingness to overcome adversity. 

Often, just saying something positive about yourself, builds confidence. 

Before I speak to audiences, I always remind myself that I have earned the right to be standing there.  That I have the skills to share what is on my mind and that I respect the audience the way I expect them to respect me.   It never fails.

Confidence is your ability to handle anything, deal with everything and stick with it until you succeed.

Failing has nothing to do with losing confidence.

Forgetting about the fine person you are has everything to do with it.

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It’s normal to question ourselves from time to time.

But never to doubt our ability, motives or confidence.

Never bet against yourself. 

Overcome doubt with focusing on past accomplishments – big and small. 

Doubt is personal sabotage. 

Anything worth doing is worth believing.

Often doubting ourselves is simply fear of failing – banish the thought. 

It’s not fair to ask others to believe in you if you’re not prepared to believe in yourself.

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Why do we give up?

Nothing good happens when we stop trying.

It’s self-inflicted – no one makes us do it.

Giving up means you really don’t want it that much.

No one gets to discourage you from your dreams and ambitions.

Another word for giving up is surrender – never, never willingly surrender pursuing the life that you want. 

No person – no matter how powerful or close – can hurt us more than we hurt ourselves by giving up. 

If it’s worth doing or worth having, it’s worth fighting for.

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The good news about loneliness is that you have lots of other people feeling the same way who are also looking for a meaningful connection.

Looking for friendship is a surefire way not to find it.

Spend all efforts on being the person you want to be not someone you think others might like. 

Think of yourself as an icebreaker – most people are looking for someone to go first so hit start. 

Loneliness is not shameful or embarrassing – it means you are hungry for stimulation and compassion.

A social media friend is not necessarily a friend – loneliness is combatted in real time.

Your new motto – do, don’t stew.  Reach out.

Loneliness is a choice, but there are better ones like anticipating something positive that can happen when you decide to replace it with friendliness.

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The divorced couple acting punitively against each other and often their children are an emotional mess that takes a huge toll.

Life is full of people who acted in a way that is over the top – inhumane, mean, even viscous.

Some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but do it for your sake.

To forgive does not mean to forget.

Forgiveness does not mean putting up with continued abuse that must be stopped in its tracks.

Don’t ask the perpetrator to also forgive – forgiveness is unilateral and without strings.

You don’t have to tell the other person that you forgive them, just know it yourself.

If you won’t forgive the other person because they don’t deserve it, you run the risk of becoming like the other person. 

We gain control by giving up control and living life the way we want to be.

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Never suffer silently – articulate what’s bothering you even if it is to yourself.

Hurt feelings are a part of life – they are a down payment on future happiness yet to come.

Allowing someone to discourage you is hurtful behavior on your part.

Being human and feeling awful about something or someone who has hurt you is nothing to be ashamed of – deal with it and move on.

Rule number 1 – do not strike back at those who hurt, you will not be happy being like them. 

Take heart in realizing that life is a risk – when we let people get close to us they are within close proximity to hurt us. 

Pain is transformational.

It comes and it goes.

It’s what happens in between that can be worse than the hurt and there is something we can do about that.

Love yourself a little bit more.

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Discouragement comes from not seeing the progress we are making.

Not quitting is progress.

Failing is progress as long as you try again.

Progress can be hidden in more work left to do – sometimes you have to look harder.

Even knowing when to quit is progress worthy of hearty congratulations.

No move is a good move if you are uncertain – rethink the plan.

Just looking for the mistakes, the bad breaks, the steep mountains to climb – is self-defeating.

Rededicate yourself to searching for progress even when it appears hidden.

That’s how successful people take on new challenges successfully.

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Having dreams about a better life are the essential compass for pursuing that which you want.

But acting on dreams is the harder part.

Every worthy dream deserves a worthy scheme – a plan to at the very least take a step in the direction of seeing it come true.

When dreamers are hopers then they are likely gazing into the future of what could have been.

Armed with a plan, dreams come true.

It takes many steps to fulfill a dream – ask, are your prepared to take these steps. 

Small steps are as valuable as big ones.

Also have a plan for discouragement – don’t allow it for even one second. 

How many failures are you willing to endure to live the life you want? 

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Don’t look for the approval of people you don’t respect.

Yet that’s what we do – and we do it subconsciously.

Start by being the first one to show approval of your plan, your idea, your life and all that represents the person you really are.

Trying too hard to win the approval of others (including family members), is the first sign that you’re going to wind up feeling badly about yourself.

Only the people who have clearly and consistently won your respect get your ear.

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Stage one – devastation.

Loss of confidence.  Often surprise.  Inability to comprehend why things went wrong.  Dejection.

Stage two – blaming yourself.

What did I do wrong (not what did others do or how did circumstances affect my fate).  Fear of trying again.  Deeper loss of self-esteem and an inability to come up with a plan to persevere.

But that doesn’t have to be the end of it.

Start reminding yourself successful people usually overcome adversity. 

Learn from the situation and be specific.

Never blame yourself – denigrating you is not a winning formula to move ahead.

Be extra kind to yourself – setbacks hurt, we’re human, but being nice rather than overly critical can heal a lot of hurt.

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The hotel worker who cradled Senator Robert F. Kennedy’s head in the kitchen where he was assassinated in 1968 remembers the quality Kennedy had that made him like the senator.

Juan Romero delivered room service a day earlier and remembers how Kennedy looked right into his eyes and made him feel important.

It won’t be difficult to find people who believe you make them feel important in a world distracted by digital devices and self-absorption.

Feeling important is one of the best feelings we can have (or give).

It makes us special – no other words are necessary.

Just focus, gaze and sincerity.

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On Instagram or Facebook someone is having a better vacation than we had.

Or is wearing more stylish clothes.

More friends on social media even if they don’t know them all.

A new job gets a big announcement and plenty of congrats.

Seems things are perfect in cyberspace.

Even when we consciously try not to have high expectations, when it is a tap away on the phone, it is easy to be a bit envious and disappointed.

Disconnect from time to time.

And repeat this mantra:

Keep your expectations low and your motivation high to avoid the ups and downs that are so prevalent in the digital world.

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I was at Philadelphia International Airport a week ago when my printed ticket would not authorize me to go through TSA Pre.

The TSA agent didn’t just show me where the kiosk was for printing a new one but she took me to the kiosk, leaving her post, inputting my ticket number and printing a new ticket.  She then proceeded to walk me back through the line to her station.

I would have been happy with instructions but it made my day to see her personally intervene and take such a person-centered interest.

Philly’s airport reputation just got a reassessment.

All TSA agents are rude and cranky – not this one.

By doing more than I expected, I was not only happy and grateful but it made my day.

The secret in a self-absorbed world is to exceed expectations.

At work.

At home.

With friends.

This is real positive power available to anyone looking to be remarkable starting now.

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There is no such thing as constructive criticism.

Constructive help?  Yes.

Criticism?  No.

No one likes to be criticized even under the guise that it is going to make you better.

Listen to suggestions, not criticism.

Filter out the negative.

Help others.  Avoid including a critique of what they did wrong.

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