Warning Signs You’re Beating Yourself Up

  1. You think everyone else is better than you
  2. Going negative before you begin
  3. You expect to lose, surprised to win
  4. It’s been a long time between pats on the back
  5. You’re asking for help from those less qualified than you

Others watch how you treat yourself and often treat you the same way.

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Lonely in a Crowd

Since COVID, we all seem lonelier.

40% of British adults have gone 3 days without a face-to-face conversation with another person.

28% said they were lonely around people at a social event or at work.

It’s worse for 18-24’s – 60%.

A first step:  focus on how many other people feel the same loneliness and redirect your efforts at them – someone has to go first, it might as well be you and it can make all of the difference.

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The Happiest Song of All Time

The happiest-sounding songs are in a major key.

  • Using a formula for the study, he discovered that “Good Vibrations” by The Beach Boys is the song that can make you happiest.
  • The most spirited songs have a 137 beats per minute tempo and a verse-chorus-verse-chorus structure.
  • What makes us attracted to a particular song is an unpredictable element like a key change or a “seventh chord”.
  • Here are the top scientifically “happy” songs:
  1. “Good Vibrations” by The Beach Boys
  2. “I Got You (I Feel Good)” by James Brown
  3. “House Of Fun” by Madness
  4. “Get The Party Started” by P!nk
  5. “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel
  6. “Sun Is Shining” by Bob Marley
  7. “I Get Around” by The Beach Boys
  8. “YMCA” by Village People
  9. “Waterloo” by ABBA
  10. “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire

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Save Your Best for First

Do you start with your best material or save the best impact for the end?

Daniel Kahneman in Thinking Fast and Slow says start big by creating a halo effect that makes you more effective.

Holding back your best stuff until the end would be a mistake.

But start with it and your chance of being successful will be improve.

Even at home with children – lectures don’t work because they’ve likely tuned you out before you can hit them with your best stuff.

In presentations, imagine blowing the audience away with the best you have instead of running the risk of losing them until the end.

In today’s quick paced digital world go big from the start.

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Bringing Mom to Job Interviews

I was horrified to see a new survey that 26% of the Gen Z respondents involve parents in job interviews, 31% recently reported a parent accompany them to an in-person interview, 29% joined a Zoom-type interview.

37% of respondents who had a parent come with them were at the office during the interview, 26% said one of their parents physically sat in the room while the interview took place.

The study cites even more examples of low confidence here.

This lack of confidence in not limited to the next generation, it comes from our growing inability to be resilient – willing to risk not getting the job to build confidence.

Failure is a rehearsal for future success and the only way you will not get what you want is to give up.

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Bye Bye AI

Before you lose any more sleep over artificial intelligence making people obsolete, I thought you’d like to see what I got when I asked The Weather Network’s AI-generated forecast for the beach forecast for Tuesday June 25:

It will be mainly sunny with a few cloudy periods during the day, and sunny in the evening with partly cloudy skies overnight. The temperature will reach 99°F during the day and drop to 72°F at night. Stay hydrated and enjoy the sunshine!

How could I not go – sunny at night!

AI has a place in our lives but it cannot replace people or their creativity upon which AI is based on in the first place.

Rest easy, you’re still safe from AI oblivion.

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The Song is You

You cannot be silenced no matter what the circumstances or your personality as Ravi Shankar said.

I love this for my music business students, media friends and just about everyone looking for the confidence to be heard.

“There is a song deep inside you.  You are born to sing a song and you are preparing.  You are on stage holding a mic but you are forgetting to sing, you are keeping silent.  ‘Til that time you will be restless, until you can sing that song which you have come on the stage to sing. It doesn’t matter if you feel a little out of tune for a minute or two.  Go ahead!  Sing! 

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Lonely Phones

My young college students almost to a person want to reduce the time they spend on their phones – they know it’s hurting them.

Americans check their phones 144 times a day and in one class of mine students debated how long they spend on their phones per day – the answer, 4 to 5 hours including social media and gaming.

But to understand them better, it’s hard to disconnect because they fear they will lose touch with their friends and loneliness is a big issue.

5 hours a day is 1,825 hours a year on the phone alone – that’s 76 days or two and a half months a year.

The short answer:  cut what is not necessary, keep what is important.  Take control.

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The Advantage of Being Shy

A recent Wall Street Journal piece says “Research shows that we are overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard.  So, we compensate by being loud.”

Soft spoken people are among the most riveting public speakers but they often see their soft-spokenness as a disadvantage.

The trick is not to be loud or quiet but to be yourself – the real measure of inner-confidence.

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Confidence Insecurity

The struggle is to understand why we sometimes have too little confidence.

The search becomes all-encompassing and self-directed.

Seeking more confidence by obsessing about not having enough rarely works.

Empowering others is palpable, an instant confirmation that your actions can make a difference.

The next time you need a jolt of confidence, ask this:

What can I do to make someone else’s day better?

Feeling the power to do good is a confidence builder.

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