We’ve gotten lazy.

A text or an email is not a conversation.

If a friend is worth having, they will converse preferably in person and if that’s not possible by phone.

If you text, I can’t hear your voice and all that it conveys.

If we email, we’re making business out of personal.  I don’t know about you but I don’t need another email every day.  A phone call, I’d welcome.

We’re sending a bad example to those around us especially our children because one day they will be texting instead of talking and everyone loses.

Through research and by the testimony of psychologists we are mistaking our phones for a lifestyle that in the end won’t be any more rewarding than a business email even if it comes from family members.

Everybody in the world has a phone without regard to their economic means.

But the real value of a phone is to stay connected and enjoy the meandering nature of two people responding to each other in real time.

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Quebec funeral directors are trying to deal with an outbreak of mourners and family members angling to take selfies alongside the caskets of dead people.

They are using restraint by hiding their phones until the last minute and then posing by the deceased to snap one last selfie. I suspect this is not just going on in Quebec.

Phones are great cameras and purveyors of life through video or snaps. But there is the issue of what is respectful to the family.

Selfies are about you.

When the pope visited Philadelphia last year Action News caught onlookers waiting for the exact right moment as his motorcade drove by to snap away with them in the picture with the pope.

A better idea is to pass up the selfie and soak in the memorable moments from life through death.

Our self-absorbed world makes life lonelier for all when everything begins with us.

Spend more time living in the now in which case a picture may be worth a thousand words but a moment together is an indelible memory.

If you’re having a hard time believing the outbreak of selfies by open caskets – click here.

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New research in Europe reveals that only 10% of those surveyed cares to know what’s in their future even if it is positive.  The study involved 2,000 participants in Germany and Spain.

And yet we spend so much time worrying about the future.

The research shows that the 90% who want to remain in the dark tend to be risk averse.

And now we have research to show that people actually like to live with surprises.

The only exception is finding out the sex of an unborn child.  Only 37% said they wanted to be surprised at birth.

Some thoughts …

Planning ahead is forethought.

Fear of the future is fear thought.

No one is able to accurately predict what their life will look like even just four years from today.

The winning formula may yet be planning ahead, referring to the past for lessons learned but always returning to the present with all its surprises – both good and bad.

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Yondr is a new device being used at concerts and with crowds where cellphones run the risk of interfering with the show.

As people enter the venue, they place their phones in a type of see through bag.

Once they enter the phone-free zone, the cases lock.  But people have their phones in their possession and if they want or need access, they step out and unlock the case on a special pedestal.

All this to control our growing urge to allow our phones to take over our lives.

But there are other ways.

Turn it off when face time is desired.

In France, a law was passed that forbids companies from requiring their employees to keep their phones on for business into the evening.  No one I have spoken to wouldn’t love that law here.

Phones are a great thing and no one wants to give them up.

But we’re ruining our lives, relationships and we’re not helping young people when the urge to stay connected exceeds our human need to be in the now with others 100% present.

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Without a road map, reaching goals is a hit and miss proposition.

The most important first step to knowing where you want to go (and grow) is to see it vividly in your mind’s eye.

Not just make more money.

What does more money look and feel like.  See it so you can feel it.

Not just you want to achieve recognition.

What do you want on your business card.

Not simply more happiness.

What does that happiness look like in color, in action.

When a sports team wants to win the ultimate trophy for being the best, players work hard to motivate themselves by seeing them holding or kissing the trophy, wearing the commemorative ring, the recognition they will finally earn, the things they can buy their families (not just money, but specifically what that money buys).

Working hard to reach goals can be a road to nowhere without first seeing vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to achieve.

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Who do you admire most?

Say you could be that person.  You would still only be second best to the person you want to be.

Trying to compare ourselves with others is like taking away every gift we have that even our most admired look up to doesn’t have.

Comparing ourselves to others is so self-destructive because we are leaving ourselves with an imitation not an original.

Chances are the person you said you admired the most is an original and not an imitation.

Strive to be different and reward yourself for it.

Study the people you look up to and focus on how they overcame being the same as everyone else to become an original. 

We compare ourselves to others when we don’t have the confidence to stand tall as the person we want to be.

There is no one like you.

Try to be aware of that today and see how it empowers you.

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Athletes must prepare for mid-season trades that put them and their families in precarious situations.

They may not like the thought of being traded this time of year but they have to accept it.

And that’s the thing about things you can’t control.

It’s a reminder to focus on that which you can control.

Broke your leg, can’t walk without crutches for eight weeks.  Focus on making the upper body stronger. 

Just broke up with someone close to you?  What a great time to be more available to your friends and open to making new ones.

Losing your job in a layoff that is out of your hands?  Use this as an opportunity to discover if you are on the right career path in the right industry for you. 

What is so mysterious about accepting what we can’t control?

It’s more the uncertainty of what may follow.

So the solution is to let go and get going on that which is still clearly in your hands.

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There is now evidence in the study of animals that animals who are confident win and dominate more often.

It wouldn’t be surprising to learn the same thing about humans.

Except with humans we are the victims of changing momentum.

Your favorite sports team looks like it is going to win the game until out of nowhere the other side comes back and steals the victory.  It happens a lot.

We’re confident when we’re on a roll but when things start going against us – we’re human, not animals – us losing gets into our heads.

I love to remember that Ted Williams was the best hitter ever in baseball and yet he was out 60% of the time.

Maybe winning isn’t winning 100% of the time, but succeeding where it matters.

Where does it matter to you the most?

Focus on that area.

Then any success will be multiplied because it is more meaningful.

Confidence is strongest when it is based on how hard we are willing to work instead of how lucky we are feeling.

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Find something to celebrate and/or appreciate on days that are challenging.

A bad day gets out of control very quickly and often gets worse once we realize we’re having one.

There is no cure for making people nicer, employers and associates more civil or family and friends appreciate you the way you’d like.

But there is one thing that works every time and it has nothing to do with people who are giving you a hard time.

It begins with us.

Once our brains are stimulated to feel that things are going south rapidly, one way to halt it is to find something or someone you appreciate.

It can even be done like this …

My boss is insensitive to how hard we work for him/her, but my spouse always seems to appreciate me. 

My ex is driving me crazy.  But thankfully I have (name them) who are always there for me. 

I’ve got the flu and I feel awful but I’ll be over it in a few days so believe it or not I am grateful that I ONLY have the flu. 

Our world is immediate.

We hit “send” in more ways than one and that is not always helpful, so when you send a message of despair on challenging days, send a second one directly to your brain finding something or someone to celebrate.

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Part 2 of a recent American Psychological Association survey just released shows 43% are constant checkers of Twitter, email, social media or all things digital.

Social media use is up from 7% in 2005 to 65% now.

If you’re 18-29, it’s 90%.

But here’s the thing.

On a ten-point scale, constant checkers report a stress level of 5.3. For everyone else it is 4.4.

Highest stressors are for those who check emails on their off time and weekends.  In France, they have an after-hour law against companies expecting employees to answer emails in their private time.

35% say they are less likely to spend time with family or friends because of social media.

How about some help here?

Set times when you’re off digital media.

Don’t multitask, an evil habit made possible by digital devices. 

Try to do tasks slower (sounds crazy, but try it once). 

Prioritize – A’s, B’s and C’s. 

Balance online social contacts with an equal amount of in-person face time.

Have an end of the day. 

Don’t sleep with a screen. 

Digital stress is not going to go away any time soon because we have become addicted to our digital devices.

But the evidence is mounting.

Time to do something about it.

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