Did you hear about the two Tennessee girl’s basketball coaches who encouraged their teams to lose.

Hey, the Philadelphia 76ers among other pro basketball teams are being accused of the same thing, but high school girls?

Each teams incentive to lose was getting placed on the other side of the playoff bracket from a powerhouse school.  This so-called bracketology approach was pointed out by the coaches to the girls and apparently they got the message.

You’ve got to look at these two videos, you won’t believe it.

The girls intentionally missed 12 of 16 free throws.  The refs had enough when one girl was going to intentionally shoot at the wrong basket.

Fortunately, both teams were subsequently disqualified from the playoffs because of these shenanigans.

When did playing to win get to be not enough?

When did teaching impressionable young people to throw a game become acceptable?

Trying is winning.

Playing harder is winning.

Overcoming adversity is winning.

Knowing how to lose is rehearsing how to win tomorrow.

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As a child, I ran when someone came at me with a camera (maybe I felt I didn’t want to break it, eh?).

Because of technology I have so many pictures on my digital devices and on the cloud that I can hardly remember life without taking photos all day.

February 25^th – the date of what would have been my father’s birthday – I wished that I had as many videos and pictures as I do of myself and other things that don’t matter as much.  My wife never met him.  It seems that by today’s standards, I hardly have enough pictures and videos to show her.  My dad and I both had dimples in our chin.  Oh well …

Vivid memories.

Photos are never bad – they are usually happy reminders.  I don’t think we can ever have too many, what about you?

Living in the present and not being on the lookout for our next Instagram moment is the one danger we must be aware of because in pursing the next social photo, we run the risk of not enjoying the moment and soaking it in.

Like life, it’s a balance.

My iPhone 6 has the second best camera that I’ve ever carried around.

The best is my imagination, which also records visions that are attached to feelings, and which can be as vividly recalled as a photo.

To take photos mindful of experiencing each vivid moment in real time – that’s my goal.

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Maybe it’s because of social media but does it seem that there are more haters than ever before?

If so, you’re not alone.

A hater wants to knock a person down.

They cannot find it in their hearts to be happy for a person so they find public ways to explore a flaw in that person.

Often these haters are people you never really think about.  It’s bad enough for older people but it is maddening for teens and young people.

So here is a secret for shutting haters down.

Give it 24 hours and do not react.

If you respond even once, you feed the monster.

This is why some battles go on for years because the parties never stop reacting to each other.

If it bothers you that what a hater says or does reflects on you, take some solace in the fact that most people are on to haters thanks to our social media connectivity.  So there is probably no need to defend yourself and bring on more hatred.

Never let anyone program what you think of yourself.  Your head is off limits to others.  Only you are allowed in to your head.

Hit delete on haters.

Or as Taylor Swift advises – shake it off.

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate


Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake


Shake it off

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A dream is a cherished aspiration or ideal.

A dreamer is a person with hope.

A schemer is one who actively or passively discourages someone’s dream.

When we are driven by our dreams, good things happen.

When we abandon them, something seems to be missing.

No person should ever discourage another’s dream.

Every dream is worth pursing.

Once, when speaking to a group of college students, a young man stood up and said that he wanted to be a musician but his father discouraged him saying it was a pipe dream.  He asked, “When do you know to move on from a dream?”

My response:  You will know if you listen to yourself.  Sometimes we never abandon our dreams and hopes.  And sometimes, we let them go when are ready.

In any case, we are always better off for having desired that which sometimes seems so unattainable.

What is life without great hope?

Let us vow to never let go of our dreams before we’re ready and never utter a word of discouragement to others who look to all that is possible in life.

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If Dale Carnegie is right about one more thing, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Dead for over 50 years, this unique human being and author of How To Win Friends & Influence People never goes out of style even if the stories he tells in his book are a little long in the tooth.

“Ask questions instead of giving direct orders”.

A study published in the September Journal of Experimental Psychology involved 9,000 commuters on the Bay Area Rapid Transit.

They tried two different signs to see which one would make the commuters take the stairs.

One sign contained a question that said, “Stair climbing improves your health. Will you take the stairs?”

The other sign was a command that said, “Stair climbing improves health. Take the stairs”.

The command got a more immediate impact.

Asking for cooperation got the best long-term cooperation.

Different types of communication are appropriate for different situations.

In general if we want to win cooperation, it is better to ask for it.

Take it to the USC classroom where I started each semester by pulling my iPhone out of my pocket and saying, “Would you mind if I left my phone on? I won’t take calls or answer texts while I’m teaching unless it’s urgent. Will you do the same for me?”

I never had a problem – ever – with a rude student on their digital devices.

So they could answer a text, but applied judgment.

They could step out and answer a call if they deemed it necessary. Usually, they didn’t.

Instead by asking for cooperation, you usually get it.

So I’m glad to see more research evidence and thought you’d like to know about it.

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Take Kendall Jenner, the beautiful model from the Kardashian family.

Two other models took exception to the way she looked while having her hair done for the Donna Karan show during New York Fashion Week recently.

One sarcastically said, “she’s never looked better” with a laughing emoji.

Another said, “That’s f*cked up” with more laughing emojis.

Look at the picture.  You be the judge.

The Ford Agency that represented one of the bullies walked it back as a silly comment but only after it went viral as some kind of damage control.

Kendall Jenner has been the target of many bullying attempts that goes to show that even the beautiful are made to feel ugly by not so nice people.

How bad is cyberbullying?

When I was in high school, one guy always used to call me a “bucked teeth duck” every time he saw me – in the hall on the way to class, or walking into class in front of everyone.

It was bad enough to deal with his hurtful comments then just at school.  I can only imagine what it would have been like to have that comment reverberating all over social media.

By the way, I ran into this bully at a class reunion.  We did not speak.

I just smiled so he could see my beautiful white television-ready veneers.

Where is social media when I need it?

The scourge of this great social media revolution is haters and bullies who use something good to hurt people from the safety of their digital devices.

Then, like now, the answer is to push them back.  A bully always runs.

The best revenge is living well and being happy.

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The 48-year-old wife, mother and supermodel allowed this photo shoot image of herself in a bikini to be seen unretouched.

People in Hollywood know that lighting and makeup are an actor or actresses’ best friends.  They are, after all, human and look like humans most other times.  But while they are sensitive to how they look in their profession, our society is too fixated on looks all the time.

That’s why Cindy Crawford allowed her real tummy to show.

I wish I could give the same compliments to Marie Claire magazine, the publication that now stands by the photo.  But someone other than Marie Claire leaked it.  What’s important is that Cindy Crawford stands by it and that’s the right thing to do.

It’s okay to have a belly that jiggles.

Dimples and reminders of childbirth.

Today a lot more women are proud of their bodies because Cindy Crawford is proud of hers.

We can keep it going.

This is a lesson worth learning and teaching to those who look to us for guidance about how to be authentic in more than just words.

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Popular NBC news anchor Brian Williams is disgraced for lying about his participation in covering wars and tragedies like Katrina.  Banned from the air and public appearances at a financial loss of $5 million.

And soldiers who were actually in harm’s way are angry with him, as they should be.   So much so, they outted him.

Now top-rated Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly is fighting off accusations that he misrepresented his wartime reporting.

Everyone lies.

But the problem with lying is that when we do a lot of it, the lying seems real and distorts reality.  We believe our own lies.

Ever notice that even when a liar is caught dead in its tracks — they still seem to be in deep denial because they actually believed the lies that they were telling.

The best reason for not lying is a good memory is not required.

The truth will come out each and every time as it is.

So the issue is not whether Brian Williams or anyone else caught lying deserves a second chance but whether they’ve learned the lesson that the more you lie, the more it seems truthful.

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It is no accident that marriage counselors have their work cut out for them when couples show up with issues.

Almost always – one of those problems is a lack of communication.

So, counselors do what they can to get both sides to communicate effectively and honestly and learn to listen to what is being said.  Often it is too late.

I thought the way to a person’s heart was through their stomach.

Not quite.

Or passion.

That, too.

The best marriage advice I ever heard was “learn to be a good listener”.  Some people are born with this skill.  Most of us have to work on it – if we’re smart.

Being a good listener doesn’t mean not having an opinion.

It doesn’t even mean agreeing or giving in.

The heart can only feel what the senses arouse and one of the best – if not the best way to stir up feelings of love is to learn to listen.

Some thoughts:

• Wait until the other person stops speaking, pause a beat (a few seconds or more) and then talk.
• Respond — don’t react.  Reacting is what buys us even more trouble.
• The goal is to learn how to recap the essence of what the other person is saying from their point of view.  Then ask them if you basically heard it right.  Even if you are close, they will be pleased.
• Often our inability to be a good listener comes from our family of origin so rise above your childhood to acquire this awesome skill.

My best friend was so good at listening that when we were having lunch and were interrupted by the waitress in mid-sentence, I forgot what I was saying but he remembered in great detail or as he liked to say “JD, when you speak, I listen” and indeed he did.

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Jim Golay of Casper, WY was diagnosed with a brain tumor last February, but before he died, Jim set up delivery of Valentine flowers through a local florist every year for the rest of his wife, Shelly’s life.

So imagine how surprised Shelly was when her flowers arrived for the first time this Valentine’s day.

Shelly said, “even in death, he’s just amazing”.

It doesn’t take death at the doorstep to bring out the best in us.

Just a little adventure and thoughtfulness.

And the element of surprise!

We are capable of great things when we think out of the box – do the unthinkable.

Acts of kindness and love should be as much fun to do as they are to receive.

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