If you’re like me, you have no doubt read self-help books to get organized, accomplish more and be happier.

But if the be happier part didn’t result, it may be because the getting things done part can make us a productive dynamo but not often a happier person.

In fact, as crazy as this may sound in our workaday world, planning less can actually help us be happier and it’s not going to kill us or get us fired.

We over plan, over dream, over problem-solve, over produce and focus too much on ourselves.

It’s the old saw about gaining control by giving up control.

Chances are we have plenty of experience to handle that which we need to get done every day without making it a compulsion.

Last week I saw a video by an author/lecturer who said have 3 goals a day, 3 goals a week, 3 goals a … and he went on and on tacking on more goals.

It may be the other way around if happiness is your end goal.

Be comfortable in your ability to get things done and think a lot less about it.

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Why is it that vacations and holidays are on list of the most stressful things in our lives according to the Holmes-Rahe Scale of Life Stress Inventory? 

They are supposed to be stress reducers, right?

Take the test and see how many points you rack up to see if you are at risk of illness, moderately at risk or only slightly at risk.

Motivational speakers and authors have made a fortune trying to help us cope with things that will help us in handling life’s stressors.

And remarkably, the generation that suffers most from stress is young Millennials.  Their lives have all the challenges of their parents plus the constant presence of digital connection and staying connected socially.

Here is the way to put a major crimp in life’s stressors:

1. Accept whatever you see without giving in to the temptation to characterize it as good or bad.  Postponing the “good/bad” impulse allows us to avoid the inevitable stressors associated with such characterizations.
2. Temporarily forget what you want and get involved in the experience of living in the present.

Most, not all, of the major stressors on the Holmes-Rahe Scale can be reduced if you practice not rushing to a “good/bad” opinion on that which occurs in life and momentarily forgetting about getting what you want.

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1. We like others for how they make us feel not because of who they are.
2. The person who thinks it is all about them is making a big mistake in human relations because if it is all about them, then who is focused on the other person?
3. The most fascinating conversationalist at a party is not as rewarding as one person who shows sincere interest in you.
4. The best work meeting is about the interests of the people attending rather than the ramblings, thoughts, desires or orders of the person running it.
5. A loved one cannot resist the person who makes them feel good about themselves.

AOL CEO Tim Armstrong opened his mouth and offended two mothers who worked for him in a botched attempt to rationalize health care cuts.

To his credit, he quickly apologized and reinstated the program.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie apologized many times for putting the state residents through the George Washington Bridge scandal.

Today, apologizing is becoming a political and public strategy instead of a heartfelt way to say, “I’m sorry”.

Apologies are most meaningful when they have these elements:

1. Make amends first.  Promising to do better, be better or change is not as meaningful as making those changes before you pick the right time to apologize.
2. Fix what you’re sorry for.  Talking about it is empty.
3. Keep your word.  In our modern world, the apology is the end all.  But a real apology is just the beginning.  Do what you say you’re going to do to add real meaning to remorse.
4. Expect nothing from the person you are apologizing to.  The apology is for you.  Just as letting go of anger benefits us more than the people we are angry with, making an apology relieves us from hurt that can damage relationships and self-esteem.

Sorry + why + what you’re going to do about it is the best apology every time.

Being loving or expressing love to others transforms us into compassionate people more able to live life in real time.

A loving attitude tends to eclipse more ego-centered behavior that eventually can wind up coming out as ruminations about things that don’t make us very happy.

Just as important is to love oneself.

The deficit of self-esteem is growing to epidemic proportions.

Proceed carefully.  If you rely on someone else to bolster how you feel about yourself, you can become co-dependent to them.

Work this list today:

1. Forgive yourself. 
2. Make positive statements about you and back them up with evidence. 
3. Look past material things to define who you are.
4. Accept yourself as who you are today (you can always be better tomorrow). 
5. Have the courage to be who you are with everyone.
6. Think of 3 positive ways to describe yourself. 
7. Practice receiving love from others. 
8. Do what you love. 
9. Treat yourself no less than the way you would treat a puppy dog. 

10. Never compare yourself to others. 

11. Always do your best but stop trying to be perfect

Even doing one of these things better can be transformational.

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It’s not your imagination.

We really do live in a world where people are focused on themselves.

In prehistoric days when Dale Carnegie wrote his famous book How To Win Friends and Influence People one of his powerful messages was to talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Today, you almost don’t have time to interrupt self-absorbed people to practice that very human relations principle because so many folks are talking about themselves incessantly.

On the excellent HBO series Girls Lena Dunham brings us a scene where her friend Marnie played by Allison Williams calls to tell her she got a new cat.  Lena’s character Hannah says “I can’t talk right now” but Marnie goes right on talking about herself without missing a beat.

How do you handle people who suck the energy out of relationships by making it all about them?

1. Keep focused on your own inner emotions at least part of the time.  If you don’t give it all away, you’ll feel less drained.
2. When there is a break in the conversation, jump in with what you want to talk about.  Warning:  like Marnie, they may just go on talking about themselves. 
3. If this person wants something from you, be careful what you promise.  Only do what you can do and want to do.
4. Set a time limit and get out.  When you begin to feel drained, exit the conversation.  You choose the time you will spend listening to someone else go on about themselves.
5. If a person oversteps your boundaries by being focused on him or herself on a regular basis, it may be time to move on.  There are still person-centered people in the world.  Perhaps it’s time to find one.

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“Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non- judgmentally”.

This gem comes from Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn.

And Eckhart Tolle who wrote “The Power of Now” says, “People look to time in expectation that it will eventually make them happy, but you cannot find true happiness by looking toward the future”.

Perhaps that way so many people with terminal diseases let go and live the time that they have left in a way that they could have never imagined.

Don’t drown in a downpour of your own thoughts.

You don’t need the past to define who you are as a person or the future for feeling fulfilled.

This is empowering for people of all ages.

Planning is forethought.

Obsessive thinking about the future is fear-thought.

Take these 14 words of Dr. Kabat-Zinn and integrate them into daily life and accomplish the previously elusive goal of living and enjoying the present moment.

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Super Bowl champion football coach Pete Carroll did it his way with positive energy and a rah-rah approach to winning.

The “defeated” Denver Broncos coach John Fox was more deliberate but no less competent.

Carroll’s team was a defensive monster. 

Fox’s team an offensive monster.

What a matchup.  But somehow it didn’t turn out that way – at least on the field.

Denver quarterback Peyton Manning bluntly admitted it is tough to forget losing the Super Bowl but he forgot to mention that already won one.

Never forget success – make it an IOU and use it again and again.

Coach Fox should be thinking that he is blessed to be alive after emergency heart surgery just a few months before the big game.

I wrote a book about embracing the advantages of disadvantages because we can’t always win but we can always learn from adversity and win another day in some way.  It doesn’t have to be the same way.

Coach Fox who celebrated his 59^th birthday Super Bowl week had it right when he said, “Setbacks are setups for better things to come”.

Always succeeding is lucky.

Learning from both success and failure is how we make our own good luck.

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There is nothing that works as effectively as what I am going to share with you this morning to improve happiness.

No prescription plan required.

No doctors or psychologists.

When you want to feel better immediately, this is the best approach I have ever seen.

1. Embrace your daily flow of life activities by doing both that which is familiar and comfortable for you and something new and different.  If you make the same breakfast every day, add a new twist.  If you hold your meetings the same way, conduct them standing up – something different.  The “new and different” actually changes the physiology in our brains and promotes happiness.
2. Do things that are meaningful as often as possible.  Meaningful matters.
3. Close the mental file on the past and the future.  Yes, we can visit there but only visit.  When we spend too much time in the past or trying to live in the future beyond planning purposes, we tend to ruminate on things that make us unhappy or even depressed and negative.

Something old.

Something new.

Something that has meaning.

And slam the mental files on anything that takes us out of the beauty of the present moment.

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Guess how long it takes to get used to winning the lottery?

Psychologist’s say the joy lasts only a year at best and long-term can transform that happiness into sadness, loss of friends and even going broke.

Everyday pleasures feel just as good as winning the lottery.  Really.

Loyola researcher Fred Bryant and University of Michigan researcher Joseph Veroff scientifically studied the art of prolonging happiness by savoring all types of good things in life.

1. Celebrate the good moments or as Amit Sood says, do not postpone joy.
2. Slow down and consume good and happy moments the way you lick an ice cream cone or enjoy a latte.
3. Ease up on some of the good things that occur – like eating candy, don’t eat it all at once or you’ll get sick. 
4. Simplify your life.  Too many options can reduce your pleasure.  We like options.  Just not too many if we want to remain happy.
5. Share your happiness the moment it happens.  Sharing is a natural extender of that which is good. 
6. Doing something new boosts happiness because it is in the now. 

Savor pleasure by consuming it as it occurs.

If you liked this piece, subscribe and share it with your friends.  If you want more resources, go to Jerry Del Colliano.com.