Yelling is as hurtful as hitting.

Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and University of Michigan say that parents who yell at their adolescent children for doing something wrong cause the same problems as hitting them would.  The study included 976 two-parent families with children ages 13-14.

The recipients of this kind of verbal abuse tend to become more depressed and more aggressive as a result.

“Lazy” and “stupid” and other hurtful words even resonate if the parents have a warm loving relationship with their children otherwise.

The study also showed that yelling makes a person do the opposite of what they want.

45% of the participating mothers and 42% of the fathers said they had used harsh verbal discipline within the past year.  Almost everyone does it and few are proud of it.

Beyond teens, yelling has the same effect.

It’s abuse.

Better option:  take away privileges without the corresponding harsh language.

When you yell, it hurts the self-image of those you love, know or work with.

Making someone feel worthwhile instead of worthless is the more productive alternative.

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“I wish you well”.

Realize that everyone is struggling with something and silently wish them well when they say something mean, hurtful or devious.

You don’t have to like what they say or do, but you don’t have to let them bring out the bad side of you.

You get uplifted when you wish people well.

You get the benefit.

Doctors have mapped positive changes in the brain when you accentuate the positive side of your personality.

Do it often every day – to people you know, don’t know or live with.

It helps keep your energy up.

As you practice it becomes easier.

Stress Free Living author Amit Sood reminds us that there was a time in prehistoric days when the focus had to constantly be on outside threats (animals, being attacked). 

The world has changed.  We are no longer on threat-watch.

Our brains need to be rewired.

The simple phrase “I wish you well” said silently many times a day is how you rewire your brain for happiness.

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More research reinforces what we have come to know – that Jon Stewart’s Comedy Central news show is more credible than traditional news channels and journalists.

Is it a stretch to say Stewart is to this generation what Walter Cronkite was during the Kennedy assassination and Vietnam War days?

Why is this?

Fast-moving communications, an infinite number of news sources available to consumers and a fear of telling the truth because journalists and news organizations might be sued. 

Stewart does parody which insulates him against such lawsuits and yet in his comedic presentation of the day’s big stories, he manages to do something that has gotten lost lately.

He is credible because he is authentic.

And authenticity is the characteristic that younger people crave today.

Being the real deal is not hard to do.  It involves not being perfect, not always being right, but being human and having a sense of humor about yourself.

These qualities are the secret to success in news and important ways for all of us to gain the trust of those with whom we come in contact.

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That’s what happened to Mike and Lori Knar.

Their 11-year old son, Aden, was finally losing his long battle against leukemia.

He lived in hospitals, got sick on chemotherapy only to face the ultimate failure – no bone marrow donor.  Not even in his immediate family where most donors are found.

The last hope – last chance – was to create a Savior Child using in vitro to bring yet another child to the Knar family while using the placenta at birth to save Aden’s life.

But it cost money – lots of money for doctors, a surrogate, legal fees.  And it has to be raised in advance.

Then Sean Hannity came to the rescue and made a $10,000 donation.

Soon others came forward and raised over $20,000 toward the $75,000 needed to save their son’s life.  Ex-employers, employees, friends and people who have never met the Knar family made donations online and by check.

They were parents and that was enough.

This week, the Knar’s have received an appointment with doctors to proceed.

And Aden remains in the hospital watching his new buddy Sean Hannity on Fox News Channel – amazing how an 11-year old can be so mature.

The goodness of people should never be discounted even in a world of greed and self-absorption.

In times of need, good people step up and make things happen.  It’s never too late to donate online here or contact dad and mom here.

It’s hard to fire or ignore a person who lives these qualities.  They are the people who get raises and promotions.

Exceed expectations — If you do nothing else, always deliver more than you promise.  And delivery it early before it is expected.  This is easy with a little forethought.

Get along well with others — Today’s businesses seek disruption of the marketplace not disruption within their company.  They put a premium on people who “play well” with others.  Become an expert at human and interpersonal relationships.  This is the currency that translates into financial success.

Be a force for positivity — This does not mean saying yes when you mean no.  It means being conciliatory about disagreements, welcoming the ideas of others and illustrating to others how goals can be achieved.  Avoid nay saying at the office.

Never take sides — Or say anything even privately against another person.  Good teams work together.  They do not harbor animosity toward teammates.

Show humility—Don’t just sound humble, be humble.  The quality that no one can resist is humility as rarely as it is seen these days.

Share your success by publicly crediting others – Associates like working with people who can give public credit to their contributions.  The only thing holding you back is jealousy.

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The Los Angeles Kings hockey team won its second Stanley Cup in three years by cashing in on momentum.

Adversity is usually the tipping point for changing momentum.

The Kings had some key injuries a few months ago and seemed like a long shot to win another championship but they played through them gaining confidence.

Adversity presented another chance for the Kings to excel when they fell behind three games on the brink of elimination in a four game series only to comeback and win four straight to take it.

But then it always seemed they were coming from behind to pull off last minute victories on the way to the Cup.

Momentum is another word for unshakeable confidence. 

When we have it, we have it. 

When adversity strikes and we begin to doubt ourselves, then momentum turns into fear of failure.

You see it all the time in sports and everything else.  Lady Gaga was riding high until she wasn’t and that’s because her most recent album was not as good as previous material.

To get momentum on your side, welcome adversity because it is the chief catalyst to building confidence that seems to be unstoppable. 

And when you take a step back or get off your game, use a verbal IOU to get the feeling back.

Here is the key phrase.

I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

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Casey Kasem died on Father’s Day.

As Father’s Day approached, the iconic radio personality was in hospice care taken off all food and liquid and preparing for death.

Anyone who has had an experience with hospice knows what a special moment this can be.

But in the case of the warring Kasem family (wife vs. children of a previous marriage), life is uglier than death.

I’m not going to take sides because I don’t have all the information, but I’m feeling that somehow, some way, the battling survivors should have woken up and realized once and for all that Casey Kasem’s death is not all about them.

Whenever the courts get involved – even if there is reason – the family is creating or allowing a disrespectful death of a loved one.  Sometimes there is no choice.  Maybe this is one of those cases.  But Casey Kasem deserved better.

Call a truce – work together – handle differences better.

The man who was known for saying, “keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars” is speaking to them.

In the Kasem family that advice would come in handy.

For the rest of us, the death of a loved one is a painful reminder that passing from this world hopefully into a better place is not about us, it’s about them.

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Father’s Day was created as a compliment to Mother’s Day over 100 years ago.

Today, with virtual communication and Skype, almost every father can receive the greeting that he appreciates.

For those of us who have lost a father, Father’s Day can be a time for reflection and a remembrance of one of their good qualities.  My dad was a straight arrow as honest a man as I have ever known.  I’m going to take a moment Sunday to celebrate this unique man as he lives in my memory.

It’s not about dinners or parties – it can be, don’t get me wrong – but it doesn’t have to be a party or dinner day. 

A phone call.

An email, Skype or special Instagram.

Maybe simply saying in person or in a text why you love that person.

But the world is not always perfect and all fathers are not created equal.  Some folks suffer because of a relationship that they could not have with their father for whatever reason.

Bring joy into the lives of those you honor while they are still in your lives.

Take a moment and remember a quality that you like or respect about dad if he is no longer here.

And to the person who took the place of a father that was not worthy of your respect or absent from your life, take the day to show gratitude to the person who filled the void and made all the difference in the world.

Yes, it can even be mom.

By focusing attention in the present.

You can choose to be focused at this very moment.

A Harvard study reveals our mind is wandering 47% of the time.  It could be as high as 50-80% of the time.

If you’ve every started a book or article and don’t know what is in it, you are experiencing the default setting of the mind in which our mind wanders.  The mind is automatically distracted.

Choose to look for beauty around you.

Positive things.

People to appreciate.

Discovering something new – feel it, see it in color, smell.

Appreciating something old before it vanishes from our lives.

Humans are usually not thinking happy thoughts.

And we are less happy when our mind wanders.

Mind wandering can be good for some things such as channeling our creativity, but it is a place to visit and not live permanently.

For more happiness, try choosing to focus your mind this day and experience the difference.

Share with a friend ….

Adults text while driving more than teens.

Half of all surveyed in an AT&T poll admitted it versus only 43% of teens.

Worse yet, 98% of the adults surveyed admit that it’s wrong and they do it anyway.

Two big lessons here.

One, when we make assumptions (for example, that younger people text more than adults) we are going on bad information.

Two, we underestimate the failure of adults to take a positive role in the use of digital devices (i.e., texting while driving, use of cellphone in the presence of children at dinner, texting as distraction from child rearing, etc.).

There are about 10 million teen drivers and 180 million adult drivers.

I always said I’d rather be driving near a young person who is texting because their reactions times are quicker than adults.

That would be a wrong assumption – see how easy it is to go off bad information?

State Farm takes a safe driving course around to high schools and tests students’ ability to react while texting in an off-road test situation.

Not one of them has ever been able to stop their simulators in time to avoid a crash.

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