Why are so many of us looking to influencers in the digital age?

We have thought leaders and trendsetters but a paid influencer gets far too much sway.

Be the main influencer in your life – your life is not an election or popularity contest, it is a piece of art created on a canvas of your choosing.  You choose the colors.

Just because someone is paid to make something popular, it is worth nothing to anyone looking to live a life of authenticity without regard to whatever anyone else thinks.

It’s not only young people who outsource their likes to influencers, people of all ages do.

Look to yourself first.

When things are bad, look to the helpers.

Duane Hawkins has been cutting hair in Rochester, MN for 40 years until he had to face kidney cancer again after having one kidney removed in 2013.

This time, his grateful customers contributed money to help him pay the rent on his shop while he has surgery and takes treatment.

One of our readers, Townsquare’s air personality Jerry Puffer, also a Mayo Clinic frequent visitor who has known Hawkins for decades is featured in this short video.

In an age of rage and disconnected relationships, this is how I channeled my gratitude this morning.

Hope you like it.

Try to understand others before you expect them to understand you.

They probably don’t “get” you because you don’t get them.

Think about their limitations and fears.

Look at it like this:  they are attempting to defend themselves more than hurt you.

Some common ground can get reached.

And you don’t have to agree.

“Tell me what you’re thinking” is a disarming way to gain insight into others and often leads to a better understanding of what you feel.

We know what doesn’t work:  arguments, fights, insults, hurt, talking past each other.

Being better understood starts with making sure the word “you” is among the first words you say.

I let a driver onto the road in front of me when no one else would car-after-car and in return there was no wave, thumbs up or even a look in my direction.

Post-Covid driving is crazy – cars cutting in and out just to gain a few hundred yards, last minute exits on interstates, driving distracted near you and driving too close to your car to get you to drive faster even when you’re exceeding the speed limit.

I was hit going into the Holland Tunnel on my way out of New York City and when I got out of my vehicle, the cause of the accident was still on his phone texting – and yes, he said I hit him even though he hit me from behind.

Other people’s shortcomings are not an excuse to become like them.

The best response is to be the driver you want to be and steer away from trouble.

This reminds me of what happiness doctor Amit Sood does when he looks upon others and wishes them well in his mind so a bad driver can’t make one out of you.

Our minds go astray when we’re bored – a good thing because it prompts us to be more creative and look for new things.

87% of teenagers in the U.S. have a smartphone and presumably are on social media looking to scratch the itch of FOMO (fear of missing out).

The Academy of Management Studies did this experiment:

It drove its subjects into boredom by asking them to sort beans by color but a second group was given a less boring task.

Wouldn’t you know the bored out of their mind bean counters came up with better ideas when given their next assignment which was to come up with good excuses for tardiness.

I used to walk everywhere when I was a kid – I left my Walkman home and just fed my imagination which today is pretty healthy.

Boredom has its benefits.  It stimulates us into creativity.

Here’s that study.

Okay, I am a music business professor and I don’t have to be convinced of the many benefits of music therapy, but listen to this.

Music therapy is a potential intervention for cognition of Alzheimer’s Disease according to a study in the National Library of Medicine.

It turns out doing crossword puzzles is not the only way to fend off age related dementia.

Music therapy can be considered a non-pharmacological adjunct to reducing cognitive decline and “combination method with dance, art, video game, physical exercise, and so on is excitingly helpful. We should make a therapeutic strategy individually according to preference and physical endurance of every patient”.

Among the variations:  singing songs, listening to music to reduce mood symptoms and behavior disorders.  Here’s the study.

Combining music therapy with dance, physical exercise, video game, art and other things

is yet another benefit of music therapy that I plan to share with my NYU music business stress class this fall because the benefits are accrued at any age.

Music is not only the soundtrack of our lives; it is life itself.

Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel offered a choice of a marshmallow or pretzel stick to a child (their preference) and then left the room for 15 minutes.

In follow-up studies (SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass and other things), children who could wait longer and delay gratification were shown to have better life outcomes.

Today we’re bombarded with FOMO (fear of missing out), attention addictions and relationship challenges caused by digital devices.

The takeaway is the more we can learn to delay gratification, the happier we are.

If you measure happiness like billionaire Ray Dalio of Bridgewater hedge fund, then his words may resonate with you:

“Once you realize that deferred gratification will improve you, you begin to count and say how many days, months, weeks, or years can I live if I don’t spend the money I have coming in”.

The ability to defer gratification is directly associated with happiness and financial success.

Diana Nyad tried to swim in the shark infested waters between Havana and Key West several times when she was younger but just couldn’t do it.

But she didn’t give up and tried later in life when she succeeded at the age of 64.

Now 73, Nyad recalls when she completed the endurance swim, she shouted never give up.

Ageism seems to be the one form of discrimination that we tolerate but this isn’t just the story of an outstanding older athlete, it’s about young people who are often dismissed because of their age.

I see this all the time in the college classroom where my students who are smarter than ever and ready to succeed must face the doubts of others because of their relative youth.

Nyad does 1,000 burpees a day (click here to see what a burpee is) – it takes her over 2 hours but she says she makes the time for it every day of the week.

Proving once again that the best way to overcome ageism at any age is accomplishment.

The worst thing to say to someone who is clearly in a bad mood is I know how you must feel.

No, you don’t.

Chin up.

Not that easy.

Things will get better.

Easy for you to say.

So, what do you do?

Ask for advice, get the other person to help you with something.

We humans love to be asked for advice – it makes us feel good, useful, sometimes even happy.

Staying busy is the special sauce to deal with the blues and helping another person get busy by asking for advice is mutually beneficial.

In one of my music business classes, we start with a few music videos that students chose which represent how they are feeling or what to feel.

On the last day of class, we watched an Aretha Franklin video suggested by a Gen Z student that almost turned the room into a raucous live venue.

I’ve always said it is hard to be depressed playing music in a radio studio (until the boss walks in, that is).

Music as background noise is one thing – as a choice matched to feelings is another.

This is a tough world we live in but music is a cure all when the music matches how we feel.

We have a therapist for problems, a med for disorders and there’s a song to choose for joy.