Being Heard

  • Last week my NYU students emphasized how important it is to them to be heard and in their study of human relations, they learned some effective approaches.
  • There is a difference between being heard and talking over someone else.
  • To be heard, first become an avid listener as the recipient is going to see hear through their perception of what you are sharing.
  • Ask questions, listen to the answers, educate instead of sell, accuse or blame and communicate.
  • The volume is less important than passionate listening.

Comforting

  •  This is how a parent comforted the worries of her child at bedtime – I found this inspiring and useful in many other ways.
  • My child’s list of worries was long and it was getting late. “I’m going to take these worries for you.  I’m going to put them in a box for the night.  If you want them back in the morning, you can have them, but you don’t need to hold on to them right now.  I can hold them,” I said, running my fingers across her eyebrows.  She nodded.  I pretended to take something from her chest in my hands.  I took them away with me.  She slept all night.  (Via The New York Times).

Transactional Relationships

  • A recent episode of HBO’s Billions saw Wendy consulting her Buddhist teacher’s advice on achieving inner peace by not being so transactional.
  • Transactional relationships are built on the expectation of reciprocation – both people being concerned with how they will benefit.
  • Sometimes transactional deals are necessary but often doing something without the expectation of receiving something in return is more rewarding.
  • Just as money can’t buy happiness, getting what you want doesn’t give you power.

New Rules on Judging

  • You get to judge you – no one else gets a vote.
  • Judging is one of the big personal issues right now as people become exposed to negative sentiments not only in person but through social media.
  • When you put something out on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok and other means do you regret it?
  • People say they can handle judging by others better when they are with friends and family, a place of safety or alone by themselves.
  • But even being alone requires a sense of ownership that you are unique and your life is not to be judged by how others observe it but how you live it.

Show Up as a Leader

  • A TikTok with great advice here
  • Confidence is compelling, timidity is off putting, indecision makes you lose the cooperation of others.

St. Peter’s NCAA March Madness Run

  • The Jersey City team no one ever considered an elite school became the first No. 15 seed ever to advance to the Elite Eight. 
  • Toward the end of the regular season, St. Peters went on a losing streak only to be followed by a winning streak.
  • Their coach Shaheen Holloway appears to be a quality leader and outstanding role model for his student players.
  • Although they lost their game against North Carolina, St. Peters’ success reminds us of the real things that help us succeed – what’s in our head means more than any other body part, skill or advantage.
  • Negative thoughts bring us down and occasionally as is the case with St. Peter’s the will to win can help exceed expectations.

Stop Saying I’m Sorry at Work

  • Replace “I’m sorry” with “thank you”.
  • You’re seen as strong and successful whenever you resist the urge to apologize to co-workers or bosses.

Self-compassion

  • You know the saying that a person’s best friend is an animal and there is no doubt that they can be loyal friends – consider those affected by PTSD who feel comforted by an animal they can trust, love and feel safe with.
  • And isn’t that the definition of a true friend not just an acquaintance?
  • People bring joy, diversity and companionship into our lives but asking more of them is often more than most people can provide.
  • Practice self-compassion in order to recognize it in others.

Fix for a Bad Mood

  • Anyone in radio or television can tell you that while what they do for a living requires them to be upbeat and positive when on-the-air, they’re human and don’t always feel that way.
  • When I taught the Dale Carnegie Course, we used to remind learners to “act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic” – the action comes before the thought.
  • Take a timeout here and see if you can think yourself into a better mood.
  • As my radio and TV friends will attest to, they have little job security and you can get fired on a dime for nothing or by someone who isn’t even sober at the time.
  • I’m aware of an air talent who was fired on the day before vacation and then asked to do their show before leaving the keys under the bosses’ door – you couldn’t tell from what went out over the air because the person was even more enthusiastic when the mic was open.
  • The fix for a bad mood is act happier until the natural motivation catches up with you.

Partly Sunny

  • The opposite of “not sure” is “not unsure” even though both phrases describe uncertainty.
  • It’s like “partly cloudy” and “partly sunny” – decades ago chambers of commerce everywhere were pushing local media outlets to go with the more positive weather forecast wording even though the actual result they were forecasting was the same.
  • When in doubt, choose “I’m not unsure” over “not sure” when faced with a goal and put that optimism to work for you.