Ever notice how people apologize unnecessarily for some things and refuse to give a believable apology for others?

“Sorry” because you disagree with someone else is not required.

“Sorry” for interrupting someone is better handled with “no, you go first”.

“Sorry” for letting someone down is better directed at you, for letting yourself down first.

When a serious apology is necessary, stand up and give a sincere apology of your choice without using the word “if” (“If I offended you, I’m sorry) because it is conditional.

Regrets are part of life that are easily fixed by never apologizing for being you and always offering a sincere apology when you have wronged someone.

Anxiety is an acquired habit.

We get it from those around us and from self-doubts within.

It has no limit so when we pile on more, it stresses us more.

And we can attract the anxiety of others just by hearing, seeing or experiencing their troubles.

There is no cure for anxiety overload that doesn’t go through you first.

The brain can be trained to differentiate between real issues that you need to deal with and those of others around you.

Preventing mental health breakdowns is not as important as having a plan of action ready for when they happen.

Every attempt to deal with anxiety, loneliness, loss of confidence, courage and burnout can be another step in preparing a plan of action for the next time.

Face it:  Anxiety isn’t going away any time soon.  But assembling the confidence to deal with its consequences is a more reliable life plan.

Dr. Marisa G. Franco in Platonic:  “Loneliness is more fatal than a poor diet or lack of exercise, as corrosive as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.  Friendship literally saves our lives”.

Even in the age of social media.

Still, it means taking the initiative, reaching out and doing the work.

When we like a social media post how well do we really know a “friends” life beyond “the published, polished version”.

Take action:  make small gestures (“I’m thinking of you”), a funny video, a Pinterest recipe, an encouraging voice note —  things that keep us connected in an “endearing” way.

I tell my students I love them – You should see their faces the first time I say it but in their course evaluations they feed the positives back (“the professor REALLY loves us”).

Friendships are more than a click, an emoji or a glib comment – it’s a bit more work and a little risk taking to share positive feelings, but it works well in the digital age.

I have a student who shared with her class that she is working on smiling more.

Significant because she almost always wears a facemask.

Her progress report:  I have smiled at many people and I don’t know if it made me look friendlier but it made me feel good.

Everything good starts within us.

Being perfect is not a place, it is a destination.

Perfect is an illusion.

Caring is a better goal.

Caring about doing our best, being our best and accepting our best is real.

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are both forces to be reckoned with and imperfect works in progress.

Both have had mental health issues that they have embraced and fought.

Female stars and for that matter most young people are dealing with the ravages of anxiety in very public ways.

The reason:  social media the home of setting unreachable expectations and fostering the expansion of bullying.

Emily Weinstein and Carrie James coined the term in their book Behind Their Screens: What Teens Are Facing (And Adults are Missing).

Via the New York Times: “They quote girls saying things such as, “On social media everyone seems like they are far better and far ahead than me, which is stressful and makes me feel behind, unwanted and stupid.”

And: “I scroll through my Instagram and see models with perfect bodies and I feel horrible about myself.” For teenagers who are susceptible to insecurity (and one wonders which ones aren’t), Weinstein and James write, “going on social media can activate the ‘dark spiral.’”

Being good enough is being real and accepting not shopping for the impossible as portrayed on social media.

A lot of my NYU students are celebrating Friendsgiving this year instead of Thanksgiving – a holiday adjustment originally conceived by millennials.

Still 80% according to surveys are going to the traditional family gathering, turkey on the table route.

There is a great interest in “chosen family” – people in our lives who are not genetically related but who have earned the right to be considered friend or ‘family’.

A move away from less traditional gatherings – even a totally different menu – would you believe pizza is one item (that sounds good to me!).

However it is celebrated, adding new meaning to an old holiday is often welcomed.

I’ve asked my students before the break to be a force of thanks to other people over the next few days.

To feel the power that they have to make friends and family feel appreciated and to not forget those who are struggling.

And that is thanksgiving no matter what you call it.

“I’ve gotten to the point where the label of ‘best friend’ is so ridiculous. If you have three people in your life that you can trust, you can consider yourself the luckiest person in the whole world.”  ― Selena Gomez

Mindfulness worked as well as the go to drug for treating anxiety in a recent study, 200 adults, six-months.

2½ hours of weekly classes and 45 minutes of home practice vs. Lexapro, a drug for depression and anxiety.

After two-months, anxiety declined 30% for both approaches on a severity scale.

In the U.S. anxiety disorders affect 40% of all women and 1 in 4 men.

Among the self-help tips:  ‘I’m having this thought, let that go for now”.

7 study members dropped out because of drug side-effects.

In the end, letting go is one alternative to sopping up the stress around us and can train the brain to change the relationship people have with their own thoughts.