Dale Carnegie has a very useful approach to better problem solving outcomes.  I taught it for years as an instructor for them and use it frequently even now.

Here it is with a few twists that I have added to make it even more effective.

1. Define the problem.  Believe it or not, lots of good people are off solving problems that are not the focus of their attention.

2. What are the causes of the problem.  Have a field day and spend some time writing as many reasons as you can come up with.

3. What are all the possible solutions?  Be careful not to solve your problem yet.  Just come up with every approach you can think of even if it is off the wall.  Note:  often off-the-wall is the solution.

4. What is the BEST solution?  It could be one or a hybrid of one of your possible solutions.

5. Determine an Action Step.  How to proceed.  Too often great things are decided but there is no follow-through.

6. Set a date to review the status of your actions.  Very important step to make sure that there is always forward motion toward the resolution of solving your problem.

This works for major career decisions, business problems and very often for personal problems.  It gives an important reason for bringing people together for meetings.  It may take a few times but this can be part of the way you think and attack the challenges of life in a proactive way.

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The losing Carolina quarterback walked out of a media interview after losing The Super Bowl Sunday to Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos.

Losing is tough.  No one likes it — especially minutes after the losing the game.

Newton actually called himself a “sore loser” and is wearing it with pride – for now.

This irritates some people and parents who are still trying to keep some semblance of sportsmanship in sports.

Losing is a rehearsal for winning – winning is best, losing is second best and is a great motivator.  Cam Newton will likely lead another team to The Super Bowl and has a good chance of winning next time.

The Super Bowl trophy is named after Vince Lombardi, the winning coach who is famous for saying “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”.

I get it and you do, too.

We don’t play to lose.

But there is great value in all our lives to respect setbacks as the greatest character builder known to humanity.

Go easy on Cam Newton.

He just needs a little time to process what we all have trouble with from time to time – understanding how to deal with defeat.

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Politicians are outdoing themselves this season for being nasty and even hurtful.

Seems like nothing is off limits.

But we don’t have to look to politics for nastiness, just see what’s happening in schools, offices and even friendships.

We hate haters but it is getting easier to express hateful comments because, sadly, people are more accepting of it.

To stamp out haters, it is important not to let the insult divert you from what you believe.

Haters have apparently become diet doctors because they sure throw a lot of hurtful comments about people’s body shapes and sizes.

Instagram alone has become a reserve for outdoing others by making them jealous and trying to get more “likes”.

Forget what others think.

What do YOU think?

Haters are going to hate because it’s easy to do with the high connectivity we have in our digital world.

Let it roll off of you (shake it off, as Taylor Swift advises).

Do not retaliate – be the person you want to be.

Don’t go trolling for “likes” unless it is a “like” for how you feel about yourself.

No love is possible unless we can love ourselves first and most importantly.

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I had the privilege of knowing Don Rosenberg a.k.a. Dr. Don Rose, the outstanding morning personality of WFIL, Philadelphia radio.

Recently, my friend Gerry Wilkinson who is the heart and soul of Philly Broadcast Pioneers, did what he does best – make history come alive with this quote sent to Rose by a listener on Don’s last day on the air October 5, 1973:

“Once in awhile, we meet someone who stands out from the rest of the flock. Someone who flies higher and faster and further than we ever thought possible. It helps us to do the same”. 

A mentor is defined as an experience or trusted advisor, but he/she can be so much more.

Choose to be in the air space of people with high values, worth ethic and devotion to doing the right thing.

The next time we hear the word “mentor” used, let’s compare it to the definition that Dr. Don Rose shared with us on his last Philadelphia broadcast.

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Usually when management changes, heads roll and new people are hired to “fix” the old company.

But that didn’t happen when Dave Gettleman took over his job.

Gettleman was hired to operate two years ago and he decided to avoid five or six months of upheaval that would have happened if he put his own people in place.

His philosophy in Gettleman’s own words is “I think everyone should have an opportunity to do his job”.

Then he watched and evaluated everyone he inherited to see strengths and weaknesses.

And this is the important part – Gettleman believed he could make the changes he wanted to achieve a winning organization by influencing his existing employees to come over to his way of thinking.

Well, did it work?

Sunday, his Carolina Panthers, where he is the team GM, will play Denver in the 50^th NFL Super Bowl.

Imagine the loyalty Gettleman has accrued by not replacing the usual moving parts.

And think of all the other NFL teams that could not wait to make a change even before the season ended (yes, I’m talking about you Philadelphia Eagles).

A policy of “no-firing” can be more successful then cleaning house.

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The winner of 21 Tennis Grand Slams has always had a love hate relationship with how she looked.

She competed with thinner athletes not ones with big muscular, curvy bodies.

“When I was younger, it was hard seeing all these thin athletes when I had more muscular curves and was big-busted”.

Now, she is in a different place:  “”I love that I’m a full woman and I am strong, and I’m powerful, and I’m beautiful at the same time, and there’s nothing wrong like that. It’s so important to look at the positives, if I get caught up looking at the negatives it can really bring you down.”

Body image is molded by those around us and societal “norms”.

But we now live in a world of diversity where it is beautiful to be unique and different.

For everyone who struggles with body image issues it is encouraging to see the power than comes from first loving yourself.

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If someone pushes you to try to do something you’d rather not and you answer with “I just can’t”, you are likely inviting even stronger attempts to get you to do what you don’t want to.

On the other hand, if you answer “I won’t” meaning “I won’t (do that which you are asking me to do), then it is more definite and final.  It is likely your wishes will be accepted without any further attempt to pressure you.

Can’t when used in this context could be taken to mean, “I can’t (unless you push me to do it)”.

Won’t, in the same context, means I’ve made my mind up and that is my final decision.

In life, we have an obligation to be true to ourselves in all human contact and by saying what we mean, we put the weight of conviction behind our words.

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They don’t respect someone who is perfect.

Who thinks they are always right.

Who makes them feel envious or jealous.

Who knows everything.

In our world now, people respect authenticity.  People who seem real even if they are a bit odd or imperfect.

That is why being vulnerable is real and has real benefits.

Here are the four words you should use more often that will make others respect you:

“I made a mistake”

The only thing worse than being wrong is always being right.

It’s not believable and it’s not possible.

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Taking five or ten minutes at the beginning or end of each day, can transform your life, reduce stress and make you happier and more productive.

I saw a British study in the Harvard Business Review in which commuters who were encouraged through text messages to plan their upcoming day were happier, less burned-out and more productive than a similar group who did not do pre-planning.

All of us complain about feeling too stress. Here’s a way to reduce it:

• Take five to fifteen minutes at the beginning or end of the day to think about the day ahead or how the current day went.
• Reserve this time the same way you would set aside time for a project or meeting.
• As the Harvard study suggested, even thinking about the day ahead or just concluded in a positive reflective way (say on the commute home), can be as beneficial.
• A short investment in time is like a play from the sidelines sent in by the coach to tell the quarterback what to do next. Just doing without thinking about it is stress we can eliminate and now there is research to back it.

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Keep your expectations low and your motivation high for the best possible outcome.

When it is the other way around, disappointment from not achieving our goals soon derails our hopes and chips away at our ability to sustain the motivation needed to achieve our original goals.

Dash those expectations if you want to remain happy and productive.

And if you want to have high expectations about anything, make it about your ability to maintain a high level of motivation under all circumstances.

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Yesterday Oprah tweeted that she lost 26 pounds while eating bread every day on Weight Watchers.

That one tweet drove Weight Watcher’s stock up so much that Winfrey, who owns 10% of the company, made $12.5 million in one day.

All good.

But on the same day, a little noticed story on Huffington Post about a mom who defended her daughter from a Dillard’s salesperson who wanted her to use Spanx to reign in her figure popped up with an ad for none other than Weight Watchers.

Her mother told the world and the salesperson in a tweet that “she did not need you telling her that she is not perfect”.

In one example, dieting gets us to perfection and in another the use of body control shape wear does it with a big fat ad for a weight loss program in the middle of a story about body image.

And therein lies the problem.

There is no perfect and there doesn’t need to be.

We come in all shapes and sizes and that is just fine.

Instead of dieting and shape wear alone, we could use some self-love and teach it to others.

When we love the body we have, we are truly attractive starting from the inside and it costs us nothing.

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The rage among parents is to set up play dates for their young children as a social component of their children’s lives as well as a lifeline for theirs.

There is a support group in the community in which we live in suburban New Jersey devoted to parenting issues such as these.  Perhaps you have something similar where you live.

Well, here’s a news bulletin — adults need play dates, too.

When I was on-the-air in radio and TV, I cannot remember any of what I did feeling like work.  But today, in a consolidated media industry that is virtually run by hedge funds and investment banks, undertakers are having more fun.  Employers are more concerned with efficiency of scale rather than happy and productive people.

My favorite professor in college had us laughing so hard we didn’t think he even had a lesson plan but it worked so well I adopted the same approach when I was appointed a professor of Music Industry at the University of Southern California.

Play stimulates creativity, which is why even a day at the beach can get the creative juices flowing again.

Clowning around is not clowning – it’s stress relief.

Don’t think you can do it?

Remember what your face must have looked like when your toddler was working their way through the terrible twos.

Just reading this isn’t going to change much for us, but prioritizing play – even (and especially) at work is the secret sauce that is missing from our stressful lives these days.

The more serious our business and personal life, the more unhappy it tends to be.

Ironically, the more playful we are at living our lives all day long, the more serious we are about productive business and personal happiness.

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When you succeed and it still doesn’t feel like a victory.

When you endure even though others would have given up.

When you believe in others and not yourself.

Where a life well lived feels like it just still isn’t enough.

When we look for affirmations from our parents even when we’re now an adult.

Believing we’re good enough is not a feeling.

It’s a conviction.

A decision.

Make the decision today that you will no longer harbor any thoughts that you’re not good enough.  It’s fine to want to be better but we are wasting our lives looking for that which we have already achieved.

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Phoenix Coyotes fighter John Scott was voted by the power of social media to this years NHL all-star game.

The league thought they would let the fans decide who deserved to play but Scott who hardly ever scores and was traded recently then shipped to the minors polled big time.

There was so much pressure on the NHL to include him that they found a way to get Scott back to the majors just for the game. Meanwhile Scott has played the good solider and said all the right things.

Some observations:

• If you’re not ready to have social media influence your decisions, don’t use it.
• Obviously Scott (a fan favorite in Phoenix) is not fast enough or good enough to play with the other all-stars but today average fans think differently about what a star is.
• People like authenticity. Scott is old school. Sticks up for his players and as mean as he is on the ice, he’s that nice off.
• The most talent does not mean as much to the changing fan base as it does to sports leagues.

For the rest of us, the takeaway may be that heart matters as much if not more than talent.

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The Buffalo Bills named Kathryn Smith as the full-time NFL female assistant coach yesterday.

This is a big, meaningful victory for men as well as women and for all of us who are parents and want to see equality across the board in sports.

This is also a big victory for the federal program known as Title IX, which prohibits discrimination based on sex in any federally funded education program or activity.

Young men have grown up watching their sisters succeed on their own in sports and the world and NFL is ready for bending the gender barrier further.

A victory for young children who now have another female role model to look up to.

When feminism was at its height, my sister said to me something I obviously never forgot:  Equal rights are the best thing to ever happen to men.  It frees men to be part of the solution.

So if you have a mother, a wife, a sister or child, root for Kathryn Smith and all the many other women who will make sports more diverse and therefore better.

And the NFL – no dummies – is on the sidelines encouraging this metamorphosis because 45% of their fan base is women.

Now they have something real to cheer about.

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This is just as important as compassion to others because we are fallible human beings – we make mistakes, we are not perfect.

But so do others.

They make mistakes that make them less than perfect.

The best way I have ever heard of showing compassion to yourself is from Amit Sood, MD who says “Look at yourself with the eyes of the person who loves you the most.”

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When things are going great, it doesn’t take much to feel good about yourself.

But when faced with adversity, it is human to see gradual erosion in self-confidence.

You know, we still feel fine and can handle our jobs and lives but we just don’t feel like we have an abundance of confidence.

• Look out for self-damaging statements like “I screwed up (blank)” or “I didn’t (blank)”.
• When words like “didn’t”, “couldn’t” and their relatives “don’t” and “can’t” start coming out of our mouths, take notice and stop them in mid sentence.
• My theory is – why should we contribute to knocking ourselves down.  Life is tough enough without us heaping on more insults in our own direction.
• Reject negative comments or projections aimed at you by others.  Untended, these comments can contribute to a critical loss of self-esteem.
• Build confidence around a feeling of well-being not based on the premise that everything we do must succeed.  Example:  “I will out work anyone”.  “No one cares more than I do”.  “In a tough situation, I want me to handle things”.  When we build self-esteem through truisms about our motivation and conviction to succeed and not on how things are going lately, we can maintain the highest level of self-confidence at all times.

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The founding member and guitarist for the Eagles died a month after he and the group was to be honored at Kennedy Center.

The event was postponed because of Frey’s deteriorating health from multiple conditions.

And now Frey’s death immediately follows the music industry losses of the icon pioneer David Bowie and pop singer Natalie Cole.

The death of a musician is like losing family because music is the soundtrack of our lives.  We know exactly where we were when we first heard a song that resonated with us and can relive any live performances we attended even until this day.

As baby boomers age and they inevitably experience the loss of other seminal artists it is a good time to recognize what we can do when we experience loss.

Live and appreciate life in the present because when we lose those that we love, we will always have happy memories to live on for the rest of our lives.

That’s true of the people dear to us whom we miss and mourn and those that we did not know personally but who made our lives happier because they were in them.

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Celine Dion’s husband, Rene Angelil died yesterday at the age of 73.

He struggled with throat cancer for years and in a very public interview, Celine Dion told of how she was feeding her husband with a tube and helping him overcome the fear of dying.

But it is her message of life that lives on.

“It’s important to open your eyes in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and ask two questions: ‘Are you dead, or do you have a ticket to ride’ … There are just two tickets. If you’re alive, have a good day. Because today is the most important day of your life.”

Dr. Amit Sood, the Mayo Clinic physician, teacher and author, believes there is something positive about contemplating the finite nature of years one has left.

Better to make the years ahead filled with more meaning and fewer regrets.

We best remember those we have loved and lost by making their best qualities part of our being and we live life to the fullest when we realize that if you’re alive, have a good day.

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Maybe by this morning we will all know who the lucky person or people are who are going to share in this monster Powerball lottery jackpot.

But don’t call them winners.

Here are 8 winners whose luck ran out after they won (article).

In fact, so many lottery “winners” end up homeless, without friends, without a purpose and distanced from those who drank from the fountain of wealth.

In other words, the dream often becomes the nightmare.

Unfathomable wealth turns out to be the kiss of death and yet all of us try to buy a few tickets and get lucky.  We say, it would pay for our kids’ education, pay off the house, get us out of debt and maybe allow for a vacation.

Some people (not all) actually quit their jobs, lose their identity and become official spenders of their fortune.

Ask Warren Buffett what he thinks of his wealth as he lives in a modest home and where he has bequeathed only a very small portion of his vast wealth to his children who must spend the majority of it on charitable works.

Bill Gates is giving away his money and now the Zuckerberg’s are pledging to give their billions away.

Money is a wonderful thing, no doubt.

The old saying, “… the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” starts with the keys words “the love of money”.

What a good time for the rest of us lottery losers to be grateful that we get to keep our jobs, our debt, our problems and our futures because as my mother used to say “if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is”.

Pay forward and give to others as best you can and we’re not just talking about money here.

The gift of your time is worth more than money can buy and feels really good to the giver and receiver.

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