Here’s a genius idea attributed to Albert Einstein:

“Stay away from negative people.  They have a problem for every solution”

We become like the people we are around so choose your friends carefully and learn the skills for dealing with others where you have little choice.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor Frankl

• The only option left is for us to adapt.
• Redirecting energy used to try and change something out of our control and focus our own attitudes, perspectives and behaviors.
• Adversity can be transformational because it requires accepting what we cannot change and becoming more skilled at changing the way we deal with it.

Sometimes trying to turn ourselves inside out to deal with a difficulty is not as good as developing tools to become stronger.

I thought you’d like to hear about this interesting moment I had with a classroom full of NYU students recently –- as you’ll see, they finally agree to a person what they would be enthusiastic about doing to gain control of their digital devices.

• I asked how many were happy with how they use their digital devices – 50% were (seems like the world is divided even here).
• I proposed a question that could be asked every time they are tempted to spend more time on their devices.
• The question: “How will this device, app, more screen time and additional social media make me happier or better off? 

• Some want to gain more control and redirect their time to interacting with others and some want to make sure they don’t build a bigger bubble in which to be further removed from real time.

It’s rare to get agreement especially among young people who have never not had a digital life to ask the benefits first before plunging ahead.

People are surprised to learn that the brain is not responsible for your unhappiness.

• The brain was wired to protect our prehistoric relatives from being eaten alive or otherwise put in danger.
• The caveperson was in a sense the first to experience the birth of “fight or flight”.
• Today, our phones trip the “fight or flight” mechanism in our head all day long and we wonder why we’re not happy – it’s the same wiring for the digital age.
• Brains can be retrained through the embrace of gratitude and positivity that we can teach it.

We didn’t do anything wrong if we’re sad or down.  We were born on alert for danger so the cure is rather painless.

That’s how the ageless Rolling Stones started their hit “Mother’s Little Helper” and today Mick Jagger is 80, they have a new album out that is surprising the industry and a tour can’t be far behind.

• Bandmember Keith Richards says “We age not by holding onto youth, but by letting ourselves grow and embracing whatever youthful parts remain”.
• Jagger may have lived the life of a rock star with all that it encompasses but now he’s a health advocate influenced by his Phys-Ed instructor dad – here is his routine.
• Ageism is the one form of discrimination that people somehow have embraced these days but it is worth ignoring and pursing the still-possible.
• Ageism isn’t just discrimination against older people, it happens all the time among the young who are judged as not ready to succeed – another attitude worth ignoring.

Push the limits if you are so motivated.

In one of the playoff series between the Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies, Phil’s superstar Bryce Harper made a serious and critical baserunning mistake that caused the team to blow a large lead and lose the game.

• Afterwards, Harper owned it – said it was over and he had to move on.
• Move on he did in their next game where his two homeruns helped his team defeat the Braves by a 10-2 score.
• According to Jake Mintz of Fox Sports Braves shortstop Orlando Arcia was caught cackling in the locker room and repeatedly saying “ha-ha, atta-boy, Harper” as reporters were entering for postgame interviews.

Most players avoid mocking the other team because it can come back to hurt you but just as important is owning mistakes and looking to improve the next time you get a chance.

That doesn’t just apply to sports.

People tend to overcompensate for their perceived weaknesses instead of celebrating their strengths.

• The great unlocked reserve of positivity comes from inside your head – the things you do well but don’t seem to remember.
• Capture the positive – take a screen shot if it is in an email or text, save it, review it and counterbalance the human tendency to keep our weaknesses and mistakes in the front of our mind.

The change that could make the biggest difference is emphasizing the things you do right as a rehearsal for future success.

One of the things, no – the most helpful thing my young NYU students like to do is journal.

• Many of them have done so in the past but have stopped along the way.
• Journaling allows us to actually see our obstacles and how we deal with them.
• If it’s not your thing that’s alright, just being able to see your growth, remember your progress helps change things in a big way.
• Progress is best assessed by ourselves – in our own words – rather than relying on observation of others.

It was never in doubt that the Olympic gymnast has the physical talent to win at the 2023 World Artistic Gymnastics Championships in Antwerp, Belgium.

• She has been plagued by mental health issues forcing her to withdraw from competition in the past.
• Her real courage came from stepping away from competition, sustaining the whispering of social media only to regain her confidence and return when she was ready.
• In the entertainment business, performance anxiety and imposter syndrome is a much more common problem than in the past – a reason we address it straight on in our NYU music business program.
• It’s a new, complex world in which outside forces bombard those who are talented with palpable feelings of not being good enough but in time and with self-care, it can be overcome.

Simone Biles just put on a text book performance – yes, in gymnastics, but even more impressive in regaining the belief in herself to participate in a grueling sport.

Would you tell a friend, “go ahead and try it if you like but you’ll probably fail?”

• But we say it all the time to ourselves – I can’t do it, I’m not good enough and other useless thoughts.
• If you wouldn’t tell a friend they can’t, why would you think it about yourself?
• Sometimes the biggest leap forward in confidence comes from being kinder in the way you talk to yourself.

While you’re waiting to succeed, get to work on the things that guarantee it.

• Success is not just a waiting game, it’s being prepared for our next moment.
• Building our strengths while waiting to succeed is the best use of time to those who want to be ready when the right moment comes.
• I had a student who told me they “hated” themselves for something they believe they did wrong – after that, it was all downhill.
• Instead, think of success the way you do with exercise – put in the time, push your limits, stay with it and put a stop/hold on comments that doubt your abilities.

Our wandering, unfocused minds need reminders of positivity during the day.

• I’m getting it done instead of I’m swamped.
• Reword the negative narrative in our heads.
• Recognize that negative narratives are often implanted in our minds by those who surround us not the sole work of trying to put ourselves down.
• Gratitude is a tool for shaking awake the positivity that’s getting crowded out by destructive thoughts – it’s proven, the more we appreciate things and people, the less we stagnate on what cannot be.

Doubts are normal and our brains are built to encourage them so negative narratives are not necessarily our fault, but we can fix them with a dose of gratitude.

I give all my students in our NYU music business stress class, a card that reads tension by touching it between the thumb and forefinger for 15 seconds.

• Match the color to see whether you’re calm, normal, some tension or tense.
• Beyond being fun, there is a deeper benefit – we often think we’re anxious when in reality we are not or think we’re relaxed when we’re actually tense.
• Before we go off get concerned, get it right because as this card teaches us, we may be talking ourselves into being more anxious than we are.

When in doubt, assume you’re calm and to be sure, take a deep breath and let it out slowly five times.

The world is stressed, but often we are not so being aware is one way of not talking ourselves into a problem we don’t have.

My classes are noisy and I like it that way – students talk to each other because we make socializing in person a priority of learning.

• Each week, we start by making a new friend – go over to them and start a conversation (and believe me, it’s tough to stop them).
• Smiles increase, happiness skyrockets and participation grows.
• One student talked about the harrowing position of attending a wedding where people who don’t know each other – start the evening, dine together and end it without ever talking.
• Almost always, the person who reaches out to another first is rewarded with a sigh of relief and an interesting conversation.

For everyone else, today would be a great day to unlock the power of breaking the ice with someone you don’t know.

Gallup’s sadness index for Americans is on the rise and young generations especially Gen Z are feeling the brunt of it.

• The share of popular song lyrics that include synonyms for hate rather than love has increased over the past two decades according to Neil Howe’s new book The Fourth Turning is Here.
• Negativity is everywhere and it is baked into social media, linear media and too many places that affect our moods.
• We’re feasting on negativity rather than neutrality or positive thinking and it’s becoming part of our fabric which helps explain road rage, random shootings, bad behavior in restaurants, airlines and overall unruliness.

Happiness, good behavior and love are choices we make not necessarily things we feel in a digital world linking outrageous thoughts and behavior.

Edith Eger reminds us that even after surviving a concentration camp and the needless loss of loved ones, she decided to live the rest of her life by making a choice not to waste it and to be happy.

This school year I ask my NYU students to introduce themselves to someone they don’t know in class and chat for a few minutes to break the ice.

• It’s hard to get them to calm down and return to their seats and they are visibly happy.
• No matter what problems they walked in with, most smile at making a new friend (that’s 21 new friends for the semester).
• But the key thing is to have the courage to go first – step up and say hi because almost always the other person is so grateful you approached them.

Friendships are so important to our mental health and we’ve paid a price for hunkering down in the pandemic

• The number one thing those in hospice say they wished they had done is to spend more time with people they care about.

I’ve created monsters – they love to engage each other now which acts as a tremendous inspiration to me that I thought I would share with you.

For a guy who spends a lot of time in New York City, I can’t believe this brain study on rats, but it’s true – the more we play, the healthier we feel.

• For kids, — free play is important which is one reason why the pandemic has had so many negative impacts on the young.
• And adults need play – whether it is playful banter in the workplace or other forms of relaxation and joyfulness.

So, this week in one of my NYU classes, we’re played a few minutes before we learned for an hour and forty minutes – to see who can remember the 5 major points from our discussion on “stress-free living and working in the music industry” the previous week.

But it’s a game – everyone can play and there is even a prize – a gift certificate for Starbucks (the fuel that powers college students) – even learning can be fun (especially learning!).

I’m doing it again this week and I’ll bet the overall class retention of the major points of the course will improve – fun is welcome everywhere.

In a new study, the average parent spends more time on their devices (5 hours) than they do with their kids (4 hours).

But wait, it’s not hopeless

• It’s not the number of hours a day, it’s the number of hours focused one-on-one with children that matters most (ask them).
• Parents can do outdoor activities when possible and other things and set a good example by turning the phone off or putting it away.
• My NYU classes stow their phones and they are so focused on what’s going on that they are becoming true believers that eliminating digital distractions can help them.

There will be many more scary research reports on the deleterious effect of phones but giving them up is not as important as adding more one-on-one time, and that is a gift.

A different way to meditate is to clear your mind of everything and think of the things and people you are grateful for.

• Start with a minute (I do it in the shower).
• Think of things and people who you are fortunate enough to have in your life – at that moment and for what they did previously.
• When the mind wanders to you and your current problems, direct them back to who and what you are grateful for.
• It’s not about big things – it’s the little ones as well. The parking lot attendant that takes special care of you and greets you with a warm welcome.
• It can include touchy issues like broken relationships you are happy to move on from or even a disease that you are fighting to overcome.

Grateful mediation will leave you feeling happier and more relaxed – a good use of time that requires no learning curve.

“Well, I have learned one thing from my latest in a series of the ever-appearing speed bumps of life — 75 is NOT the new 50” — Jimmy Buffett to New York Times writer Maureen Dowd.

• “Thinking younger doesn’t quite do it. You still have to do the hard work of, as the Toby Keith song says, ‘Don’t let the old man in.’ And that is my job now, the way I see it.”

It’s work.  A Plan.  The ability to finish.  Start again when you fail.

• Age alone does not define a person’s age – their ability to “do the hard work” does and that applies to all ages from young to old.