• Many of my NYU students this new semester are battling the fine balance between pursuing their life happiness and making their parents happy – it’s not just an adolescent problem.
• Non-students have the same issues as close friends, work associates and even family can cause stress of moving forward.
• Think if it like this – you are flying the plane, those who matter to you in life are giving advice – in the end, it’s rightfully your decision.
• When I told my dad I didn’t want to go to college and wanted to be radio dj, he said “you’re going to college” and will be the smartest dj on the air.
• In the end, I took his advice and never looked back – after all, it was my decision to make, he was my advisor.
• Trying to please others is another way to guarantee unhappiness – the person who needs to be pleased is you and any doubters will become believers the moment you believe.

• I’m excited, classes are underway at NYU and this fall in my Stress-free Living and Working in the Music Industry class, my friend Les Garland (onetime programmer of MTV), is bringing his latest discovery to class – Stella Mabry.
• She’s 14 and has utilized her interest in song writing and performing to strike back against the “Mean Girl” who bullied her.
• She will be a hit with young students who have to deal with unprecedented social media bullying head on.
• There are many ways to fight back against bullies. Stella’s approach is to channel her anxiety into doing the common good which inspires others.
• Here is Stella’s video.

• In nature, we become like the people who surround us.
• For animals, often they blend in with their environment for safety reasons and to avoid larger predators – as evidenced by any rattlesnake on Camelback mountain – they blend in.
• Environment matters – people who are raised on manners tend to be more courteous, children of good listeners tend to listen to others in their conversations.
• That’s why it’s imperative that we seek out and nurture relationships with people with whom we share common values.
• It’s not necessary to be around people with your exact same personality just ones that value what you do.
• Empowerment comes from people who share common values.

• Q Score is how the entertainment industry measures consumer appeal for performers, among other things.
• The higher the Q Score, the more highly regarded the person is to the general public.
• This is not just a popularity contest because one can be popular without being highly regarded – it’s a means of judging who has credibility that influences.
• It comes down to whether others have a positive opinion of you.
• I have often wondered what would happen if non-performers could test their own Q Scores.
• The best way to assure you remain highly regarded is to focus on being authentic as authenticity is the salve that helps make modern society work.

Who is the most important person in your life?

Have you told them lately?

If words aren’t your thing, actions work well.

Even if they are no longer with you, say it out loud.

The odd thing is when you empower someone by showing immense gratitude you empower yourself – every time.

The world is being numbed by digital devices and social media where in-person interaction is strained.

Look them in the eye and tell them that they are the most important person to you.

Continue being the fine person you are.

You win some, you lose some.

You never win everything and even though it sometimes feels like it your losing streak does not last forever.

Truth is what goes up will go down which is why life is like a roller coaster.

You can’t stop the highs and lows but you can learn to ride them better knowing that life isn’t one winning (or losing) streak.

To build resilience when times are tough, never lose sight of the next high.

Be the fine person you are.

Don’t blame yourself for bad decisions.

No one is perfect.

You will never meet a person who has made all the right choices.

We learn from our mistakes.

There is no need to punish yourself twice.

Embrace the things you do right.

Be the fine person you are.

We encourage others to persevere.

Tell our kids that they can do what they set their minds to.

I never met a person who didn’t think they deserved a raise.

Every time we place a bet, we hope to win.

Self-doubt is a losing bet that we place on ourselves even before we begin.

Hope is what motivates us in every other way.

Today, replace self-doubt with self-hope.

Be the fine person you are.

Smiling at the first ten people you see each day without saying a word has two benefits.

One, many smile back.

Two, no matter how many respond to your silent approval, you’ve just boosted your mood to start the day.

It’s a dress rehearsal for creating happiness.

I assign this as a stretching exercise in my stress class where many discover for the first time that practicing looking happy precedes waiting for something good to happen.

NOTE:  Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes in-person classes again in a few weeks and the media industry revs up to end a challenging year.  This seems like a good time.  A good time to catch up on some stories you may have missed.   See you in a few days — Monday August 28.

The iconic Philadelphia radio personality Joe Niagara hated to read a weather forecast on the air that said “sunny and pleasant” – he just thought maybe it’s sunny but not a pleasant day for some people.

Obviously, I’ve never forgotten Joe’s words and you won’t hear me saying “sunny and pleasant” – sunny is good enough.

And a stormy day can be beautiful (after all, it isn’t always sunny in Philadelphia).

When my NYU students attend class, the forecast inside is more important than outside.

Is the atmosphere one of approval and acceptance?  Non-judgmental?  Positive?  Hopeful, uplifting?  Inclusive?

These are ways to make a cloudy day sunny with those we come in contact with.

Taylor Swift wrote a note to Alicia Keys who shared it on TikTok – the marriage of old school writing paper and the digital present.

Swift was thanking her friend for attending one of her concerts with her son – Swift’s stationery masthead had “Songwriter • Feline Enthusiast” on it.

She told Esquire in 2014 “”I love writing thank you notes. There’s something very nostalgic to me about the feel of a card and putting pen to paper … I like things you can touch and things you can keep, because every bit of communication we have is ephemeral in nature. You can just delete an e-mail and it’s like it was never there.”

Swift wrote $100,000 checks totaling millions of dollars to each of the truckers who hauled her Eras Tour set from city to city with a personal note and while her tour is likely to ring up $1 billion in sales making her even wealthier, few artists show this kind of generosity.

Long after the gift of money is spent, the recipients will have a personalized, handwritten note that can’t be deleted as if it was never there proving once again there are many ways to show gratitude even in the digital age some as simple as paper.

We have apps that tell us what music to listen to, shows to watch, clothes to wear, things to buy and on and on – known as social influencers.

This semester which starts in less than a month, I will be encouraging my NYU music students to cultivate being their own influencers unlocking their creativity and that of others.

The music business relies heavily on the popularity of artists and songs.

It’s a fine balance that also shows up in relationships.

When we try too hard to please, we often lose who we are.

Dale Carnegie used to say that the best liked person is the one who shows interest in others not themselves.

As social influencers disappoint or miss the mark, being a social activator never does.

The person who can focus 100% interest in another is the most powerful person they will ever be.

The burgeoning relationship killer of phone snubbing (thus the name phubbing) in which one party ignores the other for the phone.

There’s a recent study that predicted marital dissatisfaction, a widespread problem in our society today.

Lack of attention to individuals is not limited to couples and partners, doctors spend more time looking at their computer screens than at their patients.

CVS doesn’t answer their phones even though they hand out their pharmacy numbers.

One hospital system I know of allows their physicians to spend 15 minutes with a patient on one problem and while there are still doctors who take all the time they need, their number is declining.

There is one way to have a happy spouse, partner, child, family, employee or friend – engage them without distraction one-on-one.

It’s not the amount of time, it’s the quality and 100% undistracted focus.

Some folks live day after day expecting trouble, anxiety, unhappiness and general dissatisfaction and yet millions of these people get a lottery ticket with high hopes and impossible odds of winning anything let alone the big prize.

Did I mention they actually PAY to be optimistic when the odds are against them?

And often buy more than just one ticket.

Oh, and play lottery after lottery backing up their optimism with their wallet.

If only we could garner even that much positive thinking about our own lives, challenges and hopes.

And that’s the secret – if you’re involved in it, it’s worth believing in yourself.

You have a far greater chance of reaching even your wildest goals and dreams than you do hoping to strike it rich in a lottery where you have only a 1-in-302.6 million chance to win (the Mega Millions jackpot).

My wife and I attended a day-long seminar on happiness and the first thing the group leader said was how important it is to meditate.

That did it – I raised my hand and blurted out, “I can’t do it, I have tried, it doesn’t work for me” and surprisingly others raised their hands to hitchhike on my complaint – they couldn’t meditate either.

But I learned a lot that day.

For instance, you don’t have to succeed at meditating to succeed – I can still have my mind on the next DayStarters I have to write while attempting to clear it of everything.

It’s the process of trying – putting yourself in an anxiety-free state and taking the benefits you can get.

I ask my NYU music students if they meditate and perhaps one out of 40 could attest to it, the others who tried were in the same boat as their professor.

After all, what causes anxiety?  Certainly, perfection is one thing and to gain some benefits from meditation, perfection is not necessary.

If you see me smiling on the turnpike to New York City, I’m not thinking about the traffic jam in the Holland Tunnel – I’m allowing myself to think of something (anything) more pleasing like the smiling faces waiting for me when I arrive at class.

We believe AccuWeather even when they are wrong.

Research shows that out of 100 things that will happen to you and me today, only 4 will could be considered bad.

Even the best weather forecast can’t promise that accuracy.

Researchers say we have a right to expect much better than bad.

Our digital world makes us obsess over fearing the future even though brain surgeons will tell you that 96% of everything that happens to you today will be good.

Instead of dreading something bad there is real evidence that it’s the other way around and that could improve a lot of moods.

After he made the second bogey last Saturday, Brian Harman says “a guy said Harman you don’t have the stones for this.  That helped.  It helped me snap back into ‘I’m good enough to do this.  I’m going to do this”.

He went on to win his first major at of all places The British Open.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to.

And when others question your ability, it’s the perfect time to make sure you don’t.

If others doubt, show them what you’re all about.

The national lottery jackpot hit $1 billion again recently and I can prove that everyone who had a ticket waiting for the results thought they were going to win.

Why?

They paid money to bet on it even with odds that are so minute.

The odds of claiming the jackpot in a Powerball drawing are 1 in 292.2 million.  To put this in perspective, you have a: 1 in 1,222,000 chance of death or injury from lightning in a given year and 1 in 57,825 chance of dying from a hornet, wasp, or bee sting during your lifetime.

Imagine if we bet on ourselves no matter how daunting the odds.

Why are so many of us looking to influencers in the digital age?

We have thought leaders and trendsetters but a paid influencer gets far too much sway.

Be the main influencer in your life – your life is not an election or popularity contest, it is a piece of art created on a canvas of your choosing.  You choose the colors.

Just because someone is paid to make something popular, it is worth nothing to anyone looking to live a life of authenticity without regard to whatever anyone else thinks.

It’s not only young people who outsource their likes to influencers, people of all ages do.

Look to yourself first.

When things are bad, look to the helpers.

Duane Hawkins has been cutting hair in Rochester, MN for 40 years until he had to face kidney cancer again after having one kidney removed in 2013.

This time, his grateful customers contributed money to help him pay the rent on his shop while he has surgery and takes treatment.

One of our readers, Townsquare’s air personality Jerry Puffer, also a Mayo Clinic frequent visitor who has known Hawkins for decades is featured in this short video.

In an age of rage and disconnected relationships, this is how I channeled my gratitude this morning.

Hope you like it.