Last week I met Ryan Dusick, founding drummer of Maroon 5 whose career was upended by drug and alcohol addictions that became so bad that Adam Levine asked him to leave the group.

Dusick wrote a book that will be published within a month called “Harder to Breathe”about his journey.  He agreed to speak to my new “Stress-free Living & Working in the Music Industry” class this spring that promises to be a seminal moment for my budding, young music students.

Dusick wrote in a Variety article:  “We were in the middle of a four-year, global promotional campaign, during which we were instructed to ‘say yes to everything,’ and any breaks in our schedule quickly evaporated as our album blew up on a massive scale.”

“Just when it was time to enjoy the fruits of our labor, my body and mind gave out on me, and this breakdown proved devastating not only to my career but to the very fabric of my being.”

Dusick is now a licensed psychologist working in LA in a career he could not have anticipated but nevertheless appreciated.

Balance, care, prioritizing health over profits – the keys to this inspiring story.

I thought you might appreciate an update on how my NYU students are doing with their screens stowed and no digital connection.

Two-thirds through the semester, I don’t even have to remind them to put their phones, laptops and iPads away.

More students are taking notes with pen and paper – one doodles (I wonder if that’s me she’s drawing?).

Four have voluntarily thanked me in front of the class for asking them to put their phones away – helps them focus better, they say.

Class discussions are immersive – everyone involved.

This leads me to believe that the real lesson here is how to gain control over our digital devices instead of letting them lead us into a knee-jerk world of distractions.

As a Dale Carnegie instructor, I taught people that they didn’t have to be loud and boisterous to be an effective speaker.

In fact, it’s the other way around.

Nothing is more compelling than a soft voice full of passion for their subject.

Trying to be what you’re not is a formula for failure while channeling your authentic self is always the road to success.

The moment dictates what part of you to reveal.

The reason polls constantly show fear of speaking ranking higher than the fear of death is because speaking requires the confidence to be and sound like your authentic self.

Now is not the time to stop a panic attack.

Learning to live with them before they happen is.

People prone to anxiety overload (all of us) who cultivate the sense of being able to deal with panic are better served than those walking around harboring fear of the next one.

That opportunity will come soon enough but being ready with skills and coping techniques is more effective that waiting in fear.

“Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear” – Steve Maraboli

Louder is not a leader.

Leadership has nothing to do with volume.

The ability to inspire others to listen, to trust you and to join you comes from being comfortable in your own shoes.

A leader is recognized not by the volume with which they speak but the number of people who are addicted to being around someone grounded in gratitude, willing to share the burden as well as the success.

Question.

How much anxiety can be traced to you and how much coming from those around you.

You won’t be surprised that our brains are like sponges – we soak in the angst of others and carry it around as if it is our own.

Here is a research study that indeed proves stress is contagious, but most of us already have it.

Today:  wring out the sponge.

Whatever stress we are picking up from others, squeeze it out of your day and just cope with your own anxiety.

One of my students shared with the class that he decided to employ the famous Dale Carnegie principle “smile”.

So, he smiled at about six people and observed that most of them didn’t smile back.

When I asked him whether he felt any better for smiling, he launched into a two-minute response that proved the point that in life there are things we need to do for ourselves sometimes.

For example …

Smile to make US happier.

The same is true of forgiveness – we’re not doing it for the perpetrator, but for ourselves so that in overreacting we don’t become them.

The past is filed away in a cabinet or computer to be accessed when needed to give us information we may need but keeping that file open in the present is the road to unhappiness.

The future is a blueprint – a concept, an idea, a way of deciding what is important to pursue, but living in the future is the original virtual reality.

The present is currency to be spent now or lost later.  It’s the only place that life truly exists – the only place that brings happiness and gratitude at the same time.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” — Kierkegaard

It isn’t the person with the brains that clearly outperforms everyone else.

It’s the one with the work ethic – more specifically, the person who never gives up.

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he successfully invented the light bulb – who would do that?

Here’s his most memorable and inspiring quote from the man that did:

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

So, in my family, my parents and two sisters always talked politics at dinner and we lived to survive the differences, passions and heightened emotions.

Now I know why.

The American Heart Association discovered that 91% of parents notice their families are less stressed when they share meals together.

The psychologist and author Martin Padovani (“Healing Wounded Relationships”) says dinner together is an absolute must.

84% wish they could dine together more often – the real number is 50%.

This seems like a safe, quick and effective workaround to stress – even when you’re arguing about politics.

And almost 60% of those who eat together say they make better food choices.

Start the day by texting all family members to be on time for dinner tonight, ask for menu wishes (mine was always some type of pasta) and phones off – that includes the adults.

Everyone wants dinner together and it’s got all benefits – be the one to make it happen more often starting tonight if possible.

You can’t take something away without replacing it.

Which is why trying to get kids and loved ones to use their phones less and focus on paying attention can be challenging.

I have had 4 students this semester thank me on separate occasions in front of their classmates for requiring them to stow their phones out of site (turns out there is research that says people will constantly glance at a phone that is off but nearby almost as if it will turn itself on).

If you take away a phone, give new power (such as the ability to decide when you need an extra break to check it out in the hallway, participate from their seat instead of in front of the entire room, etc.).

Asking children to get off the phone at home will work if there is something better for them to do – like take a walk with dad or mom, do something together, etc.

When we take something away or have it taken from us, it is much more acceptable when we try to replace it with something as good or better.

Start the day focusing on one thing that has been taken from you or that you must take from someone else and come up with something else to distract from the loss.

1. A small room can be made into a wide world – embrace it
2. Authentic never goes out of style
3. People can hear a smile without seeing it
4. The secret to effective public speaking is to feel like you’re talking to one person at a time.
5. It’s what’s between the music that counts – in radio and in life.

Start the day choosing only one of the 5 life lessons above, use it all day and see why 100 years after radio began, success still comes from being more relatable.

You don’t necessarily win by being the smartest person in the room.

You win by making everyone else the smartest people in the room.

Being skilled at helping others reach their potential is the definition of a leader.

The unlikely Philadelphia Phillies are in the playoffs after a poor start, firing a manager and appointing a person who never managed in the major leagues.

Here’s what one of his players said about how the 59-year old Rob Thomson did it:

“He’s such a people person…he can have a conversation with anybody about anything and definitely on anything baseball.  I think he just feels relatable.”

Start the day thinking of the keys  – we carry many different kinds of keys, fobs and cards – but use a different one for different situations – then look for the right key to unlock the potential of others.

Thought you’d like to see this new OnePoll research on the power of a simple smile.

28% say receiving one is worth more than getting a gift.

26% think a smile is better than a compliment at work.

60% say receiving a smile makes them feel more confident.

52% say they feel happier to receive one.

64% think getting a smile from a stranger is worth receiving up to 3 compliments in one day.

A smile is the least expensive way to improve your looks.

Start the day smiling at ten people some you know, some you don’t and see the power you have – and how it changes your mood for the positive without ever saying a word.

This is what the CEO of Target Brian Cornell does:

Sleep and eat “just like you would if you’re playing in the U.S. Open or the Super Bowl.”

But it wasn’t always that way – he used to get too little sleep, drink coffee as a substitute for eating and not prioritizing after-work exercise and relaxation.

These habits can be detrimental to careers and health as outlined in a 2016 study.

The way I take this is defer to your brain which controls your drive and motivation, fix poor sleep and don’t forget me-time and improve diet so that the result is the mind of a well-trained athlete and the improved health to go with it.

Even doing partial favors can be appreciated.

People who offer less than requested underestimate the appreciation for partial help according to a 2020 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

In other words, even if you can’t accommodate “the big ask”, a small show of help is often significantly appreciated.

Think of what you can do, not what is too big, too time-consuming or too inconvenient to do.

50% of the ability to be happy comes from heredity.

The other half is on their own but with excellent options.

It’s more important to stay positive than to focus on being happy.

If you want to be happier, you have to experience occasional sadness.

Get nature time.

Buying time and using it for the money you spent.

Know your goals dreams and ambitions.

Doubling the number of friends is like increasing your income by 50% in happiness terms.

New research says the average person lies four times a day!

When I read that my reaction was, “that’s all?”

Humans are not perfect and all lies are not created equal.

A white lie could be a harmless, trivial lie told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

More severe ones are serious and can reveal a lot of negative things about a person.

Being authentic is a better goal – young people often mention authenticity as one of the characteristics they crave – reliable, accurate.

One who is being authentic is less likely to be one who lies.

The Phillies had the Braves on the ropes – it really should have been the other way around but the improbable Phils won their recent playoff series and moved on.

Why?

You can mention the new playoff format or luck (good and bad) but I got the feeling the team that gets the momentum wins – it’s in the head.

The Phillies had nothing to lose, they were an early season disaster and the Braves were – well, the Braves.

But with nothing to lose and all the chill that goes along with it, the Phillies could play spoiler and catch the momentum.

Once it got into their blood, they believed anything was possible.

Once the Braves started believing losing to the Phillies was possible, they lost — it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Today try banishing all negative thoughts, free yourself to cultivate a nothing to lose attitude.

The one way to make an enemy a friend is ask them to do you a small favor.

If they agree, they will be admitting that they like you.

Small requests for favors are a way to change the dialogue, level the playing field and perhaps get beyond differences to find common ground.