The romanticized view of the holidays is that family and friends come together around food, in front of roaring fires in the warm glow of harmony and appreciation.

That’s not always the way it is in the real world.

Family conflicts. Strained relationships. Dealing with illness or loss. Celebrating with absences of people we love and care about.

The answer is gratitude – and an extra dose of it for the holidays.

We simply cannot feel down when we are making a conscious and repeated attempt to be grateful for that which we have.

First holidays without a loved one can be mitigated a bit by making a favorite recipe or tradition that fondly reminds you how fortunate you were to have them.

Can’t stand a sibling who ruins the holiday ever year?

Try getting empathetic instead of angry.

Something like “how awful it must be for her/him to have to create such turmoil at a special time of the year”. Just a brief moment of such empathy takes the power away from disruptive people.

Or you can do like I do, visit the past and then put it away, look to the future and plan with great anticipation but try to dwell in the present protected from those who have not yet discovered the meaning of valuing time and relationships.

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