The inability or unwillingness to say no is what feeds the anxiety caused by overcommitting.

Sometimes, employers force the question and other times friends and family take advantage of your good nature to pile on another commitment.

Saying no is not rude – it can be said in many different friendly ways and most people will respect you for being honest.

Saying no is often saying yes to your good mental health – you get to decide.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

The author Dr. Peter Attia’s rule of thumb for determining a person’s true age:

“If they talk about the past and all the things that happened and that they did, they’ve gotten old.

“If they talk about their dreams, their aspirations, what they’re still looking forward to, they’re young”.

The past is a reference file, the future is a plan but the present is the best that we have.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar used to hold the NBA record for the most points in a basketball game until February 8 when Lebron James broke the record by pushing to 38,390 points.

Kareem certainly is not feeling bad about himself – his record came before the 3-point shot among other things.

Many have a bad habit of comparing themselves to others.

Do that and you always lose.

Not because it’s inherently true but because it’s an unfair matchup – like Kareem and Lebron.

Barry Bonds holds the record for the most homeruns in a season (73 in 2001) and the most career homeruns at 762 – but there was a controversy about enhancing drugs, a faster baseball.

Your friend who got the job, the promotion or the life you thought you wanted means nothing.

Comparing yourself to someone else is self-sabotage.

From now on compare yourself to only one person – you.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

You (not me)

Proud (like in I’m proud of you)

That must have been difficult (compassion not advice to people who are hurting)

Can

Will

Never give up

Words matter.  Negative words create a narrative of future failure.  Every time you say them you are rehearsing a bad outcome.

Powerful words motivate, inspire and reward to create a path to happiness and success.

Choose your words carefully.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

Confidence can’t be outsourced.

It starts from within.

Spending any time at all doubting ourselves is a waste of time.

When we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it never works.

Believe in you.

Never look to others for the confidence you feel you are lacking.

To do so makes you co-dependent on another and when their support is no longer there, we find ourselves searching again for self-confidence.

Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

Americans check their phones once every 4 minutes.

Spend 26 seconds on average reading online content.

The young spend an hour and a half per day on TikTok.

It takes 10 seconds to choose a YouTube video.

The key question that helps you to gain control of your digital devices and social apps is:  “How EXACTLY does this device, this app, this program, this game, this podcast make your life better or happier?”

Answer that and you are back in control with time to spare.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

The duty of a real friend may not be listening and giving advice or cheer a person up. 

It’s to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Hear, respect and love the person.

Show that you haven’t given up on them.

Haven’t walked away.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

What if I told you that you were going to get the job of your dreams, make nice money, have a special person in your life and enjoy less stress – interested?

The reason we fear the future is because we have become caught up expecting the WORST even when we are doing our BEST.

The future is a journey – like a vacation, it is not to be feared.

If you want to have a new appreciation for the unforeseen ahead in the future, talk to a person who has run out of years on this earth – wouldn’t they take an uncertain future over no future at all?

From today on, vow to look for all the good things that have not yet happened instead of fearing what will likely never happen.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

The best answer for someone who doesn’t care, is someone who does.

It’s a waste to try and convince such a person to become more invested in what they are doing but that doesn’t usually stop us from trying.

A better use of time is to look for someone who cares.

They will become an ally.

If this DayStarters has been forwarded to you by a friend, you can start receiving a new one every day here.

There are 3 usual responses.

Panic, deny and run.

Or rise to the task.

Every opportunity changes the way the brain is wired.

Being committed to act decisively and without fear is a rehearsal for overcoming the problem.

Most people get undone when something goes wrong.

But imagine if you are ready to respond before something goes wrong.

Less fear, no denial and never panic.

Anticipate the worst to be ready to do your best.

Subscribe to DayStarters

When a baseball player makes an out – even strikes out, no matter what they feel when they walk back to the dugout, they can’t wait to bat again.

That’s how we should do it.

Fail and get back and try again but with one big difference.

Relish the opportunity.

Even if it leads to the same result.

It’s not how many times we try.

It’s how we relish each attempt.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Instead of giving up chocolate or fasting give up self-neglect 

That’s what Columbia Theological Seminary professor Chanequa Walker-Barnes is doing to reverse the usual Lenten practices.

Committing to healthy eating, yoga, meditation, making do with what she had instead of getting something new.

Self-care is a workaround for the neglect of living in a demanding world that deemphasizes mental wellness.

Sacrifice has its place and adding psychologically healthy practices can also be beneficial.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

The brain is not wired for happiness 

The brain is designed as an instrument for survival and safety not peace and happiness – think of our cave dwelling predecessors.

You have to tell your brain constantly to switch off the inflammatory stuff and increase the immunity to happiness.

The good news is stress is not a creation we all made up – it’s real, how the brain operates so blaming ourselves for unhappiness is unproductive.

Tell yourself you are having a good time in your life on this planet because when we feel miserable or negative, we are only hurting our chances to overcome the brain’s biases and find happiness.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

It’s not what other people think that holds us back.

It’s how we look at ourselves.

But that person is not you.

What you are today is you.

More important than failing to become that which you are not is to never stop trying.

No one perfect lives on this earth.

Be the fine person you are.

Don’t look to anyone else to tell you that.

Look at yourself favorably and others will do the same.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

That’s a question one of my stress course in the music industry students asked aloud last week.

Most evidence shows we are heavily influenced in the early years of life by our families.

If change is desired, the will to do it must exceed the need.

Golfers who hit a slice can eliminate it through hard work but when it returns as it often does, the will to eliminate the unhelpful swing must exceed the need.

Yes, we can change.

No, it is not permanent unless that change is important enough to us to outwork the thing we want to improve.

That ability makes us more powerful than we often realize.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

It took Muppet Elmo to pose the question and everyone’s been talking about it since – Larry David has even used the opportunity to polish his brand.

In a world where there’s a lot of talking, this suggests more listening.

Even posing the question “how are you doing?” is healing.

Not just “how are you doing” but leaning forward and listening to the response.

No grading, no talking.

Turns out saying nothing after asking the question is speaking volumes.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

Booker T. Washington said “if you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else”.

Today, there will be many chances to focus on this.

Focusing on others reduces anxiety and is a gift returned to you on every occasion.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

In her acceptance speech for winning an Oscar for Best Original Song in 2018 she said:

“There’s a discipline for passion, and it’s not about how many times you get rejected or you fall down, or you’re beaten up. It’s about how many times you stand up, and are brave, and you keep going.”

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

You can’t expect to outsource self-confidence by looking for it elsewhere.

It starts from within.

Most of us spend a lifetime learning how to doubt ourselves and when we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it doesn’t work.

Believe in you.

Never look to others for that which you don’t have.

Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.

People like to talk about themselves.

As Bette Midler said in the movie Beaches “Let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”

Not that folks can’t ask “how was your weekend” and then proceed to hijack the conversion.

This works to your advantage.

Let people talk about themselves.

Encourage it.

Keep asking questions.

Nothing is more addictive than actually encouraging others to go on and on about themselves.

For your personal needs, find a friend who can do the same thing for you.

Receive these DayStarters for free every day here.

Forward this email to family and friends and feel free to post to Facebook, X, LinkedIn and other social media.