One of Seth Godin’s best books is Permission Marketing, a term he uses as a type of advertising that allows the consumer to opt-in to receiving promotional messages.

Happiness could take a page from Godin’s concept because it is available to all of us every day and yet it requires a similar opt-in.  We can reject it, remain unhappy, discouraged, without hope or we can choose a more productive path.

Opting-in is the key.

Harold Kushner wrote a book called When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough in which he mentioned the useless pursuit of happiness.  Being docile to it – allowing it to happen – is key.  Kushner’s compared the chasing happiness to trying to catch a butterfly – the more you chase it, the more it evades you but when you allow it to land, it is yours to enjoy.

Happiness is not an entitlement.  It’s a choice.

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A new study of children found that the strongest predictors of depression and anxiety are the perceptions that their parents are dissatisfied with them.

That feeling can be extended to adults as well – we’re all looking for approval and acceptance.

Now that the “Lost Year” is over and hope is beginning to replace despair, a thought for the day is find ways to say yes, to bolster and encourage others, to accept imperfections and replace them with hope.

Then, do the same thing for yourself.

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If you assume that people think rationally, then you are likely to end up in an argument.

For difficult conversations, there are alternatives:

• The use of facts usually blows up in our face because humans don’t think rationally.
• When people feel threatened (and the facts can do that), they go into protection mode where ears close and mouths open (it’s actually a scientific fact that our brains essentially overheat).
• It’s more effective to skip trying to win the argument. Make it all about sharing information and asking (and listening) what the other person feels.
• Ask questions, don’t make statements. Communication of all types is fostered by those who learn to be skillful at asking questions and allowing others to see your point of view in their words not yours.

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Most people don’t realize that success always happens if they don’t give up.

It never fails.

But we all have our number so the thing that determines whether we succeed or fail is how long we are willing to keep going to get to that number not how lucky we are.

Adversity truly teaches us what we are willing to go through to eventually prevail.

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“The General Social Survey, which has been measuring social trends among Americans every one or two years since 1972, shows a long-term, gradual decline in happiness—and rise in unhappiness—from 1988 to the present.” – Atlantic author Arthur C. Brooks.

Among Brooks’ observations:

• We don’t get happier as society gets richer because we chase the wrong things.
• We can resist advertising’s power over our minds: “Next time you are presented with the claim that this or that product will make you happy, channel your inner monk, and say five times, out loud: “This will not bring me satisfaction.”
• “Government cannot bring happiness, but it can eliminate the sources of unhappiness” according to former speaker of the Danish Parliament Mogens Lykketoft – Danish people are among the world’s happiest.
• The world encourages us to love thingsand use people. But that’s backward.

Put this on your fridge and try to live by it: Love people; use things.

More here.

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When the need to be heard is greater than the need to hear, communication has hit pause.

Talking more is communicating less.

That’s why meetings are dreaded except by those doing all the talking and why few can remember a lecture of any kind in which they have not first become engaged in the conversation.

Asking questions is the secret.

Listening to the responses will prompt more questions.

Not weighing in on your reaction to what you’re hearing is a top skill level.

And how do you know if you are becoming a better communicator?

How much of what you have just heard can you accurately remember?

The bar is low as we live in a talking culture so victory easily goes to the next person who tries.

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Pets give love first and have it returned as a result.

They don’t demand that we pet them, feed or walk them or cuddle up on a sofa with them – the act of love precedes the love itself they receive.

When a dog wags its tail in happiness, it is not that they are demanding love, it’s the opposite – they are excited because they are going to get love by first giving it.

We can learn a lot about life from our pets who don’t judge, don’t text while they are interacting with us and exist to make others happy.

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As each day starts, we often have a game plan for how we are going to live it.

That is until others weigh in and try to influence or even live the lives of others.

Your very own personal life is like a canvas upon which you paint the picture of what you envision.

You wouldn’t let someone take your paint brush and commandeer your canvas to use their colors, their brush strokes and their design.

Our day today is very similar – it’s your canvas, no one gets to paint on it.

It’s not whether the final outcome is better or worse, it’s whether it is yours.

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Cave dwellers constantly feared for their lives.

The fight, flight or freeze response in cave dwellers saved their lives from the danger of predators but it gives modern folks panic attacks, anxiety and worry.

A chat could set it off, something on social media, even an email or something ostensibly less threatening like the fear of missing on something.

The 3 big obstacles:

1. Your brain feels others pain as your own.
2. For your brain, imaginary is real.
3. The brain can’t tell physical pain from emotional hurts – a broken heart and broken bone feel pain.

The 2-step solution:

1. Your greatest joys come from seeing strangers as friends, that’s how the brain becomes happier.
2. Help others feel safe and cherished and you will receive the same benefit.

Feeling safe and worthy becomes happiness.

The pursuit of gratitude and compassion provides more happiness than the pursuit of happiness itself.

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Fear is useless.

What is necessary is trust.

In ourselves.

To support each other.

To trust that things will get better.

Fear cannot exist where trust prevails.

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On the publication of her book The Beauty of Living Twice, actress Sharon Stone who survived death in 2001 said this in a recent New York Times interview:

“I’ve let go of all the reasons why I cannot work.  I think 40 years of too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too blond, too brown, too young, too old.  Too this, too that.  I’m not really interested in the why-you-can’t-return-my-call of it anymore.  So, if a director wants me, specifically, they’ll be able to find me.”

Deal with it and move on. 

Not just deal with it and keep on obsessing over conflicts, hurts and problems that then never seem to go away.

Move on – put it to rest, leave it behind, spend no more of your valuable time on the same issue.

I was on a plane to the coast one time with Jan Murray and Joey Bishop, two old school comedians.

It was a six-hour flight – they kept the young flight attendant laughing on the empty wide-bodied L1011.  She likely never heard of them until then.

It is said that comedians have to keep people laughing to keep from crying.  That their need to be the source of laughter covers up other problems.

As a child I was so shy (those who know me today, stop that laughter), that my school called my parents in for a sit down and said you’ve got to get this boy into a theater group which I hated.

And here I am today – still shy in many ways but perfectly skilled in standing in front of a TV camera, before a microphone or an audience.

Being shy has made me more outgoing and learning to be outgoing has made me appreciate the many advantages of being shy.

Both are possible.

Friendship happens.

It thrives in an atmosphere of encouragement.

It is heightened by discovery – finding new things you have in common.

Friendship is audio-friendly – the sound of a voice is more powerful than 1,000 emojis.

We’ll binge on Netflix, listen to podcasts, bury ourselves in social media but the investment that pays off in friendship is to pick up the phone and be yourself.

Resilience is the mental ability to expect good but to accept when things go wrong as a challenge to determine the single most important thing of all.

How badly do you want it?

Thomas Edison really wanted to invent the light bulb since he failed over 10,000 times trying.

And 43-year-old quarterback Tom Brady wanted yet another Super Bowl ring so badly he talked Gronk into coming out of retirement to help him.

Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties and it is a byproduct of getting up when you’re down because you want it that badly.

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Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon is reviled and admired – sometimes at the same time.

But he didn’t succeed by being stupid.

“Nobody likes to fail… failure, even when you know it’s important and good, it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t feel good. We’re all human. We had a good idea. We thought it was a good idea, and nobody came to the party. That happens. And here’s the great thing, though. One success, one winner can pay for dozens and dozens of failures.” 

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Love not hate.

Diversity not homogeneousness.

Compassion not antipathy.

Reconciliation not conflict.

Kindness not harshness.

Healing not hurtful.

These are just words until they are activated.

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Do you ever notice how often the word “never” comes up in conversations?

There is a way to change the meaning of never to …

“Always” – “I never send thank you notes” to “I always try”

“Maybe I might” – “I never started my own business” could be “maybe I might”.

“Just this once” – “I always text, never call” might sound like “just this once I will call”

“For you” – “I never walk in fund raisers but I’ll give money instead” becomes “For you, I’ll do it”.

Never is an adverb that can be changed into a positive action word.

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At universities across the country students who’ve just completed their courses are asked to rate the course and the professor.

What rating would you get if your family rated you?

Or your spouse or partner?

How about employees or associates?  Even children.

Not every assessment is correct or even accurate but over time a trend begins to form.

We don’t need a survey form to start getting the advantages, there is an easier way.

Interact with people as if they could rate every contact with you.

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Like a lot of kids, my family was hit with a lot of problems – my dad had a massive heart attack weeks before I started first grade, we were all thrown into turmoil.

I felt I had all I could do to keep up and as a result I learn early on that gnawing feeling of not being good enough – struggling in school, with confidence, socially.

But what a gift it turned out to be.

Every insult was fuel to create a burning desire, one I have had all my life and still have to this moment.

Being underestimated can have the reverse effect to teach us how badly we want something and how to keeping going until we get it.

Those with high expectations may even have greater problems than the underestimated except the hidden gift is to learn how to believe in yourself even when others don’t.

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