If health drinks help, consume them.

If exercise invigorates you then by all means do it.

The biggest energy sapper is fear and worry.

I have a friend who had her newly remodeled condo damaged from water leaking from the neighbor’s condo above.

Insurance issues and legal threats burdened everyone including this person for perhaps the worst Christmas she has had in a long time.

Yet, she is healthy.

Gainfully employed.

Enjoying lots of friends.

How can this happen?

We worry about the 1% that will never happen and even if it does, it won’t happen the way we imagined it would.

Worry about worry.

Doomsday narratives take over our lives.

In the case of my friend, all was restored by spring. Insurance paid for it and the community association added new rules of protection for the future. The condo that started the damage even got a new kitchen out of it.

This is not an aberration.

It’s what happens when we let worry and fear sap our energy.

As long as there is hope always assume everything will work out just fine.

It usually does.

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Employers set the rules even if they don’t call them rules.

Social media defines how we relate to some of our best friends whether we care to admit to it or not.

Even when we know our life is headed the wrong way, we feel powerless to change it.

Regaining your narrative means that you take part in your life’s decisions.

If you don’t like being on call all the time, find a job where you’re not (France forbids email after work requirements for employees.  Don’t tempt me).

If you’re having a hard time telling your friends from your business contacts, maybe it’s time to stop emailing them in lieu of face time or phone time.

If you feel you are not living up to your potential, your employer or your friends and family will not be the ones to change that narrative.  Only you can and should do that.

If you run into me on one of New Jersey’s beaches this summer, you will see me walking endlessly up and down the beach and into the ocean.

I am having a private conversation with myself.  I do it every year.

I’m asking, do you want to keep doing what you’re doing?

Is there something else that is important to you?

Am I being called to another adventure and I’m so busy I don’t know it yet?

What results is a contract with myself to do the things I want to do and not mindlessly repeat another year without that which I crave.

Regain the narrative by first taking control of your narrative.

From there, all things are finally possible.

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This is compelling evidence for me.

The people who have enjoyed success in life or who have come back from adversity have one thing in common.

They never give up.

Thomas Edison failed over 10,000 times before he developed his alkaline storage battery but Edison seems like someone not like us.

Yet there it was again, the refusal to give up.

When I look around my own life and world I see examples of people who despite adversity never gave up.

They outwaited failure.

They out worked their competitors.

We can read all the motivational books we care to but in the end the question is are you ready to keep trying until you get what you want?

If so, you have discovered the “secret” to success.

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Get them to talk about themselves.

We do that a lot in our world now – talk about us.

But if you want people to like you and even think you are a great conversationalist, try asking questions.

How is your mother? 

Have you seen any good movies? 

What do you think about the new iPhone?

Tell me all about your vacation? 

Can you imagine someone asking you questions like these and actually listening to the answers?

Without weighing in with how your family is or your favorite movie.

By asking questions about others, we endear ourselves to them even in a self-absorbed world.

Think of it like this.

We have the power to make people like us by how sincerely we want to hear them talk about their lives.

The difference between a Facebook friend or even a casual friend is our ability to make it all about them when we talk.

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We’ve gotten lazy.

A text or an email is not a conversation.

If a friend is worth having, they will converse preferably in person and if that’s not possible by phone.

If you text, I can’t hear your voice and all that it conveys.

If we email, we’re making business out of personal.  I don’t know about you but I don’t need another email every day.  A phone call, I’d welcome.

We’re sending a bad example to those around us especially our children because one day they will be texting instead of talking and everyone loses.

Through research and by the testimony of psychologists we are mistaking our phones for a lifestyle that in the end won’t be any more rewarding than a business email even if it comes from family members.

Everybody in the world has a phone without regard to their economic means.

But the real value of a phone is to stay connected and enjoy the meandering nature of two people responding to each other in real time.

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Quebec funeral directors are trying to deal with an outbreak of mourners and family members angling to take selfies alongside the caskets of dead people.

They are using restraint by hiding their phones until the last minute and then posing by the deceased to snap one last selfie. I suspect this is not just going on in Quebec.

Phones are great cameras and purveyors of life through video or snaps. But there is the issue of what is respectful to the family.

Selfies are about you.

When the pope visited Philadelphia last year Action News caught onlookers waiting for the exact right moment as his motorcade drove by to snap away with them in the picture with the pope.

A better idea is to pass up the selfie and soak in the memorable moments from life through death.

Our self-absorbed world makes life lonelier for all when everything begins with us.

Spend more time living in the now in which case a picture may be worth a thousand words but a moment together is an indelible memory.

If you’re having a hard time believing the outbreak of selfies by open caskets – click here.

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New research in Europe reveals that only 10% of those surveyed cares to know what’s in their future even if it is positive.  The study involved 2,000 participants in Germany and Spain.

And yet we spend so much time worrying about the future.

The research shows that the 90% who want to remain in the dark tend to be risk averse.

And now we have research to show that people actually like to live with surprises.

The only exception is finding out the sex of an unborn child.  Only 37% said they wanted to be surprised at birth.

Some thoughts …

Planning ahead is forethought.

Fear of the future is fear thought.

No one is able to accurately predict what their life will look like even just four years from today.

The winning formula may yet be planning ahead, referring to the past for lessons learned but always returning to the present with all its surprises – both good and bad.

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Yondr is a new device being used at concerts and with crowds where cellphones run the risk of interfering with the show.

As people enter the venue, they place their phones in a type of see through bag.

Once they enter the phone-free zone, the cases lock.  But people have their phones in their possession and if they want or need access, they step out and unlock the case on a special pedestal.

All this to control our growing urge to allow our phones to take over our lives.

But there are other ways.

Turn it off when face time is desired.

In France, a law was passed that forbids companies from requiring their employees to keep their phones on for business into the evening.  No one I have spoken to wouldn’t love that law here.

Phones are a great thing and no one wants to give them up.

But we’re ruining our lives, relationships and we’re not helping young people when the urge to stay connected exceeds our human need to be in the now with others 100% present.

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Without a road map, reaching goals is a hit and miss proposition.

The most important first step to knowing where you want to go (and grow) is to see it vividly in your mind’s eye.

Not just make more money.

What does more money look and feel like.  See it so you can feel it.

Not just you want to achieve recognition.

What do you want on your business card.

Not simply more happiness.

What does that happiness look like in color, in action.

When a sports team wants to win the ultimate trophy for being the best, players work hard to motivate themselves by seeing them holding or kissing the trophy, wearing the commemorative ring, the recognition they will finally earn, the things they can buy their families (not just money, but specifically what that money buys).

Working hard to reach goals can be a road to nowhere without first seeing vividly in your mind’s eye that which you want to achieve.

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Who do you admire most?

Say you could be that person.  You would still only be second best to the person you want to be.

Trying to compare ourselves with others is like taking away every gift we have that even our most admired look up to doesn’t have.

Comparing ourselves to others is so self-destructive because we are leaving ourselves with an imitation not an original.

Chances are the person you said you admired the most is an original and not an imitation.

Strive to be different and reward yourself for it.

Study the people you look up to and focus on how they overcame being the same as everyone else to become an original. 

We compare ourselves to others when we don’t have the confidence to stand tall as the person we want to be.

There is no one like you.

Try to be aware of that today and see how it empowers you.

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