One thing an on-air radio and TV personality soon learns if they plan to have a long career in broadcasting is to sound happy.

Imagine if they went on the air after being served a divorce lawsuit and let the audience hear their angst and concern.

The author Harold Kushner always said that happiness is like a butterfly.  The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.  Let it land and enjoy it.

Being happy is about being proactive.

There are two things that help.

1. Assume the virtue of happiness (smile, engage others) even when you have to reach for it.

2. Increase your gratitude.

The little known secret about happiness is that the human brain cannot be unhappy when we are in the act of being grateful for that which we have no matter how small or insignificant. 

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There are two ways to handle hurtful people.

One, try to hurt them as much as they’ve hurt you.

Two, feel sorry for them.

Why turn yourself into the very thing you hate about hurtful people and why not pity them instead?

Think thoughts such as these:

It must be awful to have to ramble on in such a hateful way.

Hurting others makes it harder for them to love and accept you.

If you said what you just said to me into a mirror, you wouldn’t like the way you look.

What happen in your life to make you this mean?

Just the few seconds it takes to show some kind of compassion to people who don’t deserve it, allows you to separate their venom from your heart and mind.

Having compassion for people who hurt us is the first step toward letting it go and enjoying your life.

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As soon as we utter the word “can’t” it’s game over.

No one ever overcomes “can’t”.

Think about it.

“Can” is a better word.

But the best word is “will”.

Will is a statement of intention.

I can’t do the presentation the boss wants goes to I can do it or best yet I WILL do it.

I WILL get that raise or I’ll find a job where I am appreciated.

I WILL be the best parent I can even though my spouse and I are now separated.

I WILL find the person who I have been looking for in life as soon as I find that person in myself. 

“Will” is the weapon to defeat “can’t” which is why we often say “she willed her way to success”.

Today, count the number of times you can replace “can’t with “will” and feel the difference.

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The system is rigged against job seekers.

They are often forced to bid against themselves for work because companies are unwilling to pay fair compensation.

In an answer to wage discrimination against women in Massachusetts, a new law will make it forbidden for applicants to be asked their previous salaries.  This should help in the battle against bidding down hiring salaries.

But how do you know what salary to ask for?

When sports stars go to arbitration, arbitrators generally compare the salaries of other players on other teams with similar skills and production.

This works for the rest of us as well.

Isolate three people who essentially do what you do on the same level of production if you are privy to that information.

Your salary sweet spot is likely to be right in the middle.

It’s not an exact science but one thing is for sure, you will stop undervaluing your salary level when you compare it to others like you.

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There are two kinds of problems.

The first is thing problems which involve salaries, locations, tangible things and circumstances.

The storm blew the roof off our house and now we have to foot the expense of fixing it.

The second is people problems in which feelings and relationships are exposed or hurt.

My wife has breast cancer and is going to have surgery, chemo and radiation treatment. 

If it is possible to be thankful for problems, be thankful for thing problems.

When dealing with people problems things are trickier because there is not necessarily a tangible solution and they drain our emotions.

Knowing the difference between thing problems and people problems helps us deal more effectively with the ups and downs in life.

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There is only one person like me on this planet.

I’ve done it before; I can do it again.

I have no right asking another person to believe in me until I am prepared to believe in myself. 

Even when things don’t work out as planned, I care.

I am proud of my successes (which I have listed one by one in order most recent first on my cellphone that I review every day).

The road to success is paved with examples of failures from which I have learned.

I am the person you want to turn to if you want to succeed. 

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People hate change yet politicians campaign on the promise of change all the time.

Maybe that’s why people hate politicians.

Change is scary.

What every human wants and is willing to support is better.

A better country.

A better product or service.

A better relationship.

We spend so much time trying unsuccessfully to become something that we are not that we might want to try just being a better version of what we are.

A better listener.

A better spouse who is 100% focused on my mate.

A better employee who puts petty politics aside for serving customers.

A better friend who remembers to stay in touch – in person as much as possible.

We can all do better and the difference is noticeable.

But change often requires us to be someone else and that never has a good outcome.

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If this is something you’ve talked about but have given up on because it’s just too impossible, here are two ways that make it possible to cut cellphone usage and return to interacting with others and living 100% in the present.

1)  Download an app called Checky on your mobile device so that it can track how many times a day you checked your phone.   Then, see the average.  Set goals to cut it down.  Let the app be your report card.

2) The app Moment tracks how much you use your phone everyday.  It allows you to set limits.

3)  Check out these apps that prevent you from checking your text messages while driving – AT&T Drive Mode; CellControl.

It’s one thing to complain about living a distracted life, but when it really starts to get to you and you want to make a change, there are tools.

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It’s not so much when your career path requires a change as much as it is something in your personal life says time to move on.

Birthdays.  Especially turning 40 or 50.

When we attend school reunions there are surveys that show job search increases by 16% according to a Harvard Business Review article in September.  It may be that being with others your same age makes you take another look at how far you’ve gone toward career happiness.

Any midlife crisis can prompt a job change review.

But caution:  data shows that 50% of employees who wind up staying in their present jobs and accepting a counter offer are likely to leave anyway within a year.

The best time to consider a job change is when you feel that your best abilities are not being utilized.  When your growth is impeded.  When your dreams are getting away from you.

The best excuse for remaining where you are when these feelings start to emerge is that you need an income, you have a family to support, this is not a good time.

But even the best excuse results in unhappiness that can lead to career turmoil that actually accelerates your fears.

It requires courage to change careers not excuses or counter offers.

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Some parents are handing out cellphones to children as young as four years old.

Children are wired differently than most adults.  They can adapt to digital devices almost as quickly as they get them in their hands.

But should they be getting a cellphone when they are a child?

The average age seems to be ten when the majority of children convince their parents they need a phone.

And parents can overcome any guilt they might have by saying “at least I can know where they are at any time and contact them”.

Baby Boomers laugh at this because they grew up without that connectivity and they would tell you they turned out just fine.

YouTube is the obsession of young people.

They use it the way their parents search Google.  This can be good or it can be bad.

The issue most important considering when buying a cellphone for your child is changing.

Many children are turning inward and becoming so distracted by their phones that they are becoming less able to socialize, an important part in growing up and assimilating with others.

Even putting in place rules that keep children disconnected from actual phone service or real texting can be damaging in this light.

They just stare at their palm and play the games or visit the sites that their parents do allow them to use.

Going forward it is not whether children need a cellphone, it is whether they need to avoid the distractions that are making our modern culture detached, unfeeling and anti-social – until they develop socially — a new and important paradigm, indeed.

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