You can’t have it all without paying the price for all of it.

But often, having it all is not worth it.

A stay at home parent pays the price at work.

Ted Koppel stopped his ABC News career to raise his kids in a day when that was considered weird but when they grew up he returned to his broadcasting career and became famous for his “Nightline” TV series.

He paid a price and got a gain.

Not everyone has to be a parent.

Not everyone has to be a successful entrepreneur.

The solution to having it all is checking in with yourself two, three, four times a day to get accustomed to being in touch with what you really want – what matters.

Here is Amy Westervelt’s article on the myth of having it all that may hit home.

In the end, having it all is what’s right for you not anyone or everyone else.  If you know what you truly want, then you will be prepared to pay the price for being truly happy.

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The author Scott Peck who wrote The Road Less Traveled started the book with the words “life is difficult”.

But most of us, most of the time handle adversity pretty well.

We don’t always give ourselves credit for it, but we do.

There are times in life when we are faced with trouble that is more than we can handle – the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, financial or career problems, loneliness and depression – when we could use a little added help.

Take working in a job you love but for and/or with people you don’t like.  That’s what Cumulus Media discovered when it surveyed its employees six months ago only to discover they overwhelmingly liked their jobs but hated the company they worked for.

When faced with adversity …

• Keep remembering the majority of times you have successfully navigated through tough times – it’s important not to forget our successes.
• Ask, what is my goal?  Is it to survive a hostile workplace or, in the case of, say, loneliness, is it to find a special person to share your life?  Often we don’t know specifically what the cure is because we are not quite accurate about the problem.
• Be watchful of your friends, family and associates while going through these difficult stretches.
• Finally, facing adversity may not be pleasant but it is personally transformational.  We become better, happier, more appreciative after standing up to tough situations.

Adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them.

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We all lose it from time to time – some more than others, but even the Pope the other day lost his cool when crowds in Mexico pushed him into the wheelchair of an handicapped admirer.  He shouted back, “don’t be so selfish”.

When we lose it, a time out needs to be called immediately.  The longer we wait, the harder it is to walk away until more damage is done.

But when we become the object of someone else’s bad temper, two important things:

• Remove yourself from the abuse as fast as you can.  Never stand for abuse of any kind for any reason.
• Try to give empathy. It’s hard to do but very effective.  For example, as the ill-tempered person starts their rage, we silently say, “I feel awful for that person for having to be so out of control and so hurtful”.

Here’s the magic.

Just giving an expression of empathy for even just a few seconds often prevents rebound yelling – you know, where someone attacked you and you wound up attacking them even though it was not your fight.

We’re fallible and we live in an imperfect world but we don’t have to let someone have at us or provoke us to do the same to them.

It’s a decision and it’s in our hands.

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 We human beings were not designed for the multitasking and the stressful world we live in today.

Our hunter/gatherer predecessors had to worry about animals attacking their camp and threatening their families.

We live in a different world today where we don’t fear a lion attacking us around the campfire as much as we do failure, social situations, stressful living and living up to expectations.

Knowing this, we can get a grasp on our fears by understanding that most of them will never be realized.

We are wasting our time and emotional well-being by fearing that which will never happen.

When the fear persists anyway, ask yourself what is the likelihood of this happening to me?

In fact, once we get into the worry habit, we’re not actually sure of what we are worried about. We’re just worried in general.

Spit in the face of fear.

Do the things you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

Seriously, we worry about worry.

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen and then go on and do it anyway.

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• Arrive early and engage those attending your presentation.  In other words, put them at ease one on one and they will pull for you while you speak.
• Start promptly, don’t wait for your audience to quiet down.  End promptly, never go longer and avoid overstaying your welcome.
• Seriously reconsider the use of PowerPoint slides and limit them to topics that must be graphically explained.   Audiences hate slides.
• Encourage or at least be open to two-way input.
• Don’t get hung up because audiences are on their phones texting and answering email.  Your job is to startle them, awaken them, and make them listen.  In a recent presentation when I was losing my audience to their smartphones I said to myself “say something that makes them want to put their phones down”.  One thing is, “I’m going to go around the room and ask for your thoughts on …”.  They’ll wake up.
• State what the goal of your presentation is and end by summarizing how you accomplished your goal.
• Avoid humor unless you are really funny.  Aim for being authentic.  Have the courage to be yourself because that always works best.
• Before beginning remember that you have earned the right to present on this topic so command the room.
• Engage the audience after your presentation and listen to them one-by-one.  This is where they get to ask questions or comment.  You listen.
• Always give yourself an “A” for completing a presentation in this way.  Never think of ways you could have been better until you take a night to give yourself credit for all you did that was right.

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Malcolm Gladwell posits that 10,000 hours of focused practice is what it takes to master success in any venture.

But some things are even more important than the gross number of hours spent chipping way at success.

• Practicing with a purpose, for example.  Nothing is worse than practicing the wrong things.

• Rote practice can block out the creativity necessary to help morph ideas and concepts to fruition.  Be careful not to lose your ability to think creatively.

• I don’t know about you but resigning myself to 10,000 hours of work to achieve my goals is not enough without being able to see those goals vividly in my mind’s eye – in color, in bright examples of why you’re making these sacrifices.

• Unfortunately, money is the worst motivator.  Hard to believe, but true.  People who achieve success can make money – lots of it – but not without a greater purpose such as gaining something that has no economic value in it on its face (best teacher, best writer, best entrepreneur your field, etc.).

In a New York Times article entitled “How To Raise a Creative Child” author Adam Grant reminds us that Einstein said, “the theory of relativity occurred to me by intuition and music is the driving force behind this intuition”.

We succeed by pursing our passions and dreams not by “becoming an ambitious robot”.

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This is a major step forward in the war against body shaming.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has three covers this year.

One is a regular body type model – Hailey Clauson.

The second is UFC fighter Ronda Rousey, a nod to woman whose bodies are muscular enough for combat.

And then Ashley Graham who graces the third cover as the first plus size model in the history of the swimsuit issue.

It’s not just Mattel that is changing the image of Barbi dolls by offering her in different shapes and sizes.

Some day folks will look back on all this and wonder what the big deal was.

But it IS a big deal to anyone who has felt the disrespect, discrimination and societal pressures on young and old alike – male, female, any and all genders.

A bigger step forward will be when we really believe that a person is beautiful from the inside out.  The dew comes off the lily later in life even for models, actresses and entertainers.

Body image starts on the inside by being proud, strong and comfortable with the way you are.

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Suffering is transformational.

No one ever wants to suffer, but it is a necessary part of life.

Out of bad comes good.

Out of pain comes pleasure.

We grow when we deal with life’s hurts even as we improve our physical health by the motto “no pain, no gain”.

I have been fired and eventually hired for an even better position.

I have worked through divorce to know more of what I want and more of what I need to be.

Being broke and standing on the unemployment line in Camden, NJ has made me appreciate whatever good fortune I may have earned later.

I’ve overcome sickness to realize a level of health and fitness I would have never previously appreciated.

I’ve had my heart broken only to love again in a way never imagined.

Losing loved ones is so painful that it seems it will never end and although people cannot be replaced, they can be honored and become a source of life-changing inspiration for you as you live.

I am my parents and my best friend, all of whom are no longer with me but who are now always in me.

So, soak in the good times – they are well earned.

But never despair because the sorrows we must endure in life will return as joy in a much more meaningful way.

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Meetings are usually boring, a waste of time and demotivating and that’s whether they are in-person or as part of an online collaboration.

Try this one instead.

1. Call a meeting with one purpose that you will clearly define (i.e., “to determine what we’re going to do at the trade convention”).
2. Send a digital notification to potential attendees with the meeting purpose clearly defined – say no more other than where and when.
3. When everyone arrives have the group stand in a circle – no sitting permitted.  You assume a place in that circle.  A circle is more democratic than, say, a horseshoe configuration.
4. Go around the circle and have everyone contribute.  If others respond, fine, but keep the circle going.
5. Limit the meeting to 5 minutes (10 if there is a lot of useful back and forth – never longer).
6. Thank everyone at the end, make assignments or ask for volunteers.
7. Decide on follow-ups or next steps and simply disperse.

People don’t need old-fashioned meetings to come up with new age ideas.

When you get a reputation for getting something done without wasting people’s time, you will gain even more cooperation.

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Dale Carnegie has a very useful approach to better problem solving outcomes.  I taught it for years as an instructor for them and use it frequently even now.

Here it is with a few twists that I have added to make it even more effective.

1. Define the problem.  Believe it or not, lots of good people are off solving problems that are not the focus of their attention.

2. What are the causes of the problem.  Have a field day and spend some time writing as many reasons as you can come up with.

3. What are all the possible solutions?  Be careful not to solve your problem yet.  Just come up with every approach you can think of even if it is off the wall.  Note:  often off-the-wall is the solution.

4. What is the BEST solution?  It could be one or a hybrid of one of your possible solutions.

5. Determine an Action Step.  How to proceed.  Too often great things are decided but there is no follow-through.

6. Set a date to review the status of your actions.  Very important step to make sure that there is always forward motion toward the resolution of solving your problem.

This works for major career decisions, business problems and very often for personal problems.  It gives an important reason for bringing people together for meetings.  It may take a few times but this can be part of the way you think and attack the challenges of life in a proactive way.

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