Ground Control to Major Tom:  why is being different truly appreciated AFTER a life of being different?

David Bowie looked different, sounded different.  His thought process was, well – different.  He was skilled at the process of reinvention.

When someone dies we often hear the consoling thought that they are in a “better place” but actually being different puts those around such a person in a better place.

Steve Jobs was famous for saying be different:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do”.

The best way to remember someone you’re fond of who is now gone is to take one of their best qualities and make it yours.

Be different.

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Opposing coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks watched in amazement and joy as his team was about to lose their playoff game yesterday when all the Vikings needed to do was kick a usually routine 27-yard field goal.

Kicker Blair Walsh who was responsible for all the Vikings’ points up until this juncture was about to be the hero again and then suddenly he became the goat. Here’s a quick video if you missed it.

The game the Vikings were destined to win was now lost and the Seahawks who were thus destined to lose were alive to advance to the next round.

I know what you’re thinking – never give up.

That, too.

But last year Seahawks coach Pete Carroll called the wrong play that would have guaranteed his team a Super Bowl victory over New England and he had to live with it all winter.

Sports like life is made up of victories and losses. Carroll chose to remain positive and focus on winning another Super Bowl someday. It is ironic that the same kind of blown play that lost his team the big victory last year was responsible for the team advancing this year.

The other lesson: Adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them.

Never give up, yes. But never, lose faith in yourself – oh yes!

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How screwed up is the world where we endure so much stress every day and still wind up feeling insufficient?

When good doesn’t seem to be good enough and when doing better somehow has little impact on happiness.

• Everyone is okay the way they are.
• No one gets to tell you how you need to be better – that’s always your decision.
• For every self-deprecating thought you harbor, balance it with one about a strength you possess to keep things in balance.
• If you want to make yourself really miserable, try to change another person.  And keep this in mind when someone else tries to change you.
• Fred Rogers told his kid’s audience on the PBS television show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood that he liked them just the way they are.  Ironically, productive change comes when we like others and ourselves the way we are as opposed to how someone else wants us to be.

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14-year old Nicole Pfister is a cancer patient who was bullied online in the cruelest possible ways but former Cincinnati Bengals NFL player Devon Still, the football player whose own daughter Leah gained prominence as she fought cancer came to her rescue.

He told her to buck up and said that he wanted to take her and her family to Disney World.

How cruel were these cyber bullies who took to Instagram to taunt a teen fighting cancer?

“ Knock. Knock.  Who’s there?  Not you white blood cells, that’s to be sure”.

Another said “kill yourself if you are even alive”.

Bullying has been around as long as people have but with social media, its impact is more widespread and even more hurtful.

We can’t imagine anyone attacking a cancer patient let alone a teenager with such cruelty.

Devon Still wanted to send Nicole a message that bullying is not cool and that there are people who care even when it doesn’t seem like it.

That’s how you push back against the damage bullies can do.

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Yes, no music, no podcast no nothing.

Just wearing headphones that give the appearance that you’re unavailable so that you can be unavailable.

A recent New York Times article identified the trend with scary stories of people who say they feel “too exposed” when they don’t wear them to the office.

We may be more connected through social media but we are becoming more and more disconnected from others in real time.

Remember that there are legions of people who wear real working headphones to tune in their world and tune out others.

Withdrawing from life in real time is a dangerous game.

If you fear living life with all its distractions and annoyances, you fear losing life.

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What a perfect time of year following the culinary excesses of the holidays to inspire an exercise program.

Researchers have discovered that telomeres which are add ons to our chromosomes that were once thought to get shorter as body cells age, can actually grow longer through exercise.

The more kinds of exercise that were reported in studies, the longer participants telomeres grew.

There are so many things we have no control over but this one is major.

Most studies show that exercise programs – no matter what type – eventually fail and weight is regained.

Exercise – 10,000 steps a day can overcome a natural body’s tendency to compromise our life span.

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The gift of someone’s time is worth more than anything money can buy.

And it’s free.

This past Christmas day was the lowest cellphone use of any day in all of 2015.  That means in spite of our technology and connectivity, more people spent time with each other face-to-face, in person.

Digital devices are tools – not relationships.

The only resolution any of us need make in the year ahead is to put our phones in their proper place in our lives.

Hand your phone to your son or daughter and ask them if they’d like to park theirs for a few minutes while they take a walk with you.

Quality time is worth tons of quantity time.

Spend quality time with loved ones – free from distractions – and you will both get and receive a meaningful gift at the same time.

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Like it or not, the gift giver looms large on his or her Christmas list these days.

I’ve heard figures as high as $800 spent on oneself.

Here are gifts to give yourself and they are free.

• Be the person you want to be not the person you become by reacting to someone else’s behavior.  Not easy but rewarding.  Constantly ask “Is this the right thing to do?” instead of choosing the lesser of the alternatives.
• Spend time with someone who is alone this holiday – talk about them, not you.  See how great both of you then feel.  Someone you know has lost a loved one and this season is the hardest of the year to endure.  Reach out to them.
• Disconnect from your digital world as much as possible and focus on being in the company of people you like.
• In front of others including loved ones, tell someone specifically why you appreciate them.  You may make them cry but it can be the most potent gift ever.
• In the 1947 Christmas movie Miracle on 34^th Street one of themes was how the holidays just didn’t seem the same as they used to be back in the day – and that was the same old complaint we hear today but it was 68 years ago!  Different is better.  The past is just a fantasy in our mind.  The present is currency that we can spend.

Happy Holidays to my friends who start each day here!

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Lydia Ko, a Korean-born golfer from New Zealand has perfected how to not let a bad golf shot make her angry.

I want to know this!

After all, golf is the game of life.

A lot of it is Ko’s upbringing and her personality but she is said to have a “whiteboard” for a memory.  As soon as a round of golf ends, she erases it from her mind.  Oh, God, would I love to do that.

Ever watch Tiger Woods?  He makes a bad putt and looks like his blood pressure is up to 350.

More than golf, having a “whiteboard” for a memory can be very helpful in other aspects of our life.

• Holding animosity in (even if it appears justified), turns the hostility against you.  Forget it.
• Most married couples argue about the past.  The past cannot be changed.  Wouldn’t a “whiteboard” here come in handy?  Forget the past, live in the present, and look forward to what can change in the future.
• A lot of young golfers seem fearless.  They attack the game and if they fall short, they shake it off (as Taylor Swift would remind us) and get amped up for what is next.   This is worth thinking about.

Erase that which cannot be beneficial to carry around and get on with living.

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Turns out that slouching over our digital devices is bad for self-esteem.

We’re putting 60 pounds of pressure on our necks when we bend our heads forward 60 degrees.

Studies show that people who have clinical depression assume a posture that is very close to the iHunch.

Amy Cuddy, a professor at Harvard Business School writing recently in The New York Times offered this advice:

“The next time you reach for your phone, remember that it induces slouching and slouching changes your mood, your memory and even your behavior. Your physical posture sculpts your psychological posture and could be the key to a happier mood and greater self-confidence”.

I am so taken by this because it profoundly affects all of us that I not only noted it but wanted to share it with you.

Here’s my takeaway:

• Interacting with these phones even for a little while decreases our productivity and efficiency.
• The smaller the digital device the more damage we do to our posture and ultimately self-esteem.
• The more shrunken and inward our posture, the more submissive we become.
• Keep the head up and shoulders back when looking at our phones – even holding it at eye level to fight these negative effects.

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