A USC student whose father was a math professor asked me in the middle of a music industry class, when do you stop chasing your dreams?

It’s complicated.

First, you have to have dreams and even early in life people give up on them as unattainable because of the negative influence of those around them.  And if you manage to hold on to your dreams, then reality often checks in – student loans, marriage, babies.

The answer is:  never stop chasing your dreams.

This doesn’t mean my music student should turn 70 still hoping to be the next hot country artist.

It does mean that we must never give up the things that inspire us the most.  Often, different opportunities occur – things we could not have seen in advance.  So a performing artist may not be in his future, but this young man would be wise to make sure music was somehow in his life.

When do you stop chasing your dreams?

You know.

This is not a decision to outsource to those around you.  It is your decision to make.

Abandon no dream – keep them close by throughout your life at any age.

A life well lived is one in which is driven by our deep dreams and desires and this is a gift not a problem.

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An artist creates a new picture on a canvass or piece of paper.

They do not cover over what they have painted on a previous canvas.

In life, we all too often go through the stressful routine we are up against just to get through the day even if every day gets to be the same.

One way to break that habit is to think of each day as a new canvas.

• Before getting out of bed, think of three things you are grateful for.
• As you fully awake, see in your minds eye a blank canvass on which to create your day.
• Routines are good – nothing wrong with Starbucks in the morning if that’s what you like – but create a new routine to add to your canvass.  Maybe you stop at a different location.  Perhaps you order something different.  Maybe you brew your own.
• Look for every opportunity to do something different even if it is routine.
• And sometime during the day, splash a lot of color on your canvass.  Surprise others.  Surprise yourself.

At the end of the day look back on how you created a day that was different from the others.

When something great happens – you get a promotion, your child is born, etc. – you remember these days because they are not routine.

No one ever sits on their deathbed wishing they had lived each day of their lives the same way.

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The Mayo Clinic Stress-Free Living Program found that 70-90% of program participants say their life is right and only 10-30% think it is wrong.

But they actually live their lives thinking 10-30% is right and 70-90% is wrong – the other way around.

Imagine the sea change that can be brought about if we start to believe what is right about our lives trumps what is wrong.

Everything meaningful starts in our brain.

As long as we have another day to work on that which needs improving and have the ability to be grateful for what we have, positive change occurs.

As the director of the Mayo Stress Free Program says, “even more important than being blessed is to know that you are blessed”.

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The things that bring us the greatest joy are not really secrets.

We all know them.

The secret is to do these things that make happiness possible:

• Acceptance of who we are
• Being loved by ourselves and others
• The warmth of the people around us in our lives
• A feeling of security
• Optimism that realizing our dreams in some way is always possible
• Meaningful work
• Few regrets
• Being in the Now more than wandering into the past or projecting into the future

Life moves by quickly at the speed of email, texting, dealing with the stresses of others and daily distractions.

Work on each one of the above one at a time until you make progress and then move on to the next.

When you’ve completed the list, start at the top all over again.

The quest for happiness takes hard work and focus and is never ending.

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A few weeks ago a North Carolina woman posted “The Happy Song makes me so HAPPY,” on her Facebook page while driving. 

She was killed seconds later.

In early April in Abington Township, PA a 20-year old man was struck and killed by a local commuter train while texting and walking along the tracks.

According to the Deputy Police Chief:  He “never once flinched, turned around, looked at him or indicated that he knew the train was coming”.

The engineer blew the horn and locked the breaks but even those sounds didn’t get the victim to look up.

These are not isolated stories.  We hear them all the time in the digital age.

Texting is a tool not a way of life.

We should focus on what’s happening around us and the people we care about the most with the same intensity that we focus on our phones to send text messages.

Texting can teach us how to have balance in our lives.

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Polls that show if you were given money to spend on yourself or another person, you would derive more happiness from spending it on someone other than you.

Even in cases where gifts have been given in the name of a donor who was then recognized for the giving publicly such as having a building named for them, the act of giving away the gift for others have scores higher than spending it on ourselves.

In no case, no study, and no research does spending money on ourselves bring happiness.

In giving you receive.

I share this because last week I came across a letter from a dear friend of mine, Jim Weinraub, who served as a mentor to me in teaching.  Just prior to Jim writing the letter I was awarded a gift by our peers as recognition for the things this man taught me. 

I then rose to my feet to accept the award and surprised everyone by presenting it to him.

I have never missed keeping the award.

In his letter, he said he would cherish the award until the day he died.

Several years ago he died.

And now I have another thoughtful gift from someone who understood that only giving makes us truly happy – his gratitude forever.

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Selfies are a fun use of our cellphone cameras and social media sites such as Instagram.

I know a 16-year old who gives a lot of thought to producing her selfies.

And the Wall Street Journal recently wrote about the next iteration of self-absorption, selfies – Instagram photos of our valued personal belongings on a shelf.

Selfies are an expression of our creativity the way taking a Polaroid picture that developed after being pulled from a camera was to our parents.  It is not a way of life.  It’s just a fun thing to do.

In the digital age, relationships suffer because some people – not all – have become addicted to themselves.

To keep a healthy balance, be sure to also focus on other people.

We have lots of tools, social media and connectivity to unleash on focusing meaningful attention on others.

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Pursing compassion could make us happier than the pursuit of happiness.

Even in the self-absorbed world in which we live.

The author and physician Amit Sood relates a story from the 13^th century Roman Empire in which during an experiment ordered by Frederick II, a group of newborn children were to be deprived of the human voice.

Foster mothers took care of the children but they were forbidden to utter even a word to them.  All the babies died unable to live without the compassion that is necessary for survival.

In other studies altruistic adolescents who were encouraged to be compassionate had better mental health as adults even decades later.

Chemicals in the brain change when we are compassionate.

And compassion can be learned.

Feeling for others, even people with whom we disagree or dislike, promotes compassion in us.

Making your life’s goal being the fine person that you are has many benefits.

In the end, we receive the gift by first giving it.

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People seem to be programmed to be unhappy.

Happy people have a plan to circumvent programmed unhappiness.

Maybe it’s the economy or maybe just a changing world but dissatisfaction on the job is rising.

Here are good reasons to quit your job and move on:

• Lack of workplace respect for the special person you are and the diversity you may bring to the job.
• Habitually overburdening you with a workload that prevents you from doing your best.
• Lack of growth potential.  I always say, if you could write the real job description for the job you just accepted one year later, you might not have applied for the job in the first place.
• No respect for you, your family and your co-workers.  A company that doesn’t respect people is a company you want to leave.  Nothing good can come from staying on.
• An unusually long time without a fair pay raise.
• The inability to give real input on the job you are asked to perform.
• Your dream has changed in which case pursue it with all the vigor you can muster being ready to make whatever sacrifices you might have to make.

And here are reasons not to quit your job:

• Disliking an employer, boss or co-workers (with the exception of someone who is physically or mentally abusive).  Never let anyone push you out of a job you love because they are mean and disrespectful, immature or selfish. Outlast them.  They will soon be gone.
• For more money – unless – you love the job so much you would in your heart of hearts take it for less money.  That’s a better yardstick. Leaving for a raise often ends ugly.
• Waiting to retire.  Why punish yourself?  Work each day as if it was your first day on the job.  Aspire don’t retire.

Every summer while on vacation I consider myself a free agent and I spend a little time alone each day to determine if I want to do the same thing next year that I did last year (I know, I own my own business – I still do it). 

We shouldn’t just don’t put our lives and careers on autopilot. 

We are in charge.

We are all free agents not slaves to employers or to our misguided desires.

Knowing you want to continue in what you have been doing for another year or recognizing that you want to change, can be transformative.

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Helicopter moms who hover around their children are being replaced by an even more pervasive force.

Snowplow moms plow their way through their children’s lives actively doing things for them that they would be better learning to do for themselves.

Honestly, parental involvement is a good thing.

But it is better to give children the tools to succeed rather than take so active a part in their lives.

Many of my students at USC had overinvolved parents whom they loved dearly and accepted their active involvement in their lives.

But Millennials – the generation under 30 – are the most stressed generation ever.  They feel the pressure of wanting to succeed in tough times for themselves and for their parents.

The best way to help young people is to resist the temptation to do for them that which they can learn to do for themselves.

Another gift is to tell them they will fail.

That’s right – you will fail.

Just as your favorite athlete and team fails because the game of life is not about winning every day.  It’s about performing at a high level and learning from defeat.

These few thoughts cannot only motivate young people to embrace life’s victories and defeats, it reminds all of us to do the same.

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