If marriage licenses were offered in one-year increments, imagine how much better relationships would get.

Fall asleep at the switch and you could lose your mate.  Knowing you have to both renew your intention every year is the antidote for the laziness and complacency that often sets in to ruin a marriage.

We have to decide on which cell phone we want every two years.

Health, auto and home insurance have to be renewed and revisited yearly.

In most states car registration requires an act of renewal for varying periods of time depending on which state you live in.

But when we get married, that’s all that is required until trouble shows up.  That’s why marriage counselors tell me that by the time they get a husband and wife into therapy, it is usually too late for the relationship.  It is the individual who becomes the focus on the counselor’s attention.

Of course, one-year renewable marriage licenses are never going to happen, but that doesn’t mean that people who value their union can’t renew their own vows yearly.  It doesn’t take a fancy get away weekend or a marriage workshop although that works, too.

Startling research studies have been done over the years to show how many people would not do it all over again given what they know after being married to their mate.

There is an old joke that marriage is a fine institution if you want to be institutionalized, but the truth is if we had to opt in every year in real time the way we pursue our careers, there would be more happily married people in the world.

Connoisseur Media recently fired a morning show personality on its WDRC-FM, Hartford station because they were going in a different direction – one that would save the owners money.

The personality had been doing traffic reports from an outsourced company.

Unfortunately, Kim Zachary’s firing left her husband without medical coverage and he was due to have cancer surgery this month.

Bad timing.

Had WDRC waited just a few days, she would have received coverage and surgery would have proceeded.

The station is unapologetic – “she’s not our employee” they insist even though she was listed on their website as one of their morning personalities.

Contrast that with the Cincinnati Bengals. They had to cut defensive tackle Devon Still from their squad but his daughter, Leah, was diagnosed with stage four pediatric cancer in June.

Unlike Connoisseur CEO Jeff Warshaw, the Bengals rehired Still to be part of their practice squad to assure him of a $6,300 weekly salary and provide his family with insurance coverage when they needed it most.

Money and power does not guarantee compassion.

The best way to always assure that we will be compassionate with others in spite of our economic or career position in life is to see the plight of others as we would see it happening to ourselves or our loved ones.

In the case of WDRC and Connoisseur, the wrong message was sent to its employees – that management doesn’t care about them.

But even this Eagles fan is rooting for the Bengals this year for doing the right thing to one of their own.

They didn’t have to.

To their credit they obviously wanted to.

If you only knew, it might drive you nuts.

But it doesn’t matter.

What you say in front of the mirror looking into your eyes is more important.

I go through a routine every morning while shaving where I ask whether I am living up to my desires as a person.

If you don’t like yourself than criticism from others can hurt and divert your attention from more important things.

And when you DO overhear an unflattering remark from a co-worker, friend or family member?

One way to regain control is to not react to what you overheard but respond.

If the criticism is fair, then say, “I could actually do better in that area”.

If it is unfair then say “Sorry, I reject it”.

What eats at us is hurt feelings that comes from criticism.

Some criticisms are good.

Others just hurtful.

But you are always in control.

We fear the future because we are afraid of losing what we have.

A very rich media executive told me at lunch at The Ivy in Beverly Hills that money without power is nothing.  I can guarantee you he didn’t think like this when he set out to get rich.

We fear the future because we fear loss.

But I see loss as a residue of retreating – i.e., imitating ourselves or our best performances.

Going back is really a coward’s way of living life.

This “coward” got the message when I recognized that loss is often temporary and frequently leads to gain.  That’s why I wrote the book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages.

The author Paulo Coelho nailed it with this:

“And, when you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward”.

Embrace the ups and downs of life and trust in a higher power to deal with the fear of the unknown.

Live in the present with all its risks for a more fulfilling life.

What is your mission in life?

You would never enroll in college unless you at least knew you wanted a degree.

You would never drive from Washington to New York unless you took the time to at least find out how to go north.

Yet in life, can you answer this question:  “why are you here on earth?”

When reading an obituary, we often see the convoluted paths that have taken people to the end of their life’s journey.

Why are we here?

My career has been in and around broadcasting and media but I see my reason for being on this earth is to teach and use my God-given skills to communicate.

What about you?

Once we know what is important to us we can pursue it more effectively.

Try this experiment.

Ask a few people (friends, family, associates) why they are on this earth.

Don’t be surprise to get an “I don’t know” or a weak answer.  Remarkably, most of us never think about it.

We can’t get to where we want to go if we don’t first know where we want to go.

Young folks are often caught in the trap of acting as if they don’t care – even about important things.

Some actually do care, but act as if they don’t.

Some don’t care at all so it’s easier to be cool.

But playing it cool isn’t unique to the current generation of young people and, believe it or not, older folks often adopt the same unfortunate attitude.

When did working hard to attain something you want become negative behavior?

Not for an Olympic athlete.

Not to an entrepreneur.

Not for a teacher.

Not for a doctor.

In fact, not for anyone who wants to live a fulfilling life.

I worry less about kids trying to play it cool than adults who have given up on working hard to chase their dreams.

I read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist during my shore vacation last week – a gift from a friend.

The book has been around a while but it was a new discovery for me and the professor in me found lots of things to underline.

The most important was this:

“Life is the moment we are living now”.

Like you, perhaps, I struggle with focusing on the present.  Everything that has helped me attain my goals from career to personal were set in future anticipation.

But Coelho is correct “If you can, concentrate only on the present, you’ll be a happy man (person)”.

Ironically, this is easier done than said but somehow we make it difficult.

We can start today.

This morning.

Right now.

For one day focus on what is happening in life as you presently live it. Postpone future plans or worries to a special time when you can handle such things.  Don’t let planning interfere with living.

For one day focus on what is happening in the present not the past.  Go to the past to retrieve a happy moment, a fond memory or a lesson learned and then quickly return to the present.

If we make it simple, we can do this.

The Cumberland Americans just got eliminated from this year’s Little League World Series.

They stood stunned and teary-eyed losing by the smallest of margins – one run.

But coach David Belisle had all the right words in a rambling and emotional post game pep talk.

• He built them up, didn’t tear them down.
• He told them what they had accomplished together.
• He said it was okay to cry – and most of these young boys did (and you will too if you watch the video).
• He said how proud he was of them.

There is more benefit to losing than winning.

Winning feels better.

But losing is transformative.

Whether it is a young person in your life or anyone of any age, positivity, accomplishment, feelings and pride are four things that help people recover from defeat to succeed another day instead of discourage them.

Here’s the video.  It’s 3:38 seconds like you’ve probably never seen before.

Sad, but successful people seem to grow tired of their mates often after they have both endured many trials and tribulations.

But what if we put as much work into our relationships as we put into our careers.

Now look, I am not speaking as a stellar example.

I am speaking as a graduate of that old School of Hard Knocks we always hear about.

The same things that drive our career success could really help make more marriages and relationships successful.

1. Spend as much passion in the marriage as you do at work.
2. Details always matter in a successful business and the same attention to detail is a homerun in relationships.
3. Show even half the enthusiasm upon greeting your loved one at the beginning and end of each day as you do meeting clients or associates you like.
4. Have goals.  If we’re successful at work, we have a game plan.  What’s our game plan at home?  Same old, same old leads to a mighty unhappy marriage.
5. Give up some power.  Take real and genuine pride in outsourcing an equal number of major and minor decisions to your spouse.  At work, no one likes a control freak.  At home, no one likes a control freak.

The skills we have at work are a great rehearsal for a better relationship at home.

Which means – we already know how to make our relationships better.

The current best thinking is to always provide references when applying for a new job.

The phrase “references available upon request” should be retired.

There is a better way.

At the end of your resume, include only the best references you have.  List their name, title, contact information AND …

A line quoted exactly as they summed your skills up.  In other words, ask them for it in a letter and include the quote after their name.  Most employers will not want to make more work and call all your references if they think the quotes are authentic.

And never fear a bad reference.

That’s right.  You may want to reread that line again.

Some people get pleasure or feel justified in hurting others from moving on from a bad situation for both of them.

I once applied for an on-air job at a big number one radio station in Philadelphia.  I had great references except for one difficult to work for employer but I had to list my employment at his station.

My prospective employer in fact called that mean person and sure enough got a not so nice reference.

Later when my prospective employer called me back for a second interview and an audition, he asked me point blank – I called this so and so and he didn’t have very nice things to say about you.

I was stunned.

But I said, “I am sorry about that, but I worked hard for him and I am grateful for the other mentors I’ve had”.

After what seemed like a verrrry long pause, he leaned over and said, “He’s an idiot anyway.  Never has a nice thing to say about anyone.  You’re hired”.

My willingness to be humble, authentic and honest overcame a glitch that could have ruined a breakthough career opportunity.

You’re never out if you’re never down.