The Most Dangerous Piece of Advice

Fake it until you make it. 

Try that and you’ll be exposed as a weak person with no confidence.

Imitating confidence, competence and optimism trains you to simply imitate confidence, competence and optimism.

  • Be confident no matter what the outcome.
  • Never doubt your own competence – it’s always good enough and probably better.
  • Optimism is a choice not a feeling – you control it.

Better than fake it until you make it is — believe until you achieve.

Accepted or Excepted

To be accepted is to be included.

Excepted is not included.

Chasing acceptance is like circus elephants following each other in a circle never knowing whether they are following or leading.

Lead, don’t follow – the surest path to acceptance.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow gives us hope.

Yesterday gives us information we can use.

Today is the day we get to put yesterday and tomorrow to its best use.

William Shatner

No matter what you think of today’s billionaires shuttling into space, it’s notable that astronaut William Shatner is 90 years old.

How many 90-year-olds do you know who could take a flight into space?

I clip stories about people who do remarkable things as a reminder to never let anyone else’s limitations become mine.

  • The 90+ year old who wins a marathon for his age group – over 5 miles and the last time I checked he was unhappy about his time and vowed to improve it next year – now that’s something to think about.
  • 11-year old Laurent Simons who in 2021 became the second youngest college graduate in history obtaining a bachelor’s degree in physics, of all things – you see, dreams are not age restricted.
  • Mark Zupan, a quadriplegic from a drunk driver and gold medal winning Paralympic medalist in wheelchair rugby, skydiver and main figure in the Oscar nominated movie Murderball let nothing stop him.

Focus on the possible and seemingly impossible to remind yourself how awesome you, too, can be.

Why waste time with can’t.

Resolving Conflict

I don’t know about you but when I was in college, I never thought about whether a person I was dating was a Republican or Democrat.

We didn’t give each other a Rorschach test on climate change, foreign policy, government or the economy before going out.

We were just looking for the good in each other.

In a divided world, we seem to start with conflict at home, at work and with our families.

Looking for points of agreement – not differences — can help overcome areas of disagreement and that is a powerful tool in resolving conflict.

Look for the good in others and the differences will take their proper place.

Secret Fears

Once you allow a negative thought to get into your head, it multiples.

  • Worry that you won’t live up to your own expectations or those of others that somehow matter to you.
  • That you’re not as good as people think you are.
  • When the success of others is painful to you because it activates jealousy.

You’re good enough – probably better.

Your expectations (the real ones that matter to you personally) are all that count.

Jealousy is like a smoke alarm warning you to cool down and remember that another person’s success has nothing to do with yours.

Exposing secret fears helps alleviate them.

Missing Milestones

One of the biggest fears is pressure to attain milestones and feeling like a failure when you don’t achieve them.

If you value work the most and you feel like you are slipping behind, it is a source of great anxiety that infects all areas of life.

Look at life as several compartments – career can be one, personal relationships, and self-fulfillment are two other important ones.

Spread the risk from career to other important areas so what happens at work doesn’t disproportionately ruin your life.

Missing a milestone rarely ever matters to people who refuse to give up.

Warning Signs You’re Beating Yourself Up

  1. You think everyone else is better than you
  2. Going negative before you begin
  3. You expect to lose, surprised to win
  4. It’s been a long time between pats on the back
  5. You’re asking for help from those less qualified than you

People watch how you treat yourself and often treat you the same way.

Fear of Failure

If you clicked to open this one, you can join me in the everlasting fight against the fear of failure.

We’re human – we worry – sometimes too much.

If you’ve noticed some athletes even premier Olympic athletes cannot perform if they harbor even a minor doubt in their head.

And that doubt doesn’t necessarily have to be about their ability to compete at sports, it may be something lurking inside about another issue.

Proceed when you’re ready.

Pause when you need time.

Fear thought is an emotion caused by the belief that something or someone dangerous is likely to cause pain or a threat.

Forethought is when we consider future risks, accept them and proceed on our timetable.

Failing is not what we fear, it’s the fear itself and that’s where to redirect efforts to overcoming our anxieties.

Better Relationships

Let’s be honest, the amount of time you spend with loved ones has nothing to do with the quality of your relationship together.

Couples can use that time to quarrel.

Children can use it to bargain for something else they want.

Dispel the idea that we need more time to improve our relationships.

What we need is living in the present without digital devices and focusing 100% on the other person.

A ten-minute walk when it’s just the two of you is better than a ten-hour trip where no one is focused on each other even though they have “spent a lot of time together”.

Taking the day off is unnecessary when putting your phone away and asking ten questions to your son or daughter is very effective.

Great relationships are a quilt work of thousands of magic moments.

To get better relationships in less time, ask questions, listen intently and hold your opinions.