It’s not the amount of time, but the amount of you in that time.

A one-hour dinner with the family if you’ve had to text or talk to someone else in the middle of the meal is not as good as fewer minutes face-to-face with no distractions.

A day with your children is not necessarily better than just the two of you telling stories and sharing experiences for an hour at the end of the day.

A long meeting with associates is not more effective than a short meeting where everyone stands (not sits) and focuses 100% of attention on solving a specific problem then coming up with a plan of action.

Guilt about being busy is lessened to the extent that we can focus 100% of our attention on the people who are important in our lives.

It’s about quality not quantity.

Our lifelong search for how to become more efficient and reclaim lost hours is a vicious cycle.

We actually have all the time we need.

What is missing is putting more you into the time you have.

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Live each day like it is your last.

Or as Steve Jobs said in a commencement address to Stanford graduates in 2008:

“…For the past 33 years, I’ve looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, if today were the last day of my life would I want to do what I am about to do today.  And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

Jobs says remembering that we will be dead soon was the most important tool he could use to have the courage to make the big choices in life.

Fear of failure dissipates in the face of death.

It’s why a person who has conquered cancer lives the next portion of their lives so differently — as bravely as they fought the cancer itself.

As Jobs said, “Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life”.

Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

Feel with your heart.

Think with your mind.

Never stop dreaming.

For the fear of something to lose is an illusion.

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In 2012, 3,328 people died and another 421,000 people were injured in accidents involving distracted drivers.

I once asked for a show of hands among my USC college students for those who texted while they drove.  The laughter was loud and long.  Almost everyone does it.

Stupid question.

To take the cure, play this very short video from Volkswagen.

In it, a group of Hong Kong moviegoers are looking at a screen that puts them in the driver’s seat of a moving car.

Then, a mass text is sent to the audience simultaneously.

They reach for their phones, look down and … well, see for yourself.

I don’t think anyone could text and drive after seeing this.

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Yelling is as hurtful as hitting.

Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and University of Michigan say that parents who yell at their adolescent children for doing something wrong cause the same problems as hitting them would.  The study included 976 two-parent families with children ages 13-14.

The recipients of this kind of verbal abuse tend to become more depressed and more aggressive as a result.

“Lazy” and “stupid” and other hurtful words even resonate if the parents have a warm loving relationship with their children otherwise.

The study also showed that yelling makes a person do the opposite of what they want.

45% of the participating mothers and 42% of the fathers said they had used harsh verbal discipline within the past year.  Almost everyone does it and few are proud of it.

Beyond teens, yelling has the same effect.

It’s abuse.

Better option:  take away privileges without the corresponding harsh language.

When you yell, it hurts the self-image of those you love, know or work with.

Making someone feel worthwhile instead of worthless is the more productive alternative.

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“I wish you well”.

Realize that everyone is struggling with something and silently wish them well when they say something mean, hurtful or devious.

You don’t have to like what they say or do, but you don’t have to let them bring out the bad side of you.

You get uplifted when you wish people well.

You get the benefit.

Doctors have mapped positive changes in the brain when you accentuate the positive side of your personality.

Do it often every day – to people you know, don’t know or live with.

It helps keep your energy up.

As you practice it becomes easier.

Stress Free Living author Amit Sood reminds us that there was a time in prehistoric days when the focus had to constantly be on outside threats (animals, being attacked). 

The world has changed.  We are no longer on threat-watch.

Our brains need to be rewired.

The simple phrase “I wish you well” said silently many times a day is how you rewire your brain for happiness.

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More research reinforces what we have come to know – that Jon Stewart’s Comedy Central news show is more credible than traditional news channels and journalists.

Is it a stretch to say Stewart is to this generation what Walter Cronkite was during the Kennedy assassination and Vietnam War days?

Why is this?

Fast-moving communications, an infinite number of news sources available to consumers and a fear of telling the truth because journalists and news organizations might be sued. 

Stewart does parody which insulates him against such lawsuits and yet in his comedic presentation of the day’s big stories, he manages to do something that has gotten lost lately.

He is credible because he is authentic.

And authenticity is the characteristic that younger people crave today.

Being the real deal is not hard to do.  It involves not being perfect, not always being right, but being human and having a sense of humor about yourself.

These qualities are the secret to success in news and important ways for all of us to gain the trust of those with whom we come in contact.

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That’s what happened to Mike and Lori Knar.

Their 11-year old son, Aden, was finally losing his long battle against leukemia.

He lived in hospitals, got sick on chemotherapy only to face the ultimate failure – no bone marrow donor.  Not even in his immediate family where most donors are found.

The last hope – last chance – was to create a Savior Child using in vitro to bring yet another child to the Knar family while using the placenta at birth to save Aden’s life.

But it cost money – lots of money for doctors, a surrogate, legal fees.  And it has to be raised in advance.

Then Sean Hannity came to the rescue and made a $10,000 donation.

Soon others came forward and raised over $20,000 toward the $75,000 needed to save their son’s life.  Ex-employers, employees, friends and people who have never met the Knar family made donations online and by check.

They were parents and that was enough.

This week, the Knar’s have received an appointment with doctors to proceed.

And Aden remains in the hospital watching his new buddy Sean Hannity on Fox News Channel – amazing how an 11-year old can be so mature.

The goodness of people should never be discounted even in a world of greed and self-absorption.

In times of need, good people step up and make things happen.  It’s never too late to donate online here or contact dad and mom here.

It’s hard to fire or ignore a person who lives these qualities.  They are the people who get raises and promotions.

Exceed expectations — If you do nothing else, always deliver more than you promise.  And delivery it early before it is expected.  This is easy with a little forethought.

Get along well with others — Today’s businesses seek disruption of the marketplace not disruption within their company.  They put a premium on people who “play well” with others.  Become an expert at human and interpersonal relationships.  This is the currency that translates into financial success.

Be a force for positivity — This does not mean saying yes when you mean no.  It means being conciliatory about disagreements, welcoming the ideas of others and illustrating to others how goals can be achieved.  Avoid nay saying at the office.

Never take sides — Or say anything even privately against another person.  Good teams work together.  They do not harbor animosity toward teammates.

Show humility—Don’t just sound humble, be humble.  The quality that no one can resist is humility as rarely as it is seen these days.

Share your success by publicly crediting others – Associates like working with people who can give public credit to their contributions.  The only thing holding you back is jealousy.

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The Los Angeles Kings hockey team won its second Stanley Cup in three years by cashing in on momentum.

Adversity is usually the tipping point for changing momentum.

The Kings had some key injuries a few months ago and seemed like a long shot to win another championship but they played through them gaining confidence.

Adversity presented another chance for the Kings to excel when they fell behind three games on the brink of elimination in a four game series only to comeback and win four straight to take it.

But then it always seemed they were coming from behind to pull off last minute victories on the way to the Cup.

Momentum is another word for unshakeable confidence. 

When we have it, we have it. 

When adversity strikes and we begin to doubt ourselves, then momentum turns into fear of failure.

You see it all the time in sports and everything else.  Lady Gaga was riding high until she wasn’t and that’s because her most recent album was not as good as previous material.

To get momentum on your side, welcome adversity because it is the chief catalyst to building confidence that seems to be unstoppable. 

And when you take a step back or get off your game, use a verbal IOU to get the feeling back.

Here is the key phrase.

I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

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Casey Kasem died on Father’s Day.

As Father’s Day approached, the iconic radio personality was in hospice care taken off all food and liquid and preparing for death.

Anyone who has had an experience with hospice knows what a special moment this can be.

But in the case of the warring Kasem family (wife vs. children of a previous marriage), life is uglier than death.

I’m not going to take sides because I don’t have all the information, but I’m feeling that somehow, some way, the battling survivors should have woken up and realized once and for all that Casey Kasem’s death is not all about them.

Whenever the courts get involved – even if there is reason – the family is creating or allowing a disrespectful death of a loved one.  Sometimes there is no choice.  Maybe this is one of those cases.  But Casey Kasem deserved better.

Call a truce – work together – handle differences better.

The man who was known for saying, “keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars” is speaking to them.

In the Kasem family that advice would come in handy.

For the rest of us, the death of a loved one is a painful reminder that passing from this world hopefully into a better place is not about us, it’s about them.

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Father’s Day was created as a compliment to Mother’s Day over 100 years ago.

Today, with virtual communication and Skype, almost every father can receive the greeting that he appreciates.

For those of us who have lost a father, Father’s Day can be a time for reflection and a remembrance of one of their good qualities.  My dad was a straight arrow as honest a man as I have ever known.  I’m going to take a moment Sunday to celebrate this unique man as he lives in my memory.

It’s not about dinners or parties – it can be, don’t get me wrong – but it doesn’t have to be a party or dinner day. 

A phone call.

An email, Skype or special Instagram.

Maybe simply saying in person or in a text why you love that person.

But the world is not always perfect and all fathers are not created equal.  Some folks suffer because of a relationship that they could not have with their father for whatever reason.

Bring joy into the lives of those you honor while they are still in your lives.

Take a moment and remember a quality that you like or respect about dad if he is no longer here.

And to the person who took the place of a father that was not worthy of your respect or absent from your life, take the day to show gratitude to the person who filled the void and made all the difference in the world.

Yes, it can even be mom.

By focusing attention in the present.

You can choose to be focused at this very moment.

A Harvard study reveals our mind is wandering 47% of the time.  It could be as high as 50-80% of the time.

If you’ve every started a book or article and don’t know what is in it, you are experiencing the default setting of the mind in which our mind wanders.  The mind is automatically distracted.

Choose to look for beauty around you.

Positive things.

People to appreciate.

Discovering something new – feel it, see it in color, smell.

Appreciating something old before it vanishes from our lives.

Humans are usually not thinking happy thoughts.

And we are less happy when our mind wanders.

Mind wandering can be good for some things such as channeling our creativity, but it is a place to visit and not live permanently.

For more happiness, try choosing to focus your mind this day and experience the difference.

Share with a friend ….

Adults text while driving more than teens.

Half of all surveyed in an AT&T poll admitted it versus only 43% of teens.

Worse yet, 98% of the adults surveyed admit that it’s wrong and they do it anyway.

Two big lessons here.

One, when we make assumptions (for example, that younger people text more than adults) we are going on bad information.

Two, we underestimate the failure of adults to take a positive role in the use of digital devices (i.e., texting while driving, use of cellphone in the presence of children at dinner, texting as distraction from child rearing, etc.).

There are about 10 million teen drivers and 180 million adult drivers.

I always said I’d rather be driving near a young person who is texting because their reactions times are quicker than adults.

That would be a wrong assumption – see how easy it is to go off bad information?

State Farm takes a safe driving course around to high schools and tests students’ ability to react while texting in an off-road test situation.

Not one of them has ever been able to stop their simulators in time to avoid a crash.

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The fast and free flow of information at our desks, on our screens and in the palm of our hands is advancing a new form of burnout.

Multitasking is not the answer.

Focused attention is.

But life along with personal and work commitments make it tough to put our great digital tools where they belong – as an aid not a lifestyle.

Some thoughts:

1. Take breaks more often – get up, walk around, get the blood circulating and refresh.
2. Spend at least one morning or afternoon each week on thinking and reflecting.  This world is too busy for most of us to take time to make decisions on that which we want unless time is put aside.
3. Take control of your email, texting and social media.  One sentence responses are often enough.  Not all mail needs to be answered and Twitter doesn’t own you – or at least, it shouldn’t.  Addictive habits pertaining to digital devices need an intervention only you can perform.
4. Schedule an escape from reality.  My escape is the beach or a fabulous paradise named Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square, PA.  A DuPont estate that has been turned into gardens and arboretums.  A cellphone automatically becomes only a camera on the long walks and discovery tours.
5. Give the same focused attention to people who are important in your life as you give to your Galaxy or iPhone.  In life only relationships really matter in the end.  No one dying says, wish I could have missed my children growing up more.  They regret it.

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I’ve been married more than once so you may want to skip my advice today.

Or, on the other hand you might value the lessons I’ve observed from people who have unusually good marriages.

1. It is not necessary for you and your partner to be the same or agree on everything.  In fact, diversity is the spice of many marriages.  The only thing you need to agree on is shared values.
2. There are no male or female roles.  That world thankfully has ended.  Doing 50% of the everyday work is always the goal.  It doesn’t matter who cooks, mows the lawn or changes the diapers.  If there is relationship work to do, people with great marriages dive in and do it.
3. Pursue a sense of adventure.  Most of life is lived at work or home.  The other element is going on small adventures together.  I’m not talking about a vacation (although that qualifies), but little things like the search for new flowers to plant in front of your house or finding a new place to have a latte.  Or, joining a group together to help others.
4. Encourage do not discourage dreams.  Tomorrow’s reality is today’s dream.  When we lose our ability to keep dreaming together we consign ourselves to a relationship so predictable that is has worn out its usefulness.
5. Work on your marriage as if it were your career.  Few couples do that.  That’s why we keep looking for love in all the wrong places when it is right there in front of us.
6. Formalize the gratitude you have for each other.  Many couples have a hard time with the words “thank you” – perhaps you’ve noticed.  “Thank you” is good but finding a time each day – maybe when you’re grabbing coffee and something to eat in the morning – to tell your mate why you are grateful that they are in your life.  Make it real.  Leave the corn for the cornflakes.
7. See your children as a work of art – a creative process involving their individuality and the positive influence of your relationship together.  Always keep marveling at what the end result will be when you drop them off at college.
8. The road to a good marriage is always under construction.  It is a work in progress and never a final destination.

People leave relationships because others give them the things they wish they had with their partner.

Researchers have determined that the chemical in our brain that keeps us on the high we feel when we first meet our life’s partner never last more than two years.

It doesn’t mean that we can no longer be attracted or in love.

It means we need a Plan B for the rest of our lives together to grow a deeper love.

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Be grateful for someone in your life.

Choose for this to happen.

Do it 5 or 10 times and it becomes a positive state of being.

Focus on the most important aspect of your life – your relationships – not material things.

Be specific.

Name the person.

Remind yourself of the reason why you are grateful for having them in your lives.

You may be a block away from school to pick up your son or daughter.  Why are you grateful to have them in your life this day?  It will change the way you relate to each other when they hop in.

The salesperson who made it possible for you to replace your damaged cellphone for free – it’s not that you managed to get a new phone.  Someone managed to help you get a new phone.  A big difference and something for which to show gratitude.

Your spouse is getting home ahead of you, preparing dinner.  See him or her in vivid terms, hear their voice and say why you are grateful to have them in your life. 

Living a happier life is not one big thing.

It’s many little things.

Everything good that can happen to us in this world starts with being grateful for the people in our lives.

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We all have a great motivation to changing the way we deal with mean people for if we don’t, we can easily become more like them.

Be more compassionate of their faults.

If your ex is hurting you, first say “It must be awful for him or her to have to hurt the people they love”. 

An employer who makes your life miserable because they lie or are insensitive to your needs or input is a person you should pity at the next sign of bad behavior.  Something like – “What a waste – to hate instead of appreciate“.

Or “That SOB that just cut me off almost killed me, let’s hope his family is not in the situation he put me into”. 

Being compassionate to mean people is not condoning it or allowing any kind of abuse to continue.

Taking a second to rise above is the gift you will give yourself to prevent you from retaliating in a similarly mean way. 

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Yoga and meditation are very effective ways to help some people focus on the now.

For many, staying in the present is difficult to do and often they end up spending too much time dwelling on the past or overly concerned about tomorrow.

If you’re like me, you might find this an effective way to focus on the only thing that can bring you happiness – what is happening now.

Think of the past as an old steel file cabinet, the kind that used to be prevalent before we started keeping files on computers.

It’s good to refer back to files from time to time, but not to keep your head buried in them.  When that happens, close the drawer and return to the present.

Looking ahead is invaluable to making good decisions, but If you’re spending too much time in the future, be conscious of the time you spend looking forward to things that may never happen and return to your life at this very moment.

The past and the future are not your life.  What is happening here and now is the only thing that matters.

Avoid the black hole of the past or the never-never land of the future by always returning to the present.

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Successful entrepreneurs are often not very nice people.

Headstrong.

Unwilling to listen to the input of others.

Human relations that make you want to hate them.

And yet they are often so critical to the success of businesses that they are at least tolerated if not adored.

There are lots of stories about Steve Jobs.

His temper, impetuousness, bad manners, sense of entitlement and even lack of consideration.

He routinely parked in the handicapped spot at Apple and drove his California car without a license plate.

But Apple is the great company it is because they do things well.

Customer service, sales, support.

And Apple employees are among the happiest of modern day corporations.

So how do you earn your next promotion?

Be an expert at effective human relations.

See every person as different and you make the key that unlocks their potential.

Give credit rather than take it.

Listen to the ideas of others.

And most importantly, be authentic – the number one quality we should all work on every day.

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Catherine Steiner-Adair, a Harvard psychologist, interviewed 1,000 children from 4 to 18 years of age and hundreds of teachers and parents for her book about protecting childhood and family relationships in the digital era.

One red flag was children’s ire, sadness and frustration in trying to get their parents away from smartphones, tablets and computers.

You might have thought it would be the other way around – parents complaining about their kids being too digital.

Parents often parcel out screen time to their kid, but they often violate the boundaries that separate work from family.

Put the phone away at dinner – do not answer calls, emails or texts.

Separate from the phone (as hard as that is to do) on a regular basis. 

Charge your phone way off the beaten track to give you and those around you some face time.

Take a one-day holiday from digital activity and give that time to someone you care for.

Your children and loved ones deserve the same addictive focus that your cellphone gets.

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