Michael Jordan thought of himself as a failure in many ways.
Missed over 9,000 shots.
Blown over 20 “game winning” shots.
Everyone obsesses about the negatives even when there are so many positives.
Take personal credit for something well done to balance thinking about shortcomings
Use what you consider “failures” to think about what to do next time
Then let go of mistakes and focus on doing your best
Ever notice when someone whispers, we lean in to hear them?
Volume has little to do with being heard.
Listeners remember only approximately 30% of what they hear on the radio and 50% of what they see and hear on TV – at best – even when THEY control the volume.
There is a better way to be heard.
Speak from conviction.
Show empathy toward others in your comments
Something interesting needs no amplification
Use examples that include action verbs and colorful words.
Passion comes from the heart not from the lungs – nobody can resist a whisper.
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They say a great hockey goaltender is the athlete who can forget about being scored upon immediately after it happens.
But that’s not how most of us recover from a series of setbacks that can ruin a day – we often let disturbing things marinate in our heads.
Cultivate a short memory for things that irritate
Focus on someone else – helping, talking or even just listening
We “restart” many times a day on our digital devices, don’t we deserve at least one restart when we’re having a challenging day.
If all else fails, write your top 3 irritating problems out and if that doesn’t do it remember that when people are asked to trade their problems for someone else’s they always prefer their own.
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Most people are not motivated to give us what we want which is why so much time and effort is spent on convincing others.
The sure way to get what you want is to give the other person something that they want, too.
They’ll tell you if you ask.
They’ll likely do it if you can say it back to them.
Getting what you want is a trade-off not a demand.
Question: what would you give to get what you want?
Prevailing without giving something important to the other person is an exercise in futility – waste of time, money and damaging to relationships.
What are you willing to do to get what you want without being insincere and manipulative – that is the essence of getting to yes.
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We pick up a lot of negativity from other people’s actions and words.
And when something goes wrong we often blame ourselves.
The trick is to fix it before the damage is done.
Assume you have what it takes
Bet on you — you can’t begin to ask others to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself
No one is 100% sure of anything – it’s faith that gets you closer
For every doubt, add two positive thoughts
For every doubter in your life, add a believer
Doubt is self-sabotage – why do that to yourself?
Avoid helping doubters in your life make one out of you
Don’t look to others, look within you to overcome doubt
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The thing no one ever talks about is that we acquire worries and rarely let them go.
Once we accept them, we add them to a collection of previous fears that have not been resolved.
My mother was like that.
I can never remember her letting go of a worry to replace it with a new one – she kept them all.
And today we have a mental health crisis especially among young people under 25 who are connected constantly.
The human brain was designed to be on edge for survival of our cave dwelling predecessors fearing their safety not 24/7 social connection.
Constant stimulation overload takes its toll slowly because fears keep piling on top of each other.
41% of adults say they have more anxiety today than they did in the early days of the pandemic.
Half say they will never fully recover from it even after it’s over.
Fear is useless – trust yourself to discard things that make you anxious.
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The more we focus on ourselves and our needs, the more stressed we become — isn’t that interesting?
The reason anxiety and depression are exponentially growing is that we’re faced with more problems, trying hard to deal with them and not being able to limit the number of concerns we have at any given time.
It is why Dale Carnegie warned us to talk in terms of the other person’s interests, ask questions rather than make statements and learn to become a good listener.
Even though he taught public speaking, happiness was a focus of not talking about yourself.
Have you seen In Treatment on HBO?
Compelling half hour shows about people who are essentially in a therapy session – it’s a hit perhaps because we love to talk about our problems.
You’ll never hear anyone thinking of others, focus on the needs of someone other than themselves or become skilled at using their ears more than their mouth.
Step one is get the focus off you and direct it to others to start feeling less overwhelmed.
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Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman wants you to check these three things off before you listen to your gut feeling:
That’s 3 yeses to reassure yourself that your gut feeling is more than a reckless impulse.
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Living someone else’s dream is like driving another person’s car.
It gets you to your destination, but you don’t own it.
I always wanted to be a dj and I didn’t want to go to college. My father insisted saying “you’ll be the smartest dj”. I listened and got my college education but never gave up my dream.
Be the person you want to be.
Take control of your own dreams.
Make them bold and adventurous.
And there’s no time limit – you can even start today.
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Pick a number, say 20.
The first 20 people you meet today, smile at them.
No need to engage in conversation, a smile will work just fine.
Most people will smile back, a few won’t – some won’t make eye contact because they are distracted.
By the time you’ve counted 20 people in a row you can smile at, you’ve programmed your happy mood for the day.
If you still have doubt, what happens when you carry your burdens in facial expression – most people know to avoid you and you’ve pretty much set the wrong tone for your day.
The brain likes to be programmed and 20 smiles can do it.
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Recovering from a critical mistake, a bad break or a bad day has less to do with what went wrong than what went right.
Take any success and break it down – there are some pretty steep low points for the average person on the way to their goals and eventual happiness.
Bouncing back requires looking forward not back – a lesson learned is not always the answer.
So the new term is bouncing ahead – looking forward to the next time at bat, understanding that no one hits 1.000 and that setbacks are to be expected and even welcomed because turning things around isn’t about what went wrong but what went right.
The biggest mistake is to believe that we must never make a mistake.
Mistakes are what drives success.
If you were told that mistakes will lead you to where you want to go, you would welcome the challenge.
We see all these people who have worked through adversity on their way to the top and yet we hold ourselves to an impossible standard of zero screw ups.
Don’t fear mistakes, learn from them because without pain there can be no gain.
There are people who are constantly interacting with others who are lonely.
And there are those who have a much smaller and limited friend universe who are feeling anything but alone.
Loneliness plagued 54% of 20,000 Americans surveyed by Cigna in 2018 – a year later it shot up to 61% with 18-22 year-olds the loneliest.
Facebook friends are nice but they don’t count. In fact, social media makes us feel lonelier than ever.
It’s not the number of people in our lives, it’s the quality of honest conversations we have with others.
It’s not a day off.
It’s a day on — with expressed goals of refocusing on life other than anxiety, complexity, frustration, work and digital devices.
A planned walk, a conversation with someone else, an entirely different routine and things that are opposite from the stressors that weigh us down.
The difference between a sick day and a mental health day is one is a retreat from being overwhelmed and the other is a structured treat for becoming refreshed.
When I was on the air, I worked for a boss who was a task master – very tough on his air staff and he listened to the station all the time (even the middle of the night) to catch your mistakes and then call you during your show.
Talk about PTSD.
Looking back, it wasn’t the criticisms I remember, it’s the compliments – a tough coach who also knew how to pay a meaningful compliment.
We can live with high expectations and high standards.
But we cannot live without appreciation.
Allen Stone was an iconic, longtime newsperson on WFIL in Philadelphia when one Sunday, the station’s programming suddenly changed from adult music to top 40 and Stone’s career on Monday morning was thought to be over.
The dean of newscasters was told in no uncertain terms that the new rock-and-roll news format that involved loud voices, short sentences, screaming, yes screaming – would be beyond him. After all, he was a dignified adult newscaster.
Stone asked for a chance – one week to prove that he could do it.
Within hours everyone knew Allen Stone could not only do it, but set a high bar for his younger associates to rock the news.
What if he never asked?
What if they never gave him the chance?
Life is a continual audition – always be prepared to ask for the chance to show your stuff.
Living with a sense of purpose has been shown in studies to add years to life and improve happiness.
A recent article in The Washington Post put it bluntly:
“In his 1946 book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” the Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote that belief in something “external” — potentially as mundane as unfinished work, or the hope to reunite with a loved one — helped prisoners survive.”
Getting through the day is admirable but not purposeful enough to reap the benefits.
Younger people live happier, older people live longer.
What is the purpose that drives you?
Did you hear about the 23 year-old Italian woman who was mistakenly given six doses of the Pfizer vaccine at once by a distracted nurse?
Sounds like the patient may have been distracted as well as she sat there for the six jabs – six!
Healthcare workers may be forgiven considering the stress that they have been under but this illustrates the stressful world we’re living in – it’s not just the person in the car ahead of you texting when the light turns green.
You can’t just stop distractions because our minds live in a distracted state 24/7 – multi-tasking is working by distractions and it’s considered normal.
Rest is the key to better focusing – the mind can only take so much and then it needs a break. Changing activities, refreshing your mind and putting the brakes on a life that is aroused by interruption.
An average 41.5 texts sent or received every day.
Over 120 new emails a day with most people responding to only 25% of them.
Over 560 billion texts sent every month globally.
Focus does not require concentration — it begs for fewer distractions.
Phil Mickelson who won the PGA Championship this year one month before his 51st birthday is the same person who fought bad luck, trouble of his own creation and adversity in his career.
A lefty who was never supposed to win a major just keeps on winning through physical problems, the cancer of his wife, Amy, some classic meltdowns, a few unfortunate comments from his own mouth and his age.
Even non-golfers were taken with his PGA victory recently – some because they wanted the “old guy” to win at the younger person’s game and others because of the pure theater when he was rushed by fans as he approached the final green.
Comebacks happen when you expect them not because they surprise you.
The person who underestimates the potential of others overestimates their own ability.
Some of the most accomplished, famous and successful people in the world were marginalized by those who for one reason or another were not able to accurately gauge
the strong will of another to succeed.
A person who can recognize the good in others guarantees to raise their own ability simultaneously.