Email is not just a presidential election issue.  It is strangling all of us.

Even where we still make phone calls, we then waste time memorializing them in a follow-up email.

Email is killing us and not necessarily making our lives better, richer or more productive.  That’s why those who study sociological trends are already talking about the decline of email.

Because email is consuming lives, what’s the way out?

You can do the math, but I spend hours personally and in my businesses with email.  I easily get 1,000 emails for every one call I get at my office.  So, you can see 30-60 minutes is a fair estimation of time I could get back if only I would – well, take my iPhone and make a call.

The biggest problem is work.

Email is so engrained into the daily operations of businesses that you will have a heck of a time weaning others off.

Some ideas to try starting this morning:

• Write one line emails that say “I will call you” or “Call me” and we can discuss.  Emails do not allow us to read the mood, intention, or personality of others whereas in phone calls we can.

• Avoid leaving long phone messages.  That’s bad and time consuming.  Just, “hey, it’s Jerry – need to talk” and phone number.

• Try not to answer certain emails at all if it is really not necessary.

• Be careful of collaborative sites Iike Slack that allow messaging in teams.  This is very often a time waster.  Email multiplied by X times.

• And for family, spouse, kids – make the call even if your teenage daughter isn’t likely to return it (or listen to it).

Changing time wasting behavior starts with whether we’re willing to try.

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What if you take a gnawing problem – one that keeps coming up again and again – and turn it into the solution.

You do that by making every painful or irritating experience with this problem, a reminder to change the way you think about it by embracing a solution.

Therefore, by using every reoccurrence of a problem as a reminder to change the one thing you have control over – you – the solution actually becomes a product or the problem.

I know a person who has been suffering from muscular pain that no medication or painkiller can adequately control.  So when he feels the tightening, he uses each episode to conduct muscle relaxation exercises right then and there.  This retrains the pathways in the brain to do in real time something that doesn’t ameliorate the pain for now but reduces it over time by retraining his brain.

The problem does more than cause pain, it reminds him to do something about it.

And it is working!

So if you have a boss that is unreasonable, let every example of that behavior remind you to be more reasonable with others.  You’ll be giving yourself a gift not a curse.

If a friend or family member is being unfair to you, make every insult or demand an occasion for you to let go of the bad feelings that person is generating.

We’ve spent a lot of time in our lives learning how to stand up to life’s problems, but the one that gets the quickest results makes each occurrence of the problem a reminder to change your behavior every time it crops up.

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Whenever we question how much confidence we really have, we should ask ourselves one question:

If I don’t believe in me, how can I ask someone else to?

Often we have it the other way around.

We expect others to believe in us, support us, trust us before we actually do it first.

If you want to believe in yourself, you can’t outsource it to others.

It starts with us.

Shakespeare said, “Assume a virtue if you have it not”.

I find this quote very empowering and there is hardly a week that I don’t find myself repeating it.  Maybe it will work for you the same way.

You must believe in yourself first and always.

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It is more important to make a life than a living.

That’s why when a survey of people in hospice nearing death were asked what they regretted most, the one thing that wasn’t on their list was more time working.

They regretted not spending more time with friends and family.

In retrospect they wished they did the things they always dreamed of doing.

Is there a person you can contact — a friend, family member or associate – who needs to hear the words “It is more important to make a life than a living”?

I remind my children and myself.

This does not mean, don’t work, don’t succeed, don’t make money.

Just that there is more to life than making money.

Studies repeatedly show that after covering expenses and needs, most people do not get incrementally happier as their income goes up.

Believe it or not, the average income for a couple in the U.S. is about $70,000 a year.  When the survey tracked happiness and income, happiness did not go up appreciably with higher income.  In fact, it went down.

So work hard.

Make money.

But most importantly make a life.

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I live in two places and have a list of contractors and sources that make that possible. My list represents the best people I have met.

This got me to thinking – what would an “Angie’s List” of friends look like.

Who is the best person for advice?

Who is the best listener?

Best with money and financial?

Who is the most fun to be with?

Who is best at always being there for me?

Who is best to help in an emergency?

Things like that.

This could get interesting.

For the things that matter most, do we show enough appreciation for friends like these?

And what if you have friends – even spend lots of time with them – and they don’t fall in any meaningful category that you hold important?

Perhaps you might want to spend more time with the people you value most.

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Sometimes we’re more than anxious to start the day happy until we arrive at work and get enveloped in the negativity that often exists there.

They can also rob you of your productivity and seriously affect your work mojo.

You can be virtually immune to negativity at work as long as you resist being affected by it.

• Downers speak and act in a negative way.  By contrast, you can choose to be positive and enthusiastic.

• Take control of what you will allow to play over and over again in your head.  That is, no one gets to go directly into your head and chip away at your confidence.

• Turn the negative stuff into opportunities to do something positive.  Take a leadership role in showing respect for other points of view and trying to see things as they do.

• For those who are just plain negative people, always be aware that positivity trumps negativity every time.

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My wife and I sat next to a mother and her teenage daughter at what was a “happy birthday” dinner in New York City and the two – both mom and daughter – kept checking their phones all through the meal.

At some points, both were on their phones at the same time.  At other times, mom would sit silently while daughter checked her phone for a minute or more or the other way around.

This is insanity.

It’s not the amount of time we spend with others.  It’s whether we are 100% present in the now for the time we spend.

That means without distractions.

With digital devices stowed.

Ears on, mouth off.

There will be no more guilt about not spending enough time with people we care about.

Treat them with the same attention you would give a cellphone.

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If it’s on the Internet or at a social media site, what you post is being increasingly used against you by potential employers.

The first generation of social media – largely Millennials – is willing to turn a blind eye toward this kind of cyber scrutiny.

Some got a little antsy and alter their public names and private names but one thing is certain, social media now makes it easy for potential employers to spy on job applicants.

From now on, managing social media in a career-friendly way is on us.

Having a private account and a different public account is no longer enough.

Be mindful that everything on the Internet or in social media can be used against you.

This will likely diminish the fun of being social but it will increase the chance of getting a full chance at being hired for the job you really want.

And this does not just apply to Millennials.

Employers are on it and able to spy on – or as they might put it “research” potential employees and new employees because they’re using the Internet smarter than their applicants.

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The gift that everyone craves is not money.

Not an iPhone.

Okay, maybe an iPhone but there is still something greater.

Perhaps you’ve heard about TED Talks.

The success of TED Talks, those 10-minute video presentations that have grown in popularity over the years is due to a special mission:  give your audience a gift.

The possibilities are endless.

When you speak to someone, think of giving them a gift – something they can take away that will make them feel enlightened, good about themselves or hopeful.

When you’re at Thanksgiving dinner, make the gift a public expression of gratitude to the person who prepared the feast.

With children, make the gift of you being in the now 100% focused on the relationship between the two of you.

For yourself, the gift of solitude to think, or a kind word for one of your many strengths.

But when people say that they don’t like speaking before groups or leading presentations at work, think of giving your audience a gift.

It makes some of your butterflies fly in formation.

The gift that keeps on giving is an attitude of offering to others something special from you.

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For all the talk about empowerment, we often miss the most obvious and best way.

Make people feel something.

We are living in a time numbed by our social media and digital devices where we are struggling to have feelings.

If you’re selling something, make the audience or buyer feel something positive after hearing your pitch. If you can’t identify in a few words what that positive feeling is, they sure can’t.

For families struggling to be closer, identify a feeling and focus on it. If that feeling is, say, safety together work every day to make free expression of thoughts and actions something that is safe to be discussed among family.

If teamwork is more of a name than a solution at work, empower others you work with to feel free to create, contribute and respond. Often the best teamwork comes at brainstorming sessions but once it breaks up, the benefits are lost.

We all have the capability to make others feel something and that is the secret to empowerment.

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Ban the word, leave the “t” off “can’t” to get to “can” and remove the self-destructive word “can’t” from your vocabulary as a first step.

All day today, catch yourself when “can’t” slips out.

Would you hire a person who uses the word “can’t”?

Would you choose to pursue a relationship with a person who says “can’t” instead of “can” and “will”?

Would you want your children and those you influence to hear you start with “can’t” before you even try?

Two very useful words that easily replace “can’t” is “I’ll try”.

Make “I’ll try” the new “can’t” and stop shooting yourself in the foot before you can prove just how effective your potential really is.

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Smartphones and social media are making lonely people lonelier.

They are promoting a culture in which people are hooked on their digital devices for fear of missing out on something.

The phone is the new security blanket – college students of mine saying they feel empty without a phone in their hand.

These great tools are turning children into robots even before robots take over the earth – as some predict and making adults numb to living in the now which is where all life takes place.

Phones are tools, not substitutes for things that are missing in life.

Rule 1:  When in the presence of another human being, turn the phone off or don’t take it out until you are alone.  Even when you are alone, return to the real world and remain in it as long as possible interacting, thinking, appreciating.

Rule 2:  The phone and digital devices are not cheap babysitters.  Even Steve Jobs, arguably the one who started this revolution wouldn’t let his kids have unlimited access to their screens – and they were teens!

Rule 3:  When in the company of a smartphone abuser, remain silent until they either give you 100% of their attention in the now or put their phones away.

Rule 4:  The phone and digital devices are tools but they have become an addiction and should be treated the same way any other addiction is treated.  If you are losing moments in life, you may have to quit to recover.

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Confidence is among the most fragile things we possess.

When things are going great, confidence comes easy.

When things are going poorly, it is almost impossible to muster.

Confidence is manufactured in the brain even before we need it.

The more we think positively about our abilities, the more our actual pathways in the brain physically change.

Confidence is perishable so use it daily or lose it when you need it most.

Confidence comes from how many times we actually believe in ourselves.

Confidence does not get bigger as challenges get bigger, even small things build big confidence.

When things get rough, waiting for them to get better is not as quick or effective as reviewing in your mind the specific ways you’ve believed in yourself.

If someone sees you’re lacking and tries to diminish your confidence further, cut off that communication immediately and return to seeing yourself in a positive way.

Confidence can even grow when things go sour if we see adversity as a step toward our next success.

Confidence is best controlled by us and not outsourced to others.

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Sometimes it takes no more than a well-written song to help me start my day such as “Take It Easy” performed by The Eagles and written by Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey.

“Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy”

“Lighten up while you still can

Don’t even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy”

“We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again”

Sometimes our intensity makes us stressed.

Lighten up and let go of the things that are dragging us down.

No matter how good or bad our day, we can never hit restart so make the best of it.

Once a dj, always a dj I guess.  No wonder music makes us happy.

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Don’t you just love it when people tell you that they are stressed out and therefore they can’t do this or that?

A big cause of stress is others who constantly say they are stressed.

Welcome to everyone’s world, but when those close to us or those who spend a lot of time with us, say, at work keep playing the stress card, it causes stress for us as well.

There is a certain sense of responsibility some people feel when they are told that the person they are dealing with is stressed out.

Does it mean, back off of the topic or demand?

Is it code for I can’t deal with what you’re saying or asking of me?

Stress is a part of modern life that didn’t exist in exactly the same form decades ago for our parents and grandparents.  Life was slower then but still, there were worries and pressures.

There are two important keys to reducing stress.

One, ease up when you start to feel stressed.

Two, refuse to let other people hand off their stressed feelings to you by playing the “I’m stressed” card.

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I’ll bet you think that a put down artist is some arrogant bloviator who rains on your parade as soon as it gets underway.  That, too.

Actually, we all have the potential of being put down artists inadvertently.

When our child comes home from school and says “I got three A’s and one B” and we ask, “What did you get a B in?”  Of course, we should say, “Tell me about your grades” in a less judgmental way.  It’s not like they’re flunking out of school.

But real put down artists can be brutal.

When I was appointed professor of music industry at the University of Southern California, one of my “good friends” took my breath away when he said, “How did YOU get to be a professor?” as if to say being an ex-dj disqualifies me when ironically it was actually the reverse.

I joked, that USC ran out of candidates and chose me but I knew the real reason I was brought in to write and teach courses on music, broadcasting and the mobile future.

Or how about this one:  I’ve been married three times so I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard “which one” when I refer to an ex.  Really?  Which one?  Like you care.

Humor is always a good way to introduce a person to their insensitivity.

It’s bad enough that adults struggle with put down artists but it is monumental when children and teens are confronted with it.

I’m in the advanced group, you’re not (like it matters in the end).

You’re fat (what does my weight have to do with you).

No one likes you (did you hold an election?).

Insert your own indignities here because I’m sure you know what I am talking about.

The most effective way to put down a put down artist is to cut off their oxygen by not responding to their hurtful comments with the full knowledge that there is only one you and you’re pretty darn awesome.

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Now that Brad and Angelina are splitting, what are we to do?

More than ever we live in a world created by entertainment and media.  The stars make up to break up and it is really easy for those living more normal lives to wonder where they fit in.

Take “I love you”.

The word “love” is bandied about more than ever but sometimes we feel self-conscious about saying it.

There are other ways to say “I love you”.

Deeds.

Sacrifices.

Giving up having it your way to let him or her have it their way.

Practicing the art of thoughtfulness – leaving a note in the glove box that says, don’t worry about the car, all that matters is that you’re safe should there ever be an accident.

Building another person’s confidence – love is helping someone else grow and be free to flap their wings.

So, if you want to try something different today, buy a card or send an e-card that is blank so you can choose one of the ways (above) to provide your own personal evidence to the word “love”.

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Okay, so you’re sitting face-to-face with someone who puts their phone up to their face and begins to multitask.

You are right in the middle of saying something to them and feel that you don’t have 100% of their attention – which you don’t.

Handle multitasking like this right in your face by simply stopping what you are saying.

Not another word is uttered until you have their attention.

I usually here something like “I’m listening” or “I can do more than one thing at a time”.

But if that’s not a tradeoff you are willing to make, simply remain silent until or unless the other person gives you the attention you deserve.

People who allow their narrative to be hijacked by someone else’s multitasking will never be effect communicators.

If they want to hear you, they must finish the task or stop it in midstream and be 100% present or else you’re wasting your breath.

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Did you ever notice that a person who has real confidence is rarely the one who tries to rob you of yours?

It’s usually the person who is not so comfortable in their own shoes who has the need to say and do things that erode the positive way you would like to feel about yourself.

And that point is the best defense against confidence thieves.

Here are a few others:

• Confidence thieves are usually passive aggressive meaning they look harmless but find ways to expose your perceived weak side.
• Make it your policy that no one gets to criticize you except you.  This doesn’t mean you’re perfect or immune from criticism, it means you will run an ID check on the person exposing weaknesses. Who are they? Why would they say that?
• Vet them first before considering anything they have to say.  Don’t let them into your head unless you open the door.
• Be on the lookout for things that don’t feel right.  Pointing out that “You don’t have much experience doing presentations, do you?” Or “This is a bad time to be looking for work” playing on everyone’s natural concern with being unemployed. “That looks good on people built like you” (who are people built like me?).

Confidence thieves are jealous.

They are often subtle using questions to make their point.

And can be family members, mates, good friends or associates.

The best way to rob a confidence thief is to always assume you are capable of dealing with life’s challenges. Believe in you at all times.

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The death of promising young Miami Marlin’s pitcher José Fernández is a wake up call that none of us have any guarantee how long we will be on this earth no matter what age.

Fernández died in a boating accident at 24. The exuberant Cuban-born star had his whole life ahead of him.

His girlfriend was pregnant with their child and ironically Fernández died in the Atlantic Ocean, the same body of water where he saved his mother from drowning while they along with his sister escaped Cuba.

Older people are usually more aware of the ticking clock than young people.

But even age doesn’t give anyone a free pass.

Life is to be lived in the moment 100% present.

It’s not necessary to think about death but how we can take better advantage of the life we now have.   Just ask a cancer survivor. They master the art of living as an unexpected benefit of their disease.

Jimmy Carter is in his nineties and is fighting cancer to gain as much time as he can because he has more things he wants to do.

The past is a file that we visit but always return to the present.

The future is where we look to plan and yet we must come back to the present where all life lives.

The sad ending for Jose Fernandez reminds us that the only thing any of us have for sure is the time we have right now – this instant. That’s where our happiness lives.

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