Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy left a 20-cent tip to his waiter at the Philly restaurant PYT recently.

He didn’t like the service and refused to apologize for the tip but the restaurant said they were sorry that the incident became public.

What’s worse is none other than Charlie Sheen wrote a check to the waiter McCoy stiffed to make it up to him or her — $1,000 is a publicity opportunity in Hollywood.

My own poor service policy is that I leave a fair tip then leave the restaurant never to return.  Maybe it’s because my career is in radio and television and I don’t want to make a big stink.  I figure the staff reflects the management’s attitude toward service.

This is about a spoiled athlete, arrogance and lack of gratitude.

How about every time McCoy stinks up the football field, he gets his weekly salary cut by management?

We’re all human.

We all make mistakes.

Here’s how to make the people who “serve” you, happy to do so.

Call them by their name every time you talk to them.

Show respect.

Acknowledge any extra effort they may make that pleases you.

When you add the tip, write a note on the receipt or bill that tells what you appreciated most about their service.

And what if service was really, really bad?

Calculate the number of times you eat out every year and figure the percentage of times when service was horrible.

Then be thankful that percentage is so low.

By the way, the best customers in any restaurant are ex-waiters and waitresses.  They usually tip well and show appreciation because they know how hard the job is.

One of my readers asked how do you shake off damaging things your parents drilled into your head.

And I’m not talking about bad parents here because once you become a parent you know that your intention is always to do the right thing.

But sometimes comments like “You are your own worst enemy” and words about being lazy or selfish are not only hurtful during childhood but forever.

A parents voice lingers in our minds for better and for worse.

Parental influence is so strong that even after they are long gone, their words still play in your head.

So, a few thoughts on shaking off damaging things even loving parents have said.

1. Every time a negative parental comment rises to the surface again, force yourself to match it with something THEY said about you that was positive.  Level the playing field of your psyche.
2. Repudiate the negative voice.  If mom or dad said something like “You are irresponsible” and it sticks with you to this day, kill that thought with recent evidence to the contrary.
3. Laugh it off.  That’s right.  Humor is a great healer.  My mother said a lot of positive things to me but she was never impressed with how I spent money so when that thought came to mind, I would said, “You’re right mom, I should throw nickels around like manhole covers” (in other words, be really cheap).  I know it would make her smile.
4. Kill that negative thought with love.  Parenting is a tough job.  There is no school to train for parenthood.  When haunted by a negative parental voice, disagree with the sentiment but express your gratitude even if your parents are no longer with you.
5. In such cases, go to the cemetery and have “a talk” with your departed parent.  If you think they are in a better place, they are probably rooting for you and proud of what you have become.
6. And my favorite of all – “If dad were here today, he’d be proud of me”.  Try it.  It really works.

I’m not preaching.

I’m learning the hard way like most of us.

Most of us do not need enemies the way we beat ourselves up constantly.

That’s why one of the most important things I have ever shared in years of writing this daily blog is to put a stop/loss on all negative thinking whether someone else gives it to us or whether we inflict it upon ourselves.

We need to be our best advocate.

Looking to others may feel good but it makes us codependent to them and puts power in the hands of those close to us who shouldn’t have it.

Be on the lookout for negative thoughts.

Purge them from your mind a.s.a.p.

If you don’t believe in yourself with all your talents and shortcomings, who will?

When the author Norman Cousins was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he ordered a bunch of Marx Brothers movies and said if he had to die he was going to go out laughing.

Of course, he lived – for a long time – and when he later had a heart attack, Cousins told the EMTs on the way to the hospital not to worry; that he wasn’t going to die.

He lived.

If negative thinking can successfully be extracted from life and death situations, we have no excuse not to become more aware of the damage we do to ourselves when we allow a negative thought in our mind even for a brief period of time.

If marriage licenses were offered in one-year increments, imagine how much better relationships would get.

Fall asleep at the switch and you could lose your mate.  Knowing you have to both renew your intention every year is the antidote for the laziness and complacency that often sets in to ruin a marriage.

We have to decide on which cell phone we want every two years.

Health, auto and home insurance have to be renewed and revisited yearly.

In most states car registration requires an act of renewal for varying periods of time depending on which state you live in.

But when we get married, that’s all that is required until trouble shows up.  That’s why marriage counselors tell me that by the time they get a husband and wife into therapy, it is usually too late for the relationship.  It is the individual who becomes the focus on the counselor’s attention.

Of course, one-year renewable marriage licenses are never going to happen, but that doesn’t mean that people who value their union can’t renew their own vows yearly.  It doesn’t take a fancy get away weekend or a marriage workshop although that works, too.

Startling research studies have been done over the years to show how many people would not do it all over again given what they know after being married to their mate.

There is an old joke that marriage is a fine institution if you want to be institutionalized, but the truth is if we had to opt in every year in real time the way we pursue our careers, there would be more happily married people in the world.

Connoisseur Media recently fired a morning show personality on its WDRC-FM, Hartford station because they were going in a different direction – one that would save the owners money.

The personality had been doing traffic reports from an outsourced company.

Unfortunately, Kim Zachary’s firing left her husband without medical coverage and he was due to have cancer surgery this month.

Bad timing.

Had WDRC waited just a few days, she would have received coverage and surgery would have proceeded.

The station is unapologetic – “she’s not our employee” they insist even though she was listed on their website as one of their morning personalities.

Contrast that with the Cincinnati Bengals. They had to cut defensive tackle Devon Still from their squad but his daughter, Leah, was diagnosed with stage four pediatric cancer in June.

Unlike Connoisseur CEO Jeff Warshaw, the Bengals rehired Still to be part of their practice squad to assure him of a $6,300 weekly salary and provide his family with insurance coverage when they needed it most.

Money and power does not guarantee compassion.

The best way to always assure that we will be compassionate with others in spite of our economic or career position in life is to see the plight of others as we would see it happening to ourselves or our loved ones.

In the case of WDRC and Connoisseur, the wrong message was sent to its employees – that management doesn’t care about them.

But even this Eagles fan is rooting for the Bengals this year for doing the right thing to one of their own.

They didn’t have to.

To their credit they obviously wanted to.

If you only knew, it might drive you nuts.

But it doesn’t matter.

What you say in front of the mirror looking into your eyes is more important.

I go through a routine every morning while shaving where I ask whether I am living up to my desires as a person.

If you don’t like yourself than criticism from others can hurt and divert your attention from more important things.

And when you DO overhear an unflattering remark from a co-worker, friend or family member?

One way to regain control is to not react to what you overheard but respond.

If the criticism is fair, then say, “I could actually do better in that area”.

If it is unfair then say “Sorry, I reject it”.

What eats at us is hurt feelings that comes from criticism.

Some criticisms are good.

Others just hurtful.

But you are always in control.

We fear the future because we are afraid of losing what we have.

A very rich media executive told me at lunch at The Ivy in Beverly Hills that money without power is nothing.  I can guarantee you he didn’t think like this when he set out to get rich.

We fear the future because we fear loss.

But I see loss as a residue of retreating – i.e., imitating ourselves or our best performances.

Going back is really a coward’s way of living life.

This “coward” got the message when I recognized that loss is often temporary and frequently leads to gain.  That’s why I wrote the book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages.

The author Paulo Coelho nailed it with this:

“And, when you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward”.

Embrace the ups and downs of life and trust in a higher power to deal with the fear of the unknown.

Live in the present with all its risks for a more fulfilling life.

What is your mission in life?

You would never enroll in college unless you at least knew you wanted a degree.

You would never drive from Washington to New York unless you took the time to at least find out how to go north.

Yet in life, can you answer this question:  “why are you here on earth?”

When reading an obituary, we often see the convoluted paths that have taken people to the end of their life’s journey.

Why are we here?

My career has been in and around broadcasting and media but I see my reason for being on this earth is to teach and use my God-given skills to communicate.

What about you?

Once we know what is important to us we can pursue it more effectively.

Try this experiment.

Ask a few people (friends, family, associates) why they are on this earth.

Don’t be surprise to get an “I don’t know” or a weak answer.  Remarkably, most of us never think about it.

We can’t get to where we want to go if we don’t first know where we want to go.

Young folks are often caught in the trap of acting as if they don’t care – even about important things.

Some actually do care, but act as if they don’t.

Some don’t care at all so it’s easier to be cool.

But playing it cool isn’t unique to the current generation of young people and, believe it or not, older folks often adopt the same unfortunate attitude.

When did working hard to attain something you want become negative behavior?

Not for an Olympic athlete.

Not to an entrepreneur.

Not for a teacher.

Not for a doctor.

In fact, not for anyone who wants to live a fulfilling life.

I worry less about kids trying to play it cool than adults who have given up on working hard to chase their dreams.

I read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist during my shore vacation last week – a gift from a friend.

The book has been around a while but it was a new discovery for me and the professor in me found lots of things to underline.

The most important was this:

“Life is the moment we are living now”.

Like you, perhaps, I struggle with focusing on the present.  Everything that has helped me attain my goals from career to personal were set in future anticipation.

But Coelho is correct “If you can, concentrate only on the present, you’ll be a happy man (person)”.

Ironically, this is easier done than said but somehow we make it difficult.

We can start today.

This morning.

Right now.

For one day focus on what is happening in life as you presently live it. Postpone future plans or worries to a special time when you can handle such things.  Don’t let planning interfere with living.

For one day focus on what is happening in the present not the past.  Go to the past to retrieve a happy moment, a fond memory or a lesson learned and then quickly return to the present.

If we make it simple, we can do this.

The Cumberland Americans just got eliminated from this year’s Little League World Series.

They stood stunned and teary-eyed losing by the smallest of margins – one run.

But coach David Belisle had all the right words in a rambling and emotional post game pep talk.

• He built them up, didn’t tear them down.
• He told them what they had accomplished together.
• He said it was okay to cry – and most of these young boys did (and you will too if you watch the video).
• He said how proud he was of them.

There is more benefit to losing than winning.

Winning feels better.

But losing is transformative.

Whether it is a young person in your life or anyone of any age, positivity, accomplishment, feelings and pride are four things that help people recover from defeat to succeed another day instead of discourage them.

Here’s the video.  It’s 3:38 seconds like you’ve probably never seen before.

Sad, but successful people seem to grow tired of their mates often after they have both endured many trials and tribulations.

But what if we put as much work into our relationships as we put into our careers.

Now look, I am not speaking as a stellar example.

I am speaking as a graduate of that old School of Hard Knocks we always hear about.

The same things that drive our career success could really help make more marriages and relationships successful.

1. Spend as much passion in the marriage as you do at work.
2. Details always matter in a successful business and the same attention to detail is a homerun in relationships.
3. Show even half the enthusiasm upon greeting your loved one at the beginning and end of each day as you do meeting clients or associates you like.
4. Have goals.  If we’re successful at work, we have a game plan.  What’s our game plan at home?  Same old, same old leads to a mighty unhappy marriage.
5. Give up some power.  Take real and genuine pride in outsourcing an equal number of major and minor decisions to your spouse.  At work, no one likes a control freak.  At home, no one likes a control freak.

The skills we have at work are a great rehearsal for a better relationship at home.

Which means – we already know how to make our relationships better.

The current best thinking is to always provide references when applying for a new job.

The phrase “references available upon request” should be retired.

There is a better way.

At the end of your resume, include only the best references you have.  List their name, title, contact information AND …

A line quoted exactly as they summed your skills up.  In other words, ask them for it in a letter and include the quote after their name.  Most employers will not want to make more work and call all your references if they think the quotes are authentic.

And never fear a bad reference.

That’s right.  You may want to reread that line again.

Some people get pleasure or feel justified in hurting others from moving on from a bad situation for both of them.

I once applied for an on-air job at a big number one radio station in Philadelphia.  I had great references except for one difficult to work for employer but I had to list my employment at his station.

My prospective employer in fact called that mean person and sure enough got a not so nice reference.

Later when my prospective employer called me back for a second interview and an audition, he asked me point blank – I called this so and so and he didn’t have very nice things to say about you.

I was stunned.

But I said, “I am sorry about that, but I worked hard for him and I am grateful for the other mentors I’ve had”.

After what seemed like a verrrry long pause, he leaned over and said, “He’s an idiot anyway.  Never has a nice thing to say about anyone.  You’re hired”.

My willingness to be humble, authentic and honest overcame a glitch that could have ruined a breakthough career opportunity.

You’re never out if you’re never down.

I have a wristband called Lark that I can wear to bed that reports the quality of my sleep via Bluetooth and an iPad.

How many times did I wake up during the night even briefly.  How long did it take to fall asleep.  And I get a total grade from 1-10 on how well I slept – with suggestions on how to improve.

This kind of thing is likely to proliferate as Apple is rumored to be working on a wristband (iWatch maybe) that can report other vital heath and happiness signs to the wearer.

Some say it can even monitor blood sugar or tell you when your blood pressure goes up.

In other words, we’re about to enter the age of tracking exercise and social interaction, two of the main contributors to happiness.

But how do we get started?

1. Exercise – without that your health is compromised.
2. Make new friends, spend time with old friends because socializing is a main contributor to happiness.
3. Work for at least one accomplishment a day.  It can be anything but shoot for 365 accomplishments a year and they will soon dwarf the disappointments that rob us of happiness.
4. Be grateful not just for what you have but that which you don’t have.  Do we have to get cured of cancer to be thankful or can we train ourselves to say, thank goodness I am healthy and I appreciate it.
5. Questions to answer:  Have I gotten the most important things I want in life?  If I could start my life all over again, would I change anything?  In what do you find beauty?  In what kind of relationships do you find warmth?

If we start now, those wristbands are going to someday reflect the progress we are making toward a happier and more meaningful life.

Perhaps you have emojis activated on your phone’s text messaging.

For those who do not know what an emoji is think of a little smiley face that you’ve seen at the end of an email or text.  Except much more.

Emojis are replacing text.

What a long distance we have come – from Gutenberg’s first printing press, to books, newspapers, letters, emails, Twitter and text messaging and now a few icons and a few words.

The world evolves and we evolve with it.

Communication is the goal.

Whatever fosters better communication is what we should embrace.

No reason to fear the future because things are changing. Just don’t lose sight of our main purpose as a society – to communicate effectively to others.

Bring on the tools.

A Time Magazine and Real Simple poll of women released a few weeks ago indicates that women need to take more risks.

The poll illustrates that the fear of failure is keeping more women from top corporate jobs.

Everyone fails but according to the poll, women fear failure even more then men.

I like to take the gender away from this issue although the research speaks for itself.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained became an oft-used pearl of wisdom because it is true.

So what can we do about the fear of taking risks?

1. No one wins 100% of the time.  Substitute trying hard 100% of the time instead of concentrating on succeeding and the victories will come more readily.
2. Lack of confidence feeds the fear of taking risks.  You build confidence when you give yourself credit when you do succeed.  Most people skip this important step.
3. One person’s failure is another person’s next success.  Thomas Edison tried thousands of times to invent the light bulb but he never gave up.  That victory must have been sweet.
4. Here’s something you can do to prepare yourself for taking more risks.  Target a successful person you admire and see if she or he just walked into their success or learned from taking risks that could lead to failure.

Nothing succeeds like success, but success is built on the back of risks taken, lessons learned.

Incivility is increasingly fanned by social media.

Trolling – the mostly anonymous and often in mobs – upends decent social discussions.

Zelda Williams gave up.  With days of her late father, comedian Robin Williams’s death, she had to close her social media accounts rather than endure fake pictures of her father who committed suicide with marks around his neck.

Sadly, the more this practice of trolling comes to light, the more people do it.

What has happened to our world?

My theory is that we spend so much time interacting with our screens that we become insensitive to how people respond to us – both negatively and positively. And that emboldens some people who would never behave in this fashion if they had to look you in the eye face to face.

Most people are nice and considerate.

As rudeness proliferates in our digital world the best defense may be to do as Zelda Williams did and step back.

But rudeness occurs on airplanes, in hair salons where cell phones are pressed to the ears of heads being washed and many, many other situations.

Immediate contact via social media requires the same courtesy that we show to others in person.

It is not an excuse for bad behavior.

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Things may have changed since you were single – five years ago!

That’s right — things have really changed.

A new survey of 2,000 people from the dating website Singles247 is an eye opener.

According to the findings, single girls now wait until the fifth “date” (if you can call it that) before having sex.

But what makes up their mind has changed, too.

1. Two gifts or tokens of affection.
2. Five social media messages.
3. 12 text conversations.
4. Five phone calls.
5. Three DVDs watched (really?).
6. Seven passionate kisses.
7. Five heart-to-hearts or meaningful conversations.
8. Four meals together.
9. One bunch of flowers.

That’s it.

It takes women a lot less time than men to make up their mind if they like someone on a first date – one in ten know instantly according to this research.

Nearly half have made up their minds on a person only 10 minutes in to a date.

Wait!

This is insane.

I love social media like the next person and it’s a great addition to dating tools.  No matter how one arrives at a decision to have a relationship, it should be based on two things.

1. What 5 things do you value the most in another person.
2. Is the other person living the values that you crave.

And take all the time you like.

Your future together is riding on it.

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Comedians are often unhappy people who need to make others laugh.

And that’s what the very talented Robin Williams did.

He, like all of us, also had demons to fight – drug addiction, alcoholism, depression – but he fought the good fight until he couldn’t face his problems any longer.  Williams’ wife shared the knowledge that Robin Williams was suffering from early onset Parkinson’s disease – something that probably added to his woes.

The thought of not being able to no longer act or perhaps do standup comedy may have been too much to deal with.  Michael J. Fox did all he could and more to overcome the disadvantages of Parkinson’s.

It certainly has made me think about what life would be like if I couldn’t make speeches, write and do videos or be the husband or father I want to be.

So I have arrived at a place that helps me to understand Williams’ plight without condoning his suicide.

We are on loan to this world.

Our gifts may be shared in a finite way for a limited number of years.

There is always an ending but the focus should be on the present.

Robin Williams has given us many gifts in his career but the one we don’t want to forget about is a reminder to appreciate every day that we get to do the things that bring us fulfillment and happiness.

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Author Melody Beattie put her finger on it:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity…Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow”.

My music industry students at USC understandably wanted to graduate, get high paying jobs in the field that they loved and be happy.

But I warned them that Los Angeles (among other places) is loaded with rich, powerful, unhappy people.  Don’t become one of them.

Looking for ways to find gratitude is what I am talking about not just being thankful for a good job or a nice car.

Even the flu is a reason to be grateful because you will recover and be healthy again.

If there is one game changer for all of us, it is the power of looking for ways to be grateful.

The good stuff follows.

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