Before getting out of bed as you awake think of 5 people for whom you are grateful that they are in your life (it can be the same 5 people every day or you could add new ones).

Think of 5 situations that you are fortunate to be in right now (your job, your marriage, your avocation). 

This will eventually take only a minute or two.

Replace looking at your phone and finding out what irritates you or what problems you must face before even setting your feet on the floor.

Nothing more elaborate works any better than starting the day with gratitude for those you love and appreciate and all that you are fortunate to have.

Things go wrong when we start with problems, irritations, added-stress, worries and other negatives even before we’re fully awake.

Doing this awakening routine every day and you will train your brain to give you the positive start that makes it easier to handle whatever problems you must endure later.

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We know our faults – chances are they’ve been mentioned to us many, many times.

Concentrating on what’s wrong will never change anything.

Seeing in your mind’s eye how you want to fix a fault – now that’s powerful.

If you believe you’re lazy, you are lazy.

If you believe you don’t care, you probably don’t.

If you believe that you’re the reason everything at work went wrong, there’s no doubt you will be guilty as accused.

See the way you want to be and not the way you are denigrated.

As Shakespeare said:

Assume a virtue if you have it not.

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Everything in our lives has a restart button.

Our phones, our computers, video games, televisions.  We even use the word restart as if we can make something go away and get better fast.

No one has only good days.

Happy people restart their bad days.

No obsessing over what irritates you.

Deemphasizing you and focusing on others.

Injecting an emergency dose of gratitude right in the middle of your meltdown (“Thank God for my family”, “I’m blessed with good health”, etc.). 

Say “I’m going to hit restart right now”.

There is no need to waste another precious day because something went wrong from the outset.

Hit restart.

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Olympians only know can and will.

The Philadelphia Eagles lost their star quarterback and had every reason to believe that they would still not win their first Super Bowl in February.

Can’t became can defeating one of the greatest football franchises in NFL history, the New England Patriots no less.

Can is not a word – it’s a promise – and that’s the difference.

Not yes, I’m capable of overcoming the odds.

It’s yes, I promise myself to do everything I humanly can to achieve my goals.

Can’t becomes can.

Won’t turns into will.

An excuse morphs into a challenge.

What’s keeping you from your dreams is not the world, the job, someone you don’t like, a misfortune or a handicap.

The only person who needs to hear the words “I can” is you.

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There is no such thing as multitasking.

It plays games with our attention and makes us tired.

All we can do well is one thing at a time.

We think we accomplish more but that mirage saps us of our attention.

Our phones make us busier avoiding interaction and making us more anxious.

Then we fear not being busy.

Even rest becomes a waste of time.

Resting the mind, the body and our penchant for creating self-induced anxiety is the alternative to being addicted to busy.

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When I taught the Dale Carnegie Course, instructors used to teach that the benefit often follows the action.

Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic 

Not think yourself into enthusiasm – do something enthusiastic first. 

The action comes before the result.

The same is true with happiness.

Sitting around waiting for happiness to approach us can sometimes be a long wait.

Bring some kind of joy to others 

And joy will come to you.

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Shaming is used to control.

It hurts as much as a physical punch.

Shaming stops when we think enough of ourselves to either push back, end the conversation or avoid the shamer in the future.

You don’t get to say that.

This conversation is over. 

Don’t speak that way if you want my friendship.

Own your story and embrace your vulnerabilities.

When shame attacks, be brave and reach out to others.

Shame disables the part of us that believes we are capable of change.

Shame is the powerful fear that we are not good enough and it is cured by giving yourself the love you deserve.

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When they turn to their phone, stop talking until they put it away.

If they say, “I can do both”, “keep talking”, “I’m listening” remain silent – they’ll get the message.

When they can’t come up with a question for you, end the encounter as soon as possible unless you have nothing to do except listen to someone else speak.

Both sides are important.

Both messages worth hearing.

To connect with others in a world of distraction, think enough of both of you to not become their distraction as well.

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A study in Psychological Science shows that people who hang onto stress did worse than those who were able to let it go.

Elon Musk, the brilliant SpaceX and Tesla founder is on the verge of a breakdown.

He says he can’t sleep and works constantly.

There is a difference between understanding stress and letting it go.

Decide to let go of arguments at work or home – it’s a decision; not an act of faith.

If you experience stress one full day after having a stressful experience, jettison that feeling because it will eat you alive.  Add more than one stressor and your body and mind will be under constant attack. 

Create safe havens from stress – a quiet place, a happy place, a positive friend, a spiritual moment.  Breaking stress even for a minute helps people let go.  It’s been proven. 

Ask what’s the worst that can happen when under stress – even if you have a flare for the dramatic, you’ll soon realize that your worry is usually more toxic than the consequence you fear. 

Replace a stressful moment with a grateful moment (“My boss is killing me” is switched out for “My mother is a caring person” or “my husband is so thoughtful”).  Stress switching helps retrain the brain.

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Before you can get what you want, you have to know what the other person wants.

No one is motivated to do anything for us just because we want it.

It is far more effective and actually more humane to spend lots of time getting to all the little details of what they want first.

The road to getting what you want passes through giving the other person something that they want, too.

If this isn’t done sincerely, then it can be seen as manipulation.

The most effective person I know (and very wealthy at that), makes it an ongoing practice to understand what drives the person on the other side of an agreement.

The number of times deals fall apart because people argue over petty things is great.  Even when the tough issues are resolved, little issues (but important to one party) can scuttle an agreement.

Ask who, what, where, when, why and how before asking something of another person.

Look for things you can give them, if they can find a way to give you what you’re asking. 

Getting what you want without giving up something important to the other person will backfire.  

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When faced with an important decision, get the facts, weigh the facts and then take this step that can make all the difference in the world.

Ask yourself, what is the right thing to do?

Not what is the most expedient.

Not what will make you more popular at least for now.

Or postpone a decision because you’re either hoping the problem will go away or are afraid of making up your mind.

The right thing to do has never led anyone wrong.

It is what makes people happy, successful, fair-minded and confident in their decisions.

Spending time obsessing over tough problems is better spent wrestling with finding the answer to – what is the right thing to do?

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There are different ways to handle this in the age of attention deficit and digital distractions.

When texting, one thought per text. 

When emailing, any more than one thought, they should be numbered.  No paragraph bigger than one sentence if possible.   

To be effective, appeal to the other person’s self-absorption to gain their attention (example:  “To help you reach our department’s end of the month goals, I’d like to offer this idea”). 

Anyone who can get the other person to accurately repeat back that which you’re saying has effectively delivered the message.

Leaving a phone message today is like talking to yourself – just call, text or email. 

When someone refuses to acknowledge what you are saying, repeat it again the same way as if they didn’t hear it because they didn’t.

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Only do three screen scrolls on Facebook and Instagram once a day – physically put a limit on these black attention holes where we get lost too long. 

Organize your phone into 3-4 screens followed by folders – put attention wasters like social media, news sites, music into these folders so you know when you enter to be aware that you are losing the battle. 

Make it a practice to not open the phone in a bathroom, waiting room or place where you could interact with people or life – at least try.  

Choosing to be on the phone instead of with a child, mate or someone you like even if THEY are lost in digital space is your unacceptable excuse to do the same.

Phones off after a certain hour.  Period.

No work by phone after a certain hour (The French have this one as a law). 

The phone is neither a sitter nor an educator, it’s a tool not a life. 

No phones during a meal (saying you need to leave it on the table to monitor a babysitter is a nice try).

Finally accept that phones and social media that are conducted on them are addictive and without strong resolve, they will rob their users of life and relationships.

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We can be our own worst enemy.

The troubling voice in our heads – that inner critic – becomes comfortable tearing down confidence and self-esteem.  If others don’t do it, we learn to do it.

Change the inner critic that is holding you back.

Defend yourself – don’t allow verbal attacks to go unaddressed.

Speak up and advocate for yourself – it is not the job of others to be our advocates.  We must go first.

Don’t avoid the criticism that stimulates your inner critic – deal with it in a positive way that encourages growth.

Learning to confront and battle your inner critic takes time – it’s not possible to push it away with any one move.

Start now.

Live a life of approval and acceptance from the most important person in your life – you.

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Ask anyone what they did wrong and you’ll get an immediate answer and a long list.

Ask them what they did right and you’ll have a long wait for a short answer.

Handling failure requires moving on.

A bad day is not a bad life.

Failing to accomplish goals is a good thing.

Doubting yourself creates more failure.

Forget everything bad that ever happened and give it 100% of the best you have to offer.

Batting 1.000 isn’t realistic.

Showing up 1000% of the time with your best stuff – that’s how to train the mindset of a winner.

Let go of excuses and focus on the next thing.

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We now spend 11 hours a day interacting with media – phones, Kindles, TV, music – this according to a recent Nielsen study.

4 hours and 46 minutes watching television.

40 minutes on inter-connected devices (video games, smart TV).

Computers, phones and tablets 3 hours and 48 minutes and more.

Any reduction in some or all of these and other digital media distractions would render more time to live, love and interact with people and places you enjoy.

So why don’t we bite the bullet and fix this?

There’s work, stay in touch with the sitter, the black hole of social media where it’s hard to stop scrolling.

Digital devices are addictive and we have an addiction.

These are tools – powerful tools that also bring us a connection and a way to avoid being in the present.

Phones are like morphine pumps that are used to kill the pain after surgery – put it in your hand (just like a phone) and press the button as often as necessary.

A smartphone is only truly smart when you’re in control not the other way around.

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You believe in them first.

If you can live without someone else concurring.

If you can muster enough confidence to believe in you.

But if your dreams have to be approved by others first, they are not your dreams.

To make all things possible, you must be committed to do the impossible. 

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Starting today, see yourself in the …

Top ten percent of your company’s productive workers.

Top ten percent for marriages and relationships.

Top ten percent in health and fitness.

Top ten percent in effective use of human relations.

Top ten percent among those weaning themselves off of too much phone use.

Top ten percent at spending time with the family.

Top ten percent of people who actually pursue their dreams with passion.

Top ten percent of meaningful friendships.

Even aim to be in the top ten percent of your upcoming class reunion.

Sometimes all that is needed to improve is to see a top ten percentile goal vividly in your mind’s eye.

Without it, the results are unpredictable.

With it, the outcomes are guaranteed to be better.

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1. Talk kindly to yourself.  Become your own coach.  Good coaches build on positives, negative coaches get fired.
2. Become skilled at using effective human relations.  There is still no better way to gain an edge than to master the principles in Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People.  (Hint, buy the paperback.  Rip out one chapter at a time until you master it then go on).
3. Admit mistakes.  You want to be the person who can say “I was wrong” and why sincerely because that breeds confidence that sticks with you when you need it most.
4. Defend your boundaries.  Push away abusers and bullies even if they are related to you or you work closely with them.  No confidence ever comes from tolerating a bully or an abusive person.

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Totally change your routines.

If you drive to work one way, go another way.

Usually bring lunch? Eat out.

Shy away from conversation, start one.

Stuck in a job, in the next hour take a step toward exploring a new one.

Going nowhere in a relationship?  Part ways but take time off before entering another one to avoid making the same choice again.

Ruts can be things that formerly excited us.

Waiting for the perfect person, situation or opportunity to come along is a dead-end road – don’t postpone living 100% now.

The most important way to get out of a rut is to get in touch with your instincts, listen to them and never doubt them.

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