No one is going to surprise us what is causing anxiety and stress in our lives because chances are we already know. 

We already know what is eating us alive but we don’t seem to have the will to stop it.

The smartphone is not making us happier, but we know that and continue to hold it in our hand and focus more attention on that than people who really matter.

Social media, email, texting and an endless path to connectivity has actually made us less connected to people we used to experience in person, but that’s not a revelation either.

Multitasking is inefficient and more stressful than setting priorities yet a day doesn’t go by that someone with a phone in hand says, “keep talking, I’m listening” while they sit there distracted.  And that person sitting there is also us.

Taking on too much work that we cannot complete is a recipe for burnout only because one of the most important words is not being used – no.  Saying yes and killing yourself is not a good outcome but it is the one chosen time after time at work.

Hating on people at work is what other people do, right?  It is a total waste of time because eventually what you dislike in another changes the good things about you.

Not enough exercise and healthy diet makes us tired, disagreeable and sick.  Still, look where most of us go to eat lunch.

And having a career and raising a family is stressful beyond description.  We do it, but we often don’t do it well if we’re winding up burned out.   It’s not the total amount of time you spend with family members, it’s the total time you spend 100% present.

Burnout is often self-inflicted because in almost every instance, there is a better choice.

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There are almost too many ways to coax us into being more productive.

But here’s the one I love, use and would like to share with you this morning.

It’s called the 3 P’s.

Purposeful positive progression.

Every time you touch a project or task, try to advance it in some positive way that makes sense for your end goal.  It is not necessary to complete it all at once.

The fastest way to be unproductive is to take on or assign big projects or tasks to people who understandably will be overwhelmed so where to begin?

Want a new job?

That’s a big process.  Divide it into small steps that positively take you toward your goal.  Working draft of a resume.  Find out what your services are worth elsewhere to establish a fair base.  Isolate the companies you want to approach, etc.

Need to do a major presentation on top of everything else you do? 

Divide it into a handful of smaller steps that will take you to completion.

There is a great saying.

Want to get something done?

Give it to a busy person to do.

Because by necessity everything busy people touch moves their work in a purposeful positive progression toward success.

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Who succeeds all the time?

I want to meet that person.

But those who succeed more often than others have a positive pattern they follow whether they can articulate it or not.

Learn from every failure – As painful and disappointing as failure is to experience, it is that powerful a motivator and teacher to help us to our next success.

Assess your failures to see if there is any pattern that keeps repeating itself, then make adjustments.

When tempted to focus on your failures, spend time more constructively finding people in your generation who overcame theirs.

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Florence Henderson, mom on the hit series The Brady Bunch died late last week at the age of 82.

I heard her “oldest son” Greg Brady (Barry Williams) sum up the quality Mrs. Brady had that made her so beloved.

According to Williams on an NPR interview, Henderson tried to portray the mom she always wanted to have – the mom she always wanted to be.

We can be the person we want to be, not someone else, as long as we can visualize in our mind’s eye the qualities it will take.

Living someone else’s life is not an option.

Seeing the person you want to be is at least half the work in getting there.

I always like to say be the person your pet thinks you are.

And Florence Henderson is saying know the qualities you want to have and then pursue them.

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Thanksgiving can be a train wreck for some people.

This “family time” is also dysfunctional family time and that includes all of us.

Relatives and close friends are pushed together to eat, drink, watch football and shop often for more than one day over the weekend.

The real purpose of Thanksgiving is not eating but gratitude and the closer we get to gratitude, the better the holiday goes.

• Rule 1 through 99 – if you really want to have a miserable time, try to change someone especially a relative.  Let it go, let it flow.

• Warning:  stay off of politics.

• Be the one who raises a glass to the person who prepared the feast if you are having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  They may be moved to tears or show joy of appreciation, but it sets the right tone.

• Remember those who are departed.  I remember my parents every year by trying to do something that they would do to keep their spirit alive.  A recipe (broccoli sautéed in garlic and olive oil) to feel their presence.

• Remember the less fortunate or those who are troubled.

Food is filling.

Food for thought is satisfying.

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Commit to kindness.

Choose the person you want to be and stick to it even in the face of people who choose to be unkind to you.

In the long range, we win when we stick to the plan to be the person we want to be.

The author Dr. Amit Sood at a seminar gives this memorable example that sums it up.

There are always a few people in our lives who won’t change just as there are always a few kernels left unpopped in an overflowing bag of popcorn.

Commit to kindness even when others do not.

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This is not about Donald Trump the politician but about his seemingly endless confidence to win one way or the other.

Trump believed he could be president when others laughed. He was looking like a sure loser on the eve of the election when all politicians put on a brave face but Trump somehow, some way believes he will prevail when others allow themselves to think they might fail.

We can’t ask others to believe in us, if we don’t first believe in ourselves.

The enemy is that little voice that tries to grow louder in our head that says maybe things won’t work out right.

When sports teams play a game, it’s over if they allow this thought in their head.

For the rest of us, when we allow the game to be over while it is still on, failure is what follows.

See it through.

Believe in you.

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Why do we utter so many words of discouragement to those around us?

• You’re really going to do that?
• What if it doesn’t work?
• You need something to fall back on.

And why do we not recognize that every time we help another person up, we give ourselves a gift.

• There is only one you!
• If anyone can do it, you can!
• I believe in you!

No matter your political views, we have learned that Melania Trump when her husband told her he was thinking of running for president said “you will win”.

When you bet on people, you always win.

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In a way, if you reclaim the time you spend with people who are not real friends, you would have a lot of free time.

Sometimes it takes an illness, a near-death experience or the loss of a job or a marriage to find out who our real friends are.

Just because we spend time with people does not mean that they are friend-worthy.

And social media has nothing to do with friends at all – you don’t count the number of friends, you count on them.

When families live in a neighborhood and their children play together, it is not unusual for those ties that bind to be loosened when one of the families up and moves elsewhere even in the same town.

The “friends” we accumulate at work by proximity are often sacrificed when our place of employment changes.  We make new friends with those close to us.

Even though I am Hoboken-born and Jersey bred, one of the lessons I have learned from the state of Arizona, home of rattlesnakes, is that snakes take on the camouflage of their surroundings making it harder for other predators and hikers to see them.

They become like their surroundings.

That’s why it is important to increase the time spent with people who are true friends – the kind that will last a lifetime (and even beyond in some cases) rather than hang out with those who may be friends by proximity.

Up the time with true friends and be 100% present in their lives.

Reduce the time with so-called friends who you could live without someday and it is a guarantee that you’ll never have to live without the people that really matter.

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What a great world it would be to leave our troubles behind but in today’s connected world that is harder to do than ever.

If what happens in Vegas really stays in Vegas, why can’t what happens at work (or at home) stay there, too?

People are created to think holistically which is why it is difficult to have a work persona and a home persona.

One way to keep problems from seeping into parts of life that don’t deserve being affected is to put aside time to deal with problems.

How does it look?

If your boss puts you in a bad mood when you walk in and see your spouse or children, put aside 15-30 minutes to deal with all that bad stuff.

I had a friend whose marriage was in jeopardy because when he returned from work his wife was anxious to tell him everything that went right or wrong in her day.  Their psychologist suggested they build a buffer in – an hour in their case – from work and returning to family.  It saved their marriage.

Look down at your phone and you’ll see your life at a glance so another way to disconnect for everyone’s sake is to put the phone down and be 100% present with the people you love.

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