Some people are hard to forgive.

Others don’t deserve forgiveness. 

Nothing in life is so painful than people who hurt others and yet when this happens to us, we often hurt ourselves more by harboring this animosity for years and sometimes to our graves.

That’s why it is helpful to view forgiving others as a gift to you. 

Not an open invitation to allow the same abuses to happen again and again.  Forgiving is not forgetting.

Almost every dastardly deed that hurts can be forgiven and the number one beneficiary is the person doing the forgiving. 

The alternative is to live life holding grudges and hurt feelings. 

Forgiveness is a gift to you.

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Internet social media entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk makes it a practice to meet people and do something for them.

In his own words Vaynerchuk told The Wall Street Journal, “In my career there have been 500 to 1,000 times when I approached someone, done something for him or her and then figuratively walked away.”

He expected nothing in return and benefited from the interactions that have aided his career and benefited his companies.

And the 5 or ten times that Vaynerchuk said people did the same thing for him, it was the beginning of a great relationship.

Effective networking is about patience and buildup – to use his words – not the close.

The secret to more effective networking:  be the first person in a network relationship to provide value.

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My USC college students used to worry away their senior year by suddenly having to deal with the prospect of full-time employment.

Lately, that prospect isn’t good and many people find themselves underemployed or unemployed.

Years earlier in a better economy, I knew a student who insisted he would not work for less than $70,000 a year.  He remained unemployed until he got a job working for his father at way less.

Once, my students asked me for the secret to getting rich in the music industry.  I promised them an answer at the end of the semester (I’m no fool). 

When I told them the secret to getting rich is not trying, they were incredulous.

Don’t try to make a lot of money.

Try to be excellent at what you do.

If you do, you win in two ways.

You are on the best path to rapid salary growth, but just as important, by making your life about being the best that you can be instead of the richest, you have the only real chance to attain both.

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Surveys show that most people fear speaking more than their own death.

But what is a worse fate that never seems to get surveyed is not living the life you want to live.

If money and power isn’t enough for many, then what is?

Being trapped in a relationship, a job, a life that is not the one you were supposed to have – the one you dreamed about before settling to pay the bills and feed the family — is a slow death of the spirit.

It’s not always practical to walk into your employer’s office and up and quit nor is it easy to extricate yourself from long-term relationships that have turned negative. 

And sometimes we’re born into a family that we can’t easily escape.

What we can do – right now – is make a priority of reimaging the life we want to live now.  Without that, we have no roadmap, no plan – no way to live that life.

When you ask the question “What is the life I was meant to live?” over and over again, it transforms unhappiness into the joy of fulfillment.

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CNN correspondent Miles O’Brien was on assignment in the Philippines a few weeks ago when his arm was crushed helping his crew access their equipment on a truck.

O’Brien’s arm needed to be amputated to save his life.

He is not bitter.

In fact, he says the treatment he got in the Philippines was probably the same as the treatment he would have gotten in the U.S.  So far as we know he didn’t sue his employer for workplace negligence. 

O’Brien suffers phantom pains in his arm (portions of it may be gone, but he feels like it is still there). 

Shortly after the accident, Miles O’Brien kept a previously scheduled date to moderate an event back in Washington at The National Academy of Sciences on climate change.  He said he had committed to host the event “obviously long before my accident”.

O’Brien has the same long road ahead of him that other amputees have (my father had his leg amputated later in life so I can relate to this story a bit).

By refusing to blame others or pity himself, Miles O’Brien is on his way to full recovery.  Or as he says, “this is a great opportunity for me to buy some really cool new gadgets.”

For the rest of us, do we have to lose an arm to say what O’Brien is saying?

“I’m alive.  I’m glad to be alive”.

If he can say it after his traumatic accident, what is our excuse?

Let’s be a little more glad to be alive today.

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It’s not money.

What they want is cheaper than that, in fact, available at no cost and brings even greater satisfaction.

It’s appreciation.

Workplace surveys have reinforced this over the past four decades.

This is not to say money is not important.  It averages fourth on the list of important things. 

Only fourth.

The ability to have a say in conducting their jobs usually ranks second in employee workplace surveys.

Appreciation is the real carrot at the end of the stick.

A good employer can use this need as a way to motivate and reward good workers.  Be cognizant that appreciation is more powerful than more money.

Sincere, honest appreciation or else it is just manipulation and that can backfire.

P.S. – Appreciation is the one thing that trumps everything at home and in our personal relationships, too, so any time you spend time and effort becoming better at giving appreciation, the happier everyone will be.

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Often unhappy employees complain that if they knew the real description for the job they were hired to do, they would have never taken it.

To test whether the job you accepted is the job you still want, try the following.

Write an honest job description for the job you now hold in your own words. 

Read it to someone you trust and ask what they think of that job? 

Then, most importantly, compare your “real” current job description to that which your employer described to you during the interview process.

If your present job is not everything they described in writing – or happily better – it’s time to search for new employment.

Work occupies the majority of hours in our daily lives.

We are happiest when that time leads to satisfaction and accomplishment.

Money is not the entire story.

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Employers today expect one person to do more than one job. 

In some industries such as radio, workers are routinely required to do many jobs for multiple stations often at the same rate they were paid for doing one job.

McDonald’s is answering an employee lawsuit that alleges practices such as requiring minimum wage employees to pay for their own uniforms effectively plunging their salaries to below the minimum.  There are also allegations that employees are asked to clock in, clock out and wait until the restaurant gets busy so they can clock back in again.

How to handle working in a world where enough is not enough.

You may find it helpful to think of your favorite sport.  In hockey, for instance, you would never jump onto the ice and play with less intensity because your contract is not going to be renewed or because you are underpaid.  You play hard for the entire game.

That’s our answer as well.

Play hard no matter what the circumstances.  No one can ask more. 

Appreciate the effort you are putting in with pride because it says a lot about you.

And if the conditions repeatedly are more than a good person can handle, seek employment elsewhere with the knowledge that even under duress, you are a person who gives a least 100%.

That’s how you deal with employers who expect more than is humanly possible and who break their employees’ will by creating unbearable stress.

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Love their mother.

Love their father.

And demonstrate it.

Express the perception of love for their other parent (your spouse) and you will be doing more than anything money can buy for them.

When it is not possible to demonstrate love due to a divorce or other relationship problem at least show respect.

Family courts are filled with parents willing to tear their spouses apart for one reason or another.  No one wins this battle and children of the unfortunate marriage suffer in many ways. 

Litigants and lawyers alike are fond of saying that kids are resilient but psychologists would question the extent of their resilience.

Out of bad marriages come good people ready to live and love again.

But where there are children in our lives in families that are still whole, the most important thing is to love your children’s mother or father.

And respect is the most powerful antidote to helping them live through divorce.

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Tomorrow, the first 20 people who you encounter – even strangers – look them in the eye and say to yourself “bless you”.

That’s a hint from the Mayo Clinic physician and author Amit Sood who has written books about the unlocked power of our brain.

Even if these people you encounter are in a worse mood than you are.

“Bless You” (silently).

If you think this is a whole lot of psychobabble, think again. 

Dr. Sood says taking control of your own mood improves it, may positively affect others without knowing what you’ve done and most importantly, “bless you” to the first 20 people you see each day patterns the pre-frontal cortex of your brain – the part that among other important things is responsible for your good moods and wellbeing.

Do you dare try it?

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