I saw an article recently that got me at “Your brain sort of wakes up like wet cement,”

a phrase behavioral scientist Zelana Montminy author of Finding Focus used to illustrate why checking our phones when we wake up is baking in an unhappy day.

Yes, exactly – and I still do it.  But doing it less is apparently also good taking off a few minutes a day until it makes a difference.

This semester, my NYU college students don’t even have to be reminded to turn their mobile devices off and stow them out of sight, they want to.  And you see the benefits in class engagement and happier interactions.

It’s not reasonable in a digital world to take away someone’s phone all day, but spending more time focused on now is beneficial. And as school districts begin to silence phones during the academic day, there is an increase in checking out library books.

“That phone in your pocket is like a slot machine. Every time you check it, you’re pulling the lever to see if you get a reward.” — Tristan Harris on 60 Minutes.

Feel free to share

In the third class of the fall semester one of my classes surprised me by turning off their digital devices before being prompted – I think in part, because they know they need a break.

A low-key day to recharge, break from noise, stress or constant contact with friends and through social media.  I felt the same way – it’s so good to be focused on one important thing or nothing.

The average TikTok user spends 96 minutes a day on the app and watching TV was the leisure and sports activity that occupied the most time (2.6 hours per day) accounting for over half of all leisure time, on average (5.1 hours per day) according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Giving full attention to one thing or nothing can be deeply satisfying:  “Wherever you are, be there totally.” — Eckhart Tolle.

Share, if you like

If you really want people to be honest with you, they have to feel safe as if they can expect your approval and acceptance for telling you the truth.  That means no judging.

When people expect criticism, dismissal, or disapproval, they will either retreat into silence or tell you only what they think you want to hear. But when they know they’ll be met with openness, empathy, and respect — even if their truth is uncomfortable — they are far more likely to trust you enough to share it. In that way, non-judgment isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation of genuine connection.

Billy Joel’s Honesty is about the rarity and value of truth in relationships. One of its famous lines is “Honesty is such a lonely word” implying that when there is honesty, there must be a foundation (lack of judgment, acceptance) to support it.

Feel free to share

Finding out this semester that the doom and gloom news about the world, their futures and potential job availability is weighing heavier on young people – in fact, all of us.

I like to think of times like this to embark on a Gratitude Tour – keying on something positive that we are grateful for and acknowledging it.  I’m seeing pessimism for the first time among young people who should otherwise be looking forward to their future.

People need to hear that every generation has faced turbulence, but within turbulence lies opportunity. They are not powerless — they’re entering an age of reinvention.  In a world drowning in bad news, a daily dose of gratitude can reset perspective and build resilience.

Fred Rogers had a way of finding light in dark news:  “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

Feel free to share

You learn something every day when you are in front of college students – a simple assignment to connect with industry people on LinkedIn gets resistance. Why?  Job shaming.

Some folks don’t have jobs that they are proud of – that might be considered too menial. And others have no current job at all when their friends may.  This is a further degradation of self-esteem through social media where for many years now we have been dancing to the tunes of so-called influencers and reacting rather than responding to messages we receive.

LinkedIn is for connecting in the workplace – not for polishing a resume that makes you look better than others.  It’s time to take some pride in accomplishments.  Perhaps, like me, you have had some jobs on your career path that don’t look or sound impressive that have made all the difference in the end.

“When a half‐assed job doesn’t bother you, it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. Until you start feeling a sense of pride and self-respect in the work you do, no matter how small or overlooked those jobs might be, you will continue to half-ass your life.”  — a summarized sentiment from former Navy Seal David Goggins

Feel free to share

Viktor Frankl said “Live as if you were living for the second time.”

Every crisis presents opportunity.

Learn from the mistakes of your “first life”.

Those who have come face to face with their own mortality take Frankl’s advice literally because it is never too late to hit “restart” and change the course of your life.

No matter the crisis, you can change the direction and alter your life.

Or as George Eliot (the pen name of 19^th century novelist Mary Ann Evans) says “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” 

DayStarters are for sharing

This semester I asked my new NYU students how they are feeling about things and what I heard took me by surprise.

They are tired – tired of beating their heads against the wall and if this is surprising to you, Gen Z suffers higher anxiety than any other generation.  Living on their phones, in social media with high expectations in a world that seems harsh to them is starting to have an effect.

Jobs are getting scarce and they are feeling a bit beat up.

My response will be to overcome and take advantage of the good aspects of disruption that is affecting their lives.  Disruption leads to new opportunities.  Coping with stress at a youthful age helps later.  Learning to get up when you fail and be grateful for what you have is the other side of feeling psychologically burdened.

So, I remind them of Dale Carnegie who says “Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”

Feel free to share

I love teaching – more than I could have ever imagined and yet I didn’t like it when I first started as a Dale Carnegie instructor.  After some pretty rigorous training, I got my first class – 44 adults.  Before the first break, one student said (in front of the class) “You’re going to teach us to speak, but you always talk with your hands.”  Yikes, I’m dead!

I went to the sponsor, Wynn Etter and shared my concern – it just didn’t feel comfortable and his advice changed me forever – he said, “just be yourself, you know what to do”.

So, I enjoyed teaching that great course for 11 years and went on to become a professor at USC and NYU following his excellent advice.

As the new semester starts, I share this because I’m refreshing Wynn’s comments for the school year ahead and paying it forward in a way to remind my learners and anyone who will listen to just be yourself – you know what to do.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

DayStarters are made for you to share

The past is a file on your desktop that you view to learn or retrieve information.

The future is a blueprint — a collection of hopes and dreams.

The present is the only currency that we can spend now – it’s all we are guaranteed.

Living too much in the past or future deprives us of the only meaningful life we have in real time.

There is an apropos burst of wisdom attributed to ancient philosopher Lao Tzu: “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

DayStarters are for sharing

Eagles defensive tackle Jalen Carter got tossed from the season’s first game for spitting at Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott – there’s also video of Prescott spitting prior to the incident and it feels like we’re letting our kids down.

The NFL is trying to limit the animosity players are showing each other on the field – our sports heroes are reacting rather than responding to emotional confrontations and taunting.  Trash talk has become a part of some sports and in the end we’re beginning to go down a rabbit hole that undermines the beauty of sports competition.

But showdowns on the field occur after players have been raised and their values clearly established.

Former NBA star Charles Barkley hit it on the head:  “I am not a role model. I am not paid to be a role model. I am paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I dunk a basketball, doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.”

DayStarters are made for you to share