We’re over-dependent on technology, social apps, people, work – somehow the pandemic ended but the problems that exacerbated it continue.

The thing about over-dependence is that is 100% a mirage, a fear of our own making and it can be lessened or eliminated by challenging every case of it.

We may not be able to live without technology today but we can control its use.

Depending on others without first depending on yourself is an open pit in which to fall.

Looking for friends or validation especially but not limited to social media can be an invitation to put yourself up for election letting others decide what is your right to decide.

The end of over-dependence begins with relying on your good judgement first and always.

Every person who saps your positive energy by being negative is wasting your time and subconsciously affecting how you feel about yourself.

People who offload their anxiety on you double the anxiety you may already carry.

Anyone not in lock step moving forward with you is holding you back even if they are just standing around while you are trying to advance.

We’re so connected that we are under a constant barrage of stress from others that lessens the time we have to make a happy life and succeed at our goals.

Letting go of baggage requires strictly policing what you will allow into your brain and subconscious thoughts —  slap it down at the place of entry.

If you’re already carrying around the negative thoughts of others, take control and let go of people who are getting into your head.

If a person hasn’t asked you about yourself, you’re likely taking too much of their baggage.

Friends appreciate when people reach out – not to ask anything of them, but for no reason at all.

A call, email, text – a new study shows how it’s done really doesn’t matter.

There’s real power in staying in touch with friends “just because” for participants on both the giving and receiving end.

Whenever I call you friend
I begin to think I understand
Anything we are
You and I have always been ever and ever

Whenever I Call You “Friend”, song by Kenny Loggins

Often our misfortunes eventually turn into advantages.

A broken marriage that turns into the next happy one.

The loss of a job that launches a successful career.

Overcoming a health issue you never asked for by becoming more health conscious.

An unexpected turn of events that leaves us devastated until it motivates us to make meaningful change.

No sane person hopes for things they don’t want but that doesn’t mean getting them is the end when it can be a beginning.

There has been an uptick of what is known as imposter syndrome, doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.

It affects high achievers who have a difficult time accepting their accomplishments as they do not feel worthy of the praise they receive – but they are not the only ones.

We also see this in talented young people who deal with panic attacks and become uncertain of their own authenticity.

The concept of berating your best efforts is a waste of time and talent for if you are not convinced that you are able who are you willing to leave it up to?

Self-compassion and celebrating successes are better alternatives.

Before asking anyone else to validate you, be convinced that you are steadfast in validating yourself.

Perhaps you’ve heard about the 8-minute song designed to lower heart rate, blood pressure, and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

We came across it doing research for a new NYU course I will be adding this coming school year about reducing stress and anxiety in music and the performing arts.

Music, of course, is a potent friend of dealing with anxiety.

Many of you are interested in the things being done to deal with anxiety – here’s one that is proven to reduce it by 65% in 8 minutes Weightless recorded by a British group called Marconi Union.

Stress reduction is a whole-person endeavor, but this quick fix is powerful enough to pass along.

Listen here.  And let me know what you think.

I know a Mayo Clinic doctor who physically leans forward to be sure they are concentrating on their patients comments.

And another person who repeats back what they are hearing and asks, “did I get that right?”

The reason we can’t remember names is because we don’t bear down and hear them so we can repeat them twice and remember them forever.

Even in a distracted world, focusing on the present is not only possible but even more popular with those around you – they feel less important until someone can say, “did I get that right?”

As Steve Jobs said, “Focus and simplicity – once you get there you can move mountains”.

That may be a great motto for Outback Steakhouse but it falls short when someone is so distracted that they run a red light.

I experience almost one (and some days three) people per day barreling through stop lights almost as if they are just suggestions and not rules.  Perhaps you are seeing the same thing.

We adhere to rules for safety and order.

We break them to expand our creativity.

If you’re good at breaking rules, you must also be good at adhering to them – the lesson of the moment on this turbulent time.

This is a tough time – post pandemic, more disruptions, new normal and people who have forgotten some basic rules of civility.

You could drill into that negativity or choose to live the life you want to life, acting the way you’d like to be treated.

There is always hope because the world changes one person at a time.

Condition yourself to respond to disappointments as encouragement.

Missed goals as just a first chance not your last.

Bad things seen as challenges that bring good outcomes if you don’t stop now.

You can’t find one successful person who hasn’t had to condition themselves to believe that adversity is a test of will for how badly you want something.

I’m proud of you – Four powerful words.

When you hear it, it reverberates like an echo.

When you are the one saying it, it feels just as good to see a face light up.

Even better …

I’m proud of you (then succinctly say why)

Discover the power we all have within us to move people in a positive way by finding something to be proud of.

When I was training to be a Dale Carnegie instructor, I was recognized for winning an award when my mentor was present in the audience.

I accepted the award in front of the room and almost without another thought, I called this person up to be recognized for all the time and caring he had put into my training – then I handed him the prize.

Never in my life have I missed possessing the physical gift because even though he is gone, I feel joy every time I think of how surprised and proud he was to take custody of my award.

The gift that keeps on giving and never stops is the one in which you elevate those in your life for the recognition they deserve whether it’s one-on-one or in front of an audience.

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

No matter how good the intentions, people find it difficult if not impossible to bring about positive change.

As Mayo Clinic physician Dr. Amit Sood puts it, the one sure way to make yourself miserable is to try to change someone else.

Better to change yourself.

Set the bar higher for your difficult relationships – define what you’re now expecting and let them choose to meet it.

We’re powerless over others but in control of what the rules of engagement will be.

Most people now spend over 5 hours a day on average with their phones, screens and social media.

That means a lot real life, in the moment experience is being outsourced to a digital device.

These devices are so addictive because we’re used to making sure we don’t miss anything, hoping for something pleasant or good and just trying to stay connected.

Martin Cooper, the man who invented the world’s first mobile phone is now 92.  His advice is put down your devices and “get a life”.

Even a slight reduction in screen time each day produces tangible benefits.

I’ve never shared this publicly but the time seems right now.

In the one year my publishing business lost money back in the 1980’s, I became filled with negative thoughts that seemed to kidnap my optimism and focus – if it continued, it would have ruined everything I worked for.

One day I walked around the Executive Mews complex in Cherry Hill, NJ where I had a small office and saw the empty pad for a new, much-larger building to be constructed.  After sleeping on it, I went to see the landlord, signed a 5-year lease – even added the features I thought I would need when I succeeded.

From then on my mind had no room for failure in any way and by the time we moved in, things were humming again with better times ahead than I could have predicted – and, I had the space for it.

Bet on yourself – it’s a sure thing.

Courage doesn’t grow on trees it has to be cultivated.

Every time you make a difficult decision it’s an act of courage.

The more instinctive these acts are, the more naturally you are becoming.

Courage occurs before you act.

None other than Warren Buffet himself said we get caught up in the circumstances of the current environment we find ourselves in that may spark you to do things you don’t want.

Change your habits before they change you.

Take control of your phone – it works for you — you don’t live for it.

Replace the word adversity with opportunity – when you believe a raw deal is strong enough to lead you to a better deal, you’ve solved the discouragement problem.

And, make time for you and those you love and who love you – the biggest regret of people at the end of life is that they spent too much time working and not enough with loved ones.

Being not appreciated is not your problem unless you buy into someone else’s lack of recognition of what you are about.

Relying on others to validate you is a dangerous path.

A more productive one is to view yourself in two ways – what you are accomplishing, the goals you’re meeting, the things you are doing to succeed and to not confuse criticism with getting better.

There is no positive use of criticism and never has been – it can scare, force compliance but it never makes a person better.

Appreciation starts with you – looking for it elsewhere is to invite trouble.

60-year-old country singer Toby Keith revealed that he has been treated for stomach cancer for the past six months, is taking time out from touring and looks forward to resuming his life.

But first:  “I need time to breathe, recover and relax”.

Often adversity’s gift to us is discovering a way to be nice to ourselves.

If sickness makes us appreciate the importance of taking time for ourselves then it has delivered a precious present that can outlive the disease.