“If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.” —   Charles de Montesquieu, writer/philosopher

We humans are sure competitive – happiness alone is not enough, we want to be happier than others.  True happiness is simple, but our constant comparison to others—who we imagine are happier than they really are—makes it nearly impossible. This is what I tell my young NYU college students:  measure your happiness only against your yesterday, not against anyone else’s today.

We’ll be off until the new year. Cheryl and I send you every wish for happiness!

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SPOILER ALERT:  I’m going to brag about my music business students.

I very recently had BMG Records VP JoJamie Hahr visit with them to discuss the industry, careers, pitfalls – the worry about AI artists replacing humans, you know – a great list of topics that they researched and questioned her on.

But what was different was at the end, each one (there were 25 present) told her why what she said that resonated with them and cited specific evidence so as to avoid mere flattery. The speaker has been a guest in prior classes but she whispered to me under her breath “this is my favorite part”.

Parents often get a bad rap, but they must be doing something right.  Giving unsolicited praise backed up by evidence is the most powerful and memorable “thank you” anyone can get and these young folks delivered.

Legendary NFL coach Bill Walsh used to say “Nothing is more effective than sincere, accurate praise, and nothing is more lame than a cookie-cutter compliment.”

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I have several friends currently fighting cancer and it is such an inspiration.  Their positivity. Their gratitude. And hope.  I am feeling a gift from each of them.  I’ll give you an example:  one person is in Chicago and spending his time counseling other people – he says the more he thinks about them, the less he worries about himself.  His resolve seems to increase with his ability to focus on others in the present.  Resuming life’s tasks is another inspiration I have been fortunate to witness.

Studies on post-traumatic growth show survivors often report deeper appreciation for life, stronger relationships, and a clearer sense of purpose—sometimes rating their overall well-being higher than before diagnosis.

It’s not that the threat vanishes; it’s that priorities crystallize. Everyday moments gain weight. Gratitude isn’t forced—it’s earned through recalibration. “Enjoy every day without worrying about the next.”

Or as Stanford’s Cancer Supportive Care puts it “The threat of death often renews our appreciation of the importance of life.”

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As a dj and radio program director, it always impressed me how spending 3 to 5 hours alone in a studio with no windows and too small for a mousetrap could make audiences feel like they’re not alone.

Today most radio stations do all or the majority of their programming with voice tracks very often piped in digitally from out of their locale.  Maybe it’s why radio listening is declining among all age groups. I knew a talk show host who did his show lying down on his back – he didn’t have a bad back but a good way to focus on each individual.

So, I’m thinking being alone in a physical location does not mean that you cannot connect with others – the modern version is Zoom or FaceTime.  But the technology is not as important as the frame of mind.

It’s not the physical presence that creates connection — it’s the intentional attention to an audience (even of one), something automation and detachment cannot.

Master communicator Walter Cronkite with audiences in the millions put it like this:  “You don’t talk to a mass audience. You talk to one person at a time.”

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A lot of people won’t admit it, but here’s the truth: most of us are running on fumes — doing everything for everyone and wondering why nothing feels finished.  The real problem isn’t that we have too much to do.  It’s that we’ve stopped putting ourselves on the list.

Burnout researcher Christina Maslach confirms chronic stress comes from no recovery window, not from hard work itself.  Even a small bit of recovery time breaks the burnout cycle.  Research shows that even a small patch of protected time — ten minutes that actually belongs to you —  starts reversing the burnout pattern.

Author Etty Hillesum sums it up:  “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”  

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Every day starts with two choices: drag yesterday forward, or give today a clean slate. Most people never even notice they’re carrying the whole week on their back.

You get two options when the day begins: replay yesterday or rewrite today. Most people hit “repeat” without even knowing it.  People perform better when they perceive they are starting from a fresh slate — a new day, week, or goal.

Researchers say most morning stress isn’t today’s problem — it’s yesterday’s residue best dropped on the floor before you go to bed.

“Always we begin again” — St. Benedict

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We humans are tough – on ourselves.

Psychologist Tim Pychyl (Carleton University in Ottawa) and his procrastination research show people consistently misjudge their own progress by comparing themselves to imagined or idealized versions of themselves — not reality.

A 2020 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin finds people systematically overestimate how far behind others they are because they see only their own struggles but only others’ outcomes.

People feel “behind” because they compare their messy reality to everyone else’s highlight reel — a psychological distortion proven in multiple studies.

Or as Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

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I know a 94-year-old man who is a priest and family counselor recently called back from New Jersey to Chicago where his Order is headquartered leaving behind many clients a thousand miles away.  But he’s not done.  Illnesses couldn’t stop him.  Moving away didn’t either as he conducts virtual sessions.  Oh, he’s going to be doing podcasts soon.

With him, it’s not about age as long as he feels able.  He told me he is going to die with his boots on – that, he never worries about the future because no one – even someone 80 years younger – can predict it.  And he dismisses the past because you really can’t live there.  It’s inspiring to see someone on a mission and deriving such joy from living in the now – today, this moment without regard to what the future may bring.

That attitude also helps us reduce anxiety and worry – because we have learned to get pretty good at solving problems, something many of us forget.

Time only works against you when you stop using it.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”  –Thoreau, Walden (1854)

People buy lottery tickets to outsource hope — it’s safer than betting on themselves.

Buying a ticket takes seconds. Betting on yourself takes time, work and consistency.  If the ticket loses, no shame. If you fail at something you tried, it feels personal. Lotteries give an immediate hit of anticipation. Personal goals pay off slowly.  Lottery odds are fixed. Life odds aren’t — people prefer certainty, even when it’s bad.

A losing ticket isn’t your fault. A personal setback feels like it is.  The lottery lets you dream without responsibility — betting on yourself doesn’t.

Of course, you can always make the odds better by choosing one small action you can control instead of a chance you can’t.

Leave it to a Roman philosopher (Seneca) to conclude:  “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

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When my daughter was young, she had a collection of Barbie dolls that she loved to play with along with dad – why me?  I provided the voices and personalities for half of her collection.  But today, companies like Curio are producing chatbot dolls that use WiFi to let AI do the talking.

These stuffed animals can run up to $100 and instead of encouraging play, they are replacing it.  Names like ChattyBear the A.I.-Smart Learning Plushie and Poe the A.I. Story Bear.  But I’m heartbroken to learn Mattel, maker of Barbie has entered into an agreement to let Open AI do the talking.

Once my daughter during a play wedding ceremony between Barbie and Ken, officiated by asking a question I guess she heard but didn’t understand:  “Do you take this man to be your awful wedded husband”.  I cracked up.  Not lawful wedded husband!

AI is either going to be the greatest thing that happened to civilization in 100 years or a big bust but it’s a warning that nothing can replace the human imagination.

As film producer Joss Whedon says “The nice thing about human beings is that they just go ahead and make up stories and that’s what we have always done.”

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