Lu Ann Cahn, a longtime TV reporter in Philadelphia and a longtime cancer survivor believes she has found a way to eliminate the blahs, the depression that hits us when things go wrong.

In 2010, she felt a funk coming on and decided to try a novel change.  She would do something new every day.

She walked across the 8,300-foot span of a bridge one day and although a suspicious police officer stopped her fearing that she was going to jump, she was never more in the moment in a positive way.

Lu Ann Cahn survived three major health problems that began early when she was 33.  She’s now 53 and writes about how she recharges her life by doing something positive every day.

She’s serious about trying new things.

On one January 1^st, Lu Ann jumped into the icy Atlantic Ocean in nothing but a bathing suit.

She can’t skate very well, but she auditioned for being one of The Philly Roller girls.

She slid down the stairs of the art museum after a snowstorm.

But not all her new things were challenging and wild.  Some days she pushed herself to meet new people.

It’s free.  It works.  And it turns a disadvantage into an advantage.

Here is Lu Ann Cahn’s inspirational story.

And a link to her book and blog.

“I dare me” – Lu Ann Cahn

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A co-worker always seems to oppose your ideas and suggestions.

A spouse hates it when you get your way all the time – or so they think.

A child refuses to do that which you ask them and has to be forced to do it.

These things have never happened to you, right?

Of course they have unless you know the formula for winning the enthusiastic cooperation of others.

1.  Create a win-win by responding to ideas and suggestions instead of reacting to them.  Reacting can be more emotional.  Responding is a means of first letting the other party know you’re first listening.  Great with co-workers.

2.  Make the other person think the idea is his or hers.  Believe it or not, when you give up control of “idea” ownership, others buy in to what you are suggesting.  Effective with everybody especially those close to us.

3.  Begin by asking the other person for their ideas and suggestions before asking them to respond to your call to action.  Try this with a child next time you ask them to clean their room or do something for you.

People don’t just hand us their cooperation.  We have to earn it.

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Rules exist to be broken.

But responsibility — the ability to make decisions without prior authorization – is forever.

We hate rules — that’s why we break them.

And if you think society needs rules to avoid chaos what it really needs is more people taking responsibility to do, that which is right and just to others and ourselves.

Decades ago in a less independent world, folks submitted to a set of rules for society, in relationships and to employers.  Today, the emerging Millennial generation is leading the way to dismantle rigid societal rules and proffer for personal responsibility instead.

As a professor I asked my classes to help me design a way to test what they know about the subject matter of the course they were taking.  The rules of academia called for a test, a paper, and an exam.  But when you ask students to take responsibility for developing the yardstick upon which their learning progress is to be judged, you gain enthusiastic cooperation and compliance.

Replace hard and fast rules with reasonable responsibility if you want to get things done.

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Sports coaches are hired to be fired.

It happened yesterday again when the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team parted ways with their coach of almost 5 years Peter Laviolette after just three games into the season (all losses). And that is after a vote of confidence a few weeks earlier from the owner AND general manager – that dreaded vote of confidence.

Some of the most successful people have been fired. 

Yet we fear being fired for all sorts of reasons from needing the income to the debilitating effects on the ego.  No one wants to be fired.

But it is a fear worth thinking about in a new way.

Scotty Bowman, one of the two most successful hockey coaches ever with 9 Stanley Cup rings was fired – an NHL record.  Hey the Beatles were rejected initially by their record label, too.  We all make mistakes.

Time for a little attitude adjustment.

1.  Whether you’re flying high or fearing termination, work for pride.  Pride in what we do makes people successful.

2.  Even certainty is uncertain – Coach Laviolette won a two-year contract extension only a year ago.  In life we never know and we shouldn’t be concerned.

3.  Disruption in an industry usually means success so think of it this way:  disruption of your career most certainly will bring good things because it will force positive change that might not ordinarily occur in the same job.

4.  My motto:  suffering is transformational.  Firing can’t hurt us.  The fear of being no one or having nothing could.  And in reality those fears are without merit.

Put this quote on your wall:

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life”.

That’s Steve Jobs!

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“Leave your phone on”.

That’s how I started ever new semester with my USC students.

I said, I’m leaving my phone on and you can leave yours on, too.  But I’m not going to take calls or answer a lot of texts while I am with you teaching and you should do the same as you are learning.

Rules don’t work.

Responsibility does.

Keeping the phone in your pocket or purse during dinner, establishing a “no screen zone” a few hours before bed actually helps relationships and helps us get better sleep.

It also leads by example.

For those of us with children, it’s a bad example to scream at them when we should be taking ourselves to task.

I’m not giving up my smartphone any time soon and I’ll bet you aren’t either.

We must learn to integrate their advantages into our lives instead of let them take over.

In all my classes ever, not once did a student visibly abuse the privilege of being trusted to manage their own phones.  When it becomes a burden, we all know what to do.

It’s in our hands.

Control that which we can control – how we use our smartphones.

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What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But the real deal on being stronger is that it is a journey through tough times and hard feelings. 

People say things that hurt, make us vulnerable and feel rejected.

It’s natural.  It’s as predictable as sunrise and sunset and there is one sure way to cure the devastating effects of hurt feelings.

Work through them immediately. 

No rumination.

It’s okay to feel hurt.

People who act like their feelings are not hurt is almost as detrimental as those doing the hurting.  Feel it and move on.

When a boxer takes a punch they almost simultaneously throw a punch.

Humans are not punching bags.  We are strong, resourceful and agile beings capable of absorbing pain and disappointment as long as it doesn’t end there.

We must get up and fight back in the count of 10 to succeed another day.

“I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results” – Florence Nightingale

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Sometimes I feel like life is getting out of control, how about you?

But the more we try to make things work out our way, the more frustrated we seem to become.

In every other way, trying harder gets better results, but when you try to get on top of things and reel them in, the exact opposite happens.

Notice how “control freaks” have few friends.

How the employer who has to have it his or her way, eventually loses their best people or their very own job.

Why children who cannot be cut free in many stages to test their wings become codependent in life.

But there is a cure.

It’s an odd one and ironic.

In giving up control, we gain control.

It is a freeing thing when we realize that by letting go we didn’t get hurt and we actually feel good.

Try it today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

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Don’t.

No one likes to hear that word so we should ban it from our vocabulary. 

In previous generations, people like Dale Carnegie could get away with saying “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” – a powerful message, stronger than the negative word at the start.  Back then, people cut slack to “experts” who pontificated about self-improvement.

But today, Millennials among others hate to hear what not to do right up front.  They close their ears and disregard whatever follows.

Try this instead.

Catch yourself when you are about to say “don’t” – if you’re like me, you’ll have no shortage of chances.

Once you catch yourself saying “don’t”, try to restate what you were about to say in a positive way – with a benefit attached if possible and watch how ears perk up.

Examples:

• “Don’t forget to clean up your room” is replaced by “Please do your usual great job cleaning up your room”.
• “Have that report on my desk in the morning” is out and “Our deadline is tomorrow morning – thanks for having that report ready” is in.
• “Don’t talk to me like that” is less effective than “I respond to positive talk”.
• “Don’t worry” is less effective than “Keep your chin up”.

The more we avoid words that tell people what to do and what to think, the more effective we can be.

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For some reason companies and employees have their home life and then their work life. 

And often, they don’t resemble each other.

Too many bosses would never treat their spouses, daughters or sons the way they treat valuable employees and, to be fair, some employees would never dream of treating their job as if they were disgusted with it.

• Mean people get fired, too.  Even CEOs.  Having a heart and being great at what you do actually makes you better. 
• Careers ebb and flow.  When we keep in mind that adversity often presents the next career opportunity, we then see the tough times as having a purpose.
• It’s always helpful to never let a toxic workplace, bad boss or intimidating co-workers change us from being the fine person we want to be.
• The number one way to a successful, happy and prosperous career is to never allow anyone cruel or insensitive to turn us into them.  People who acquire and use great skills in human relations are never down and out for long.

I once heard a psychologist say that it is never an option to quit a job you like because of people you don’t like.

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Think of the focus that Olympic athletes must have to work for years and years for one chance to realize their dream – The Gold Medal.

They work through injury, disappointment, bad luck and extreme competition to get a shot at the accomplishment that drives them.

The rest of us also want our dreams to come true especially in an age of plenty in which we now live.

It’s not for the lack of wanting, it’s often our inability to see vividly in our mind’s eye that which we want to come true.

Walt Disney, the great dreamer, said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”.

1. Know your dream – if you can’t provide endless details about that which you want, you probably will never get it.
2. Focus on the most important thing that would make your life fulfilled and then assure that everything that you do – where you work, live and with whom you spend time helps you advance your dream.
3. Share it with others because as the writer Erma Bombeck said, “It takes courage to show your dreams to someone else”.

It’s great to work hard on someone else’s dream, but better to see, feel and taste the one that drives you.

If this thought made a difference, please share it with others.

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They say there are no originals ideas.

Only the same things expressed in different ways.

If that is true, then more value should be placed on what makes us different from other people instead of what makes us the same.  A lesson that should be taught to children and not lost on adults.

What makes us “original” is to be unique.

Authentic.

Able to channel our individual expression into what we do.  Unfortunately, it’s a rare workplace that rewards being “you-nique”.  Apple does.  Google does.  Zappos does.  Most do not.

So, how to be yourself when it is not always encouraged or rewarded:

• Get to know the voice inside of you and welcome it when you hear it.  The most important part of being “you-nique” is to recognize when your ideas, thoughts and actions are different from others.
• Have the courage to express your “you-nique” ideas and thoughts.  This is where good human relations pays off.  You don’t just bowl people over; you expose them to your unique thoughts by being considerate of their feelings.  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a great way to become an expert at human relations.
• Look for the uniqueness in others around you and encourage it.  It’s not just good enough for us to be the special person we want to be, we must change the environment for all.

Once you try this, everything you do will be more meaningful and real.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique.  Just like everyone else” – Margaret Mead

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Our world is obsessed with happiness.

How to get it. 

How not to lose it.

How to give it to others.

Whatever works is what I call good inspiration.  Sometimes, however, we oversimplify something simple that even comes to people who have lost their focus.

1. Happiness is like a butterfly.  The more we pursue it, the more it evades us.  The answer is to sit back, let go and let it land on our shoulders.  Translated that means stop making happiness an “A” priority.  Letting go and looking for moments to be happy – now that’s the “A”.
2. We can become happy by association – when we surround ourselves with people who are grateful, centered and joyful, we cannot help but to become happy like them.  That means, we become like our environment so choose your environment carefully.
3. Even successful people don’t always look happy.  Sometimes when Tiger Woods makes an amazing putt, he is able to wipe that grin of self-satisfaction off his face so quickly, it is a shame.  The so-called golf psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella, tells his professional golf clients to do one thing when they are playing golf – put a smile on their face.  It is amazing the results this has had for them and that we can have when we try it in our lives for a day.

“The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he (or she) is” –Erasmus

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My friend used to jokingly say, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all”.

Not quite.

There is misfortune that can always be turned into opportunity down the road.  And there is self-reliance, our ability to take ownership of both the good and not so good that happens in our lives.

Bad things happen and it doesn’t take us long in life to learn this.  What we tend to have trouble with is how to turn disadvantages into advantages which is why I wrote my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages.

But terminal bad luck can be cured – fairly easily.

• Take this test – spend the time to investigate anyone else’s “good luck” and you will find that it often if not always followed one or more unfortunate sequence of events – some even terrible.  In other words, persistence always leads us to good fortune eventually so this is what motivates us not to give up or turn sour.
• Talking about bad luck is of no use.   I had a dear friend who suffered from bladder cancer for years but you’d never know it.  He refused to spend more than a few seconds on the topic if you asked him about it.  Know what his secret was?  He interrupted and asked about you.  There is great wisdom in this approach to avoid being a victim.  Focus on the other person not on ills and misfortunes.

Out of bad comes good – always and in all ways.

In the meantime, there’s a good attitude to keep us prepared to succeed.

“Chance never helps those who do not help themselves” — Sophocles

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Last week one of my readers shared a thought that resonated so powerfully with him that he wanted to tell me about it.

The motivational speaker Matthew Kelly coined the term “become the best version of yourself” and my reader said “Whenever I get the chance I share that line with a friend, family member or co-worker who seems to be down and out or in need of a pep talk. I am batting a thousand with that phrase, and it his truly changed my life and helped me to inspire others”.

It’s the only purpose in life that is worthy of our hard work and dedication.  We live to become a better version of the person we were yesterday.

Ironically enough, the way to get to “best” is to first take the eulogy test:

1. When you die, how do you want to be remembered?

2. What kind of a person would you have wanted to become?

3. What personal traits are you leaving to those you love the most?

4. What is your strongest attribute?

Then, live on and dedicate yourself to these things that you deem most important.

It’s impressive to be rich and die rich.

But you are rich when you can chip away at becoming better at what’s important to you.

Even our smartphones and mobile devices get better each time they are reinvented.

Shouldn’t we?

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” – Steve Jobs

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If those around us aren’t sometimes the most deadly influence in our lives then we are.

Negative thoughts, comments that deflate our confidence and the word “can’t” often rob us of happiness and success whether we hear it from others or ourselves.

It’s everywhere.

We’ve seen it and we’ve probably unwittingly done it to others.

But there is a workaround that turns negative energy back into a positive force for good.

1. Learn to put a stop/loss on negative comments (“you can’t do that”, “no one ever does that”, “you’re too young” (or too old), “that will never work”, etc.   I’m sure you can fill in the blank here.
2. Then once you’ve learned to recognize self-limiting language the moment you hear it, recycle failure talk into a type of motivational compost that will decompose and turn into the stuff that helps you grow and thrive (i.e., “I don’t care what she thinks, I’ll make that decision”, “I don’t feel too young, I can do this now”, “It doesn’t matter if no one has done this before, I’ll be the first”).

Always be on the lookout for self-limiting language in others and even more so in yourself.

The mind is more powerful than the deflating words of others and the self-destructive thoughts we often harbor in our heads.

Compost helps plants and flowers bloom.

Recycling the negative energy in our lives with a purpose helps us grow happier.

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Sometimes I hate to assume that things will always go my way.

I’m writing this on a plane that has Wi-Fi in the back, but not in the front.  Can I give my upgrade back?

Or that something or someone you are looking forward to disappoints.

And when an employer fails to appreciate our extra efforts even when we have saved their bacon.

Sometimes an illness, personal tragedy, relationship or family crisis can not only ruin a day and adversely alter the course of our lives.

But there is much that we can do.

1. Problems cannot always be solved right away so a better use of our time and effort may be simply understanding and dealing with a disappointment, crisis or problem.
2. Avoid the temptation to expect that nothing else will go wrong because when something goes wrong, something else always seems to follow closely behind.  I use the imagery of a baseball team out in the field.  Those players never stand there and say, “don’t hit the ball to me, I might make an error”.  It’s the other way around.  They want the ball so we should say, bring it on, I’m ready.
3. Allow for sadness or disappointment, because it can be curative if we don’t dwell on it.

Life is like a roller coaster with ups and downs.

Some ups take us to new heights.

Some downs are really a test of new depths.

Most are bumps up and bumps down.

It’s the relatively small price we pay for all the good things that happen to us day in and day out while we are otherwise distracted by life getting in our way.

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Last week a 12-year old Florida girl committed suicide after years of being taunted on social media by her friends.

Her parents pulled her out of school, changed schools and sought psychological help, but in the end even that didn’t work.

This pretty and intelligent girl who had to quit the cheerleading squad among other activities because of this bullying decided one day not to get on the school bus and keep walking to an abandoned building where she ascended a tower and jumped to her death.

News accounts say there may be as many as 15 people who went to social media to encourage the young victim to kill herself and authorities are considering whether to formally charge them with a crime.

Cyberbullying is more common than we think and even when it doesn’t end in the ultimate tragedy, it adversely affects young people at a time in their lives when they are trying to build self-confidence.

What’s a parent to do?

1.    Don’t be so fast to put cellphones in the hands of children.  Admittedly there is a lot of parental and peer group pressure to do so, but resist it.  Be a parent.

2.    Closely monitor screen time and put parental safeguards in place.  Unfortunately, this victim’s parents did that but the message still got through on her mobile devices.

3.    Teach self-confidence by example.  We teach sports.  And how to dress, clean your rooms, etc.  Why not teach self-confidence.  The best way I have found is to cultivate the culture of looking into the mirror and giving gratitude for what you have while you stare into your own eyes.  Try it.  It’s powerful.

4.    By example show young people the positive power of social media – a massive tool that also helps build self-esteem when used properly.

Here is a little story I favor that may be helpful.

For some reason some people feel emboldened when they communicate via email and social media.  They say cowardly things that they would never say in person – I’m speaking about adults, now. 

Most online insults are not replicated face to face because bullies are weak people without the courage to speak their evil in person.

99% of people are good and mean well and for everybody else you stand up to a bully by rejecting them.

Before the digital age that might mean pushing them back.

Today, we delete them and their inappropriate comments.

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Norman Cousins was a prolific author who found himself battling cancer. 

His prognosis was not good.  His imminent death was inevitable.  It was only a matter of time.

Somewhat resigned to his fate, Cousins ordered the nurses to allow him to bring in old Marx Brothers comedies to be viewed on an old fashioned movie projector from his hospital room – obviously, this was before the digital age.

From all accounts, Cousins passed the time waiting to die watching the zany Marx Brothers go through their antics.

There was only one problem.

Cousins forgot to die.  In fact, he lived to hear his doctors say that, miraculously, he was cured.

A one-time oddity?

Many years later Cousin had a heart attack and was being transferred by ambulance to a local hospital.  The attendants tried to reassure him that everything would be fine but Cousin’s told the EMTs not to worry because he’d just keep laughing and would not die.

Again, he escaped death.

Many physicians will testify that a person’s attitude toward adversity has a positive effect on their psychological as well as physical heath. 

But the time to keep our sense of humor is long before we face adversity because some laughter each day will also keep the doctor away.

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If you’ve ever attended a motivational program, read an inspirational book or saw a movie that inspired, you know first hand how effective a shot of positive energy can be.

Unfortunately, the buzz doesn’t always last long.  It’s often not transformational.  Life goes on when we forget the positive message.

When we hear something inspirational, motivational or down right life changing, how do we give it legs so its sticks with us?

“The road to life is always under construction” – one of my favorite inspirations because it shows that work ethic is good enough and that accomplishing the end goal is not necessary to be successful or even productive.   

“Make a life not a living” always sets me straight because it takes my type A personality and reminds me that if I turn it lose on personal matters not just career, my private life can be better.

“Be the fine person you are” was uttered by my best friend years ago and it sticks with me to this day because it reminds me that I don’t always have to be what other people expect of me to be a good person.

So here’s how I recall these life-changing inspirations and integrate them into my life.

I make them a short phrase or sentence.

Attach a benefit – you will see in my quotes above the benefit that is forever attached to the words.

One more thing.

There is inspiration all around us.  I get it every day when readers of this blog show gratitude for the writing.  I try to write back and share a benefit I received from their kind gesture.

The pep talk always works when it is short, memorable and has a specific benefit attached.

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Last week Robin Quivers, Howard Stern’s radio sidekick for the majority of his career, went on the air to say that she had been battling cancer for the past year.

The man known as a “shock jock” was visibly moved as he told the audience that he thought “we lost her”. 

Quivers said she had great doctors who helped her heal and that recently she was told by the doctor that she was – in her words – “cured”.

For the past year Quivers was working from a studio in her home and remained unseen on the video feed of Stern’s SiriusXM show. 

Great doctors had a lot to do with Quivers’ recovery.

But the line that was most touching and most memorable was when Quivers said, “People don’t understand how the people who love them save their lives.”  I love that.

Fighting illness is a tough job but medicine can only go so far.

The love of others is often the elixir that aids in extending life and making it better.

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