My wife and I attended a day-long seminar on happiness and the first thing the group leader said was how important it is to meditate.

That did it – I raised my hand and blurted out, “I can’t do it, I have tried, it doesn’t work for me” and surprisingly others raised their hands to hitchhike on my complaint – they couldn’t meditate either.

But I learned a lot that day.

For instance, you don’t have to succeed at meditating to succeed – I can still have my mind on the next DayStarters I have to write while attempting to clear it of everything.

It’s the process of trying – putting yourself in an anxiety-free state and taking the benefits you can get.

I ask my NYU music students if they meditate and perhaps one out of 40 could attest to it, the others who tried were in the same boat as their professor.

After all, what causes anxiety?  Certainly, perfection is one thing and to gain some benefits from meditation, perfection is not necessary.

If you see me smiling on the turnpike to New York City, I’m not thinking about the traffic jam in the Holland Tunnel – I’m allowing myself to think of something (anything) more pleasing like the smiling faces waiting for me when I arrive at class.

We believe AccuWeather even when they are wrong.

Research shows that out of 100 things that will happen to you and me today, only 4 will could be considered bad.

Even the best weather forecast can’t promise that accuracy.

Researchers say we have a right to expect much better than bad.

Our digital world makes us obsess over fearing the future even though brain surgeons will tell you that 96% of everything that happens to you today will be good.

Instead of dreading something bad there is real evidence that it’s the other way around and that could improve a lot of moods.

After he made the second bogey last Saturday, Brian Harman says “a guy said Harman you don’t have the stones for this.  That helped.  It helped me snap back into ‘I’m good enough to do this.  I’m going to do this”.

He went on to win his first major at of all places The British Open.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to.

And when others question your ability, it’s the perfect time to make sure you don’t.

If others doubt, show them what you’re all about.

The national lottery jackpot hit $1 billion again recently and I can prove that everyone who had a ticket waiting for the results thought they were going to win.

Why?

They paid money to bet on it even with odds that are so minute.

The odds of claiming the jackpot in a Powerball drawing are 1 in 292.2 million.  To put this in perspective, you have a: 1 in 1,222,000 chance of death or injury from lightning in a given year and 1 in 57,825 chance of dying from a hornet, wasp, or bee sting during your lifetime.

Imagine if we bet on ourselves no matter how daunting the odds.

Why are so many of us looking to influencers in the digital age?

We have thought leaders and trendsetters but a paid influencer gets far too much sway.

Be the main influencer in your life – your life is not an election or popularity contest, it is a piece of art created on a canvas of your choosing.  You choose the colors.

Just because someone is paid to make something popular, it is worth nothing to anyone looking to live a life of authenticity without regard to whatever anyone else thinks.

It’s not only young people who outsource their likes to influencers, people of all ages do.

Look to yourself first.

When things are bad, look to the helpers.

Duane Hawkins has been cutting hair in Rochester, MN for 40 years until he had to face kidney cancer again after having one kidney removed in 2013.

This time, his grateful customers contributed money to help him pay the rent on his shop while he has surgery and takes treatment.

One of our readers, Townsquare’s air personality Jerry Puffer, also a Mayo Clinic frequent visitor who has known Hawkins for decades is featured in this short video.

In an age of rage and disconnected relationships, this is how I channeled my gratitude this morning.

Hope you like it.

Try to understand others before you expect them to understand you.

They probably don’t “get” you because you don’t get them.

Think about their limitations and fears.

Look at it like this:  they are attempting to defend themselves more than hurt you.

Some common ground can get reached.

And you don’t have to agree.

“Tell me what you’re thinking” is a disarming way to gain insight into others and often leads to a better understanding of what you feel.

We know what doesn’t work:  arguments, fights, insults, hurt, talking past each other.

Being better understood starts with making sure the word “you” is among the first words you say.

I let a driver onto the road in front of me when no one else would car-after-car and in return there was no wave, thumbs up or even a look in my direction.

Post-Covid driving is crazy – cars cutting in and out just to gain a few hundred yards, last minute exits on interstates, driving distracted near you and driving too close to your car to get you to drive faster even when you’re exceeding the speed limit.

I was hit going into the Holland Tunnel on my way out of New York City and when I got out of my vehicle, the cause of the accident was still on his phone texting – and yes, he said I hit him even though he hit me from behind.

Other people’s shortcomings are not an excuse to become like them.

The best response is to be the driver you want to be and steer away from trouble.

This reminds me of what happiness doctor Amit Sood does when he looks upon others and wishes them well in his mind so a bad driver can’t make one out of you.

Our minds go astray when we’re bored – a good thing because it prompts us to be more creative and look for new things.

87% of teenagers in the U.S. have a smartphone and presumably are on social media looking to scratch the itch of FOMO (fear of missing out).

The Academy of Management Studies did this experiment:

It drove its subjects into boredom by asking them to sort beans by color but a second group was given a less boring task.

Wouldn’t you know the bored out of their mind bean counters came up with better ideas when given their next assignment which was to come up with good excuses for tardiness.

I used to walk everywhere when I was a kid – I left my Walkman home and just fed my imagination which today is pretty healthy.

Boredom has its benefits.  It stimulates us into creativity.

Here’s that study.

Okay, I am a music business professor and I don’t have to be convinced of the many benefits of music therapy, but listen to this.

Music therapy is a potential intervention for cognition of Alzheimer’s Disease according to a study in the National Library of Medicine.

It turns out doing crossword puzzles is not the only way to fend off age related dementia.

Music therapy can be considered a non-pharmacological adjunct to reducing cognitive decline and “combination method with dance, art, video game, physical exercise, and so on is excitingly helpful. We should make a therapeutic strategy individually according to preference and physical endurance of every patient”.

Among the variations:  singing songs, listening to music to reduce mood symptoms and behavior disorders.  Here’s the study.

Combining music therapy with dance, physical exercise, video game, art and other things

is yet another benefit of music therapy that I plan to share with my NYU music business stress class this fall because the benefits are accrued at any age.

Music is not only the soundtrack of our lives; it is life itself.

Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel offered a choice of a marshmallow or pretzel stick to a child (their preference) and then left the room for 15 minutes.

In follow-up studies (SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass and other things), children who could wait longer and delay gratification were shown to have better life outcomes.

Today we’re bombarded with FOMO (fear of missing out), attention addictions and relationship challenges caused by digital devices.

The takeaway is the more we can learn to delay gratification, the happier we are.

If you measure happiness like billionaire Ray Dalio of Bridgewater hedge fund, then his words may resonate with you:

“Once you realize that deferred gratification will improve you, you begin to count and say how many days, months, weeks, or years can I live if I don’t spend the money I have coming in”.

The ability to defer gratification is directly associated with happiness and financial success.

Diana Nyad tried to swim in the shark infested waters between Havana and Key West several times when she was younger but just couldn’t do it.

But she didn’t give up and tried later in life when she succeeded at the age of 64.

Now 73, Nyad recalls when she completed the endurance swim, she shouted never give up.

Ageism seems to be the one form of discrimination that we tolerate but this isn’t just the story of an outstanding older athlete, it’s about young people who are often dismissed because of their age.

I see this all the time in the college classroom where my students who are smarter than ever and ready to succeed must face the doubts of others because of their relative youth.

Nyad does 1,000 burpees a day (click here to see what a burpee is) – it takes her over 2 hours but she says she makes the time for it every day of the week.

Proving once again that the best way to overcome ageism at any age is accomplishment.

The worst thing to say to someone who is clearly in a bad mood is I know how you must feel.

No, you don’t.

Chin up.

Not that easy.

Things will get better.

Easy for you to say.

So, what do you do?

Ask for advice, get the other person to help you with something.

We humans love to be asked for advice – it makes us feel good, useful, sometimes even happy.

Staying busy is the special sauce to deal with the blues and helping another person get busy by asking for advice is mutually beneficial.

In one of my music business classes, we start with a few music videos that students chose which represent how they are feeling or what to feel.

On the last day of class, we watched an Aretha Franklin video suggested by a Gen Z student that almost turned the room into a raucous live venue.

I’ve always said it is hard to be depressed playing music in a radio studio (until the boss walks in, that is).

Music as background noise is one thing – as a choice matched to feelings is another.

This is a tough world we live in but music is a cure all when the music matches how we feel.

We have a therapist for problems, a med for disorders and there’s a song to choose for joy.

Listening is the number one way to make people like you – none other than the great master of human relations, Dale Carnegie said so.

But we live the age of everyone talking – and few bother to stop and make the conversation reciprocal.

This is partially due to our addiction to social media and chat.

On the first day of a new class, almost everyone is seated, on their phones, looking down and oblivious to anyone around them and yet young people wish they could make more friends.

At the end of last semester, a student asked me to allow time for students to introduce themselves to each other – what a great idea that I am stealing for September.

To make a friend, ask questions and listen – it’s not sexy advice, but it works every time.

Or, as Nilsson sang:

Everybody’s talkin’ at me
I don’t hear a word they’re sayin’
Only the echoes of my mind

Bruce Cassidy, a successful NHL hockey coach won the Stanley Cup one year to the day when he was fired by his former team, The Boston Bruins — his bosses were dissatisfied  with his coaching even though he had a winning record.

I believe they said his coaching approach had a negative impact on certain players, especially the younger ones.

Oops.

John Stevens had his playing career come to an end when he suffered an eye injury so he coached and won at the minor league level, made the playoffs at the pro level and has three rings as assistant coach of championship teams – most recent with Bruce Cassidy mentioned above.

The toughest thing to do is keep believing in yourself when adversity strikes but if you don’t believe in you, how can you ask anyone else to?

Believe and achieve in addition to what has to be overcome.

For those who care to make life, products, services and art for people they will never meet – yes, radio broadcasters, too – Steve Jobs had a pertinent thought about that in 2007 four years before he died.

“There’s lots of ways to be, as a person. And some people express their deep appreciation in different ways. But one of the ways that I believe people express their appreciation to the rest of humanity is to make something wonderful and put it out there.

“And you never meet the people. You never shake their hands. You never hear their story or tell yours. But somehow, in the act of making something with a great deal of care and love, something’s transmitted there. And it’s a way of expressing to the rest of our species our deep appreciation. So we need to be true to who we are and remember what’s really important to us.”

One of the “stretching” exercises we do in my NYU music business stress class is to forgive others.

If you’re tempted to say a person who hurt you doesn’t deserve forgiveness, remember you are doing this for yourself and your good mental health

Researchers found that regardless of age, those who could forgive reduced their own stress.

And it helps you ruminate less which helps reduce psychological disorders.

Some people do it in anger, others ruminate to the point of depression – some anxiously.

So as difficult as it sounds, forgiving someone who hurt you is one of the more effective responses for improving mental health.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting but learning to let go of anger and pain is a gift to you and it ensures that you will never be like the person you are forgiving.

So, who are you going to forgive this week?

Here are my final words to young people before summer vacation.

I would give anything to be you at this point in time.

Yes, with all the challenges and problems but also the endless opportunities.

You see times of great disruption spawn great options for the future.

The sure thing is uncertain.

What is sure is that confronting chaos and making sense of it is the ultimate challenge of a lifetime.

Never listen to the naysayers.

Depressions, recessions, political turmoil, social upheaval – move on.

The more things change, the better your chance to succeed.

I’d give any money I’ve made, possessions I’ve gained and whatever notoriety I have accrued to date to be at the starting line with you today at this time of great opportunity.

Don’t let anyone or anything prevent you from living your life and career to the fullest because now is that moment.

Emily McDonald who is a neuroscientist got 4 million TikTok views with this advice.

When we wake up first thing our brains are in a most vulnerable programable state and what many people do is reach for their phone or digital device – the worst time of day to mess with your brain’s dopamine.

So, she says don’t go near a phone for 20 minutes to a half hour after you’re awake.

Same thing at night, decompress for an hour before turning in.

Being around people under 22 years old, you can see how their phones and social media have weaponized their attention, stolen self-esteem and seriously impacted on their relationships with others.

You are what you allow Google, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, your email, texts and online reading to feed you before your brain is ready.