We love to have our ducks in a row.

Surprises are not something most people want.

Surprises can also be rewarding sources of happiness even ones that are not on the surface happy.

I met my wife by doing something I never do.  I called a temporary service to fill in for a week while I was away doing a conference.  Obviously, she stayed for a lifetime.  And I’m not kidding that the agency wanted me to pay a fee because I married her.

Really?

I know of someone who was surprised that she had breast cancer but even more surprised to find out that she didn’t need chemotherapy.

Or the friend who was surprised her husband was having an affair that led to turmoil, sadness and then a new life with a person who valued her.

The job candidate in radio who didn’t get the job he wanted only to remain on the sidelines for another year until the job of his dreams came along.

Surprises are not so bad because they often have a happy ending.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Here’s what I do when I receive an email from someone who either assumes I have no feelings or no brains.

I write a simple response. 

“Is this something that you would have said to me in person?”

About half the time I get no response, but rest assured – message delivered.

And believe it when I say about half the time I get an apology, often a lengthier apology than the original insulting email.

Sometimes I make a new friend – and I’m not kidding.

Hiding behind a computer or smartphone doesn’t always bring the best out of us so when you ask a person if they would have said the insulting thing to you in person many realize that they went too far.

Instant communication does not mean instant gratification.

Before you hit “send” assume you may someday have to read that email on the witness stand in a courtroom.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Gutsy for jumping from the stadium roof onto the field (even if it was recorded in advance).

Electric for the over-the-top Super Bowl halftime show she did.

Talented for her great voice.

These are the things that came to mind when Lady Gaga performed at halftime during Super Bowl 51.

But trolls online had a field day with what they described in all sorts of gross ways as body fat.

In particular, belly fat.

They didn’t like it so they shamed her from the safety and relative anonymity of their mobile devices and social media networks.

Gaga’s response was “I’m proud of my body and you should be proud of yours, too”.

Body shaming is a coward’s game, but it happens all the time.  Not just to girls like Lady Gaga but to children faced with inconsiderate people who are made more powerful through social media.

The best defense against all types of shaming is being proud of yourself the way you are.
There is only one of you, celebrate it.

We don’t live our lives by outsourcing our self-esteem to others.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Defeated at halftime, winners in the end.

The New England Patriots surprised the Atlanta Falcons by not really using the usual motivational techniques.

Dour head coach Bill Belichick is far from Pete Carroll in that department but somehow even Atlanta became increasingly shocked to see their certain Super Bowl victory slip away as each minute ticked down.

Both teams were the best that football had to offer.  After all, they made it to the ultimate test, the big game.

You’re never out until let yourself believe you are.

Don’t even think about giving up.

And while pep talks have their value, channeling confidence from deep down inside is far preferable.

This applies to the rest of us as well.

The worst news isn’t necessarily the worst until you give up.  Just ask a cancer survivor.

Pep talks are mind candy, but believing in yourself is power food.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

The antidote for feeling threatened is to think of a threat as a challenge.

Not, this is the worst thing that could ever happen.

Instead, this is the biggest problem I have faced in a long time.

One way feeds the stress.

The other is a positive response.

We often anticipate threats to us that are not actually there and are never going to happen.

In fact, most of the things people worry about never occur and when they do, they are rarely exactly the way they were feared.

When you feel fear, feel the challenge to overcome it.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Picture this.

Before cellphones were developed, how likely would it have been to carry around an old Bell Telephone everywhere you went so you could plug it in for more access.

No one would do that but today because they are light and convenient, we are tethered to our digital devices.

Choose not to use your cellphone if you are in the company of others, taking in life as it happens in real time or able to postpone looking at it.

One of my college students said without her phone, she felt empty.

The phone is a tool, not a way of living.

Cellphones are not ruining lives, people are.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

On the days when – for whatever reason – you’re not feeling happiness …

1. Channel the happiest person in your life and think about how you enjoy being around them.  A friend who never judges and makes you feel good.  Who always has a word of encouragement for others.  Or a special someone who just by being in their presence makes you feel happy.

2. Think about someone you know who is fighting an illness, a problem or a brave relationship or work battle and then remind yourself that as of this day, you are not.

3. Name three people you are grateful for and yes, it can be the same three people every day or someone you just met.  The neighbor who helped you push your car out of the garage so you could jump it.

4. Focus on three things you couldn’t bear to be without and remind yourself of your good fortune – you don’t have to live without them.

5. Embrace the momentary unhappiness so you can compare it later with your good fortune.

Don’t always wait for happiness.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

“Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive”.

The author Rick Hanson said this and it rings true.

Bad experiences tend to stick around somehow hanging onto us.

Good one’s flow through us too quickly.

Humans have a negativity bias probably from our hunter/gatherer days where the species was constantly on the lookout for danger.  This bred fear into us where we learn to imagine things will be worse than we expect and discount our ability to deal with them.

By spending even a few minutes a day reviewing the good in our lives, we tend to become more positive.

Negativity is a learned response that we can overcome by reprogramming the brain when good things happen and passing the related good thoughts through our mind – even for a minute – over and over again.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Why is apologizing so difficult?

None of us are perfect.

Saying sorry is not a repudiation of us as humans. It is a reaffirmation of our humanity when we’ve said something to hurt another.

1. Never say “but” because whatever words follow may appear insincere. It is better to not apologize than to add the word “but”.

2. Avoid “if I offended you, I’m sorry” because it reeks of insincerity. If we offended, we apologize. If we didn’t, we say nothing. If we don’t know for sure, find out.

3. Don’t ask for forgiveness — Forgiveness is up to others to grant. Asking for forgiveness appears to be a quid pro quo. The offended party may need time to see that the offense is not repeated before feeling comfortable enough to forgive.

4. An apology is a gift to ourselves — The burden of offending another is lifted when we admit our humanity and be the person we want to be.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore? Unsubscribe below.

A number of years ago, The New York Times reported about a group of sociologists who decided to meet at the Grand Canyon to separate from their cellphones and see what happened when they did.

As I remember the account, some participants were against detoxing from the phone and others were for it.

It took 3 days to detox.

Three days before they started talking to each other like people again.  That is, even without a signal, it still took 3 days to get used to being social again.

Some liked it and some did not.

When we decide to rejoin life and our families and put our cellphones in their proper place, it takes time cold turkey to give up this addiction, which of course, it is.

Cellphone addiction is becoming more of an issue in our society today and peer pressure is making perfectly good parents rationalize why it is important for their young children to be connected.

It’s the reverse.

Do not allow a child to have a cellphone until he or she is socially mature – mid-teens — and then peer pressure be damned.  Your kids will be the lucky ones in the end.

In the end, no one will ever regret spending less time with their smartphone and the social media contained within but they will regret all the lost moments that would have been spent with people they care about.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Power off.

There is no other way.

In France they have a law that forbids businesses from emailing work after hours meaning now with all their great French cuisine, you can actually enjoy it.

Power off.

You don’t need to be connected to your children 24 hours a day (and vice versa).  Fact.

There is research that shows if you simply have a cellphone in the room with you, your emotional health will be compromised.

New rules.

When are you available and when are you not?

Social media is fun but it isn’t that social.  It is a tool not a lifestyle.

Where possible don’t tolerate others imposing their out of control texting and surfing on you.  Stop speaking when they divert attention to their devices until it returns to what you were saying.

When you’re off, power off and enjoy the people and world around you in real time 100% focused.

Go to a place like Vermont as I did last year and try to find a cell signal.  After the panic, I learned (at least for the week) how to use my phone at certain times when a signal was available and rest when it wasn’t.

Phones and mobile devices have taken over our lives.  Time to deal with it.

Power off.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Brenda Barnes, the former CEO of Sara Lee died a few weeks ago at the age of 63.

She became famous by quitting her job at PepsiCo in 1997 because she wanted to spend more time with her three children – and yes, the company tried hard to keep her.

She served on some boards of powerful companies while taking the time to devote to her children.

Then in 2004 she returned to the corporate world full-time at Sarah Lee and rose to CEO a year later.

But in 2010, Brenda Barnes had a stroke that ended her career.

Like mom, her daughter Erin quit her job at Campbell Soup to help her mother.

At Sarah Lee Barnes introduced a program called “Returnships”, temporary jobs for people out of work to fill the gap on their resumes.  The Wall Street Journal quoted Brenda Barnes as saying “They didn’t lose their brains” even though a lot of companies would never hire them.

Brenda Barnes died as a result of a second stroke.

Before she died she said that women couldn’t have it all, they had to pick and choose.

Somehow, it feels like Brenda Barnes had it all.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Can you remember four years ago?

Where were you?  Who was in your life?  Where were you working?  How were you feeling?  What were your goals and expectations?

Could you have foreseen four years ago where you are today?

Who is in your life – who is new and who has passed away or moved on?

Are you working at the same job in the same place?  If not could you have seen back then where your career would be today?

Your children and family – are they just four years older or in truth have things happened to their world that no one saw coming?

Were you healthy four years ago and experienced health problems today or vice versa?

I returned to New Jersey and bought a house 7 lots away from the one I sold in 2002, survived a familial aneurysm that I had four years ago but didn’t know about until last June.

I lost two of the best friends I ever had.  And expanded my business and taken on new projects I didn’t anticipate four years ago.

Somehow, we are able to look at others and see the futility in getting ahead of our lives – like, “I would never have seen Donald Trump being president four years ago”.  Or, “Hillary Clinton not being president” as everyone predicted.

See the future one day at a time.

That way you have the latest and best intelligence upon which to make decisions.

There is no need to predict the future.

What’s better is to live in the present 100% focused and to constantly review what the joy and bitterness life hands you and the hopes and dreams you have in real time.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

The magic of TED Talks is that they are designed to give the viewer a gift.

Some meaningful gem that will make their ten-minute videos worth the time spent watching.

We are capable of giving those around us a gift every time we are with them.

A sincere compliment with evidence to make it meaningful to take with them – “you are so good at running meetings because you go out of your way to get everyone’s participation”.

A word of encouragement to keep them motivated — “your hard work will be rewarded”.

Some kind of recognition that they are likely not getting elsewhere — “you are putting in long hours on that project”.

In giving we also receive.

It feels good and makes us feel powerful in a positive way.

The person who can give gifts of praise to others also reaps the benefit of knowing how much they can make a difference in a world of distraction where the good in others is often ignored.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Deny them a voice.

Disconnect from them on social media.

Don’t let them intimate you or change your mind out of fear of rejection.

Be on the lookout that you are not becoming more tolerant of haters.

Change yourself, not the world.  Others will adapt.

Differing is good.

Your Instagram life is fine.

Control the only thing you can control – you will not be a hater.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

1. Cash in an IOU— I’ve done it before (or something like it) so I can do it again.
2. Focus on the benefit not the risk– It’s human nature to automatically assume the worst is going to happen so assume the best outcome – I will succeed – and what that would mean to you.  This is the most important secret of garnering instant courage.
3. Courage is a promise to yourself– Not a superhuman personality trait.  People become more courageous when they say they are going to muster up whatever they need to succeed.
4. The most important words are “I Will” – Not I can’t.  I shouldn’t.  I couldn’t.  I’m not sure.  No.  Just these two words give most people all the courage they will ever need.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

When we give up control, we gain control.

Nothing can dispute this and yet giving up control is the hardest thing for a human to do.

When we stop wanting something else, we’re on the road to being able to enjoy what we have.

Relationships are demolished because of control freaks.  Workplaces become intolerable because there is often little room for independent freedom.

Here’s how to take the first step:

1. Identify something that you are wrestling with and decide if you have the courage to do an experiment.

2. Consciously try NOT to have any control of any aspect of what you have identified.  In other words, succeeding is not getting your way.

3. Step back and be an observer of what is happening as you resist the temptation to give your power of persuasion away.

To be sure, letting go does not mean not caring or advocating about that which we feel passionate.  But it does allow us to see the magic of removing ourselves as an obstacle to an outcome we would never have imagined – an outcome we may very well like.  One thing is for sure, letting go in this context never killed anyone.

Almost ready but not quite?

Decide that when you are with your spouse next weekend that they will decide what to do, where to eat, something new to try – just be curious to see what they come up with.

In the end, letting go not only becomes a great tool in living well with others, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

There are studies that show most people spend half the day thinking about something other than what they are presently doing.

And there is the iPhone mind-wandering study that concludes that people are not as happy when they are not thinking about what they are doing.

The wandering mind is not going to ever make us happy.

Focusing on the present is almost a magic pill because it starts working immediately.

When our mind wanders, we allow negative thoughts to get in – obsessing and ruminating.

To measure how often your mind wanders you can download an app at trackyourhappiness.org.

A few times a day you’ll receive a notice to answer some questions about your experience at that moment.  Over time, you come away with an accurate picture of your life and what prevents you from being happy.

Or, the short course:  focus on the present, discourage mind-wandering and feel happier.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

Studies show that the mere thought of a stressful situation or event is as severe as the actual event itself.

We fear stressful situations even if they never happen to us.

1. Obsessing is a warning sign of stress.  The problem may never happen but obsessing about it is getting too far ahead of solving it.

2. People – especially people close to us or with whom we come in contact daily can easily transfer their anxieties to us.  Stand back if you can and look from afar on who is infecting us with their stress.

3. Focusing on the present is the ultimate stress buster so when you get that anxious feeling be 100% present in the now and it will aid in warding off anticipated stress.

Take control of stress by putting it in its proper place.

Looking ahead is forethought.

Anxiety about the future is fear thought.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Friendships that mean something are not casual hit-and-run relationships.

When we vow to stay in touch, do we?

Is it purely social or is this friendship also emotional?

Are you a part of each other’s lives or an accident of scheduling?

The Chopra Center offers this advice:

1. Practice active listening to truly hear your friends.  Take turns being active listeners.  Being an active listener means that we don’t play “can you top this”.

2. Call your friends to stay connected. Texting and social media is a sanitized way to connect with people you care about.  If a person isn’t worth a call, then perhaps they are not worth having as a friend.

3. Go out of your way to make your friends feel special.  My best friend always – and I mean, always– jotted me a note after we got together even at Denny’s.

Without friends our life is relegated to Outlook, iCal, texting, social media and whatever time we can grab because life can easily get in the way but true friendships are the gifts of life.

Start spreading the love in your own authentic way.

Subscribe to these Day Starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social media with my permission.

Order my book Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

Don’t want to get these emails anymore?  Unsubscribe below.